


I Could Get Used to This

by Cosmicheda



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: AU, Action, Alternate Universe, Clexa, F/F, Fluff, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Plot Twists, Relationship(s), Slow Burn, Smut, lexa - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-08-29 21:14:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 105,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8505661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cosmicheda/pseuds/Cosmicheda
Summary: Clexa AU.Lexa is successful, independent, and single. She moved to Arkadia to take a new job at Polis Inc. and finds herself falling for beautiful, emotional, but fierce Clarke Griffin - an art teacher with a past full of turmoil. They're immediately drawn to each other, Lexa makes Clarke strong, Clarke makes Lexa feel. Where will their friendship go? What will happen along the way? Who attacks Lexa? Why does Clarke fall apart? Slow burn, NSFW in later chapters, there will be graphic smut. I encourage comments telling me what you guys want to see, is there anything the Fic is missing? Is there something you're dying to read?  Let me know and I'll do my best to make it happen!Disclaimer: Covers mature content throughout story, chapters with smut will have NSFW in the summary. There are also chapters with violence, hints of assault, grief, etc.





	1. The blonde

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, thanks for reading! Let me know what you think and what you want to see! Comments spark the creativity.

It was 6:05am, and the blonde was nowhere to be seen for the fourth day in a row. She didn’t know why it worried her, after all they had never said a word to each other. They were complete strangers. But suddenly Lexa couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to her. If she was okay. If she’d ever see her again? She regretted never saying something to her. Striking up conversation, or at least saying hello.

For the past 2 months, the blonde had been a constant in her life. Lexa had just moved to town and longed for the abundance of trees and trails she spent the majority of her life living by. She was an outdoor girl at heart, always happier on a path through the woods than in a city full of people. But a city full of people was exactly where she moved to after she took the job at Polis Inc. The closest thing she had to her old outdoor love was a park towards the outskirts of the city. It was decent sized, with a few walking paths, trees, scattered benches, and a little bridge that gave crossing over a man-made pond. So Lexa turned it into a routine and escaped to the park 4-5 times a week in the early hours of the morning to clear her head. Some days she ran, others she clutched a to-go cup of coffee as she strolled down the trails. And for the past 2 months, Lexa had almost always seen the blonde. Usually she was sitting on a bench close to the pond, a thermos cup beside her and a book in hand. Other times Lexa would see her sitting on the bridge, legs dangling over the edge as she stared down into the water, nodding her head to whatever was playing in her ear phones. Lexa had noticed her, but not really taken notice in her. She was usually the only other soul in the park that early in the morning, and Lexa usually smiled upon sight of her. It was a familiar face, even if she was a stranger. The occasional day she was absent from the park, Lexa would have a fleeting thought of her whereabouts, but the next day she would be back and it would be back to normal. 

But now, on the fourth day of her absence, Lexa was worried. She wasn’t sure why. Maybe the woman had moved? Maybe she got tired of waking up at the ass-crack of dawn to sit in a park. Maybe…

Lexa typically skipped a day or two in the week from the park, favoring sleeping in over getting out of bed to meet the chilly Autumn air to get to the park. But now, she was coming every day – hoping to see the girl. See that she was okay so Lexa could get back to life as normal. Back to her routine. 

Lexa glanced down at her watch, 6:17am. She wasn’t there and Lexa needed to get home so she could shower before work. She sighed, gazing at the bench the blonde typically occupied, and felt a pang of loneliness. She felt silly, caring so much about this woman she’d never spoken to. But she felt incomplete without seeing her.

Lexa’s alarm rang and she considered snoozing it. She could sleep for another hour and a half before work, and the thought was so tempting. Blonde hair danced through Lexa’s thoughts and she immediately threw back her covers. She had to see if blonde hair was back. She pulled on her black joggers and a zip up jacket that clung to her toned body. Her long brown hair was thrown back in a ponytail and within minutes Lexa was grabbing a banana off of the counter along with her keys and walking out the door.

She decided she would run today, she could use the work out, and running always helped clear her thoughts. She parked in her usual spot and got out to stretch, going over her mental to-do list as she warmed up her tired muscles. She was doing all she could to not obsess over the blonde’s whereabouts. This was day 5. 

Lexa’s footfalls made steady rhythm over the leaf covered paths, her rhythmic breathing and the sound of crunching were all that she could hear as she ran. Her exhales left little puffs of hot air in her face, telling her it was much colder outside than it felt due to her increased body temperature. Lexa rounded the first turn, eyes glancing to one of the benches. Empty. She kept her pace, inhaling the crisp air as deep as she could. She passed a cluster of trees and saw the edge of the pond, she was getting closer to the blonde’s usual spot. The bridge came into view and Lexa scanned it. Empty. She felt her heart sink a little as she continued to run. She felt defeated, almost wanting to turn back and run to her car before she could get any more disappointed by empty benches. She talked herself into turning back early, telling herself she’d make it to the next bench and turn back.  
She rounded the turn, waiting for the bench to come into sight passed the line of bushes. 

That’s when Lexa saw her. 

She stopped in her tracks and gasped for air, her heart pounding in her ears. The blonde was there. She was back. Lexa smiled, feeling a sense of relief wash over. She felt a renewed sense of energy, and after realizing how ridiculous she must look having stopped mid-run on the path, she picked up a slow jog again. She would finish her full loop of the park, if only so she could run pass the blonde. 

As Lexa neared she realized something was wrong. There was no thermos, no book, no earphones. She was wrapped in sweater, shoulders hunched as she stared out into nothing. The closer Lexa got the clearer the look of distress was on the blonde’s face. Lexa watched as the blonde swiped at her eyes. She was crying. Before she could register what was happening her body had turned towards the bench and she was jogging directly towards it. What are you even going to say to her? Lexa asked herself. When she was about 10 feet away she slowed to a walk and cautiously approached the bench. Now it was awkward. She hadn’t thought this out. Hell, she’d never even said a word to the blonde. She cleared her throat, trying to alert the blonde to her presence, who was still completely lost in her own mind.

Startled out of her thoughts, the blonde looked up to see Lexa standing there, her skin glistening from her run, her tanned skin flushed from the cold. Lexa couldn’t help but stare into the eyes that were a piercing blue, exaggerated by the redness around them from crying. Lexa met them with her green ones, worry and relief on her expression.

“Can I sit?” she asked.


	2. The bench

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it!

The blonde looked exhausted and a little confused by the request. She nodded and scoot to the edge of the bench, even though there was already plenty of room for Lexa to sit. The brunette did so and studied the blonde for a moment. She opened her mouth then immediately shut it, scolding herself. She was about to ask if the blonde was okay – but that was a stupid question. Obviously she wasn’t.

The blonde looked away from those green eyes and sniffed softly.

“I’m sorry, I know this is strange,” Lexa began, a little unsure of where she was going with this conversation. “It’s just… I always see you here, and when I didn’t see you for 5 days I got a little worried. And I mean, it seems like something is wrong…so I just wanted to, uhm…” Lexa trailed off when the blonde looked back at her, seemingly surprised.  
She’s counted how long I’ve been gone? The blonde thought. 

“I wanted to make sure you were okay. And it seems like something is wrong, so I just… is there something I can do?” Lexa was flustered. She felt stupid and vulnerable. She never got flustered, she never put herself out there. She honestly never really cared for other people. But something about this girl got to her. She cared. 

The blonde made a valiant attempt at a smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “That’s really sweet of you,” she said softly. Her voice seemed strained and sad. 

“I’m Lexa, by the way.”

The blonde nodded. “My name is Clarke.”

Clarke. Lexa echoed in her mind finally having something to call her other than “the blonde” like she had been for the past 2 months. 

Neither woman said anything for a moment and Lexa felt a blush creep up her face. Clarke probably thought she was a stalker. Or at the very least a little odd.

“I’m sorry,” Lexa repeated. “I know you don’t even know me and I’m coming over here like I know you. I’ll just leave you to it. I’m glad you’re back,” Lexa was already standing up, preparing herself to take off back to her car at a quick pace. 

Clarke swallowed hard, feeling like the world was moving in slow motion. She watched the other woman stand up, her green eyes shifting nervously. She suddenly felt a wave of loneliness wash over her at the thought of the other woman leaving. She didn’t even know Lexa, and yet Lexa was here asking if she could do anything, and noticing that Clarke had been missing. And here she was, only saying her name and not even thanking her. Lexa offered a small smile before turning so she could take off. Clarke swallowed hard.

“Lexa, wait!”

The taller woman spun back around at the sound of her name. Clarke’s voice shook as she called out. 

Lexa sat back down, her brows furrowed as she studied the blue-eyed woman, looking for some signal to tell her what to do. Clarke shut her eyes and let out a shaky breath.  
“My dad died,” she whispered without opening her eyes.

Lexa was stunned silent for a moment, not having expected that response or that level of personal confession from a stranger. She refrained from saying “I’m sorry” for a third time since their meeting and instead opted for “were you close?”

Clarke nodded, opening her eyes and turning to look at the concerned woman. She didn’t know why she suddenly opened up, but after trying to keep it together for almost the entire week, she couldn’t do it anymore. She couldn’t be strong anymore. “He was the only one there for me. I had to go back to where I grew up to arrange the funeral and take care of all of his stuff. I just got back last night.”

Lexa bit her lip, suddenly wanting to reach out and hug the other woman. She wasn’t a very affectionate person, to be honest. She didn’t like it when strangers touched her, so why would Clarke appreciate it? 

“And your mom…?” she inquired, hoping she wasn’t prying too hard.

Clarke let out a humorless laugh. “She was there. Drunk, asking for any money he had left. She’s probably the reason he died. It was a heart attack. Too much stress, they said. She didn’t even care. She didn’t even cry!” Clarke’s voice shook and was on the verge of cracking as she finished her sentence. Her mind jumped to the image of her father’s casket at the funeral. Everyone stood solemnly around it, paying their respects. Clarke had cried all morning, but was keeping it together for the family that was there. After all, she was about to give the eulogy. Her mother stood amongst the group of people, swaying as she fought the effects of the many shots she had taken that morning. She actually laughed in the middle of Clarke’s eulogy, muttering something under her breath about her late ex-husband. 

She couldn’t take it. She couldn’t be strong anymore. Clarke looked away quickly as she felt her eyes burn with tears. She didn’t think she could keep them from falling this time.  
Lexa felt her heart ache at the situation, seeing how broken Clarke looked. Suddenly it didn’t matter than they were strangers. All that mattered was that Clarke needed someone, and Lexa was there. She closed to gap between them and wrapped her arms around the other woman. She felt Clarke stiffen in surprise for a split second before immediately leaning into the hold and turning her face back to hide in Lexa’s shoulder. 

It should feel strange, being hugged on a park bench at 6 in the morning by someone you don’t even know. But it wasn’t strange. It was the most comforting thing Clarke had ever felt, second to her father’s hugs, something she would never feel again. 

Lexa could feel Clarke trembling, fighting the tears that were bound to come. Despite being told her entire life to never show weakness and to never cry, Lexa found herself whispering something she wished someone had told her whenever she experienced pain.

“It’s okay to cry.”

It was almost as if Lexa had given Clarke’s emotions permission to surface. She bit back a sob as the tears came and she clung to this stranger as if Lexa was the only thing keeping her together. Her body shook as hot tears silently made their way down Clarke’s cheeks and absorbed into Lexa’s jacket. Lexa tightened her grip on the girl, wishing she knew what to say. She’d never been comforted like this before, so she didn’t know what was appropriate.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Clarke’s tears slowly dying down and being replaced by soft sniffles. Clarke pulled away slowly, swiping at her eyes and averting her gaze, feeling embarrassed. She’d just cried all over some stranger’s shoulder. She really needed to learn how to keep it together. When their eyes finally met, Lexa offered a small smile, trying to convey that what had just taken place was okay. Clarke’s lips twitched, trying to smile back. 

After a moment, Lexa glanced down at her watch. Shit. She had to go or she’d be late for work, but leaving Clarke was the last thing she wanted to do. Clarke noticed Lexa’s face, following her eyes down to the watch. “You have to go.” She didn’t phrase it as a question, just a soft statement that made Lexa’s heart ache even worse. “I’m sorry…work,” Lexa signed, chewing on her lip and she gazed at the blonde. 

“I’ll be okay.” 

Lexa nodded slowly, “will you be coming back?” she found herself asking out loud. Clarke nodded back, “I’ll be here tomorrow.”


	3. The bond

Lexa made it into the office with moments to spare. “Good morning, Miss Woods!” greeted her far too chipper assistant. Lexa grumbled in response, beelining it to the coffee pot to pour herself some liquid gold. “Someone’s grumpy,” teased a voice from behind her. Lexa spun around, meeting her boss and best friends’ eyes with an un-amused but playful glare. 

“Rough morning.”

Anya hummed thoughtfully, “wanna talk about it? We have time before the meeting.”

Lexa considered her options. She felt like it would be a confusing story to explain, however Anya knew her better than anyone else, so maybe she could offer some insight onto why the absence of the blonde had bothered her so much.

“Office,” Lexa mumbled before walking towards their adjoining offices.

When they both settled in their chairs, Lexa fidgeting with her coffee mug. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Anya, hell, she trusted Anya more than anyone in the world. The older woman had taken Lexa under her wing, so to speak. She had spotted the potential Lexa hid behind her determined green eyes and offered her a position from assistant in the company to team member in one of Polis Inc.’s branches. Anya moved to Arkadia as she moved up in the company and 3 years later they extended an offer to Lexa to move to the city and become part of the board of directors. Lexa suspected it was Anya’s doing, getting Lexa such a good place in the company, and she was grateful for the faith the older woman placed in her. Despite being opposite in a lot of ways, they balanced each other out and made the perfect team. Anya was caring, outgoing, and an all-around people person. Lexa was cunning, calculated, and respected. 

“Are you going to make me drag it out of you?” Anya inquired when it had been silent for a few moments.

Lexa sighed then recounted the entire story to Anya, beginning at when she first noticed the blonde on her runs. When she finished, Anya was leaned back in her chair, an enthralled look on her sharp features. “Wow, Lex. How do you get yourself into such weird situations?”

“Should I not have stopped to see if she was okay?” Lexa retorted.

“No, I think that was awesome of you to do that. But why do you care so much about her? No offense, but you’re not really the caring type.”

Lexa snorted and took a swig of her coffee, which was getting cold. She had been wondering the same exact thing. “I don’t know, I didn’t really realize how much she’d become part of my routine until she wasn’t there. Then suddenly I regretted never talking to her, and wondered if she was okay. It’s weird.” 

“Do you like her?”

Lexa shot Anya a look. “I don’t even know her, Anya.” 

Anya rolled her eyes, as if that had ever stopped Lexa from lusting after someone. “So? Is she pretty?” 

Lexa thought back to the piercing blue eyes and soft blonde hair. She thought back to all the times she’d seen Clarke in the park, reading, or enjoying the quiet. Her fair skin and soft curves. Lexa had noticed her, but not in the usual way she lusted after a girl. Clarke was different. Something about her made Lexa react differently. She was the kind of girl Lexa wanted to get to know, to go on walks with, to laugh with, to take care of. Not the girl Lexa wanted to get drunk with, sleep with, then use work as an excuse to be too busy to go on a second date. 

The lack of response made Anya laugh, “I can literally see you thinking about her, Lex. Ok, so she’s pretty? She brought out some weird caring side of you that I never see. Are you going to see her again?”

“Well, we go to the same park practically every day,” Lexa replied, feeling a blush heat her cheeks. Why was she flustered over this? 

“Well. You better figure out what you’re going to say to her next time you see her,” Anya winked.

Before Lexa could reply a knock sounded on the door and their assistant poked her head in, “meeting in 5!” she chirped. 

Lexa could hardly sleep, thinking about seeing Clarke the next morning. She laid awake, images of blue flashing through her mind as she wondered what to say. Did she want to ask Clarke out? No. That’d be tacky, especially since her father just died. She was sure the last thing Clarke would want is to go out on a date. She’s probably not even gay. Lexa chided herself, sometimes forgetting not all women were fair game. She sighed, burying her face in her pillow and willing her mind to be quiet. It didn’t matter. All Lexa wanted was to see Clarke, to be around her, to make her smile and make sure she was okay. Lexa didn’t need to sleep with her or win her love like some conquest. She was surprised to find that what she felt for Clarke was genuine care, something she hadn’t felt for a person in a very long time.

Lexa wasn’t in the mood to run, feeling too tired from the night of restless sleep. But as she got out of her car to stretch she knew she couldn’t walk a slow leisurely pace until she saw Clarke. She wanted to get to the bench as soon as possible. Lexa pushed off into an easy jog, inhaling the scent of fall as deeply as she could. The air was chilly, much like the morning before. But something felt different. Everything felt brighter, more alive. Lexa felt alive as her heart rate picked up, welcoming the exertion of the jog. Lexa pushed herself faster, rounding the first curve in the path. Blue eyes flashed in her mind and she felt her heart quicken. She was almost there. Lexa approached the pond and scanned the area. She caught a glimpse of movement on the other end of the bridge and slowed her pace. There she was. Clarke was making her way down the path, working towards the bridge. Lexa split off of the main path to the small one that led to the bridge and slowed down to a brisk walk. She didn’t want to actually run to meet the blonde, she felt like that’d be a little too much. 

They both hit their respective ends of the bridge at almost the same time. Clarke looked up, spotting Lexa immediately. For the first time, she felt a genuine smile tug at her lips. She felt relieved to see the taller woman coming towards her. She came back, Clarke thought to herself. She studied Lexa as they approached each other, taking in her tall and toned body with subtle appreciation. She was wearing gray leggings and a green zip-up jacket that brought out the green in her eyes. Her thick brown hair was pulled back into a pony tail that hung down to the middle of her back.

“Hey,” Clarke offered a greeting when they were close enough to each other that she didn’t have to speak up. Lexa halted in front of her and leaned against the railing of the bridge, “hey.” Clarke suddenly felt at a loss for words, what was she supposed to say? They didn’t know anything about each other. They had never even spoken to each other until yesterday when Clarke fell apart on her. Yet here they were, meeting at the middle of the bridge at sunrise as if they did this all the time.

“How are you?” Lexa asked softly, her voice gentle and warm. Clarke shrugged a shoulder and looked down into the water, “I’m surviving.” Lexa hummed softly in reply, following the blonde’s gaze to the water. She could vaguely see their reflection in it, and that made her smile.

“What made you start coming here?” Clarke asked suddenly. She had been frequenting the park since living in Arkadia the past 5 years, but Lexa was a new addition to it. Lexa glanced over at Clarke, “I just moved here 2 months ago. I’m used to forests and mountains, I’d always go to them to get away from the world. There’s none of that here, so when I found this park it was the closest thing I had to some place to escape.”

Clarke smiled thoughtfully, “it’s no mountain. But it’s a good place to escape to.”

Especially because you’re here Lexa found herself thinking. She pushed the thought away, “yes, it is.” 

“So why did you move to Arkadia?” Clarke tore her gaze away from the pond completely and studied Lexa.

“Work. I’m not a big fan of the city, but it had opportunities for me that I didn’t have in my hometown, so I made the move,” she sighed, thinking about her old home. She missed it. It was the only place she really had felt at home.

“What do you do? I’m a part time teacher at one of the schools here,” 

“I work for Polis Inc.” Lexa didn’t elaborate, knowing she didn’t have to. Polis Inc. was by far one of the biggest corporations in the city, it had its hand in just about everything in Arkadia from businesses to buildings, schools, hospitals. Everything was somehow tied to Polis, but working for the corporation meant something. It meant you had money to spare, a great job, and a lot of connections. Lexa wasn’t the bragging type, nor was she entitled, so she didn’t talk about work outside of the skyscraper she was confined to most days a week. 

“Wow.” Was all Clarke replied. That was all she had to reply.

Lexa grimaced, not wanting the blonde to think she was some elite business woman. She just wanted to be Lexa. “Do you have to go to work soon?” Clarke asked after a moment, glancing at her phone to check the time. This was about the time Lexa had to disappear the day before. Lexa smiled, “day off.”

Clarke paused for a moment, feeling nervous. She wanted to get to know this woman more, she was intrigued by Lexa, she seemed to hold so many layers of depth she could get lost in them. Why was someone like Lexa escaping from the world to this park? Why had she taken notice in Clarke? Why did she care so much about Clarke being gone – and then meet her again once she came back?

“Do you want to get coffee?” Clarke tried to make it sound casual, but deep down she was nervous as hell and praying the brunette didn’t turn her down. Her nervousness disappeared moments later when Lexa flashed her a perfect smile, “I would love to get some coffee. Show me the best place here.”


	4. The bar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa goes out to meet Clarke's friends, their friendship starts to form.

The women were seated in a colorful coffee shop tucked down one of the side streets of downtown Arkadia. Grounders was the perfect place to grab a coffee and talk, and Lexa couldn’t believe she’d never heard of the café before. Towards the evening Grounders opened up their back wall, which was actually a sliding divider cleverly disguised, and the place turned into a full bar and sit down restaurant. Lexa was already in love with the multi-purpose business.

They sat in the back corner, both gripping their mugs of respective drinks and chuckling. Lexa had just recounted the tale of how she’d gotten lost, moving to Arkadia, and how she’d accidentally sent her movers to the wrong condo to unpack her belongings. “It was a rough week for me,” Lexa laughed before taking a long drink of her spiced chai. Clarke watched the woman across from her and realized how at ease she felt around Lexa. She felt as if the past week she had been walking around followed by a storm cloud, always suffocating her with an unbearable sadness. Clarke was still sad, she was still reeling from her father’s sudden death, but being around Lexa took her mind off of it. She felt like she could breathe again, and it was so refreshing. 

Lexa met Clarke’s piercing eyes across the table, noticing that the blonde was studying her. She suddenly realized she was holding her breath, and breathing became a foreign operation to her. She felt dizzy, losing herself in those blue eyes that held so much emotion. So many unsaid words. Neither woman said anything, sitting in a comfortable silence, somehow lost in each other’s eyes without realizing it. Clarke’s mouth felt dry, her heart pounding in her chest. She felt something, some connection to this woman she couldn’t explain. How could they be sitting there, literally staring into each other’s eyes, as if it was a normal occurrence? 

The moment was broken when a barista came over to check on them, asking if either of them wanted to try one of the pastries that had just gotten out of the oven. Clarke cleared her throat and forced a smile, politely declining. Lexa struggled to breathe normally and she, too, declined the dessert. 

What had just happened? 

They finished their coffee and paid their tabs before walking outside to be met with the cool air. It had only warmed slightly since the early morning. 

“Hey, tonight my friends are dragging me out to grab some dinner and a few drinks… would you like to come?” Clarke wasn’t even sure what had sparked the sudden invitation. It was true, Raven and Octavia had demanded she come out with them, she knew it was because they were worried and trying to distract her. But suddenly Clarke was looking for any reason to see Lexa again. 

Lexa smiled gratefully, “that would be great. I only know one other person here, so it’d be nice to meet some people.”

Clarke’s face brightened and a genuine smile lifted her features. Lexa couldn’t help but smile wider – the sight of Clarke happy made her feel like she’d just won something. “Can I get your number? I’ll text you the details as soon as I find out where we’re meeting.” 

\---  
Lexa stared at herself in the mirror, not normally so fussy over how she looked. Her hair was loose and wavy down her back, hiding her tattoos despite the low back on her dress. She hoped she wasn’t overdressed for the occasion, but her wardrobe consisted of workout clothes, business clothes, and cocktail dresses. She didn’t really do casual. After deciding there was little more she could do, Lexa pulled at the hem of her black dress and gave herself a small smile in the mirror. She heard her phone buzz on the bed and went over to check it.

2792 S. 18th st

Lexa picked up the phone and was about to reply when it buzzed again

See you soon :) 

She felt her heart quicken at the thought of the blonde and quickly typed back her reply. She’d been waiting to hear back from the blonde on the address, but knew they’d be meeting soon. 

As Lexa walked up to the front of the restaurant she spotted Clarke leaning against the side of the building, obviously waiting for her. Lexa smiled, trying to keep from staring at the blonde for more than an appropriate amount of time. She looked gorgeous with her blonde hair pulled back in a carefully crafted bun, red lips, and blue dress that brought out her piercing eyes. Lexa was suddenly relieved she’d worn this dress that hugged her body and showed off her toned legs when she noticed Clarke’s eyes moving up and down her body appreciatively as she approached. 

“Thanks for coming,” Clarke greeted with a small smile. She wasn’t as bright and happy as she was in the morning, her face looked like it was hiding distress and Lexa couldn’t bring herself to ignore it. “Are you okay?” she replied, trying to catch the blue eyes with her own green ones. Their eyes met and Clarke chewed on her bottom lip for a moment, not knowing how on earth Lexa managed to see straight through her when her best friends couldn’t. 

“Yeah,” she finally replied, not entirely lying. She felt better now that Lexa was there. “I just needed a breather, Raven and Octavia mean well, but they’re trying a little too hard to make me have a good time, and I just… I don’t think I’m ready to just drink the night away without a care in the world.” 

Lexa nodded in understanding and reached up to squeeze Clarke’s shoulder briefly in an attempt of comfort. “If you’re not ready, that’s perfectly fine, Clarke. Just give yourself time. Though from personal experience, a drink or two helps,” Lexa winked and Clarke couldn’t help but chuckle softly. She made a mental note to ask what personal experience Lexa spoke from if there was ever an appropriate time. “I’m glad you’re here,” Clarke admitted before motioning for Lexa to go inside.

“Me too.” Lexa replied softly, though she doubted the blonde had heard.

The restaurant was relatively crowded and Lexa realized there was some sporting event on TV that had a majority of the patrons riled up. She followed the blonde, picking through the crowd to a booth towards the back where the other women were already sitting, drinks in hand. Lexa’s relaxed smile from being around Clarke was replaced with a poised expression, hiding her emotions behind her green eyes effectively. She had a lot of practice with her expressionless façade. 

“Hey! Welcome!” one of the women cried out, raising her glass in a cheering motion as Clarke and Lexa slid into the booth. She immediately brought the glass back to her lips and took a long drink before placing the glass back on the table. “I’m Raven,” she introduced, extending her hand out for a handshake. Lexa gave a polite smile, “Lexa, nice to meet you.” The other woman was busy looking over her shoulder, eyeballing the bartender and trying to get his attention. “O!” Raven nudged, getting the woman’s attention. She turned around and saw Lexa and Clarke sitting there. “Oh, hi! I’m Octavia, glad you could join us!” she said brightly, offering a warm smile to Lexa before turning back over her shoulder, clearly more occupied with the bartender than anything else at the moment. Raven rolled her eyes and picked up her glass, “O has a thing for Lincoln. Hopefully her charm works so he hurries over here and gets us another drink.” She explained. 

Sure enough a few moments later a rather attractive man came sauntering up, flashing a bright white smile at Octavia before putting his hands down on the table, “what are you ladies drinking?” 

It seemed Clarke took Lexa’s advice and ordered herself a drink, hoping it would help put her at ease. It felt wrong, almost like coming out with her friends was celebrating. She shouldn’t be celebrating. Her father was dead. She swallowed hard and pushed the thoughts away, not wanting to ruin the night with her sadness. Lexa smiled at the man and ordered herself a midori sour before turning back to Clarke. “gin and tonic, huh?” she teased the blonde for her choice in drink. “I figured I should pace myself against these two,” she motioned towards Raven and Octavia, who were obviously already drunk. Lexa suspected it was because they had just ordered another long island iced tea – which meant they’d both already downed one. This night could either get interesting quick or go downhill even quicker.

When all the drinks arrived, the women exchanged idle chit chat about Lexa being new to town and what everyone did for work. Raven was a mechanic, which took Lexa by surprise. Octavia was a secretary. Lexa tried to keep the conversation going, realizing Clarke had fallen silent for the most part. She didn’t know the blonde well to know what her normal personality was like, but the remarks the other two women made about her silence led Lexa to believe she was normally much more outgoing. So Lexa did her best to shield the blonde from becoming the center of attention. She knew what it was like to just want to be left alone, it was enough that she had gone out as it was. She didn’t need to be forced to have a “good time.” 

“So are you rich?” Octavia blurted out after taking a sip of her third drink.

Clarke shot her dagger eyes, “O!” Raven just laughed. 

Lexa cleared her throat and idly stirred her drink, “well I’m not poor,” she deflected. She came from a family that didn’t have much. She was not going to brag about her success, money, or accomplishments. She’d always found people like that to be in poor taste. There was more to Lexa than where she worked, and she found that very few people saw passed that. 

“Sorry,” Clarke mumbled softly, looking away. She seemed embarrassed by her friends. Lexa tried to give her a reassuring smile but the blonde wouldn’t meet her eyes. She settled for changing the subject. 

 

3 rounds of drinks later and neither Raven or Octavia had noticed that the other women had just been ordering water. They clinked their classes together and took a long drink. “We should celebrate!” slurred Octavia, swaying in her seat with a giant smile on her face as Lincoln walked by. 

Clarke tensed beside Lexa.

“Celebrate what?” Raven asked, her eyes wide as if Octavia had just had the best idea ever.

“I don’t know. Anything! Clarke getting her ass out here with us! Lincoln’s sexy body! This delicious drink!” 

Raven laughed, “here, here!” she raised her glass again and only Octavia met it.

Lexa glanced at Clarke, trying to read the blonde. What she saw made her want to throw her water in the girls’ faces and scold them to sober up. It was clear Clarke would rather be anywhere than where she was. Her blue eyes were glistening, fighting back tears. She didn’t want to celebrate. Hell, she didn’t even want to be out.

Lexa suddenly felt protective over the other woman. She tried to shoot meaningful glances at Clarke’s friends, hoping they would realize Clarke was miserable. But they were both too drunk to notice. Lexa glanced down at the space in the booth between herself and Clarke and noticed the other woman’s hand. She took it and gave it a gentle squeeze, “let’s get out of here,” she whispered. Clarke looked up at her gratefully a nodded.

“I have to sub tomorrow,” Clarke said suddenly, pulling out her wallet and dropping a $20 on the table to cover her tab. Octavia and Raven both booed, begging her stay. Clarke forced a smile, “sorry girls! I’ll see you later.” 

Lexa quickly stood up, leaving her share of the tab before muttering a farewell to the girls. They didn’t even seem phased.

The moment Lexa and Clarke walked out the cold wind met their faces. Clarke shut her eyes, relishing the fresh air and freedom from the bar. She knew her friends meant well, but she also knew she should never have agreed to come out tonight. This is how they were, this is how they dealt with things. Clarke just wasn’t like them.

“Do you want to walk?” Clarke asked softly, looking over at Lexa who had been standing beside her wordlessly. Lexa nodded and fell in step with the blonde as they made their way down the dimly lit sidewalk. “I’m sorry about them, they can get a little crazy when they drink…” Clarke began. 

Lexa shook her head but kept her gaze trained on the ground ahead of them. “Don’t apologize, I can handle my own. Are you okay?” She stole a glance at Clarke before looking back down. She heard a soft sigh escape Clarke as she shook her head. “No…” she whispered, coming to a stop. Lexa stopped beside her and turned so her body was facing the blonde. She waited patiently for Clarke to continue talking.

“I shouldn’t be out celebrating and drinking. I shouldn’t be trying to go back to my normal life so quickly. It’s not normal anymore, it’s never going to be the same. My dad died…and I’m out trying to have a good time. It just feels wrong.”

Clarke didn’t notice the tears that had begun to fall until Lexa’s arms enveloped her in a tight hug. She swallowed hard, trying for a moment to keep herself strong. “There’s no time limit to how you feel, Clarke,” Lexa whispered into the blonde hair. Clarke buried her face in the taller woman’s shoulder and hugged her back, savoring the warmth radiating between them. How was it that someone she had just met made her feel better than her two best friends? Lexa knew what to say. She knew how to read Clarke. She knew when words were appropriate and when Clarke just needed comfort. 

Clarke allowed herself one more moment of comfort before she slowly pulled away. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess,” she laughed, swiping at her tears. 

Lexa smiled warmly, “when are you going to stop apologizing?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke meet for lunch, short chapter but the next one will have much more!

The rest of the week felt like it dragged by and Lexa found her thoughts were constantly occupied with the blonde. She had back to back board meetings two days in a row and a new project to present, so she found herself neck deep in work. Lexa overslept both days, missing her chance to go to the park and still have time to get to work. She sighed, sitting at her desk and staring out her window at the city sprawled out below her. She craved the trees and the solitude of the park, she missed being around Clarke despite only having spent a few hours with her.  
The feeling of someone always being on her mind was foreign to her. Lexa had dated casually, but had only once been in a real relationship. She always claimed it was because she didn’t have the time – but she knew the truth was she was just scared to open up to someone completely. And it was hard to be in a relationship if you constantly hid behind your walls. She wasn’t good at emotional vulnerability and putting someone above herself. Since she was younger she decided all that mattered to her was to be successful and independent – which was fine, until she found herself being a wildly successful 25-year-old with no one to share her triumphs with. Sometimes being on top of the world got lonely and Lexa found herself wishing she hadn’t spent her life building those walls and being so independent, because now she didn’t know how to be in a relationship. 

Clarke made her way back to her car, feeling slightly deflated. She hadn’t heard from Lexa in 2 days and the brunette never showed at the park. Clarke knew there could be a dozen valid reasons, but she chose to only focus on the ones that involved her screwing up their potential friendship. She missed the other woman, despite not knowing much about her. But just being in her presence made Clarke feel safe and took her mind off of the rollercoaster that was her life.  
With a sigh, she pulled out of the parking lot and headed towards her school. She had 2 classes to sub for today and she just wasn’t feeling up to them. Normally she loved her students and loved the chance to distract herself with art class, but lately all Clarke wanted to do was lay in bed and feel sorry for herself. She knew her father would be disappointed in her, but she couldn’t bring herself to do anything else. At least not when she was alone.  
When Clarke got to the school she stared down at her phone for a moment, looking at the last text she had received from Lexa the night they had went out. She smiled at the memory of that night, how they had walked together for an hour, talking about everything and nothing at all. They had never made any solid plans to meet up again, and Clarke knew Lexa was probably busy, but she couldn’t help herself. She gnawed on her lip for a moment longer before quickly typing out a message and hitting send. She would psyche herself out if she thought about it too long.

Lexa felt her phone buzz in her pocket and excused herself from the board meeting to use the restroom. She was counting down the seconds until she was free from the constant meetings and suffocating suits and ties surrounding her. She glanced down at her phone screen and felt her heart skip a beat.

\- Hey stranger. I’ve missed you at the park. Coffee soon? -

It was Clarke. And she missed Lexa. 

Lexa mentally went over her schedule for the rest of the week. Meeting tomorrow, project deadline, then she had 3 days off. 

\- I’m sorry, work has been hectic. I’d love coffee, tomorrow? -

She waited a moment to see if she would get a reply before she had to go back to the meeting. When her phone remained silent Lexa bit her lip, blue eyes flashing in her mind. She typed before thinking how pushy she sounded and quickly shoved her phone back in her pocket and headed back to the meeting. 

\- Unless you can do lunch today? I’ll be at Ark Café around noon. -

As students quickly clamored for the door as the bell rang Clarke sat back in her chair and pulled open the desk drawer to retrieve her phone. The class seemed to have drawn on forever as they compared major paintings from the 1900’s. Her phone showed two missed messages and she opened them quickly.  
Shit! Clarke thought to herself, quickly checking the time. It was 11:45. If she rushed she could make it to Ark Café by noon. Her fears of Lexa avoiding her quickly diminished. Clarke snatched her keys out of the drawer and grabbed her purse before rushing out the door. She was going to see Lexa today! 

Lexa absentmindedly scanned a newspaper that had been left on her table as she waiting for her lunch to arrive. She was trying not to think about the fact she hadn’t heard back from Clarke. She chided herself for being too forward, inviting her to lunch right away. She looked up from her paper, sensing movement by her table, assuming it was the waitress bringing her salad. 

Blue eyes met hers and Lexa couldn’t help but smile, “Clarke!” 

Clarke smiled back and slipped into a chair, dropping her purse under the table by her feet. She looked flushed, as if she’d been running. Her blonde hair was thrown back in a messy bun and she looked casual yet put together in black dress pants and a blue top that complimented her eyes. “I’m so sorry I didn’t reply to you, I was in a class and I didn’t see your message until…” Clarke glanced down at her watch, “15 minutes ago.” 

Lexa laughed at her precise time and quickly folded the paper and placed it on the edge of the table, “no worries. I am really glad you could make it.”

Clarke gave her a sweet smile, “me too. So what’s for lunch?”

The two talked and laughed over their respective lunches and Clarke couldn’t help but feel more like herself whenever she was around Lexa. Something about the other woman made her want to be happy. The brunette was sharp and sarcastic and Clarke wanted to keep pace with her, firing off her own come-backs. Clarke felt as if she’d succeeded at something big whenever Lexa would laugh, showing off her perfect smile. Her green eyes would shine as they met Clarke’s. Lexa was beautiful.

 

“What are your plans over the weekend?” Clarke asked casually as she scribbled her name on her check. She was regretting the fact that lunch would be over so soon, but she had an idea. “Not think about work for a single second. Otherwise, nothing,” Lexa replied.

“You said you like outdoorsy stuff, right?” 

Lexa raised an eyebrow, trying to figure out where the blonde was going with this. “I did say that.” 

“How would you feel about a daytrip?” Clarke asked, trying not to sound too hopeful. After all, their friendship was just beginning. She didn’t want to seem too clingy. Lexa chuckled, racking her mind trying to figure out where they could go for a day trip. She knew that there were outdoor activities if you ventured outside the city, but she had never looked into them so she didn’t know what there was. She thought about the prospect of spending the day with Clarke and immediately agreed to it. “I’m in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you would like to see in this fanfic! I have a general idea for what will happen, but I am open to suggestions!


	6. Mt. Weather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke takes Lexa some place special. Their friendship is growing exponentially - and Clarke really loves snacks.

Lexa groaned as she pulled her tired body out of her warm bed and into the chilly air of her apartment. Her feet hit the wooden floor and she resisted the urge to dive back under the covers. It wasn’t that she disliked morning, she just hated leaving her warm tangle of blankets. Clarke had told her to be dressed for colder weather and to be comfortable, so Lexa slipped on a pair of thermal leggings, following by another pair of leggings. She layered herself into a comfortable warmth with a skintight cami, looser tank top, long sleeved shirt, and then a looser zip up jacket wrapped around her waist. She would be ready for any weather. 

The brunette studied herself in the mirror as she slowly undid the braid she had slept in. She finger combed through her waves then tossed them back into a careless ponytail before retreating to the bathroom to wash her face. Clarke would be there to pick her up in 15 minutes. 

 

When Lexa’s phone vibrated, she didn’t need to check it to know that the blonde was waiting for her outside. She grabbed the bag she had stuffed with snacks and water bottles the night before and hurried out of her apartment. She was greeted with a Styrofoam cup of coffee the moment she slid into Clarke’s car. Lexa sighed appreciatively as she accepted the cup and immediately put it to her lips. She hadn’t wanted to brew a whole pot of coffee, so she’d skipped on her morning caffeine. Clarke was officially the best. After Lexa had savored her first sip of coffee she dug in her bag and pulled out a box with muffins in them. Clarke’s blue eyes widened as she quickly accepted the food. Without hesitation, she took a bite of the banana muffin she’d chosen and groaned her approval of the taste. After a moment Clarke mumbled, “you are my hero,” before taking another large bite. Lexa laughed and raised her coffee cup in a “cheers” motion, “and you are mine!”

Once the two women had settled into the car and stopped eating the muffins, Clarke put the car into drive and pulled away from the curb. “So where are we going?” Lexa inquired, not having been able to get a destination out of the blonde the day before. “You’ll see,” Clarke replied in a mock sing-song voice. Lexa chuckled and sat back in the passenger seat, watching the quiet city roll by. It was just barely passed sunrise and Arkadia resembled a sleepy town more than the bustling city it was. After a moment Lexa turned to look at Clarke, studying the blonde as she drove. 

Her blonde hair was up in her signature messy bun, that somehow looked too perfectly disheveled to have just been thrown back that way. Lexa suspected it was more of an art. Clarke wore a light gray hoodie and navy leggings that hugged at her curves. Her blue eyes were trained on the road, looking focused but at ease. “You’re staring,” Clarke teased, feeling the green eyes on her. 

Lexa blushed, “admiring,” she corrected before she could stop herself. Shit she thought. A light flush crept over the blonde’s fair skin and she shook her head with a smile, “smooth,” she teased again. Lexa smiled back, relieved Clarke wasn’t uncomfortable by her comment. Lexa couldn’t help but feel too-relaxed around her, the blonde made her feel normal. She felt like Lexa. Not a business woman, not some wealthy stuck up person, just Lexa. 

“So did you leave any broken hearts behind when you moved to Arkadia?” Clarke asked casually, flipping on the radio but turning the volume down so it was in the background. Lexa was surprised at the question but was hoping Clarke would be the first to bring it up, mostly because she wanted to ask the question back. Lexa shook her head, keeping her eyes trained out the window. “No, haven’t dealt with one of those in awhile,” she didn’t specify whether she meant her own, or someone else’s, so Clarke asked. Lexa bit her lip. “Both, I guess? I had a really bad relationship, it ended, and I decided to focus on me. I guess I hadn’t realized I’d even sworn off relationships until I found myself moving away and leaving no one behind. I was just too busy with my own life, I guess.” 

Clarke hummed thoughtfully. “What about you?” Lexa asked. 

The blonde let out a dry laugh, “Well, my last relationship wasn’t so hot, either. When we ended it he went a little crazy, stalking me, trying to win me back, threatening my friends if they didn’t let him see me. It got pretty out of hand.” Clarke said everything so non-chalantly, but Lexa was staring at her in shock. “Damn. So what happened?” Clarke shrugged, not taking her eyes off the road, “no idea. Haven’t heard from him in a few months, so I guess he got the idea.” Lexa shook her head, “wow.”

Blonde eyes met green for a moment, sharing a look of understanding. They both had their pasts. They both had their messed-up relationships. But they were both stronger because of it. 

The pair fell into a comfortable silence as the world rolled past them. Lexa vaguely realized they were headed south, and wracked her limited knowledge of the area to try and figure out where they were going. “Hey so about the other day with Raven and Octavia…” Clarke began, snapping Lexa out of her thoughts. “You really don’t need to apologize for them anymore,” Lexa reassured. Though she felt warmth sweep through her body at the memory of her embracing the blonde woman. 

“I know, and you were really cool about the whole thing. I talked to them and they felt terrible, they definitely hadn’t paced themselves and they put their worst faces forward, they’re not usually like that…” Clarke gnawed on her lower lip, struggling to figure out what she wanted to say without sounding presumptuous. Lexa sat patiently, waiting for the woman to continue. “I was hoping that maybe you’d give them a chance to redeem themselves? They’ve been my closest friends since I’ve lived in Arkadia, and I’d love for us all to get along.” 

Lexa couldn’t help but smile at how flustered Clarke was, but more importantly, at the fact that Clarke wanted Lexa in her life enough to ask the woman to give her friends another shot. Lexa felt as if she’d been accepted into some friend group. “of course,” Lexa said simply, as if Clarke’s request was nothing big. 

Blue met green and Lexa’s heart soared. The smile in her eyes was enough to make Lexa want to agree to anything. Jury was still out on her opinions of Raven and Octavia, she hadn’t been particularly enamored by their company, but she also had realized they were drunk and didn’t take their first meeting to heart. She would gladly try again if it meant spending more time with the blonde sitting beside her. 

“You’re great, Lexa,” Clarke said, letting out a breathy laugh of relief. 

 

A little over an hour later as the car sped over another of the rolling hills Lexa couldn’t help but let out a gasp at what laid out before her. Rolling hills gave way to a small cluster of mountains laid out ahead of them. She hadn’t known there were mountains so close to Arkadia, unable to see them in the distance from the city. Lexa looked at Clarke with eyes shining excitedly, grinning ear to ear, “please tell me that’s where you’re taking me!” 

Clarke laughed, the brunette’s excitement palpable and contagious, “that’s where I’m taking you!” 

Lexa felt the urge to reach out and hug the woman, but figured it might be hazardous while they were flying down the highway at 80mph. She settled for an appreciative smile, “you are unreal. I had no clue these were even out here.”

“I figured as much since you didn’t mention them when you were talking about how much you missed being out in nature.”

“Have you been here before?” Lexa inquired.

“A few times. I know some cool spots, I’ll share my secrets with you.” 

 

Clarke collapsed against a tree, trying to catch her breath. Lexa seemed to have endless stamina and Clarke wasn’t sure if it was fueled by being in ridiculously good shape or the other woman’s excitement. They’d been hiking uphill for the past mile and a half and Clarke could almost feel the oxygen thinning. In reality they were probably only around 6000ft elevation, but the change was enough to leave her breathless and in dire need of a breather. 

Lexa noticed the blonde stop and she dropped down on a nearby boulder, taking in their surroundings as she caught her breath. It was a few degrees colder up the mountain, they had driven most of the way up until Clarke stopped in a parking pull off and announced they had arrived. The blonde had studied the trail map for a moment before picking the one she wanted and leading Lexa through the scattered trees and rocks. Lexa couldn’t stop admiring her surroundings, taking in every tree, rock, and plant. She felt like she was home. 

“I don’t know how you aren’t dying yet!” Clarke laughed, feeling her breathing slowly regulate. Lexa chuckled, “I told you, I used to hike all the time! I love it. But trust me, I am definitely feeling this. It’s been too long.” The brunette dug around in her bag before pulling out two granola bars. She tossed one to Clarke, who caught it with a smile. “Man if I’d known I got muffins and granola bars for taking you out somewhere I would’ve talked to you sooner!” she joked, peeling back the wrapper quickly. Lexa shook her head playfully, “well then you would have just talked to me for free food, and not because I’m actually amazing.” 

They shared a laugh at that then ate the rest of their snack in silence. 

“Ready?” Clarke asked brushing her leggings off and shoving her empty wrapper in one of her pockets. “Are you ready?” Lexa teased, jumping to her feet. Clarke shook her head and laughed, “probably not, but I know you’re going to love this, so I guess I have to be.”

 

Clarke led the way down the trail which began to descend slowly with a number of switch backs and curves. After another mile Lexa heard the distinct sound of running water. Two switchbacks later they arrived to a leveled-out portion of the terrain which led directly to a small stream that ran its way through the mountains. Lexa stopped in her tracks, taking in the sight of the gurgling water winding through trees and along rock beds. She closed her eyes, breathing in deep and relishing in the sound of nothing but nature and the soft breathing of Clarke beside her. This felt like a secret haven. 

“What do you think?” Clarke asked softly, watching the woman beside her intently. Lexa looked so peaceful, her eyes closed, her chest rising and falling slowly as her breathing evened out. She had a light glisten on her tanned skin and a flush to her cheeks. Her brown hair cascaded down her back, pieces of it escaped from her pony tail, which was slightly damp from sweat. She looked so… happy.

Lexa opened her eyes slowly, feeling the blue eyes staring into her. “You’re staring,” she teased, using Clarke’s line on her. Clarke smiled, “admiring” she shot back. Lexa turned to face the other woman completely, “I think this is amazing. Thank you for this.” Her voice was soft, serious. Clarke could tell she was genuinely grateful for this, and Clarke was glad she was able to share this moment with the other woman. Just the two of them, away from their demons, away from their responsibilities. Just two people enjoying nature and each other’s company. Clarke gave her a smile, knowing she didn’t need to reply. She could read those green eyes in front of her. She knew how much this meant to Lexa. 

They picked their way to the edge of the stream and sat on a fallen tree trunk. Lexa dropped her bag at her feet and pulled out a water bottle, Clarke felt her mouth go dry at the sight of the water and immediately felt her thirst. She pulled her bottle out of her own bag and took a drink from it. “I guess you deserve more food, for showing me this,” Lexa joked, pulling out a bag of beef jerky. Clarke laughed, “just tell me everything I have to do to get free food and I’ll do it.” 

A blush heated Lexa’s cheeks, her mind immediately going to the gutter. She wordlessly offered the opened back to the blonde, hoping Clarke assumed the blush was from exertion. But as Clarke took a strip of the meat from the bag she winked at Lexa, enjoying how flustered the other woman had made herself. Clarke hadn’t intended the sentence to be taken dirty, but it was clear from the fierce blush on Lexa’s cheeks that the thought had crossed her mind. Clarke found herself not minding. She had never had anything serious with a woman before, just college flings, but she’d never been opposed to the idea – just never presented with the right opportunity. Clarke let her gaze fall from Lexa to the stream in front of them, lost in her own thoughts. Did Lexa like her? Or was this just innocent flirting? Did she even like Lexa like that? She didn’t want to mess this up, whatever it was. Lexa was the first person she had ever been around that made her feel this was. She didn’t know what she was feeling, but she knew it was different. It was good. If Lexa liked her, she could make a move, Clarke decided.


	7. The dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke invites Lexa over for dinner. Starting to get more character depth and set the foundation for the future chapters. I promise the slow-burn will be worth it.

The pair stayed by the stream for a while longer, relishing in the freedom the mountain provided them. When their stomachs began growling in earnest they decided to make their way back to the car, it would still be awhile until they could stop a get a proper meal, so Lexa supplied the snacks while Clarke supplied the commentary on how starving she was.  
They drove down the mountain in a comfortable silence, the radio providing background noise as Lexa lost herself looking out the window at the scenery rolling by. Clarke snuck occasional glances at the brunette, admiring how peaceful she looked as her green eyes took in every color and crevice the mountain had to offer. Lexa looked like she belonged outdoors more than she belonged in some high rise building stuck in an office. Here, Lexa looked free. Her tanned skin smooth from any stress, her smiles came easily and care free, her eyes shining with life and happiness. Clarke hadn’t seen many sides of Lexa, but she was sure that this would be one of her favorite. Seeing the woman beside her happy. That’s what friends wanted for each other, right? What she was feeling was friendship, nothing more. 

 

Lexa felt a pang of sadness as Clarke pulled up to the building where she lived late in the afternoon. She had enjoyed the day with the blonde, and she wasn’t ready for it to be over. “Thank you, for today,” Lexa said meaningfully, turning to look at Clarke. The blonde gave her a sweet smile, “any time, I’m really glad you agreed to it. I know we don’t really know each other very well yet, but I had an amazing day.” 

Lexa felt her stomach flip and she returned the smile. She hoped that would change – that they would get to know each other well. “Me too. I’m off until Monday if you want to meet up again this weekend… I could use the company.” 

Clarke nodded, “I could, too. I’m in pretty desperate need of a shower, but if you want you could come by my place for dinner tonight? I’m not a chef, but I do make some pretty mean pasta dishes.” Lexa chuckled, actively forcing the thoughts of Clarke showering out of her mind, “dinner would be great, just text me your address and a time. Also, pasta happens to be one of my favorite foods, so I’m expecting heaven on a plate from you.”

“No pressure then!” Clarke laughed. 

“None at all!” Lexa winked at her before slipping out of the car and offering a small wave before entering her building. Clarke sat there- stunned silent from a moment as she watched the brunette disappear from sight.

Friends winked at each other – right? 

 

...

Lexa pulled up to Clarke’s apartment and sat in her car for a moment, gathering her thoughts. She was certain she was starting to feel something for Clarke, and she tried to push those thoughts away. Clarke was the first person that she really felt connected to, and she didn’t want to ruin their budding friendship. She didn’t even know if Clarke was interested in her like that. So far Clarke had only mentioned an ex-boyfriend. Lexa knew that didn’t necessarily mean she was straight, but she also knew it didn’t give her any signs that Clarke might be interested. 

The brunette glanced at her reflection in the rearview mirror before opening her car door with a deep breath. They were just hanging out, no need to make this a big deal.  
Lexa referenced the text message Clarke had sent her again, making sure she went to the right apartment door. She heard faint music playing from behind the door and knocked twice. After a bustling of movement, she heard the deadbolt unlock and put on her game face. Clarke appeared at the door, her blonde hair cascading over her shoulders and framing her face perfectly, “hey stranger, long time no see!” she joked as she stepped aside, beckoning for Lexa to come in. Lexa laughed, something she found herself doing more than she ever had in her life when she was around the other woman. She stepped into the apartment and was instantly greeting with the homey environment. Everything seemed warm and inviting and something smelled absolutely delicious.

“I brought wine!” Lexa said as Clarke turned back from shutting the door. The brunette held up a bottle of Cabernet and Clarke grinned, “I knew there was a reason I invited you over! Here I’ll take that, and your jacket.” Lexa shrugged out of her knee length pea coat and handed it over to the blonde, along with the bottle of wine. “Feel free to explore, dinner is almost ready. I’ll get you a glass of this baby,” Clarke held up the bottle with a wink then walked into the kitchen to give Lexa a moment to look around.  
Lexa made her way into Clarke’s apartment, admiring the decoration. It was a modest sized apartment, full of warm burgundy colors and wooden furniture. It had character and life in every corner and Lexa had half a mind to hire Clarke to decorate her own apartment which seemed so cold and polished compared to this. Lexa couldn’t help but smile as she paused in front of a shelf with multiple candles lit, she had a weakness for candles, and owned far more than she’d like to admit. She could fall into a trance watching the flames flicker and dance atop the wax. After staring at the candles for a moment Lexa moved on, pausing to admire a piece or art that hung in the living room. It was full of color and intricate details, depicting a mountain bursting with autumn colors. The skyline was a warm sunset, setting behind the mountain, and the colors were vibrant and exquisite. It was beautiful.

Clarke came up behind Lexa holding two glasses of wine, she held one out to Lexa and looked at the painting, “you like it?” she inquired. Lexa nodded, accepting the wine with a thanks. “I painted it last year,” Clarke said softly, remembering when she had painted it. It was the last thing she had painted aside from classroom projects. She’d lost her muse when her mother had gone off on her bender again, one she never recovered from. The one that probably killed her father.

“You painted this?” Lexa marveled, turning to the blonde with wide eyes full of awe and respect. Clarke blushed, “art is my passion. I’m actually an art teacher.” Lexa shook her head, still in awe. “This is incredible, Clarke. You are amazingly talented.” She turned her head back, taking a sip of the wine as she looked at the painting with a new appreciation. She studied it in depth, staring at the mountain, “is this Mt. Weather?” she asked suddenly, recognizing the shape of the mountain from earlier in the day. Clarke nodded, an impressed look on her face that Lexa had been able to decipher that. “It is. It’s a special mountain, for me…” Clarke trailed off as a timer chimed in the kitchen. “That’s dinner! Ready for food?” 

“Clarke this is amazing!” Lexa exclaimed after taking her first bite of the fettuccini. Clarke laughed, twirling her own forkful of the pasta, “man you’re just full of compliments tonight. I’ll have to invite you over more often.” Lexa nodded enthusiastically, “if it means I get to look at your paintings and eat this kind of food I’ll clear my schedule.”  
After taking a few more bites of the pasta Lexa was able to stop worshipping her plate enough to make conversation. “Do you have any more paintings hanging up?” she inquired. Clarke took a sip of wine then nodded, “a couple more throughout the apartment, I’ll show them to you. A lot of them I still have back in my family home…” she trailed off, a look of sadness coming over her face. Lexa opened her mouth to quickly change the subject, not wanting to make the blonde sad, but Clarke recovered and smiled, “some are here. I even had one in a gallery once. That one of the mountain is the last one I painted.” Lexa smiled warmly, “I’d love to see them… so why haven’t you painted any since the mountain?” 

Clarke gazed into her wine glass intently, determined to keep her composure. “Just haven’t been inspired since then, I guess. I painted that the last time I went to Mt. Weather, actually. My dad went with me…” Clarke trailed off and Lexa offered her a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to pry. We can talk about something else.” The blonde returned the smile gratefully, “thanks… you’re not prying. And I want to talk about him, and about my painting, I’d love to tell you about it… I’m just not ready yet.” Lexa nodded in understanding, her green eyes meeting Clarke’s blue. “Whenever you’re ready, I’m here,” she said softly. She understood Clarke’s sensitivity and respected her need for space, and secretly Lexa hoped that one day the blonde would let her in and share those memories – good and bad. Lexa wanted to hear them all. She wanted to know everything there was to know about what made Clarke….Clarke. 

“So what do you do in your spare time?” Clarke asked, shifting the mood to something lighter. “Follow pretty blonde’s into the mountains and come over for free food, apparently,” Lexa joked. Ok, that wine was getting to her. Clarke laughed out loud, her eyebrows shooting up. “Oh man, so you’re saying I’ve got competition?” she loved this playful side of Lexa and she was happy to keep up with her quips. “You’re winning so far,” Lexa assured her, giving her a wink. 

“Ok but seriously, what else do you do?”

Lexa thought for a moment. It was sad she actually had to think about hobbies, she didn’t have very many. “I suppose I read a lot, and I enjoy going on runs or working out. I actually did a lot of martial arts before I moved to Arkadia, I’d love to get back to that, but I haven’t looked for a gym here.” 

It was Clarke’s turn to be surprised, “martial arts, huh?” she was trying to imagine the perfectly put together brunette sitting across from her – with her red lipstick, dark skinny jeans and beige cashmere sweater – fighting someone. “I’m a bit of a badass on the mat,” Lexa joked. Though it wasn’t a lie – she had beaten many opponents, male and woman, on the mats. She loved the way it felt to be so focused on the only other person that mattered in the room. Focusing on their every move, their steps, the shifts of their weight, the glances of their eyes. It was a game of wits and who could read each other most precisely. Then it turned into a strategy, using your strengths and taking advantage of their weaknesses. 

“I would pay to see that. You should look for a gym here! I’m sure they have one. I mean, a studio just opened up so that you can do yoga with your dog, so I think it’s safe to say Arkadia has everything.” Lexa snorted at Clarke’s response, but found herself nodding in agreement, “I think I will this weekend. I honestly haven’t even thought about it; I’ve been so tied up in work and the move. It’ll be nice to get some routine back.”

 

After dinner Clarke cleared away the dishes as Lexa refilled the glasses of wine. When Clarke rejoined her the blonde led her down the hallway, which was lined with small 8x10 framed paintings on either side. “These are a few of the others I have here,” Clarke explained, flipping on the hallway light so Lexa could see them better. “I feel like I’m in an art gallery!” Lexa complimented as she took another sip of wine and slowly side stepped down the hallway, admiring each panting. As she got to the end of the hallway she stopped, gasping softly. “Oh, Clarke…” she was entranced. The painting was of the night sky, the focal point being a crescent moon surrounded by swirls of stars and the galaxies. Lexa had always been fond of space, constantly finding herself staring up at the night sky and wondering what laid beyond the stars. “This is so beautiful,” Lexa breathed, admiring every swirl of black and blue. She turned to look at Clarke, her green eyes hooded and serious. She could feel the wine buzzing in her system, making everything feel warm. She eyed Clarke beneath her lashes, the fair skin flushed from the alcohol and compliments, her blonde waves flowing perfectly around her face. Her blue eyes shining. Lexa swallowed back her emotions, knowing the moment was getting to intense. “I hope you find your inspiration again, Clarke,” she said softly before offering a smile and raising her wine glass, “refill?” 

Clarke swallowed hard and forced a bright smile, “definitely,” she responded, turning to head back to the kitchen. She wasn’t sure she should have another glass of wine; she was already starting to feel the effects of the previous glasses. Being so close to Lexa in that hallway, hearing the admiration and awe in the brunette’s voice as she admired some of Clarke’s favorite paintings. It made her heart soar and race and flutter all at once. What was Lexa doing to her?


	8. The party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa meets Clarke at a house party and reveals more about her past. 
> 
> Don't you just want to hug her at the end of this?

A week had passed since their dinner and Lexa found herself swamped with work again, it was the final week before the project she was working on was completed and she hardly had time for a breather. Her only saving grace was seeing Clarke in the mornings at the park, a routine they both continued. If Lexa was running, Clarke would wave at her from wherever she was, shooting the brunette a smile. If it was a day Lexa had time to relax and walk through the park, Clarke joined her from her spot and they strolled together down the path, catching up on the week. 

It was Friday morning and Lexa was in her office by 6:30, unable to make it to the park. Her phone buzzed on her desk and she glanced away from the stack of papers she’d been going through and saw Clarke’s name on the screen. She opened the text quickly.  
-Missed you at the park today, hope you have a good day at work. Octavia invited me to a get together Lincoln is having at his place, think you might be interested in joining? –  
Lexa smiled at the invite and at the thought of seeing Clarke again.

\- Same, work dragged me in earlier. Wow, Octavia works fast! I’d love to join you. – 

The brunette didn’t hear Anya walk in but when she looked away from her phone the older woman was standing in the doorway, eyebrows raised. “Am I seeing this correctly?” Lexa shot her a confused look. “You, Lexa Woods, miss too-busy-for-everyone has a secret crush?” Lexa threw her defensive walls up, “who says I have a crush?” she demanded, carefully placing her phone face down on her desk. “Uhm, the smile on your face while you texted whoever that was gave you away.”

Lexa rolled her eyes. “She’s a friend, Anya, that’s it.”

Anya dropped herself in the chair in front of Lexa's desk and kicked her feet up the mahogany top, “Sure she is, Lex. Anyway, I wanted to see if you wanted to go out for celebratory drinks tonight – if you can get your work done between cute text messages.” Lexa shot her a playful glare and purposely picked up her phone and dropped it into her desk drawer.  
“I am more than capable from separating feeling from duty,” Lexa grumbled. This was why she didn’t see people anymore. She knew Anya was being playful, but there were far too many people competing against Lexa for top spots in Polis that any time someone new had been on her arm they’d used it as ammunition that she was distracted or she wouldn’t have enough time to dedicate to the company. Never mind the fact she already dedicated more of her waking hours to work and usually worked longer hours than all of the men in the office. 

“I’m just teasing, Lex!” 

Lexa rolled her eyes, “besides, I’m busy tonight.” 

Anya threw her head back in laughter, “okay maybe I’m not just teasing! Damn Lexa, when was the last time you ever had plans unless they were with me? I think I might be jealous.” 

“You’re impossible. You know that?” 

Anya winked and dropped her feet back down to the ground, “it keeps you on your toes. Well what are your plans tonight? Let me crash them so I can judge whoever is texting you and take bets on how long it will last.” 

Sometimes Lexa hated Anya. Just a little bit. 

“I told you we’re just friends. I’ll see if she doesn’t mind my extremely nosey co-worker tagging along and I’ll let you know.” 

Anya beamed and sauntered out of Lexa’s office without another word. Lexa groaned and rested her head in her hands for a moment. She hoped Anya could behave herself, she didn’t want her to scare Clarke away. 

 

The day dragged by and by the time Lexa was able to finish the paperwork for Monday and escape her office it was 5pm. It had been an exhausting day. Lexa retrieved her phone from her desk drawer where it had remained since Anya’s visit. She quickly texted Clarke asking if Anya could join them and getting the details she needed then left her office behind for the weekend. 

 

Lexa waited for Anya outside of the house that she presumed was Lincoln’s, leaning against her car and breathing in the chilled night air. The house was relatively big, with music audibly escaping it and interrupting the silence of the night. There were enough cars lining the streets that made Lexa suspect it was bigger than a get together, but that might be a good thing so Anya could stay distracted.

A few minutes later the older woman showed up, getting out of her car and quickly tugging down her dress to not expose herself. Lexa rolled her eyes at Anya’s outfit, which was pretty short considering it was freezing outside. “Hey I want a hot date, too!” Anya defended herself, catching Lexa’s look. “I thought I was your hot date!” Lexa cried, pretending to be offended. Anya laughed and slid her arm into Lexa’s, mostly for balance, as they made their way to the door. “You did not tell me this was a full on house party. I thought I left these days behind in college.”

Lexa laughed, “I didn’t know it was a house party, either. And don’t lie Anya, I know you still hit on college boys, I’m sure you’ve been to a few house parties since college.”  
Anya replied, but her voice was lost by the sound as the front door opened. Clarke stood in the doorway, a smile on her face. Her eyes quickly darted to Anya, then to their arms linked together, before resting on Lexa’s face. “Hey you made it! Come on in!” Clarke stepped aside, allowing the women to enter. “I’m Clarke, you must be Anya,” Clarke introduced, holding her hand out in greeting. Anya shook it politely, eyes quickly sizing Clarke up, “nice to meet you. You must be Lexa’s friend?” 

Clarke nodded as she lead them into the kitchen to get drinks. Anya shot Lexa a look, mouthing a silent “wow,” as the two followed Clarke. Lexa glared, but she couldn’t help but agree with Anya’s reaction. Clarke looked stunning in a bright red dress that hugged all of her curves and ended just above the knee. The neckline plunged low enough to give a taste of her cleavage, but was tasteful enough that some was left to the imagination – and Lexa’s imagination was more than happy to compensate. Her blonde locks were pinned back, a few curls escaping and framing her face. Lexa knew she was in trouble.

“So Lincoln lives here?” Lexa asked, breaking her eyes away from Clarke’s figure and accepting a bottle of beer. Clarke nodded, handing another bottle to Anya, “him and a few roommates. Lincoln wanted a small get together, it was his roommates that went all out. One of them is in college – hence the juvenile feel to the party,” Clarke held up a red solo cup to make her point.

“College, huh?” Anya’s face brightened up and Lexa laughed.

“Anya fancies herself a bit of a cougar, you’ll have to excuse her.” 

Anya shot Lexa an un-amused look. “You’d have to be old to be a cougar, I am no such thing,” and with that, Anya left the two to their own devices in search of young meat.  
“Wow. She’s…” Clarke trailed off, shaking her head and taking a drink. She certainly hadn’t expected Lexa’s friend to be so lively. “She’s absolutely crazy,” Lexa finished the sentence for the blonde, having no problem calling Anya out. She respected the woman at work and considered her a close friend, but Anya and Lexa had polar opposite personalities, and Lexa often wondered if by meeting Anya, people thought she was the same as the older woman. “Well I guess we are both entitled to our crazy friends,” Clarke joked. “Speaking of which…”

Lexa turned as Clarke motioned towards the entrance to the kitchen, where Raven and Octavia were standing. They both walked up to the counter Lexa was leaning against and offered warm smiles, “Hey Lexa, I’m glad you came!” Octavia was the first to offer greeting. Raven nodded, seconding what her friend said. “Clarke chastised us for how we acted the other night, I’d like to say I’m sorry… but I don’t really remember that night too well after the fourth drink. So, I hope we can start over,” Raven extended a hand as a peace offering and Lexa graciously took it, offering a smile in return, “no worries, I’ve already forgotten it.” 

With that out of the way, the four women made their way through the house, squeezing passed masses of bodies that were crowding the rooms. What Lexa assumed was the living room had been cleared out into a makeshift dance floor and Lexa spotted Anya dancing with a younger looking man. “She looks like she’s having fun,” Clarke joked, leaning in close to Lexa so she could be heard over the loud music. Lexa rolled her eyes, willing herself not to be embarrassed by her friend. 

Lexa took a moment to scan the room, getting a feel of the crowd. Clarke took that moment to steal glances at her, admiring the way her knee length black dress hugged her body and gave way to long and toned legs. Her long brown waves were loose and cascading down to the small of her back, held there by a few pins. Clarke’s eyes wandered from the curves of her collar bones to her sharp jaw line, loving the way the dim lighting dancing on her skin. Lexa could feel Clarke’s baby blues searing into her and she purposefully did everything she could to delay making eye contact. She could tell Clarke was staring, and she didn’t mind it. 

With a last swig of her bottle, Lexa finally turned to Clarke and held up her empty, “refills?” Clarke smiled as they made their way back to the kitchen. “So what have you been so busy with at work?” Clarke made casual conversation, though she was genuinely interested in whatever it was that Lexa did. She found she didn’t know much about the brunette, and she wanted that to change. Lexa pulled two new bottles of beer out of the fridge and passed one to Clarke. 

“I’m heading one of the reconstruction projects in the city, had to work with a lot of suits to get some zoning issues and permits taken care of but they gave me free reign over design and purpose so I had my hands full,” Lexa shrugged and waved a hand flippantly, “just had a lot of paperwork to finish. Today was the deadline and Monday is the end of it all. Enough about me, my work is boring. How are you doing?” Clarke shook her head at how non-chalantly Lexa spoke about work, she knew whatever project Lexa was working on was probably massive and she had all the right to brag about what she’d done, however Lexa didn’t like to draw attention to the fact that she worked at Polis and that gave her an elevated status, and Clarke respected that. 

The blonde paused after taking a drink, pondering over Lexa’s question. Normally she would shrug and respond with the automatic ‘I’m fine’, but she knew Lexa was asking because she cared. Blue eyes met green, “better than before,” Clarke said softly. She didn’t need to say more. Lexa nodded and gave her a knowing smile, “it gets easier.”  
Suddenly Lexa’s past comments clicked. Clarke met her eyes, “who did you…” she trailed off. That seemed like such a personal question to ask. They didn’t know each other that well. Before Clarke could apologize for prying Lexa leaned back against the counter with a soft sigh.

“My parents.”

Clarke swallowed hard, looking at Lexa through new eyes. This woman who was driven and successful and absolutely beautiful, and suddenly Clarke saw Lexa as someone who was secretly very alone in the world. Clarke had lost her father, her whole world, but she still had a living parent – even through her mother’s faults. They had good memories together, they were just buried beneath all of the pain that had piled on over the years. Clarke wanted to say she was sorry, but instead she found herself asking, “how?”  
A group of drunk people crashed into the kitchen, yelling something about shots, and Lexa’s relaxed lean against the counter disappeared with her straightening – her face that had just held emotion was wiped clean and stoic as she stepped out of their way. “Want to go somewhere quiet?” Clarke asked softly, not wanting to force the situation, but not wanting the moment to pass. Lexa nodded and followed the blonde out of the suddenly noisy kitchen. They made their way through the house to the back door, which was much quieter than the front of the house. Clarke glanced around and snatched a blanket off of the guys gaming couch and led the brunette outside. Clarke had always loved Lincoln’s house, mostly for the perk of having a backyard. The walked down the steps of his back porch and Clarke dropped down on the last one, looking up into the dark sky. The only light was coming from the moon and the windows behind them. Lexa sat beside the blonde, smoothing her dress down under her as she lowered herself. Clarke wordlessly untangled the blanket and draped it over Lexa’s shoulders before wrapping the other end of it around her own and pulling it close.

Lexa gripped her edge of the blanket, wrapping it tighter around herself as warmth spread through her body. It wasn’t warmth from the soft fabric around her, but from the gesture of Clarke thinking of her. She leaned in slightly until their shoulders touched and followed Clarke’s gaze up to the sky, studying the faint stars that were visible. They sat in comfortable silence between them for a minute, the only sound was the faint bass of the music from inside the house. 

“It was a car accident,” Lexa said quietly, letting her guard back down. 

Clarke chewed on her bottom lip, feeling her heart ache for the woman beside her. She looked over at Lexa, whose eyes were still trained on the sky. 

“They died on impact, so at least they didn’t suffer. I was 14 and didn’t have any close relatives, so I got sent to live with my Uncle Titus. He definitely wasn’t ready to take on an emotionally damaged teenager, but he did the best he could with me. I’d never be where I’m at today without the lessons he instilled in me…” Lexa trailed off, pushing images of her parents out of her mind. This was what she did, how she dealt with it. She compartmentalized their death as a tragedy and pushed away the pain. Pain was weakness, love was weakness – that’s what Uncle Titus had drilled into her fragile mind since 14. He was the reason she was strong and guarded. To be honest, she didn’t even remember the event of her parent’s death, she vaguely remembered finding out – she’d pushed it all down for over a decade. 

Lexa slowly turned to meet Clarke’s gaze and was almost startled to find she saw more pain in the blue eyes staring at her than she felt in her heart at the loss of her parents. She had pushed their death away for so long, never feeling it, never grieving them. It had just become part of her now, like her height, or her favorite color. It was just a fact that made up her person. 

“Lexa…” Clarke’s voice shook, not knowing what to say. She studied the green eyes looking back at her. Detached, distant, resilient. She knew Lexa had let her guard down enough to reveal these facts about her life, but Clarke felt in her soul that Lexa had so many walls surrounding her parent’s death that they were all that kept her from crumbling under the weight of the loss. Clarke wondered what Lexa’s uncle must have been like, what he had told her to make her so detached from an event that should turn someone’s world upside down. Clarke couldn’t imagine not grieving her father, not having time to process and move on. She felt everything too deeply. 

Green eyes blinked then looked down to find that Clarke’s hands were wrapped around hers, offering comfort that words could not. Lexa let out a shuddery breath as Clarke squeezed. It felt foreign to Lexa, this feeling of someone reaching out, of acknowledging the pain that she didn’t realize she harbored. It had never been okay for Lexa to feel it, before. And somewhere hidden deep, walls were starting to come down. Clarke’s blue eyes were safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank for sticking with this guys! I'm currently rewatching season 3 in preparation of season 4 coming out (February 1!!) And can I just say, I am still not over 3x07?? Anyway it has gotten a lot of ideas stirring in my head so hopefully I'll be cranking these chapters out fast. Please let me know what you think!


	9. The offer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke finds out what Lexa's big project was. Lexa comes over to celebrate .
> 
> I'm going to try and pick up the pace more from here guys. I know it's been a slow build up. Just hang on - some big stuff is happening in coming chapters.

Monday rolled around and Clarke found herself free much earlier than normal due to a half-day at school. Everyone had been released for a speech the Mayor would be giving regarding the ground breaking of the new school being built. As a teacher, it was something Clarke should attend, but as she sat in her car she was strongly considering just going home. Despite the shortened day, she felt exhausted.

Her phone vibrating relentlessly snapped her out of her thoughts and she picked it up without checking the caller I.D.

“Where are you????” Raven’s voice shouting through the phone made Clarke wince as she held the device away from her ear. 

“In my car,” she replied.

“On the way?” Raven asked. When Clarke didn’t respond she heard the other woman sigh dramatically. “Girl, please tell me you’re coming. Octavia dragged me to this whole shebang and then ditched me for Lincoln, I NEED you.” 

Clarke groaned and started her engine, “okay, okay. I’m on my way.” 

The blonde met the mechanic in the crowd that had gathered and shot her an exasperated look, “I was seriously about to go home,” Clarke complained as Raven gave her a one-armed hug. Raven nudged her shoulder then turned towards the stage that had been set up. “Yeah, but then you wouldn’t have seen my face and your day would have been lame.” Clarke snorted and looked to the stage, hearing the crowd begin to murmur. 

Mayor Jaha took to stage and after a polite moment of applause, launched into his speech about making Arkadia a better city, proposed improvements, and the breaking ground. Clarke had tuned him out, already regretting showing up. It wasn’t until Raven nudged her that she looked back up at the stage and felt her jaw drop a little bit.  
“Lexa Woods, everyone!” Mayor Jaha motioned to the microphone and began to applaud as the woman stepped in front of the podium. “Is that…..?” Raven looked at Clarke, an eyebrow raised. “Shut up!” Clarke hissed, waiting for Lexa to speak. What was she doing on stage with the mayor? 

Lexa waited for the audience to finish their applause before leaning into the microphone and greeting everyone. Her voice rang out over the speakers and sent shivers through Clarke as the blonde drank in what she saw. Lexa stood on stage looking like the most poised business woman on the planet. She was dressed in no-nonsense black slacks, a tailored black blazer, and a white button up shirt with a thin black ribbon that peeked out under the collar and was tied so that the ends hung loosely down her chest. Her hair was smoothed back and pinned back in a low bun and she was wearing a darker shade of lipstick that complimented her tanned skin. She looked amazing. 

“….and thank you to Mayor Jaha for this opportunity. When I was asked if I wanted to head this project I immediately jumped at the chance. This building is something that Arkadia needs and will offer future generations a place to learn, grow, and explore their talents. It will be more than just a school. It will also have a state of the art gymnasium, full annex for art studies, and 3 sports fields….” Clarke lost track of what Lexa was saying, her mind connecting the dots of Lexa’s ‘big project’ she’d been working on. Clarke had known about the school for months; it is all the teachers talked about – everyone was hoping to get a job there once it was finished. It was going to be impressive. Working there would be any teacher’s dream. Clarke had never put together that the deadline for Lexa’s big project coincided with the ground breaking ceremony. She was thoroughly impressed and dumbfounded. This project was massive, and the fact that Lexa was heading it just showed how much sway she had in Polis Inc. 

Clarke followed the crowd when she noticed everyone clapping once more. She watched as Lexa and the Mayor shook hands again and posed for a picture, then as they descended the stage stairs together and commenced the “ground breaking.” And just like that, the ceremony was over and people began to disburse back to their homes, jobs, and lives. Several teachers stuck around, hoping to get a word in with the Mayor before they left. 

“Damn you didn’t tell me your friend was that much of a hot shot,” Raven commented.

Clarke shook her head, “I didn’t even know,” she replied honestly. 

Once Raven had left, Clarke made her way through the stragglers up to side of the stage, where Lexa was speaking with the Mayor. She watched as the brunette spoke, exuding confidence and professionalism. Lexa seemed like a different person than when she had last seen her, sitting on Lincoln’s back porch together talking about death. This Lexa was collected, an emotionless mask on her face that only showed calculation and power. There were so many layers to Lexa, and Clarke found herself wanting to uncover all of them. She wanted to know the woman more than ever.

Lexa spotted Clarke standing there out of the corner of her eye and paused her conversation to wave the blonde over. “You’re here!” she said excitedly, flashing the blonde a genuine smile as she put a hand on her arm and pulled her closer. “Mayor Jaha, this is Clarke Griffin.”

Clarke’s cheeks heated in a blush, suddenly on the spot. She certainly hadn’t been expecting to meet the Mayor today. Jaha smiled warmly and shook Clarke’s hand, “hello Miss Griffin, good to meet you. What do you do?” Clarke smiled back, putting on her professional face. “I’m an art teacher at Ark High, it’s wonderful to meet you, sir.” 

Jaha nodded and smiled at Lexa, who seemed pleased with herself for the meeting, “art teacher you say? Well I’m glad you could make it to the ground breaking. I’m sure there’s a job for you in these future walls if you want one.”

Clarke was floored. Had she just been offered a job? Or was he assuming that because she knew Lexa she had a job? Either way it hadn’t even crossed her mind that she’d have a chance at teaching at the new school. She was a new teacher, young, inexperienced. Surely the resident teachers would have first dibs. 

Recovering, Clarke smiled, “I hope I’m lucky enough to have one there some day.” 

After congratulating Lexa again, the Mayor gave his farewells and disappeared, being pulled away by more people biding for his time. When he was out of earshot, Clarke turned to Lexa with wide eyes.

“Wow. I had no idea this way your project, Lexa!” 

The brunette smiled and shrugged a shoulder, “I’m not one to boast.” 

Clarke laughed and fell in step with the brunette as they distanced themselves from the stage. “But seriously, Clarke, the Mayor is right. I don’t know if you’ve thought about it, but you would be amazing here. I’ve got a stellar construction team lined up and they estimate completion by the end of next year.”

Clarke stared at Lexa, unsure what to say. “Are you offering me a job?” 

Lexa came to a stop, staring at Clarke with her no-nonsense business look. “I’ve seen a handful of your paintings, Clarke. I’m designing this school to have an art focused curriculum for the students that want to pursue it. I think you’d be great here. It’s not just because I know you that I’m offering this up, I genuinely think you’d be great for a place like this.”

The blonde couldn’t formulate words. A job like that would be a dream come true. When the shock wore off, Clarke grinned and threw her arms around Lexa in a tight hug. “A job at a place like this would be incredible!” she exclaimed over Lexa’s shoulder, tightening her hold for a moment before releasing the brunette. Lexa chuckled and straightened her blazer, smiling at Clarke in excitement. “I have big plans for this place. It would be amazing to have you be part of them.” 

They shared another smile before Lexa’s name being called turned the taller woman’s attention away. “I’m sorry, I’ve got to go,” she apologized. Clarke nodded in understanding and put a hand on Lexa’s arm, “don’t be sorry. Congratulations for today, and thank you.”

Lexa glanced down at Clarke’s hand and felt the warmth spreading from her fingertips through her body. Lexa’s hand went up to cover Clarke’s, touching her skin for the briefest of moments. “I’m glad you came.” 

And with that, Lexa disappeared and Clarke stood there, her hand tingling from where Lexa’s skin had made contact with hers. Clarke’s head was spinning with the events that had just taken place. Images swirled through her mind and Clarke was suddenly rushing to her car as quickly as she could. It was a feeling she hadn’t felt in a long time and suddenly it was back, dominating her mind and screaming to be acknowledged. 

She was inspired. 

 

...

Several hours later found Clarke in an old pair of her painter’s clothes, sitting at an easel, painting frantic brush strokes across canvas. She had been going at it since the moment she got home, unable to stem the creative flow that had taken her over. Her stomach growled in protest from the neglect it had received since lunch time, but Clarke ignored it, continuing her painting until she had no choice but to let the layers dry. 

As she made futile attempts to wipe the paint splatters and smudges from her skin she heard a knock at her door and made her way through her apartment quickly. She opened the door, not bothering to look who it was. 

She froze, seeing Lexa standing there, back in normal clothes. Lexa glanced over Clarke’s disheveled appearance and laughed, resisting the urge to wipe a smudge of red from the woman’s cheek. “Hey!” Clarke greeted, opening the door to allow access. Lexa walked inside and held up a bottle of wine, “I’m sorry, it looks like I’m interrupting some creative genius going on, I can just leave this and go.” 

Clarke shook her head quickly and closed the door, “no, stay! I was just finishing up actually. I also never turn down free wine, so if I ever say no to that take me straight to the hospital.” Clarke walked to the kitchen to wash her hands more thoroughly and Lexa followed her, setting the wine on the counter. “Are you sure?” she asked uncertainly.  
The blonde glanced over her shoulder and smiled reassuringly, “absolutely. I’m actually starving right now; would you like to stay for dinner?” 

Lexa raised an eyebrow and made an obvious glance around the kitchen, “well you’re starving, and I don’t see dinner cooking, so how about I order in for us?” 

Clarke grinned, drying her hands off on a towel before tossing it down on the counter and reaching up to grab wine glasses, “you’re definitely one of my favorite people,” she joked. Lexa chuckled and reached for the wine opener that was handing on the wall. It was strange how comfortable she felt, here with the blonde. She’d only been to Clarke’s apartment once, but it felt familiar, and like she’d been there a thousand times before. “So you only like me for free food and wine?” Lexa joked back, popping the cork and holding out the bottle to Clarke so the other woman could pour. The blonde hummed in thought for a moment, “eh, there might be a few other reasons.”

They both settled on stools and clinked their classes together in cheers before taking their respective sips. “I’m sorry I came by unexpected. I texted you a little while after the ceremony asking if you wanted to celebrate with me but I never heard back. I figured I’d bring the celebration here.” 

Clarke instinctively reached for her pocket but felt no phone, “I’m sorry! I honestly have no idea where my phone is at. I started painting as soon as I got home and lost track of time. I’m really glad you came over; we definitely have cause to celebrate.” Clarke tipped her glass in Lexa’s direction before taking another a drink. 

“How is painting going?” Lexa asked with a happy smile. Clarke smiled back, feeling her stomach do a flip. “It’s amazing. It feels so good to get this stuff out, I mean I didn’t even realize I had all of these ideas inside of me and the moment I put the brush to canvas they just all started spilling out. It’s been a cathartic couple of hours.” 

Clarke felt genuine happiness coursing through her veins and could have sworn she felt herself healing with each brush stroke. She would never be the same woman she was before her father died, but she was finding herself again. Who she was before she stopped painting. The happiness that came with the creation of these images. Her father had always encouraged her art, always supported her, and had always been the first to show off anything she did – even her worst work. 

“I’m really glad to see you getting inspiration back,” Lexa said softly, her eyes shining with something that almost seemed like pride. Clarke smiled at her gratefully. “It makes me feel close to him again, you know? It just…it feels good.” Lexa nodded in understanding.

“Thank you,” Clarke said suddenly; breaking the silence that fell between them. 

Lexa looked up from her glass in confusion. “I think this was you,” Clarke tried to explain. “Even before he died, I wasn’t inspired. And especially after, I honestly wondered if I would ever paint just for the joy of it again. But you… offering me that job, and just being around you. I’ve been happier and it got me to pick up a brush again. I don’t think I would have done it, if it wasn’t for you.”

Lexa’s eyes studied Clarke’s blue ones, looking into the soul that Clarke was exposing to her. She was being open and vulnerable, and she was crediting Lexa with her happiness. Green eyes softened and Lexa reached across to counter to grab Clarke’s hand. She squeezed it gently and smiled, “it’s been in you this entire time, Clarke. I don’t think I did anything, but if I did, I’m glad I could help you find it.” 

Their eyes held each other for several moments and Clarke relished the feel of her hand in Lexa’s. She turned her hand, her finger tips tracing Lexa’s palm softly as they stared at each other. It was the type of communication that didn’t require words, and Clarke had never felt this with anyone else. Those expressive green eyes spoke volumes as they glanced down at their hands over the countertop, then back up to peer into her soul. In those green eyes, she saw the same support and encouragement her father once gave her. She saw genuine caring and understanding, someone that had felt her pain and grief and recognized her need for inspiration. Clarke felt like Lexa knew her better than anyone else, Raven and Octavia included, and they barely knew each other. 

It was Lexa who broke the moment, slowly pulling her hand away. She wanted to keep her hand there forever, or better yet, reach across the counter and place her hand on Clarke’s paint smudged cheek. She wanted to lean in and kiss the blonde. She wanted so much. So instead, she pulled away, denying herself what she wanted before she leaned over the counter and captured those full pink lips.

Clarke’s hand traveled back to her glass and picked it up quickly to hide the trembling of it. Her heart was racing, her skin tingling and warm. She couldn’t blame the wine for these feelings. This was all caused by Lexa. 

“I think I want to go home and get my paintings back,” Clarke said after a while to diffuse the thickness of the air. Lexa tilted her head, waiting for her to go on. “I know it’s something I want, I just don’t know if I’m ready to face my mom, and I would have to if I wanted to get them.” Clarke sighed and glanced over at her fridge to look at a picture she had stuck to it of her and her mother. “You don’t have to go alone,” Lexa said softly. Clarke’s gaze snapped back to green eyes and Lexa shrugged a shoulder, “I mean, not if you don’t want to. You don’t have to take me up on it, but if you wanted moral support, I’d be there.” 

Clarke felt her heart tug in her chest and smiled again. What had she done to deserve a friend like Lexa? 

“Thank you,” she said simply. That was all that needed to be said. 

Lexa nodded and pulled her phone out of her pocket as her stomach growled, “okay, we’re both starving now. How about I order Chinese while you go shower the rainbow off your body?”


	10. The Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya convinces Lexa to ask Clarke out to dinner, afterwards they run into someone unexpected from Clarke's past. 
> 
> Sleepover at Lexa's house - Clarke discovers Lexa's one true obsession.

It had been a little over a week since the ground breaking ceremony and Lexa found herself almost bored with the free time she had at work. There were no major projects, no deadlines to rush to meet, no endless board meetings. Just a lulled workload. She spent most of her afternoons with Anya in her office, kicked back on her couch relating tales of her last conquest. Lexa had seen Clarke throughout the week, stopping by once for dinner with her, Raven, and Octavia, and meeting her in the park a few times. But the two hadn’t spent much quality time together since ground breaking night. Anya had been pressing her for details – mostly wanting to know if she’d slept with Clarke yet. No matter how often Lexa insisted it wasn’t like that, Anya would roll her eyes. The older woman wasn’t blind to Lexa’s feelings, even if she kept them hidden most of the time. The only thing she didn’t understand was just how deep her connection to Clarke was – and that was what prevented her from making a move on the blonde. Lexa wanted her, but Lexa refused to do something that would push Clarke away, she needed the blonde in her life. 

“Have you at least asked her out?” Anya sighed, twirling a piece of her hair through her fingertips. Lexa rolled her eyes from her desk, “Anya I told you a thousand times already –“  
“Ok don’t make it seem like a date then! Just go out for dinner as friends and spend more time with just her. Test the waters, push the envelope.” Anya was full of advice on that particular day. Lexa supposed she must be bored with the lack of action she was getting. “I don’t want to scare her off Anya, if I took your advice I’d already have shoved her up against a wall and introduced her to my tongue.” 

Anya nodded, touching the tips of her fingers together and smiling evilly, “well that’s a good way to find out if she’s interested!” 

Lexa groaned, picking up a small book from her desk and launching it across the room. It barely missed Anya, which made the older woman laugh gleefully before launching it back. Lexa caught it midair with a scowl and dropped it back on her desk. “Sometimes I wonder why we’re friends,” Lexa grumbled – though she didn’t honestly mean it and Anya knew it. Despite her wild ideas and impulsive behavior outside of work, Anya had been a steady rock for most of Lexa’s adult life. “Me too, I can’t believe I’m friends with such a scaredy cat!” Anya rolled her eyes playfully before hopping to her feet and fixing her wrinkled outfit. “Seriously, Lex. Text her – ask her out even if it’s not a date. Spend time with her, alone. The more you do, the more you’ll know how she feels.”

Lexa pursed her lips and nodded slowly, contemplating the advice. It was the best Anya had given all week. When the older woman left the room, Lexa pulled her phone out of her drawer and sent a text to Clarke before she lost the nerve. 

 

...

It was well into the evening when the women left Grounders back restaurant where they’d had dinner. They were both laughing and nudging each other playfully. Lexa had innocently asked Clarke if she’d like to join her for dinner- she’d been wanting to try Grounders food since finding out about it. They’d stayed at the restaurant talking well after their plates had been cleared but once the place started filling up they politely gave up their table and decided to continue their conversation as they strolled downtown.  
It was easy, being around Clarke. Their arms were linked together as they picked their way through the sidewalks, and it felt normal. It was a mostly innocent gesture, one Lexa knew didn’t imply anything other than a level of comfort, but she felt warm and alive at all the places their arms touched nonetheless. Clarke had launched into a description of one of her favorite paintings and while Lexa didn’t know much about art, she could see the passion in her blue eyes and couldn’t help but to smile. She could listen to Clarke gush about brush strokes and technique all night if it meant she got to be close to the woman. 

“Clarke!” 

The blonde’s name being shouted from behind them caused them to unlink arms and spin around.

“Oh, shit,” Clarke sighed under her breath, a look of anxiety replacing her once relaxed features. 

Lexa looked ahead and saw a man coming towards them at an almost threatening pace. His longer brown hair was slightly disheveled from the occasional wind; his face would almost have been attractive if it wasn’t wearing a scowl. Lexa heard Clarke audibly swallow and saw her body stiffen. The brunette instinctively reached out for her arm, wanting to calm her. Whatever was happening – she was here. 

“Are you serious?” the man asked, coming to a stop a few paces away and crossing his arms over his chest. He glared at Lexa, then back at Clarke.

“Finn…” Ahhh, Lexa thought. So this was the ex. 

“Finn nothing. You ignore me for months, you block my number, you replace me with whoever she is? Really Clarke. And on top of that I have to find out Jake died through Abby and not you? I should have heard that from you!” 

Clarke flinched as if she’d been slapped by his words but she crossed her arms over her chest rather than retreating like she wanted to. “You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re that caught up in your own bullshit that you’re mad at ME for not telling you that MY dad died? And why the hell are you even talking to my mom? Finn it’s over. It has been over. You have got to let this go!” 

Lexa was tense, ready to defend Clarke if needed. She looked from the two, examining their body language. Clarke was trembling beneath her jacket, her chest rising and falling rapidly. Beneath her bewildered and angry features, Lexa knew she was scared. 

“You know Abby always loved us together, she said now that you’ve had time that I should try again. Told me Jake died and said you would probably need me.” Finn shrugged, as if it was normal to be such buddies with your exes mother. 

Clarke shook her head fiercely, “No. She doesn’t get to say that. She has NO idea what I need, she’s too cracked out and detached from reality to know. Finn, this is over. I don’t need you and I don’t want you.” 

Finn took a step closer, ignoring Clarke’s words. The blonde took a step back, trying to maintain distance. “Clarke….” Finn’s voice softened and Lexa felt her stomach revolt. He was deluded with his own fantasy world. Clarke turned her head away, trying to blink back the tears. Why couldn’t he just leave her alone? Why did he always have to come back?  
“You do need me. You don’t need to go through this alone, and I’m here…” Finn reached out to touch Clarke’s arm and Lexa stepped in front of the blonde protectively, using her own body as a shield. Finn’s hand touched her arm instead and he quickly recoiled. “She’s not alone,” Lexa spat, glaring him down threateningly. “Stay out of this!” Finn snapped, moving to push Lexa out of the way. Anger coursed through the brunette’s veins and her protective instinct took over. She caught hold of Finn’s wrist before it could touch her again and twisted it backwards, holding it at an uncomfortable angle while she stepped in closer to be level with him. She was glad she was in heels and he wasn’t very tall – their heights were matched. Her green eyes bore holes into him as Lexa shoved him backwards, “leave her alone.” Finn stumbled back a few steps then recovered. He clutched his wrist to his chest and shot Lexa a dirty look, “fuck you,” was all he spat before turning and disappearing into the night.

When Lexa could no longer see him she turned around quickly to face Clarke. The blonde was standing behind her, hands over her face as her shoulders shook. Lexa quickly closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around Clarke protectively. The blonde found solace in Lexa’s shoulder, arms weakly wrapping around her and clinging to her for safety. Lexa smoothed down her blonde hair, keeping her close, “hey, he’s gone now,” she said softly. Clarke’s shoulders shook softly as she did her best to fight back the tears of relief and sadness. Finn always knew how to get under her skin and hurt her. The mention of her father felt like a knife to the chest, but knowing her mother was still in contact with Finn hurt even worse. There was no loyalty from her mother, no respect for what Clarke wanted. 

“I’m sorry,” Clarke whispered, turning her head slightly so her words weren’t muffled in Lexa’s jacket. The brunette squeezed her arms tighter, “for what? This is on him, Clarke. I’m sorry you have to deal with such an asshole.” The blonde pulled away slowly, wiping her face on her sleeves before looking up to meet Lexa’s worried eyes. Her blue eyes glistened with unshed tears and she shook her head, “I can’t believe my mom still talks to him. That she’s taking his side…” 

“Maybe it’s time you go talk to her,” Lexa offered, giving Clarke’s shoulders a gentle squeeze before letting her arms fall back to her sides. Clarke nodded in agreement, pulling her jacket tighter around her body as if it would keep her safe. “I have to, now…” Lexa linked their arms again and urged Clarke to keep moving, she wanted to get away from where they were in case Finn came back. “I’ll go with you,” she said matter-of-factly. Clarke leaned her head against Lexa’s shoulder as they walked, “I’ll need you,” she admit quietly. Clarke didn’t know what would have happened if Lexa hadn’t been there when Finn showed up. He was bound to show up eventually, no matter where Clarke was. “Thank you,” Clarke added, looking up to Lexa’s face. Lexa glanced down and offered a small smile, “I’ll be there. I’m glad I was here. He’s a real piece of work.” Lexa could think of several other names that were more descriptive but held them in. Clarke chuckled dryly, “yeah, he’s only gotten worse. I don’t know what I’m going to do about him.”  
Lexa hummed thoughtfully as they walked, making their way back to their vehicles. “Have you thought about getting an order of protection? After this you’d certainly have grounds for it.” Clarke shook her head, “no, I honestly haven’t. I just always hope that the last time will be… well, the last time. I didn’t want to have to go to such extreme measures.” Lexa nodded in understanding and came to a stop outside of Grounders. “I really think you should, Clarke.”

The blonde nodded in agreement, “I will,” she promised. She reached into her jacket hesitantly, retrieving her keys. She felt stupid for being so scared, but the thought of going home terrified her. What if Finn was waiting for her? What if he showed up again? Lexa caught the apprehensive look in her blue eyes and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder, “do you want to stay at my place?” she asked softly. Clarke looked up at her and nodded slowly. She wanted to say something like it wasn’t necessary but thank you, or she didn’t want to intrude. But Lexa made Clarke feel safe – something that she knew she wouldn’t feel if she went home. Clarke knew Lexa offered because she meant it, not because she felt obligated. 

Lexa smiled and retrieved her own keys, “okay, I’ll follow you to my place.” 

 

...

Clarke was abnormally quiet on the elevator ride up to Lexa’s floor. She barely registered the fact that the brunette lived on the top floor of one of the most expensive complexes in Arkadia. She’d been outside Lexa’s building several times, but had never gone inside. Lexa decided not to talk, the silence between them not bothering. She could tell the blonde had a mind full of thoughts and she would speak when she was ready. 

Lexa led the way down the hall and wordlessly opened the door, allowing Clarke to step in before her. Once the door was locked behind them, Lexa leaned over and flicked on the lights. Clarke blinked several times, taking a moment to adjust to the new lighting, then stood in awe of what laid out before her. Lexa’s apartment was giant, boasting an open floor plan with hardwood floors and a wall on the opposite side of large windows. Her kitchen was big and new, marble counter tops and a small bar height dining room table. To her left was the living room, a large electric fireplace was the focal point of the room, a TV off to the side. There was an assortment of different chairs strategically placed around the room and one large sofa that looked like it might be the most comfortable thing on the planet. Lexa let the blonde take the layout in as she went to the kitchen to put on a kettle for tea – something she often did whenever she’d had a stressful day. 

“Wow…” Clarke said softly, finally taking a few more steps into the apartment. She smiled as she noticed an abundance of candles on every surface – most of them more than halfway burned down which told her they were more for Lexa’s enjoyment than they were for show. Lexa looked up from her counter and blushed slightly. She didn’t want her extravagant apartment to make Clarke think different of her – it honestly was nothing to her. The apartment didn’t have much character; she’d literally told the movers to just place furniture where they wanted and she hadn’t rearranged since. Everything was color coordinated and organized, but nothing really screamed Lexa’s personality. They were just objects. 

“Your place is amazing,” Clarke said finally as she made her way to join Lexa in the kitchen. Lexa gave her a half smile, “it’s just big. I honestly like your place better, it is much more welcoming.” Clarke chuckled, glancing around again. It was true that she had made her apartment her own – covering the walls with paintings and lining the shelves with pictures. At a second look, Lexa’s home was lacking all of that. There were no paintings on the walls, no frames on display. It could have been a showroom in a home furnishing store – rather than where someone called home. 

“You just have to add your own touch to it,” Clarke offered, climbing up onto one of the stools beside the counter while she watched Lexa grab two mugs from the cupboard. “Tea?” the brunette asked, holding up a mug. Clarke nodded, “sure- whatever you’re having.” Lexa nodded in response and wordlessly reached into the pantry to grab two teabags from a box, then dropped one in each mug and poured the boiling water over them.

“Thank you for letting me stay here,” Clarke said softly, accepting the mug from Lexa gratefully.

Lexa glanced up at her, green eyes soft and relaxed. “Of course. I would want the same thing if our places were switched,” she said simply. 

The two sat in silence for a moment, blowing on their respective mugs, waiting for the scalding liquid to become drinkable. “So, I turned the guest bedroom into a workout room,” Lexa said sheepishly, “so you can take my room, I’ll take the couch.” 

Clarke laughed and shook her head, “no, honestly. I’ll take the couch; you’re already letting me stay here – I’m not going to kick you out of your own bed.”

“You’re not kicking me out, I’m offering it up.” Lexa was so matter of fact. 

Clarke shook her head again, “no, really. I insist you sleep in your own bed, Lexa.” 

The brunette rolled her eyes at Clarke’s adamancy, “fine. It’s a king-sized bed, so how about you take half of it?” 

Clarke didn’t miss a beat despite the fact the other woman had just offered for them to a share a bed. She shrugged a shoulder and lifted her mug to her lips to conceal her smile. When the tea was still far too hot to get away with drinking it as a distraction she put the mug back down and smiled, “sleepover it is. I wish I’d brought pajamas and popcorn!”  
Lexa laughed out loud, surprised at how casual Clarke was about the scenario. “Well – I have both, so how about you pick a movie and I’ll get to work on the popcorn.”

Clarke couldn’t contain her grin and nodded excitedly. It had been years since she’d have any sort of a sleepover, it brought her back to happy childhood memories. The thought of curling up with Lexa on the couch and watching a movie almost seemed too good to be true and it filled her with a childlike giddiness she hadn’t felt in a long time. 

At Lexa’s instructions, Clarke wandered down the hall to the other woman’s room to borrow a pair of pajamas. Lexa’s room was just as impressive as the rest of the apartment – a giant king-sized bed set to an extravagant mahogany headboard filled a good portion of it. She had a walk-in closet with lines or business-looking clothes, shelves of workout clothes, and a small section of cocktail dressed. Clarke took a moment to peek around, jealous of her wardrobe. After a moment, she found the drawer Lexa had told her contained pajamas and she pulled it open. She selected a pair of black joggers and a thin long sleeved t-shirt that hung off one of her shoulders. Clarke changed quickly then slipped into the adjoining bathroom to wash her face and tie her hair back in a loose bun. 

When she returned to the kitchen the aroma of buttery popcorn filled the air, mixed with another pleasant scent. She looked around and realized Lexa had lit at least a dozen candles. Chuckling, Clarke grabbed her mug off the table and went to the couch to grab the remote. Lexa set a bowl of popcorn down on the couch and looked at Clarke curiously, not sure what she was laughing at. “The candles,” Clarke said, motioning around the room. Lexa laughed, blushing slightly, “ahh. I’m not going to lie – I have a bit of an obsession with them. If the apartment ever burns down, it was most likely my fault.” Clarke laughed even harder, reaching over and grabbing a handful of popcorn. “Good to know, I’ll be sure to let the landlord know in case he has questions.” Lexa blinked a few times and gave Clarke a serious look. “I am the landlord.”

Clarke missed her mouth, popcorn dropping down the front of her shirt as her jaw slackened. Not even a second had passed before Lexa burst into laughter, unable to keep a straight face. “No, I’m just kidding. I do not own this building, but you should have seen the look on your face!” 

The still laughing woman disappeared down the hall to change and Clarke sat there dumbfounded. Lexa had a sense of humor? She found herself shaking her head with a smile, reaching down to retrieve the popcorn from her chest. Who would have known.

When the brunette returned, she was in a similar pair of heather gray joggers and a loose t-shirt. She settled on the other side of the popcorn bowl and tucked her legs underneath her body, reaching down and grabbing a handful of popcorn. 

“So what are we watching?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading guys! I have the next chapter written, just tweaking some. Expect it soon!


	11. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke goes back home to confront Abby and collect her paintings, Lexa goes with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's coming guys.... I promise!

The following morning found the two women driving away from the city towards the small town where Clarke grew up. Lexa had insisted it was fine if she called off work and after making a quick call to Anya and stopping by Clarke’s apartment so she could change, they set off. The air between the two had changed, something between them had evolved. Lexa found herself joking more, Clarke found herself laughing more. Things were easy between them – whether they were talking or sitting in silence, nothing ever seemed forced or awkward. Lexa stole glances at Clarke as the blonde drove, trying to read her demeanor. 

She’d been nothing but smiles since the night before when they’d curled up together on the couch and watched a movie. Clarke had fallen asleep hallway through, her head dropping down to rest on Lexa’s shoulder. The brunette had moved slightly; nudging Clarke awake and motioning for the blonde to use her lap as a pillow. Through heavy eyelids, Clarke gave her a sleepy smile and laid her head against Lexa’s lap, immediately drifting back to sleep. Lexa remained motionless long after the movie had ended, content with leaning back against the couch and watching the candle flames flicker, casting dancing shadows across the room. She absentmindedly ran her fingers through the pieces of Clarke’s hair that had escaped her bun as she lost herself in thought. It was close to midnight when Lexa had felt her own eyes begin to grow heavy and she finally woke Clarke up so they could both move to the bedroom. They’d fallen asleep immediately and slept soundly through the night – not waking up until sunlight was streaming through the windows. 

Over breakfast Clarke had decided she needed to go see her mother since she didn’t have a class to teach that day. Lexa had immediately arranged her schedule, ensuring she could join the blonde. Something about Lexa’s presence allowed Clarke to be at ease despite the upcoming meeting she had been dreading.  
After making easy conversation for most of the drive, Clarke finally sighed and decided she should give Lexa a warning about what she was getting herself into. Lexa listened intently as Clarke recounted some of her story, answering so many questions Lexa had formed over the course of the friendship.

> It had started when Clarke was around 17, deciding she was going to pursue art instead of a medical career that Abby had pushed for her. Abby had been an incredible surgeon – top of her field and almost unstoppable, and she’d wanted nothing more than Clarke to have followed in her footsteps. After an accident that left Abby with next to no feeling in one of her hands, she’d had to give up her career as a surgeon. It had pushed Abby into a deep depression and she’d began drinking and given up any sort of a job in the medical field. It was all or nothing, for her. If she couldn’t be a surgeon – she wouldn’t do it. She received disability for the accident, but that on top of what Clarke’s father, Jake made, was barely enough to make ends meet – let alone continue paying for Clarke to go to art school. So, Jake took up a second job and Abby was left to her own devices even more. In Clarke’s third year of college, Abby had gone from drinking to drugs, abusing her pain medication and mixing it with alcohol.   
> Jake had filed for divorce but eventually dropped it, realizing if he left Abby would spin completely out of control. So, he’d work as much as he could to continue to support them, then come home and be miserable with the treatment Abby inflicted on him. Any time Clarke came home to visit; they would escape together to a cabin Jake often rented in the mountains. They occasionally went to Mt. Weather, spending the weekend together.   
> Abby grew increasingly manic, jealous of the bond that Clarke shared with her father. She’d overdosed once, while Clarke and Jake where camping, and Clarke had come home and found Abby’s body. They’d gotten her help in time and Clarke took a semester off from school to stay with Abby – desperate to try and fix their relationship, feeling like it was her fault Abby had overdosed because they no longer had anything in common now that Clarke chose a path other than medicine.  
> That was the same time that Clarke had met Finn – he’d been a constant in her life while she was dealing with her mother’s self-destructive behavior, and would come around often during the semester Clarke stayed at home. Abby had gone to rehab and started piecing her life back together, picking up a part time job so Jake didn’t have to work as many hours. Last year during one of their trips to the mountain, Clarke’s father had confided in her, saying he thought that there was still hope for their marriage, and that he still loved Abby and thought that they could fix their relationship and be a family again. It was something Clarke had wanted since her mother’s accident, when everything fell apart. That conversation had given her so much hope that everything would be okay, again.   
> Within a couple months of that talk, Abby had started drinking again, and Jake had discovered she was having an affair with Marcus Kane – one of his best friends. Everything in Clarke’s life crashed down around her at that point, her hopes for Abby to get better, the notion of being a family again. Jake filed for divorce, but Abby fought him every step of the way. Clarke had long since finished school and moved to Arkadia to be a teacher, desperate to escape her crumbling family. Within a few months of that, Jake had a heart attack. 

Clarke got through her story with a trembling voice, a few tears escaping as she recounted the last 8 years of her life. She kept her eyes trained on the road the entire time, desperate for something to focus on as she talked to keep her from falling apart. Lexa had remained silent the entire time she spoke, giving Clarke the chance to get her story out. It felt like a weight had been lifted, telling someone everything she’d been through in the past 8 years. Raven and Octavia knew some of it, Finn knew more – but the only other person that had really known the weight she carried on her shoulders, had been her father, because he carried the same weight. 

When Lexa was certain Clarke was finished with her story, she reached for Clarke, grabbing hold of her free hand that was resting in her lap. Lexa squeezed it tightly, unable to offer and words that would fix the situation. All she could do was be there. Clarke swallowed hard, blinking back the tears, and squeezed Lexa’s hand back. She was forever grateful that Lexa was there. She didn’t have to carry this burden alone. 

Lexa didn’t offer an apology, or an empty promise that things would be okay. She knew words like that meant nothing. Instead she offered Clarke the reassurance that she was not alone. The brunette couldn’t imagine growing up in a situation like that – she wondered what was worse, having a mother that was alive but wasn’t there, or nothing having a mother at all. Her parents had been amazing people, but they were both serious about business, and they were rarely there. But when they were there, they supported Lexa and loved her. It wasn’t until they had died and she’d lived with Titus that her life had changed completely. 

Thinking of Titus’s words, Lexa looked over at Clarke, taking in the woman before her. Despite everything – she was there, and she was strong, facing her demon head on. Lexa and Clarke were two very different beings – Lexa was stoic and composed, rarely ever showing her true emotion, especially if that emotion was love or pain. Clarke wore her heart on her sleeve and felt everything deeply. But both of them were strong in their own rights, and Lexa found a new respect for Clarke. Someone that allowed herself to feel every ounce of pain and grief, yet pressed on. 

“Your heart shows no signs of weakness,” Lexa said softly, more to herself than to Clarke. Uncle Titus had always told her emotion was weakness, but here was Clarke, and she was anything but weak. Clarke glanced at Lexa, curious of her choice of words. Lexa gave her a small smile, “I’m sorry, I’m thinking back to some of my Uncle’s teachings. What I mean is that you’re strong, Clarke. So incredibly strong for going through all of that and still having the strength to go back and face your mother. I admire you for that.”

While most people would offer condolences or apologies, Lexa was offering her admiration and respect, and somehow Clarke found that to be more comforting. She returned the smile before turning her attention back to the road, but her heart swelled. She couldn’t imagine someone stronger than Lexa, she lost both of her parents yet she was successful and brilliant and exuded the strength and confidence of ten women. The fact that Lexa admired her gave her strength in itself. She wanted to be the woman that Lexa saw, even if she didn’t feel like she was. 

 

They pulled into the driveway of a modest sized single story house and Clarke sat back in her seat, her hands still on the wheel despite the fact she’d parked the car. “You can do this, Clarke,” Lexa said, her voice serious. Blue eyes met green and Clarke saw a fire burning within the forest that made-up Lexa’s eyes. Clarke felt like she was about to go into battle, the weight of her past sitting heavy on her chest. “Together,” Clarke said softly, holding her hand out to Lexa. The brunette took it and squeezed it, “together,” she agreed. 

Clarke gave a courtesy knock before letting herself in to her childhood home with a spare key she had on her keyring. Lexa trailed behind her slightly, giving her space. She followed Clarke through the entry hall, taking in the family pictures that hung on the wall. Clarke as a child posing with a soccer ball, Clarke at Halloween dressed as an astronaut, Clarke holding up a stethoscope, wearing an oversized lab coat. 

“Mom?” Clarke called out, glancing around the corner into what Lexa assumed was the living room. The TV was on but no one was watching it. 

Lexa heard movement from further down the hall and followed Clarke into the kitchen. “Mom?” Clarke asked again as she stepped into the room. Lexa saw Clarke’s body freeze in the entry way and she decided to hold her position in the hall. “Clarke!” she heard a woman exclaim, sounding startled. She heard the sound of two chairs scraping back, then footsteps. A woman came into view, wrapping her arms around Clarke, and Lexa caught her first glimpse of Abby. Her age was apparent on her face and her brown hair was disheveled and thrown back in a ponytail, but aside from her worn appearance, Lexa imagined Abby would be quite beautiful if she tried. Lexa took note of the fact that Clarke’s arms were stiff at her side, not returning the hug her mother was giving her. 

“What is HE doing here?” Clarke’s voice sounded like venom, low and shaking as her eyes pierced whoever stood just beyond Lexa’s line of sight. Abby pulled back and sighed, “Marcus lives here now, Clarke.”

“Clarke, you should sit down,” this time the voice belonged to a man. Clarke was visibly trembling and Lexa stepped up beside her, pressing their arms together gently. “Hello Abby, I’m Lexa,” she introduced, holding out a hand, attempting to diffuse the tension. Abby looked over at her, startled, not having realized Lexa had been standing there the whole time. Abby took her outstretched hand cautiously but there was no strength to her grip. She let her hand drop away a moment later and looked back at her daughter, “it would have been nice to know you were bringing company, Clarke,” the woman chastised. 

The blonde took a deep breath, gathering self-control before she turned to Lexa with apologetic eyes that seemed to say it wasn’t going to be a very pleasant visit. Lexa met her gaze with one of understanding. “I think we should talk,” the man spoke again. Lexa looked into the kitchen to see a man in his 40’s standing there, with long unkempt dark hair and an unkempt beard dotted with gray hairs. He too, could be attractive if he had made any effort. “Yeah I think we should,” Clarke snapped back, refusing to look at the man. Clarke looked at her mother, “I do need to talk to you, but I’m also here for my paintings, so if you’ll excuse me for a moment I’m going to show Lexa where they are.”

The brunette followed Clarke to her bedroom which had been turned into more of a storage area for some of her paintings. There was a bed, miscellaneous items thrown onto it to keep them off the floor. Clarke shut the door behind Lexa and pressed her pack against the wooden frame, squeezing her eyes shut. Lexa stood in front of her and placed her hands on either side of Clarke’s shoulders. “Hey, you’re here. You can do this,” Lexa said softly. Clarke opened her eyes and nodded, “it’s just so hard to see him here. And to come here knowing my father is….”

Lexa pulled Clarke into a tight hug, not knowing what else to do. She held the blonde for several moments, letting Clarke gather her emotions. “Say what you need to say to her, Clarke. To both of them. I’ll start moving your paintings to the car and you can get me if you need me, and we can leave the second you’re ready.” 

The blonde nodded into Lexa’s embrace, affording herself another moment of comfort before she pulled away and met Lexa’s steady gaze. She didn’t seem phased by any of it, as if this was a normal gesture of friendship. Her presence meant more to Clarke than she could express. “Thank you,” Clarke whispered. Lexa peered into her blue eyes, her hand coming up to rest of Clarke’s cheek, “stay strong,” she whispered softly. For a moment Clarke wanted to lean in, Lexa’s lips were so close, her green eyes so bright Clarke wanted to lose herself in them. She leaned into Lexa’s touch for a moment, relishing the feel of it. A knock on the door sent Clarke back to reality and she pulled away and went to the door without another word. Once she had left the room Lexa set to work collecting her paintings and quietly transporting them to the backseat while Clarke spoke with her mother. 

...

It didn’t take long for Lexa to move the paintings out to the car, there were a little over a dozen of them, most of them on 8x10 canvases, only a few required single trips. Lexa took her time to admire each of them, noting how the technique evolved with each painting, she assumed these were Clarke’s earlier paintings. When she finished, she returned to Clarke’s room, unsure what to do to fill the time. She had no idea how long Clarke would talk with Abby, from the occasional sound of raised voices on the other side of the walls Lexa assumed the conversation was getting heated. 

The brunette glanced around the room, taking in little details of what was left of Clarke’s childhood. She noticed the band posters on the closet door, the assorted pictures pinned to the wall showing Clarke with a group of friends from what appeared to be high school. There were a few ribbons on the wall, at closer look Clarke realized they were awards from art competitions from school. They were all 1st place. Lexa moved around the room slowly, taking in each picture that gave her a glimpse into Clarke’s life. All the pictures showed her smiling, blue eyes shining with life – not giving any sign of the turmoil she felt inside. Lexa’s gaze came to a halt on a smaller frame, inside was a picture of Clarke and an older man, arms around each other in front of a small cabin. Lexa noted to similarities in their features and realized it must be a picture of Clarke and her father. She picked it up delicately, wiping dust off of the glass. She saw the warmth in Jake’s eyes as he hugged an arm around his daughter, saw the happiness on Clarke’s face as she leaned into the only person she could depend on. Lexa felt sadness, realizing what it was that Clarke had lost. She’d lost the only person to really know her, to understand her, to be able to share their turmoil caused by Abby. 

The sound of shouting made Lexa look up from the picture, after a moment she heard footsteps coming down the hall. Clarke appeared in the doorway, her eyes red from crying. “Let’s go,” she said softly, glancing around the room. Lexa nodded and hurried towards Clarke, her green eyes searching for an answer to what had happened. They walked quickly down the hallway, Clarke ignored the calls from Abby for her to stay, the pleads that they could work things out. Marcus called after her, shouting out accusations of how much she was hurting her mother. Clarke only walked faster, desperate to escape the calls and the blame.

When they got to the car Lexa held her hand out, “I’ll drive,” she said simply. She recognized how distraught Clarke was and figured it was the least she could do. Clarke wordlessly handed her the keyring then went to the passenger’s side and climbed in quickly. Lexa climbed in a moment after her and immediately pulled out of the driveway, wanting to put as much distance between Clarke and what was hurting her. They drove in silence for a few minutes, Clarke’s gaze trained out the window as she cried silently. Lexa gnawed on her lip, searching for what to say to the blonde. What could she say? She didn’t know what had happened in the kitchen, she didn’t know if these were tears of pain or relief. Noticing Clarke’s hands clenched in her lap, Lexa reached down and wrapped her hand around one. Clarke let out a shuddery breath as their fingers intertwined. Lexa squeezed gently, offering comfort. Clarke’s other hand wrapped around their conjoined hands, clinging to Lexa desperately. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Lexa asked softly, offering another gentle squeeze. Clarke hunched her shoulders up, wishing she could disappear. “I don’t even know where to start,” she breathed out, her voice trembling. Lexa nodded, keeping her eyes on the windshield. “Start anywhere. Just talk to me.” 

Clarke tightened her grip on Lexa’s warm hand. “She blamed me for it. Somehow no matter who is at fault, she always makes herself the victim. She used to blame everything on my dad – hell, I’m surprised she didn’t try to say it was his fault he had a heart attack!” Clarke let out a shuddery breath, as if saying the words aloud made them more real. “How did she place the blame on you?” Lexa questioned, keeping her voice soft. 

“She always takes it back to me choosing art over medicine. If I’d had been a doctor I could have provided for the family, if I’d have been a doctor I would have seen the signs, if I’d have been a doctor our family would still be together. If our family was still together, she wouldn’t have been with Marcus and dad wouldn’t have had to work so much and she would have gone back to rehab. Somehow me not being a doctor has caused the world to go to shit,” Clarke’s voice was bitter, but Lexa could sense the hurt beneath her tone. A voice in her head was screaming for Lexa to turn the car around and go speak to Abby herself – shake her, wake her up. How could she not see how incredible her daughter was and how badly she was hurting? How did she have the audacity to blame her for everything that went wrong? 

“You know none of that’s true – right?” Lexa looked over at Clarke, her eyes serious. She didn’t want the blonde to believe any of it, even for a second.

When Clarke didn’t answer Lexa immediately pulled off to the shoulder of the road, thankful that they hadn’t yet hit the highway. She threw the car in park and turned to face Clarke, who was looking at her with wide eyes. Lexa took both of Clarke’s hands into her own and stared into blue eyes that were misting over with tears. “Clarke she can say whatever she wants, but none of that is true. Do not let her words make you believe otherwise. You’re not responsible for your parents lives or their happiness, you aren’t responsible for providing for them, and the glue that holds your family together cannot be made up entirely of you. She made her choices and everyone suffered for them. She needs help, and she needs someone to blame. But do not let her get to you.”

Clarke saw the desperation in Lexa’s eyes, the determination to protect her from her mother’s words. Her vision blurred, Lexa’s face going in and out of focus as she felt her world crumbling down around her. She’d been needing someone to say that to her for so long. To tell her that it wasn’t her fault. That she didn’t have to bear this weight. Even as a child, she tried to fix everyone’s problems. Tried to make everyone happy. But one person cannot bear that responsibility alone. Her father used to tell her to pursue what made her happy, to stop living for her mother – that’s why she chose art. 

Lexa saw the first tear fall as Clarke’s shoulders sagged in defeat. Without hesitating she flipped the middle console up, removing the barrier between them, and pulled Clarke into her arms. It didn’t matter that they were parked on the side of the road, it didn’t matter that Lexa had never been good at consolation and normally ran from emotional scenarios. All that mattered was that Clarke was hurting and Lexa was desperate to do anything she could to take that pain away. Her arms enveloped Clarke, tucking blonde hair beneath her chin as she held tight. She felt Clarke’s body shake with sobs that were muffled in Lexa’s jacket. Clarke’s hands clung to the front of that jacket, holding on to Lexa weakly as she cried. 

They sat that way for a long while, Lexa alternating between smoothing down Clarke’s hair and tracing small patterns into her back, waiting until she could gather herself. If it had been anyone else, Lexa would have already released them. She didn’t know how to deal with emotions, even then few times she’d seen Anya cry, she hadn’t known how to react. But it was different with Clarke, it was a natural instinct to pull her close and hold her tightly, protect her from the world. Lexa wasn’t frightened away or uncomfortable – she was protective and comforting. She was different, with Clarke. 

When the last of Clarke’s tears fell and her soft sobs turned to occasional sniffles, the blonde slowly pulled away. She reached into the glove box, retrieving a stack of napkins and dried her face quickly. She was hesitant to meet Lexa’s eyes, feeling somewhat embarrassed to have just spent the past 10 minutes sobbing uncontrollably in her arms. Lexa did not sign up for this kind of friendship. She felt a cool hand on her cheek and Lexa gently tilted her face up so they could look at each other. Blue eyes met green and say nothing but love and compassion – a look so fierce it made her heart quicken. No one had ever looked at her the way Lexa was looking at her right now. “It is not your fault,” Lexa said in a low voice, emphasizing every word as her eyes pierced Clarke’s soul. She was so sure of her words, so serious. Clarke took a deep breath in and nodded slowly, for the first time in her life she let herself believe those words. It felt like a weight had been lifted. 

Lexa searched Clarke’s eyes for a moment more, then once she was sure the blonde had taken her words to heart she slowly dropped her hand from Clarke’s flushed cheek. “Thank you…for being here,” Clarke said softly before clearing her throat. Lexa put the car back into drive and pulled back onto the road, “I’ll always be here,” she said softly, her fierce loyalty surfacing. And she meant it. If Clarke wanted her. if Clarke needed her – then that’s where she would be.


	12. Thanksgiving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An extra long chapter thanks to the Holiday.
> 
> Lexa and Anya go to Lincoln's house for "Friendsgiving." Lexa and Clarke spend minutes together alone and Clarke avoids Lexa for the rest of the night afterwards. For Thanksgiving Lexa coops herself up in her office, using work to distract her from her feelings and thoughts, Anya steps in and tries to help.

October gave way to November, bringing with it unseasonably nice weather. Instead of the usual dusting of snow or the constant frigid nights, the air remained crisp but never cold enough to allow even the slightest of frost. Lexa had given up her morning walks in the park in favor of morning coffees with Clarke before she went to work, and Clarke had gladly given up her moments of solitude on her bench to spend time in Lexa’s company. She hadn’t heard from her mother since that visit, and neither woman mentioned it again. Despite the pain the conversation had inflicted, Clarke felt lighter and like she was finally able to move on. It was as if she had permission to get on with her life and fit the pieces back together, and one of those pieces was Lexa.

                Clarke was painting more; Lexa was working less. They balanced each other out perfectly. The only thing missing was what both women wanted – each other. They’d been stuck in a dance around their emotions, never giving in to the urges to lean over and kiss the other goodbye after their morning coffee, or to push the other into the wall and explore their body after one too many drinks while out with the girls. Everyone around them could see it, sensing the sexual tension, watching the way Lexa’s green eyes lingered on Clarke’s lips for a moment too long while she spoke, the way Clarke stared after Lexa if the woman left her side. Yet neither of them would cross that line from friendship to something more.

                The weeks slipped by and November was coming to an end faster than anyone could handle. The day before Thanksgiving Octavia announced she was holding ‘Friendsgiving” at Lincoln’s house and insisted that everyone come. She wanted a full-on party. Despite never having spent much time celebrating holidays, Lexa couldn’t help but feel excitement at being part of the group. She wasn’t used to having so many friends, and while she wasn’t necessarily close with Raven or Octavia, she enjoyed their company and Clarke’s friends had welcome her into the fold without question. Lexa brought Anya into the friendship and the older woman had fit in seamlessly. Everything felt right.

               

…

                Lexa spent a moment more coating her already dark lashes with mascara before pulling away from the mirror and eyeing her work.

                “Is this my dress?” she heard an indignant cry from her bedroom and leaned around the doorframe to see Anya standing, half-dressed, holding up a hanger with a black dress. Lexa frowned and shrugged, “probably, I think you let me borrow it for the first staff party we ever had.” She straightened back up, resuming her mirror scrutiny in the bathroom.

                “You mean the one when you first started working for me _THREE_ years ago?” Anya cried. She could be a little dramatic when it came to clothing.

                Lexa chuckled from the bathroom, “yes, that one.”

                “And you still have it? Better yet, you moved here with it and never returned it?” Anya couldn’t hide her amusement at the fact Lexa had kept the dress all these years and even moved several states with it. “Hey you can have your dress back,” Lexa joked as she began styling her hair. “Good. If it still fits, I’m wearing it tonight, I can’t find anything else in your closet to wear.”

                Moments later Anya appeared in the doorway, “it fits!” she exclaimed, striking a pose for Lexa’s admiration. Lexa turned and looked at her, laughing, “like a glove.”

                “Damn. Trying to impress someone tonight?” Anya changed the focus to Lexa, taking in the brunette’s appearance. Her hair was straightened and hanging perfectly down her back, her lips were tinted with a dark red color that matched her dress, which hugged her body and accentuated her long legs. Lexa rolled her eyes, flapping her hand in a shooing motion, “shut up.”

                “I can’t believe you two still haven’t done anything,” Anya complained, not retreating from the doorway.

                “I can’t believe you still care so much about it,” Lexa retorted. “Everyone knows you like each other, I just don’t see why you two are still denying it.”

                Lexa narrowed her eyes at Anya, “we’re just friends.”

                “I’m aware. When are you going to be more?” Anya wasn’t giving up. Not tonight.

                Sighing, Lexa put her make up away and turned to face Anya completely. “I don’t know,” she admitted quietly, “I like her, Anya. I just don’t want to screw things up,” she added. Anya leaned against the door frame, crossing her arms over her chest and raising an eyebrow, “when has that ever stopped you from trying with anyone else?”

                “Because she means more than anyone else,” Lexa replied before she caught herself. Both of Anya’s eyebrows shot up and she let out a low whistle, “you’ve got it bad, Lex,” she shook her head and walked out of the bathroom without another word. Lexa huffed at the fact Anya had made her slip up and turned back to the mirror, staring at herself. Clarke really did mean more than anyone else, she wasn’t someone Lexa wanted to play around with, and she definitely wasn’t someone Lexa wanted to lose. She didn’t have the best track record with relationships – she didn’t want Clarke to be added to the list of things Lexa had failed at and lost. It was easier to keep friendships separated and maintained than it was to open herself up in a relationship and be vulnerable.

…

 

                Lexa and Anya showed up at Lincoln’s house together, Anya holding a pie and Lexa holding two bottles of wine – she knew what the more practical contribution would be. Lincoln opened the door for them, looking dressed up in a dark button down shirt and dark jeans, he grinned at the sight and let them in quickly, “thanks for coming! And thank you for these,” Lincoln took the bottles from Lexa’s hold and nodded in approval, “I definitely underestimated the amount of alcohol we would need, Octavia’s polished off the first bottle and we haven’t even started eating yet.”

                Anya and Lexa hung their jackets in the closet before making their way to the kitchen, appreciating the aromas wafting through the house as they made their way through it. “Lexa!” Clarke cried, sliding off her stool and running to the brunette the moment she appeared in the kitchen. Lexa smiled at the sight of the blonde, cheeks flushed from the wine, blue eyes shining bright. Clarke leaned into her, slipping an arm around Lexa’s body in a one-armed hug as she took a sip of her wine with her free hand. Lexa forced herself to look anywhere but Clarke’s exposed cleavage, her black dress dipping low enough to see down her dress when she leaned in to Lexa. Anya noticed Lexa’s blush as she hugged the, clearly tipsy, woman back. Anya shot Lexa a meaningful look and Lexa rolled her eyes. She could already tell Anya was going to be relentless the rest of the night.

                Everyone exchanged greetings as two more wine glasses were filled, then the moment Raven arrived Octavia declared “friendsgiving” was underway and ushered everyone to the dining room to begin eating. Lexa had been one of the last ones in the dining room, helping Octavia bring out the rest of the food, and much to her disappointment chairs on either side of Clarke were already occupied. She slipped into a seat directly opposite the table from the blonde and glanced at Anya, who was eyeballing her. Anya wiggled her eyebrows before taking a drink of her wine and Lexa pointedly looked away. It was going to be a difficult dinner to get through without staring at Clarke’s chest.

               

                The food was delicious; the wine was hitting just right – everything about the evening felt good. The group of them laughed, ate, and drank their way into the night and Lexa had to stop and remind herself that this was real. That this was her life, and these were her friends. She’d never had this before and the foreign feeling of warmth and kinship coursing through her body made it impossible not to smile. She glanced up from her wine glass and saw blue eyes staring at her. Lexa tuned out of the story Raven was telling and fell into the blue eyes across from her. Lexa noticed the small part of Clarke’s lips, the soft rise and fall of her chest with each breath, the way her lashes cast small shadows when she lowered them. Suddenly every detail that was Clarke Griffin was standing out to Lexa – the small beauty mark above her lip, the waves of blonde hair cascading down her shoulders, the way she sometimes bit the tip of her tongue when she gave a sheepish smile. Lexa couldn’t stop staring and despite her trance, she noticed that Clarke was staring right back. The world around them seemed a million miles away.

                The only thought going through Clarke’s mind was how full and soft Lexa’s lips looked and how badly she wanted to kiss them. Her dark hair was shining in the dim light, her green eyes dramatic and standing out with the dark liner on her top lid and mascara. Lexa’s tanned skin seemed to be glowing and the thought of running her hands over it filled Clarke’s mind. _It must be so soft_ Clarke found herself thinking. Clarke could feel her skin buzzing, a bubbling warmth filling her chest. She knew it was probably the wine, but every time she looked at Lexa the feeling intensified. Maybe it was Lexa. Her thoughts ran together; her desire ran strong.

                “Cla-a-a-a-rke!” the sound of Raven trying to get her attention snapped Clarke away from her thoughts and she looked across the table to Raven. She realized that everyone was staring at either her or Lexa and a fierce blush lit her cheeks. “Sorry, I was zoning out. This wine is amazing,” she tried to change the subject, not that she even knew what the subject had been, and took a drink from her glass. “Sure, blame the wine,” Octavia chuckled beneath her breath, but just loud enough that both Clarke and Lincoln could hear. Lincoln failed at hiding his laugh and everyone looked at him. He waved a hand, “sorry, I’m sorry, Raven finish your story.” Raven rolled her eyes, “well I would but Clarke is over there spacing out and I don’t remember what that dudes name was- but Clarke was there.” Clarke looked at her blankly and Raven realized she hadn’t been paying attention to the story at all, “anyway, his name’s not that important. So we were at the store and….”

 

                Lexa could almost feel Anya’s eyes burning holes in the side of her head, she knew she’d been caught basically making heart eyes at Clarke across the table, and she did not want to turn and see the smug look on Anya’s face. When Lexa made it a point to look anywhere but Anya’s direction, the older woman excused herself, “I’ll grab the pie! Lex come help me!” she’d said as she walked behind Lexa’s chair. Lexa bit back a groan, knowing she had no choice but to follow.

                “Will you _PLEASE_ make a move?!” Anya hissed the moment Lexa was in the kitchen behind her. Lexa shot her a look and Anya held up a hand, “no, seriously Lex, you guys sat there gazing, not even looking, but GAZING into each other’s eyes for like 10 minutes. You both like each other, literally everyone knows, just stop over thinking it and do something.”

                Lexa ran a hand through her hair, looking away. “What if she’s just drunk? I don’t want to make a move on her if it’s just the wine.”

                Anya rolled her eyes, “it is not just the wine. Maybe the wine will help give you both the courage to actually do something,” Anya stepped closer, her voice getting a little lower, “look, I heard Raven talking to Clarke in the hallway earlier before we started eating. I didn’t hear all of it, but it sounded like Raven was trying to encourage her to say something to you, and Clarke was saying the exact same thing you always do. She doesn’t want to mess it up.”

                Lexa’s eyes narrowed, scrutinizing Anya’s face. She wasn’t sure if the older woman was being honest or making it up just to get Lexa to do something, “maybe it wasn’t about me.” Anya gave Lexa a small smile, “well I’ve known you for a while and I’m pretty sure your name is Lexa.” Lexa sighed and threw up her hands in defeat, “fine! Just stop pressuring me. And I swear if she freaks out, I am blaming you for messing this up.”

                Anya grinned and shimmied her shoulders, making an excited, “OoooOoooOooo!” that made Lexa laugh. “You’re ridiculous,” the brunette sighed before grabbing a handful of silverware from the counter, “now grab your damn pie.”

…

                After the table had been cleared, everyone retreated to the living room with freshly filled wine glasses to continue their conversations. Lincoln lit the fireplace and Raven put some much-protested Christmas music on in the background, grinning gleefully at the fact she controlled the speakers. Lexa helped Octavia do the dishes, then suggested she join Lincoln in the other room while she finished up. “You cooked, I can clean,” Lexa insisted when Octavia tried to argue. With a grateful smile Octavia left the room and climbed into Lincoln’s lap.

                Anya had followed Lexa’s demand to leave her alone the rest of the night and hadn’t said another word about Clarke. But Lexa’s mind was swirling with thoughts of pink lips and blue eyes and running her fingers through blonde hair. Hearing someone walk into the kitchen, Lexa looked up from the dishes to see Clarke leaning against the counter. “Did O put you to work?” she laughed. Lexa smiled up at her before returning to her dish, “No, I offered, she did an amazing job with dinner, I figured I could help her out.”

                “Well that’s nice of you. You know Lincoln has a dishwasher -right?”

                Lexa looked down at the appliance beside the sink and chuckled, “Well I do now. It’s okay, I need to keep my hands busy.”

                Clarke didn’t ask why, just hummed softly. “Well… I was going to step out for some fresh air, if you wanted to join me.”

                Lexa bit the inside of her cheek, feeling her heart leap in her chest. This would be their first time being alone the entire night. Wordlessly Lexa nodded and finished up the last of the dishes before drying her hands off and following Clarke through the house to the back porch. She glanced around, remembering the first time she’d sat out there with Clarke.

                The crisp air felt good on Lexa’s heated skin and she was glad that the weather hadn’t caught on to the fact that it was almost the end of the year. “Tonight has been amazing,” the blonde commented lightly, looking up at the sky. Lexa smiled in agreement, “I’ve never had anything like this, it’s been really nice to spend the holiday with friends.” Clarke looked over at Lexa, a soft smile on her lip. They glanced at each other for a moment, Clarke opening and closing her mouth as if she was about to speak, then changed her mind. After a moment, she turned to face Lexa, “are you drunk?” she asked, surprising Lexa with the random question. “No,” the brunette replied honestly, “are you?”  Clarke shook her head, “no, probably a little tipsy. But most of it has worn off…”

                Lexa tilted her head, trying to figure out the reason for the question. Clarke looked up and met her eyes, determination on her features. “Lexa…” Lexa shivered at the hushed sound of her name on Clarke’s lips, she didn’t answer as she watched the blonde take a cautious step towards her, closing the gap between them. Lexa’s green eyes studied her, lingering on her lips, then back up to her eyes. The brunette could feel her heart hammering in her chest at the closeness of Clarke. The way she was looking at Lexa made heat course through her veins. Her blue eyes were filled with so much wanting. This was it – now was as good as time for any for Lexa to stop being a coward and let herself act on what she’d been feeling for the blonde since they’d met.

                Clarke’s mind seemed to be on the same path as they both moved in simultaneously. Lexa’s right hand reached up to cup the side of Clarke’s face gently as Clarke’s hands wrapped around her neck. Eyes fluttered closed as their lips met cautiously. Lexa could feel Clarke trembling and reached around her body with her free hand, pulling the blonde in close. Lexa deepened the kiss, her lips firmly against Clarke’s soft ones as their bodies pressed together. She felt heat pooling in her stomach, her fingers clutching at Clarke’s back tightly, desperate to hold on to her. She felt Clarke’s hands tangle in her hair and pull her in with desperate force. Clarke’s lips parted, the warm moisture from her tongue eliciting a moan from Lexa as she felt Clarke’s tongue briefly skim over her lower lip.

                Lexa captured Clarke’s bottom lip with her mouth, sucking softly at it before pulling away breathlessly. They were both panting for air as they pulled apart slightly and met each other’s eyes. Lexa’s pupils were dilated, lust filling them as she gazed at Clarke hungrily. Clarke’s blue eyes were wide, her mind reeling from the moment that had just passed. Blue eyes flicked down to Lexa’s lips again, noticing the slight swell of them, then leaned in once more and kissed Lexa desperately. They clung to each other, lips moving and sucking softly, pausing for air before crashing back together again.

                The sound of Octavia yelling for Clarke made the pair jump apart immediately. They put distance between themselves, discretely trying to catch their breath as Octavia appeared at the porch door, “there you two are! Lincoln is popping some champagne he’s been saving- come in!” Blue eyes flicked to green in desperation, there was no way to get out of it without immediately drawing suspicion. They both knew their friends would be ecstatic, but neither woman was eager to have what had just occurred be out in the open.

                “Sounds great!” Clarke mustered a smile, forcing enthusiasm as she walked towards the steps. Lexa felt the sudden urge to either strangle Octavia or just disappear completely. They’d finally crossed that line that had been daunting them for so long only to be interrupted. Lexa knew they couldn’t have gone too much farther, after all – everyone was still in the house. But being interrupted kept them from being able to speak about it.

                Clarke spent the rest of the evening doing her best to avoid eye contact with Lexa. She was certain if she looked at the brunette she’d launch herself back into strong arms and kiss her in front of everyone, and Clarke wasn’t ready for that yet. She didn’t know where they would go from there – it was just a kiss. It meant everything to her, but she had no idea what it meant to Lexa, and she was almost afraid to ask. When Anya began falling asleep on the couch Lexa announced they were leaving, not being able to stay in the house any longer with Clarke avoiding her. She was beginning to feel like the kiss was a mistake – that Clarke wasn’t ready or that she regretted it. She forced Anya to her feet and thanked Octavia and Lincoln for the dinner. Clarke gave her a small smile from across the room then looked away quickly. With a sigh, Lexa wrapped her arm around her highly intoxicated friend and helped her out to the car, pushing Clarke from her mind for the time being. There was nothing more she could do.

 

…

 

                Lexa sat in her office on Thanksgiving Day, fingers rubbing her temples from the slight hangover she was experiencing. She stared down at her desk, trying to focus on the budget she was reviewing for the new school. The entire building was eerily silent due to the holiday and Lexa was taking full advantage of it. She couldn’t sit at home anymore and think about Clarke so she turned to work instead, filling her mind with the crunching of numbers and brainstorming ideas. Her phone buzzed against the wooden desktop and Lexa ignored it, flipping to the next page of the spending report. It buzzed again. With a sigh, she reached over to look who it was.

 

_-I feel like death_

It was Anya, who had apparently just woken up from the night before. Upon getting back to Lexa’s apartment, Anya had stumbled over to the couch and collapsed on it, falling asleep immediately without bothering to change out of her dress. When Lexa had woken up that morning Anya was still passed out so she’d left a bottle of water and ibuprofen next to the couch and slipped out of the apartment silently.

_-You probably look like it, too_

Lexa typed back quickly. Her phone buzzed again a moment later and she opened the message to see a picture of Anya, her brown hair disheveled around her face, makeup smeared, with a pained expression on her face. Lexa laughed out loud at the sight.

_-Where are you?_   
_-Work_   
_-It’s thanksgiving_   
_-I’m aware_   
_-What’s so pressing you have to work on Thanksgiving?_   
_-Nothing, I just wanted to keep busy_   
_-Uh oh. What did I miss._   
_-Nothing_   
_-Meet me for coffee_   
_-Anya I’m working_   
_-I’m meeting you for coffee, be there soon._

         Lexa dropped her phone back on her desk, knowing there was no point in arguing. Anya knew her well enough that the fact she was at work on the holiday meant something was on her mind and she was trying not to think of it. Considering Lexa had been fine the day before; it was no leap for Anya to assume something had happened at the party that she hadn’t been aware of. Lexa skimmed through the page she had been reading before Anya’s texts and tried to find what she’d last been looking at.

 

       Forty minutes later her office door opened and in walked Anya holding a drink carrier with two coffees and a brown paper bag. “Happy Thanksgiving!” she chirped, pulling one of the coffees out of the carrier and handing it to Lexa. Lexa smiled gratefully and leaned back in her chair, sliding her papers off to the side. She wouldn’t be able to get work done with Anya around. The older woman reached into the bag and pulled out a bagel, handing it wordlessly to Lexa before reaching in and retrieving her own. “Thanks,” Lexa sighed, accepting the food. She hadn’t bothered to grab breakfast before leaving her apartment, not wanting to make noise and wake Anya.

                “So what’s going on?” Anya asked before taking a massive bite from her bagel.

       Lexa pursed her lips, not sure if she wanted to spill the beans on what had happened the night before. “Did it go bad with Clarke?” she pressed. Lexa shrugged a shoulder, honestly not knowing the answer. The kiss had been amazing – but then afterwards the silence and avoidance had left a pit of despair in Lexa’s stomach. She didn’t know where she stood with Clarke, or what the repercussions of the kiss would be. “Lex, you gotta give me something,” Anya said pointedly, staring across the desk at her friend.

                “We kissed.” Lexa said finally.

                Anya’s arms shot up in excitement, “Fucking finally!” she cheered. When Lexa didn’t even crack a smile, Anya’s arms dropped back to her lap, “why aren’t you happy about that? What happened?”

                “It’s not that I’m not happy. We heard Octavia coming so we stopped and then went back inside and the rest of the night she avoided looking at me and we haven’t talked since.”

                Anya’s brows furrowed in thought for a moment, “maybe she’s just embarrassed? Have you texted her?”

                “No.”

                Rolling her eyes, Anya took another bite of her bagel while she gave herself a moment to think of advice. “Are you going to text her?” she asked after she’d swallowed. Lexa took a drink of her coffee and shrugged again, “I suppose. I just… I don’t know if maybe it was a heat of the moment thing and she regrets it now? I don’t want to pressure her by texting her if she really doesn’t want to talk to me.”

                Anya saw the brief flash of rejection in Lexa’s eyes as her friend looked away. She could tell Lexa was thinking the one thing she was afraid of happening – had happened. She’d made a move on Clarke and now the blonde was going to run away. Lexa always tried to protect herself from getting hurt again, and now that she was letting Clarke in she was especially vulnerable to the rejection. Anya hummed, forming a plan in her mind. She wasn’t going to sit there and let her friend self-sabotage and be hurt. She also wasn’t going to let Lexa spend Thanksgiving in the office. “Maybe she just needs time,” Anya offered. Lexa gave her a sad smile, “yeah, maybe.”

 

…

 

After texting Octavia, asking for Clarke’s address, Anya pulled up to the teacher’s apartment and made her way up. Clarke answered the door after a few knocks, looking a little worse for wear. Anya sympathized, knowing she’d probably looked 10 times worse than that upon waking up. Clarke took a moment to register it was Anya standing in her doorway before greeting her with a confused look on her face, “Anya – hi. Happy Thanksgiving.”

                Anya returned the greeting and stepping into the apartment as Clarke opened the door the rest of the way and let her in. “Sorry for just showing up, I asked Octavia where you lived,” Anya explained, wanting to get straight to the point. “Is everything okay?” concern flashed through blue eyes. Anya arched one perfectly plucked eyebrow, “I don’t know, is it?” she challenged. Realization that this was a protective friend conversation, Clarke let out a small “ahh,” as her shoulders sagged. Anya was here about Lexa. She knew Lexa wouldn’t have gone to Anya about last night, so Anya must have just been nosey and pried until she’d gotten the information out.

                “I think I messed things up,” Clarke confessed, dropping down on one of the stools that sat beside her counter. “Why do you think that?” Anya asked, relaxing her demeanor slightly at the sight of Clarke looking so defeated. “Because I didn’t know what to do afterwards. I don’t know how to do this stuff, especially not with someone like Lexa. She’s so sure of herself. I avoided her last night just because I didn’t know what to do and I think it kind of pissed her off.”

                Anya chuckled softly, the words coming out of the blonde’s mouth sounding amusingly familiar. “Well, she’s not pissed off,” Anya offered with a smile. Clarke met her amused look, “did I mess things up?” she asked. Anya shrugged, “that’s up to you. I came over here ready to tell you not to hurt my friend but I realized you’re not trying to. Lexa’s a lot more sensitive than she comes off. She really cares about you Clarke and she is so scared that kissing you last night ruined everything. She thinks you regret it.” She knew Lexa was going to murder her for sharing that information, but she also knew Lexa was to proud and stubborn to admit it herself. Someone had to let Clarke in on the complicated workings of Lexa’s mind.

                “Regret it? I don’t regret it at all! The only thing I regret is Octavia interrupting,” Clarke said quickly, surprised at the thought she might regret kissing Lexa. She’d been wanting to kiss her forever. Anya smile and shrugged a shoulder non-chalantly, “well then you better let her know that.” Anya made her way to the door, knowing her work was done. “Anya!” Clarke called out, jumping off her stool. The older woman paused, hand on the door. “Thank you,” the blonde said softly. Anya smiled and gave her a wink, “don’t mention it” she opened the door then stopped and turned back around, “but no, seriously, don’t mention it. Lexa would kill me.” Clarke chucked and nodded, “my lips are sealed.”

 

…

 

_-Happy Thanksgiving_

Lexa stared at her phone, reading the message over and over that had just come in from Clarke. Just two words were enough to send her heart into a frenzied panic. She had done a good job of pushing thoughts of Clarke away the entire morning and now she was staring at her phone, trying to decipher the message. Did this mean they were ok? Was she just being polite? Did she want to talk or was this just a conversation to pretend like the night before never happened? A dozen thoughts swirled through her mind before she typed back an innocent

_-Happy Thanksgiving to you, too._

Clarke bit her lip at Lexa’s response. It didn’t give her much to go off of, and she couldn’t tell Lexa’s mood from the text. She wanted to talk to Lexa in person, but didn’t want to use the phrase “can we talk?” Anytime someone said that to her she always felt her stomach drop. It was such a disheartening way to start a conversation, and she didn’t want to do that to Lexa. Instead she opted for asking Lexa if she had any plans for the Holiday.

_-No plan, just finishing up work stuff_

Lexa was trying not to be so short with her replies, but she didn’t know what else to say. She was relieved Clarke had texted her but a part of her was worried Clarke was going to pretend like the kiss never happened. If that’s what the blonde wanted, Lexa would go along with it, but she couldn’t pretend it didn’t hurt. She’d wanted that kiss more than anything.

_-Let’s do something tonight? I don’t have plans but spending Thanksgiving alone feels a little depressing._

The brunette couldn’t suppress her small smile at Clarke’s text. It was a start – at least. She knew Clarke could probably make plans with her other friends, but she was reaching out to Lexa. After pondering her response for a moment Lexa finally typed it out before setting her phone down and setting to work clearing her desk. There was no way she was going to be able to focus on work again now that Clarke had texted.

 

…

 

                Lexa stood in front of Clarke’s apartment door, gathering the courage to knock. Clarke had invited her over for dinner and she’d spent the entire day stressing over it, unsure of how to feel or act around the blonde. Where did their friendship stand after the kiss? After a moment Lexa finally brought her fist up and rapped on the door twice before dropping her hand back down. She took a deep breath as she heard the deadbolt slide open, then pressed a smile onto her face when the doorknob began to turn.

                Clarke was dressed casually, her blonde hair left to its own devices as it cascaded over her shoulders. Lexa stepped into the apartment, “happy thanksgiving,” she greeted lightly, still unsure what to do. Clarke shut the door and turned to look at Lexa, the brunette’s face was full of apprehension she was trying to suppress. One look into her green eyes told Clarke she was scared; her face was full of emotion Clarke had never seen before and it made her heart ache knowing she was the cause of it. Clarke didn’t bother to reply with the formalities, she closed the space between them and threw her arms around Lexa, hugging her tightly. Lexa stiffened in surprise momentarily before wrapping her arms around the other woman and letting out a shuddery breath of relief. She relaxed into Clarke’s hold, inhaling the subtle scent of lavender in her blonde hair.

                When they reluctantly pulled apart Lexa opened her mouth, trying to find the words to say. Clarke shook her head, “Lexa I’m sorry. I’m awful at this kind of stuff and I don’t want you to feel like I’m avoiding you or that I’m regretting last night. I swear that’s not the case.” Lexa felt her heart hammering in her chest and she nodded slowly. Her eyes burned and she felt ridiculous, feeling the sudden urge to cry without knowing why. She took a deep breath in to calm herself, forcing her emotions down. “Then what is the case?” Lexa asked in a small voice.

                “I’m just… I’m not ready to be with anyone. Not yet…” she whispered softly. She hadn’t really known why she was so confused after the kiss, but she realized as she said it out loud that was the truth. She didn’t know how to be with anyone, after Finn. After her dad’s death. She was still trying to figure out who she was after everything that had happened, she didn’t want to drag Lexa through that. 

                Lexa swallowed hard, knowing that it wasn’t necessarily a rejection, but feeling like it was anyway. The brunette nodded slowly, not knowing what to say in reply. She didn’t have to speak though; her eyes were communicating every thought and emotion and Clarke was reading her like a book. Clarke reached out a took hold of her hand, keeping eye contact with her. “I feel like you know me better than anyone, Lexa. Raven and Octavia included. I just need a little time… I don’t want to mess anything up. I don’t want things to change between us.”

                Lexa looked down at their conjoined hands and willed her heartrate to steady. She understood where Clarke was coming from, what her fears were. Lexa wasn’t asking her to be in a relationship – at least not yet. She was perfectly happy with their friendship, of course she wanted more, but if she wasn’t losing Clarke then she had nothing to be upset over. She could wait. She _would_ wait. Lexa met Clarke’s worried eyes and gave her a sincere smile, “nothing has to change, Clarke.” She pulled Clarke in, initiating the hug this time as she closed her eyes and reveled in the feeling of relief that was filling her body. She would give Clarke all the time in the world – Lexa could be patient. “Are we okay, then?” Clarke whispered over Lexa’s shoulder, tightening her hug slightly. Lexa nodded and pulled away, holding Clarke at arms-length. “We’re okay,” she smiled. Relief filled the blue eyes in front of her and Clarke returned her smile in earnest, “in that case- ready to eat?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving you guys! This was going to be 2 separate chapters but I figured I'd give you guys an extra long one for the holiday (and also because I'm going on a 4 day mini vacation over the longer weekend so I won't be writing. As always - let me know what you think and please let me know if there's something you'd like to see. I need some ideas!


	13. Christmas Eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another update guys! This chapter is pretty busy and covers the span of a few days to include some planning for New Years and Christmas Eve dinner with the gang. Also there's some mistletoe action - it is the holiday's after all!

 

                To both women’s relief, their friendship did not suffer after Clarke’s admission on Thanksgiving of not being ready to pursue anything further with Lexa. Anya had inquired the next morning if they had patched things over and Lexa said they had – the older woman knew from the lack of detail Lexa provided that they’d regressed back to their standstill and decided to let them figure out their relationship or lack thereof on their own. She’d done her part so she resigned to watching the ever-frustrating sexual tension from afar. They’d figure it out eventually.

                The end of the year brought chaos for both of them – Lexa, with end of year budgets from work and a short business trip out of state for a weekend, Clarke with teaching and getting ready for winter break from the school. The mild weather finally gave way to the first snowfall of the year – with much more promised as the winter progressed.

…

                Lexa wrapped her long fingers around the ceramic mug in front of her and relished the feel of heat radiating off the object. She let it fill her hands with warmth, warding off the chill that had followed her in to Grounders. She watched steam swirl off her chai and let her thoughts carry her away, going through her mental checklist of things to do to reassure herself she could relax. The sound of Clarke’s voice filled her ears and she looked across the coffee shop, seeing the blonde leaning against the counter, chatting with the barista as she ordered her drink. Lexa couldn’t help but smile as the woman slowly began removing her scarf now that she was indoors. She watched as Clarke draped it over her arm, laughing at something the barista had said. Her cheer was infectious and Lexa felt happiness bubble inside of her at the sight of it.

                Clarke sauntered over and dropped into the seat across from Lexa, offering a warm smile of greeting before exclaiming, “it is fucking _freezing!_ ” Lexa chuckled, “well hello to you, too,” her tone was sarcastic but the smile she wore gave her away. Clarke rolled her eyes and leaned her forearms on the table, “can you believe it’s already half way through December? I feel like summer was just yesterday.” Lexa nodded in agreement, having felt the same way earlier when she’d gone through her work calendar. “This year has passed pretty quick,” the brunette agreed.

                The blonde let out a huff, “I want to do something for New Year’s.” Lexa quirked a brow, “like what? It’s only a couple weeks away.” Clarke pursed her lips in thought, drumming her fingers on the table. “Well, O wants to have everyone over for Christmas Eve dinner – if she hasn’t told you already, you and Anya are invited. But she’s planning on going away with Lincoln for New Year’s so we won’t have her planning to rely on.” Lexa nodded in response to the invite, having received a text from Anya the day prior. Apparently, her oldest friend spoke with Octavia more than she realized, and they were planning the Christmas Eve dinner together.

                “What do you usually do for New Years?” Lexa inquired before taking a swig of her chai. Clarke’s coffee order appeared and she thanked the barista for it and waited until he’d walked away before shrugging in reply. “Honestly it just depends who I’m with. I spent it with Finn once – by far the worst New Years,” Clarke made a face before continuing, “Octavia threw a really wild party one year, that was a crazy night but my liver isn’t quite in the shape it used to be, plus she won’t be here. I know Raven was talking about wanting to go snow-boarding or some craziness like that, but my luck I’d probably break my leg.”

                Lexa snorted, a mental image of Clarke dressed up in a snowsuit trying to snowboard filling her mind. “Where would she even go snowboarding at?” Lexa asked. “Mt. Weather has a lodge up at the top, actually. It’s pretty cool. I’ve been a few times, my dad used to love winter sports and we’d go up there a lot when I was younger. I only ever rid the ski-lifts and did some sledding, but he tore up the slopes,” Clarke smiled at the memory of her father, pushing back the bitter taste of nostalgia from the images. Lexa smiled in return, “didn’t you say you used to go to a cabin in Mt. Weather?” Clarke nodded, “yeah, my dad used to rent one. It’s not too far of a drive to the sky resort from it…” the blonde trailed off, the wheels spinning in her mind. Lexa let her contemplate the vague idea while she checked her phone. It was a text from Anya talking about some guy she’d met the week prior. Lexa gave a half-assed reply to her triumphant text of conquest then turned her attention back to Clarke.

                “I’m going to talk to Raven about it but I can already guess she’ll be down for the idea. The cabin is big enough for all of us...” Clarke stopped talking when she noticed Lexa’s smile and the blonde tilted her head in question. Lexa loved that Clarke automatically included her in her New Year’s plans, it wasn’t that the blonde assumed she’d have no plans of her own, which to be honest she didn’t, it was that she wanted to spend her New Years with Lexa. That meant something. Clarke suddenly caught on to what Lexa was smiling about and blushed, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to be presumptuous. I didn’t even ask if you wanted to do something!” Lexa waved a hand in dismissal to Clarke’s apology, “no, that’s really sweet of you. I’d love to do something with you guys for New Years. I probably won’t do any snowboarding like Raven, but the thought of being in a cozy little cabin up on a mountain is actually pretty nice.”

                “It’s the best. Hot chocolate, a fireplace, fuzzy socks…” Clarke gave a dreamy sigh. “Fuzzy socks?” Lexa asked, laughing. The blonde gave her a sheepish smile, “I _love_ fuzzy socks. My dad used to get me a new pair for Christmas every year when we’d go to the cabin. There’s nothing better than having a good pair of fuzzy socks to warm you up after a day of sledding.” Clarke was so matter of fact about her sock opinions Lexa couldn’t help but laugh. It was pretty cute.

 

…

                “Anya’s in as long as she can bring her boy toy,” Lexa said, reading a text from the other woman. It was a few days after Clarke and Lexa had met for coffee and the blonde had quickly set to work planning their New Year’s trip to the cabin. Raven had immediately agreed to the trip, but warned them she’d be spending most of her time doing some “serious shredding on the snow.” Anya had hit it off with her latest conquest and insisted she needed a New Year’s kiss so would only come if she could bring him along. Clarke shrugged a shoulder and jotted something down in her notebook, “yeah that’s fine, there are 3 bedrooms in the cabin so they can share one. That just means one of us will have to share a room or take the couch.” Lexa nodded and texted Anya back the approval for her plus one.  

                “Do you know if O is wanting to do a gift exchange?” Lexa asked, switching gear to the Christmas dinner that was fast approaching. Clarke nodded, only half paying attention as she tried to figure out plans for New Years. “Yeah, she’s going to set it up to be a secret Santa thing. She should be texting everyone who their person is by tomorrow so we can get gifts.” Lexa nodded, wondering which of the group she would get. She wasn’t the best with gifts since she wasn’t a very sentimental person. Most of the time her go-to gift was some form of alcohol.

                “Ok so I’ll make the reservation tonight and figure out what all we need to bring, I’ll text everyone and just split the list up evenly,” Clarke said, shutting her notebook and leaning back against her couch. They were curled up in her living room, waiting for a Christmas movie to come on TV. Clarke had invited Lexa over to watch it, saying it was a movie she watched every year during the holidays. She also insisted she had to watch it on TV, commercials and all, rather than just renting the movie. It was part of the experience. While Lexa wasn’t big on the holiday-spirit, she never turned down an opportunity to spend time with the blonde so she agreed to watch the movie as long as Clarke made pasta for dinner. It was a win-win situation.

                “It’s starting!” Clarke exclaimed suddenly, grabbing the remote and un-muting the volume. Lexa chuckled and tucked her feet under her legs, watching a child-like glee fill Clarke’s expression. The blonde grinned, hugging her knees to her chest as the opening credits rolled. She didn’t care much for Christmas, but seeing the joy on Clarke’s face made Lexa happy. How could she not enjoy it?

 

….

 

                Lexa was standing in Lincoln’s kitchen, holding a cup full of eggnog and laughing as she watched Octavia and Anya do a duet of jingle-bells, very off key. They had gotten a head start on drinking since they’d been slaving away in the kitchen all day for the Christmas eve dinner. Anya had suggested they open a bottle of wine while they cooked and from the looks of the 2 empty wine bottles on the counter, they had kept refilling their glasses until dinner was ready. Luckily Clarke had come over early and saved the ham from over-cooking and supervised the dinner process so everyone would actually have edible food.

                “What’s another Christmas song?” Octavia asked as she struggled to get the cork off a new bottle of wine. Lincoln chuckled and took the bottle from her, “don’t hurt yourself, babe,” he joked as he swiftly popped the cork off. Octavia rolled her eyes but grinned, “I don’t think that’s a Christmas song. Rae – any requests?”

                Raven poked her head into the kitchen from the dining room, “uhm, yeah, how about you both stop singing and just turn on some damn music!”

                Octavia looked wounded, which only made Lexa laugh harder at the whole exchange. She loved the effortless banter of the group and the definite cheer that was in the air. It was foreign for her to celebrate the holidays and be surrounded with friends, but it felt good and she couldn’t keep the smile off of her face. She watched as Clarke came to the rescue again, quickly connecting her phone to Lincoln’s Bluetooth speaker and turning on a Christmas music playlist before Octavia and Anya came up with any more songs.

                Anya stuck her tongue out playfully at Clarke’s effective remedy to their singing then sauntered into the dining room to go help Raven, who was setting the table. “So, who did you get for the secret Santa?” Clarke asked, coming around the counter to stand beside Lexa. The brunette shook her head, “if I told you it wouldn’t be a secret.” Clarke whined, clearly not big on surprises. “I’ve been dying to know who everyone got!” Lexa gave Clarke an amused smile, “guess you’ll find out tonight.”

                The truth was Lexa had gotten Clarke. The moment she’d gotten the text from Octavia saying she’d pulled Clarke’s name from a hat to be Lexa’s gift recipient she’d been wracking her mind for what to get the blonde. Somehow a bottle of wine just didn’t seem appropriate, she wanted to get a gift that was more personal, or at least more meaningful than alcohol. But at the same time, she hadn’t wanted to go overboard, knowing that Clarke would be opening her gift in front of all of their friends. Lexa spent hours perusing through different shops before finally settling on her gift for Clarke.

                “When are we eating?” Lincoln groaned, clutching at his stomach as it audibly growled. Octavia flicked the dish towel she was holding at him in scolding, “it’s almost ready, stop being such a baby!” Lincoln’s reflexes were too quick and he caught hold of the towel, yanking it – and Octavia – towards him quickly. She squealed in surprise as he slipped his arms around her, “I’ve been smelling your cooking all day. I can’t take it anymore!” He gazed down at her with a playful smile and Octavia giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck and standing on her tip toes to kiss him.

                “Get a ROOM,” Raven yelled from the dining room, able to hear their giggles and comments to each other. Anya poked her head around the corner and made a face, “O, you’re not even under the mistletoe we hung up. At least get under that so you have an excuse to be gross in front of everyone.” Octavia peered over Lincoln’s shoulder, her arms still around his neck, and shot Anya a devilish grin. “Don’t be jealous just because your date couldn’t come tonight!” Anya rolled her eyes but smiled all the same.

                Lexa and Clarke hadn’t moved from their spots against the counter, watching their friends joke with each other. Lexa felt the slightest twinge of envy that Octavia and Lincoln were so free with their affections. Since the moment she’d walked into the house and spotted Clarke in her bright red dress and low neckline she’d wanted to pull the other woman close and kiss her. She’d caught Clarke eyeing her when the blonde thought she wasn’t looking and it only made Lexa want her more. Despite the agreement that Clarke needed time, the air between them had only thickened with their desire for each other. For Lexa, every drop of alcohol she consumed only accentuated Clarke’s curves, the deep red of her lipstick, the slight bounce of her curls. She was filled with a happy warmth that bubbled deep within her stomach and all she wanted to do was act on it.

                At long last Lincoln pulled the ham out of the oven and set to work carving it while the rest of the dishes were brought to the dining room. The dinner, as always, was delicious, and everyone complimented Anya and Octavia on their handy work. Clarke protested that the only reason there was even food was because she’d stepped in and saved the dinner from burning, but Anya and Octavia argued that they “weren’t even that drunk.”

                When dinner was over the plates were cleared and the wine glasses were refilled before Octavia gleefully announced it was present time. Lexa felt her stomach turn, suddenly nervous about giving Clarke her gift. Everyone migrated to the living room and found a comfortable seat around the Christmas tree, which had an assortment of gifts underneath of it. “Ok, everyone find the gift with your name on it and open it – then you have to guess who gave it to you!” Octavia instructed, motioning to the stack of gifts. Everyone scrambled for the tree, their inner children coming out as they grabbed at wrapped boxes and gift bags. When everyone had found their name, they retreated to their seats and waited for Octavia’s go-ahead.

                “Merry Christmas, guys!” Octavia cheered, holding her wine glass up. Everyone clinked their glasses to hers and echoed the sentiment before ripping at their wrappings excitedly. Lexa was the only one meticulously unwrapping her rectangle shaped box, too busy watching Clarke from the corner of her eye. Raven was the first to get hers open and held up a thick book with a huge smile on her face, “oh my god!” she exclaimed, looking around the room trying to figure out who had given it to her. Her eyes narrowed at Octavia and then Clarke, “you two are the only ones that know how much I love this shit,” she said suspiciously. Clarke pressed her lips together, a telltale sign it hadn’t been her. Raven pointed to Octavia, “you!” When Octavia grinned in reply the dark-haired woman gave her a thumbs up, “great choice, O! I love it!”

                After Raven had figured out her secret Santa everyone pulled out their gifts to figure out who had gotten them. The moment Lexa pulled the lid off her box she gasped and looked up at Clarke, immediately knowing the gift was from her. Clarke was staring down at her own gift, clutching it in her hands and smiling. They met each other’s eyes across the room and shared a moment of understanding – they knew they’d gotten each other, and they both had figured out the perfect gifts that seemed innocent to anyone else but held meaning to each other.

                Clarke had gifted Lexa with one of her paintings, the one that Lexa had fallen in love with the first time she’d ever visited the blonde’s apartment. Lexa traced the swirl of one of the stars on the cosmic painting and felt warmth fill her body. Clarke had remembered how much she loved it – and despite it being one of Clarke’s favorites, she’d given it to Lexa.

                Clarke stared down at her hands, unable to stop smiling. Her secret Santa had gotten her the softest, fuzziest socks she’d ever felt in her life. She immediately knew it had been Lexa and despite the fact that the gift seemed simple and even silly, it was the best gift she could have received. She stared down at them, fingers tracing over the blue patterns on the socks. For a moment, it was almost as if she were a child again, ripping open her presents on Christmas at the cabin. Her father would be seated on the floor beside her, a mug of hot chocolate spiked with whiskey in his hands while Clarke would open all of her gifts - then he would tell her he’d saved the best for last and pulled out a small bag. Every year it was the same thing: two matching pairs of fuzzy socks – one for him and one for her. They’d walk around in the matching socks the rest of the night and joke about who had the softer pair. It was something so silly and small, but Clarke had looked forward to it every year. She had handfuls of socks in her drawers from the multiple Christmases they’d carried out the tradition – some of them had lost their pairs through the years or gotten holes, but Clarke had salvaged as many as she could.

                They met each other’s eyes and Clarke mouthed “thank you” to Lexa from across the room. Lexa smiled at her warmly and mouthed it back before looking back down at the painting, already trying to figure out where she’d hang it in her apartment.

…

                The gifts were exchanged, the wine was flowing, Christmas music was blaring from the speakers. Raven had already cracked open her book, looking over it with Lincoln. Octavia and Anya were deep in conversation discussing Octavia’s plans for the New Year and planning a double date in the near future. Clarke made her way to the kitchen to get another drink and Lexa followed her, seizing the opportunity to be alone with the other woman. Clarke must have known Lexa would follow because she’d paused the moment she entered the hallway and was out of sight from the rest of the group. She turned around and Lexa came to a halt a few feet from her friend, resisting the urge to glance down at her ample cleavage. “Thank you,” Clarke said softly, unconsciously biting at her lower lip.

                Lexa’s eyes flicked to her lips, green eyes hungry and lingering on them momentarily before looking back up into blue eyes. “Were they fuzzy enough for you?” she asked jokingly. Clarke smirked, biting back a laugh, “they are the perfect amount of fuzzy, I’m impressed in your sock buying abilities.” Lexa chucked and leaned her weight against the hallway wall. “Thank you for the painting, Clarke. I really do love it,” she said, her voice becoming more serious. Clarke met her eyes, “I’ve been wanting a reason to give it to you since you told me how much you loved it,” she admitted with a shy smile.

                The brunette found herself swallowing hard, the urge to kiss Clarke almost overwhelming. Clarke was gazing at her with such intensity, her blue eyes piercing into Lexa’s green ones, then slowly drifting down to linger on her lips for a moment before traveling back up Lexa’s face. Lexa let out a shuddery breath, feeling like the air was being sucked out of the hallway. Clarke bit down on her lower lip, glancing away for a moment. She finally looked back at Lexa and reached for her hand, she grabbed it and wordlessly pulled Lexa towards her as she took several steps backwards. Lexa followed her lead, not sure what was happening but not having the courage to ask. Clarke came to a stop in the doorway to the kitchen and pulled Lexa close, her free hand reaching up to cup the side of Lexa’s face gently. She looked up at the ceiling and Lexa followed her gaze, noticing the mistletoe dangling from the door frame. Lexa looked back down and the last she Lexa saw was the color of the sky before her eyes fluttered closed and she felt Clarke’s lips press gently against her own.

                Lexa squeezed Clarke’s hand, which was still in hers, and held their conjoined hands close to her chest as her free hand snaked around Clarke’s waist and pulled the other woman flush to her body. Their lips moved over each other’s slowly, Lexa cautious to initiate any movements. She wanted this to come from Clarke. She wanted the other woman to be ready. Clarke deepened the kiss for the slightest of moments before pulling away slowly. Her face hovered mere inches from Lexa, their soft exhales of breath mixed together. Clarke’s thumb caressed Lexa’s cheek gently as she searched the eyes in front of her, Lexa’s lips were still parted, her green eyes dilated and flicking from Clarke’s lips to her eyes. Lexa’s emotions were clearly displayed on her face, vulnerable, open. She was in awe this was happening, hesitant to let herself get too lost in the moment, terrified this would be the last time it happened. Clarke leaned forward again and pressed a chaste kiss against Lexa’s parted lips before pulling away and pressing their foreheads together. “Merry Christmas, Lexa,” she whispered softly. Lexa shivered from the feel of her breath on her lips and held her tighter, “Merry Christmas, Clarke,” she whispered back. The brunette allowed her eyes to close for a moment, inhaling Clarke’s scent and savoring their closeness as she clung to the blonde. She felt Clarke squeeze her hand tightly before they slowly disentangled from their intimate embrace. Clarke let out a shaky breath, already missing the feel of Lexa’s arm around her, as she took another step backwards. Lexa stood rooted to the same spot, unable to move and break the spell of what had just occurred. The blonde gave her a small smile before entering the kitchen and walking away, leaving Lexa swaying in disbelief.

                Clarke had kissed her – again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phewf! Why does Clarke have to walk away? 
> 
> Next update will take place at the cabin for their New years getaway. Let me know what you think! Any suggestions, feedback, thoughts. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	14. New Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa, Clarke, Anya, Raven, and Roan all celebrate New Years together. Resolutions are made. Stories are told. Serious eye-fucking occurs.

 

                Clarke’s lips were on constant replay in Lexa’s mind. The thought of them filled every thought she had from the moment she woke in the morning to the moment she laid back down in her bed. Something felt different about their kiss compared to their first one. This one was more confident – more intimate. Lexa was desperate for another one, but knew her patience was paying off. Clarke was testing the waters, making the moves, making sure she was ready. As much as Lexa wanted to make a move and sweep Clarke off her feet, she knew that her patience would be rewarded with a Clarke that was 100% ready for her, no reservations, no regrets. She just had to keep her sanity until that moment came.

                They didn’t see much of each other in the week between the dinner and New Year’s Eve, most of their interaction happened over a group text between Clarke, Lexa, Anya, and Raven. Everyone was excited to go to the cabin and the week was dragging. Clarke and Lexa would be the first ones to get there, since the reservation was under Clarke’s name anyway. Raven had a last-minute appointment to fix one of her regular customer’s cars then she’d head up. Anya and her mystery man hadn’t set a time they’d show up, just promised that they would before the champagne started flowing.

               

                The morning of the 31st came in with a bitter chill, the temperature dropping drastically though the night and causing frost to build up on all the windshields. After waking up, Lexa ate breakfast quickly and did a last check of her bags to make sure she had everything. They were only staying for 3 nights at the cabin but the number of layers she had packed consumed two overnight bags.

_On my way!_

Lexa smiled at her phone, reading the text from Clarke that signaled Clarke would be there soon. She hurried to the bathroom, pulling her long hair back in a ponytail as she walked through the bedroom. She glanced at herself in the mirror, feeling pleased with her appearance. She was dressed in thick black leggings and a long burgundy sweater that fell to the middle of her thighs. Her green eyes were lined with minimal makeup, but just enough to make them stand out.

Brief knocking at her apartment door sent Lexa hurrying back through her apartment, she opened it to reveal Clarke standing there with a huge smile. “Hey!” she chirped, nearly bouncing up and down. “Good Morning,” Lexa replied, smiling back at the blonde. Clarke followed Lexa back into the apartment and helped her carry down some of the supplies she’d bought for the cabin. Lexa followed the blonde out to the car, her overnight bags and a tote bag full of alcohol in tow. They loaded everything into Clarke’s trunk then got into the car quickly and held their hands over the heat vents. Thankfully, Clarke had kept her car running while she’d helped Lexa bring everything out – it was still pretty frigid out.

 

…

 

The drive was pleasant but slow, Clarke was cautious on the roads once they’d left the city due to the chance of black ice that had been announced on the radio that morning. The roads were rather clear and they didn’t hit any traffic as they made their way to Mt. Weather. Lexa took charge of the music, stealing Clarke’s aux cord and plugging her phone in. The women chatted about music, sharing their favorite songs with each other and recommending bands. Lexa loved searching for the songs Clarke suggested, paying attention to the words, trying to find pieces of Clarke in the lyrics as she listened. She was surprised to find they had similar tastes in music.

 After an hour of driving through the mountain’s winding turns and off roads Clarke pulled in to a small building to check in and get the cabin key. Lexa waited in the car, looking around their surroundings. It had snowed on the mountain the night before, fresh white snow blanketing the ground and making the pine trees stand out in stark contrast. Lexa examined a map Clarke had left in her seat which showed the roads to take to get to the different cabins, there were around a dozen total peppered throughout the area they were in, the main road that connected them all also led to the ski resort at the top of the mountain.

“Jesus, it’s cold up here!” Clarke exclaimed as she climbed back into the car. She dangled a key off of a small ring in the air and Lexa grinned, “let’s get to the cabin and get a fire going, then.”

Lexa couldn’t help but smile as they pulled up to the cabin, compete with wooden deck, fire pit, and log sidings. It was perfect. Clarke parked close to the door, knowing they’d have to make a couple trips to bring everything in. She shut off the engine and glanced up at the cabin, her stomach twisting inside of her with a mixture of sadness and excitement. She’d figured the sight of it might bring back memories of her father and her childhood, but seeing it in person made her chest tighten. She missed her father more than she realized.

The blonde got out of the car wordlessly, her eyes trained on the cabin door. She wanted to get inside and get it over with. She walked cautiously up the stairs that led to the deck and pulled the key out of her coat pocket with a shaking hand. She heard the soft crunch of snow behind her that told her Lexa was following, but she couldn’t turn around. She hesitated for a moment before sliding the key into the lock and turning it until she heard a click. Clarke’s breath caught in her chest as she slowly opened the door and stepped in.

The air was still and cold, no heat or fire filled the room yet. She walked into the entry way, glancing around at the interior as memories came flooding back to her. She was half expecting her father to come down the stairs and hug her – but that was never happening again. Clarke wrapped her arms around herself unconsciously, taking in the dark fireplace in the living room, the standard furniture that was in all the cabins, the decorations that hung on the wall.

 

Lexa followed behind Clarke silently, realizing the shift in the blonde’s mood as she’d approached the cabin. Lexa knew it must have something to do with her father by Clarke’s reaction to entering the cabin and suddenly the brunette wanted nothing more than to pull Clarke close and take away her pain. She knew that being there must bring back memories.

The brunette stepped up behind Clarke, placing a hand on her arm gently, “Clarke?” her voice was soft, almost hesitant.

Clarke squeezed her eyes shut at the feel of Lexa’s hand, the soft voice behind her bringing her back to reality. “I’m sorry,” Clarke choked out, “I’ll be okay, I just need a minute…” She felt Lexa’s hand slip off her arm, giving her the space Lexa assumed she was asking for. “Okay, I’ll wait in the car,” Lexa replied in understanding. Clarke shook her head, turning around and reaching out to catch Lexa’s hand, “no, stay. Please. I just mean I need a minute to process this.”

Lexa was surprised at the sudden hand on hers. She searched Clarke’s face, seeing it for the first time since getting out of the car. Her blue eyes were full of tears that she was holding back, her perfect features full of sadness. Lexa couldn’t stop herself – she closed the distance between them, pulling Clarke into a tight hug. The blonde had no objections and sunk into Lexa’s hold, burying her face in the other woman’s shoulder and letting out a shuddery breath. She wasn’t going to fall apart. Not again. She was there to enjoy herself, to have a good weekend with her friends, to celebrate the New Year. She couldn’t let the death of her father stop her from living, it was something that she’d finally come to peace with. She couldn’t die because he did. She would grieve him and miss him, she’d honor his memory and think about him, but she couldn’t always be sad. Not when she had so much to still be happy for. Not when Lexa’s arms were around her, holding her tightly.

Neither of them said anything for several minutes, Lexa held Clarke, wordlessly smoothing down the blonde hair and listening to the soft exhales of her friend. The sound of Clarke’s even breaths told Lexa she wasn’t crying, just accepting the comfort that Lexa’s embrace offered. When the blonde finally pulled away she looked around the cabin again, her blue eyes shining. “You know,” Clarke began after clearing her throat, “I even booked a cabin that I knew we’d never stayed in before. I guess I just didn’t realize that they all look the same on the inside,” she let out a dry laugh. Lexa offered a small smile of understand, admiring how well Clarke was holding herself together. “What can I do?” the brunette asked softly. Clarke met her gaze and gave her the tiniest of smiles, “just be here. I promise I won’t be like this all weekend, I just didn’t realize how much seeing this would affect me.”

“It’s okay, Clarke. It’s normal for something like this to hurt… this place, even if not this exact cabin, means something to you. I think you’re brave to come here even though you knew it might hurt.”

Clarke met Lexa’s green eyes and found nothing but understand in them. The blonde nodded slowly, “I just don’t want not having him to keep me from enjoying things we used to do. I feel like even though he’s gone, being here, keeping this tradition alive… it keeps his memory alive, you know?”

Lexa smiled, “his memory is very much alive, Clarke.”

                Neither of them said anything for a moment, just taking in the silence of the cabin and the mountain around them. “Why don’t you take a few minutes to walk around and check things out?” Lexa offered, “I’ll start bringing stuff in.” Clarke gave her a grateful smile and nodded before watching as Lexa slipped back outside to start unloading the car. What had she done to deserve a friend like that? She knew if it had been Raven or Octavia to arrive with her first they wouldn’t know what to do. They’d either treat Clarke like she was broken and fragile, or they wouldn’t even realize something was wrong. It wasn’t that they were bad friends, they just didn’t know how to handle Clarke. Not the way Lexa did – somehow the brunette always knew what to say, and when she didn’t have to say anything.

                “You would have loved her, dad…” Clarke whispered to the silent walls around her as she walked through the cabin. She could see her father smiling, in her mind. Hear his laugh. Clarke felt a certain sense of peace wash over her as she wandered up the wooden staircase, she knew she was going to be okay.

 

…

                Lexa and Clarke set to work getting the cabin ready for everyone to arrive. Anya texted and said that they were on their way, Raven called to say she’d be there by 6pm. Together the two women collected some firewood, something Clarke insisted was park of the experience instead of using the wood that was already stacked against the side of the cabin deck. Once they’d lit the fire place Lexa explored the rest of the cabin, poking her head into each room trying to decide which one to make her own.

                “You can have your own room, if you want,” Clarke said, coming up behind Lexa. The brunette turned around, shrugging a shoulder, “it doesn’t matter to me, honestly. I’m okay with sharing.” Clarke smiled sheepishly, “want to sleep with me?”

                The moment the words came out Clarke’s face lit in a fierce blush. She hadn’t meant it the way they came out but when Lexa’s green eyes widened for a moment Clarke registered how they’d sounded. The brunette stammered, not quite able to formulate a response as the thought of sleeping with Clarke entered her mind. “I mean. You know…. The same room,” Clarke was still blushing, but she tried to laugh it off. Lexa recovered quickly and forcibly shoved the thoughts of Clarke from her mind. They were just friends. They’d had sleepovers before. “Yeah, as long as you don’t hog all the blankets,” Lexa teased. Clarke rolled her eyes, “I’m pretty sure the night I spent the night _you_ stole most of the blankets.” It was true. Lexa was definitely a blanket thief.

                “ _HELLLOOOOOOOOOO?”_

Clarke and Lexa both jumped, startled by the sudden voice from downstairs. “Anya,” Lexa said out loud, realizing who the voice belonged to.

                “Let’s go meet this guy she’s been gushing over,” Clarke said with a chuckle as they made their way down the stairs. Lexa smiled at the fact that Clarke spoke about Anya like they’d been friends forever.

 

                Standing in the doorway was Anya in a ridiculously puffy winter jacket and a large suitcase at her feet. “There you guys are!” she cried, seeing Lexa and Clarke walking down the stairs. Lexa hugged Anya in greeting, laughing at how ridiculous she looked so bundled up. “Ok, so I want to introduce you guys to Roan.”

                Lexa looked up and met the gaze of Anya’s date. He was tall and rather attractive compared to most of Anya’s men, his eyes were intense, sizing Lexa up and glancing around the cabin briefly. His light brown hair was long and tucked behind his ears, he wore a sensible long coat and dark lack up boots. He was definitely an intimidating sight.

                The brunette stuck her hand out in greeting and introduced herself, “Hello, Roan. I’m Lexa – nice to meet you.” Roan accepted her hand with a firm shake and nodded in reply, Clarke introduced herself next and received the same response from the man. Lexa shot a side glance at Anya only to find her friend gazing at Roan with lovesick eyes. Lexa rolled her eyes, “why don’t I show you two up to the room you’ll be staying in?”

                “I’ll start on dinner,” Clarke said, shooting a glance from Roan to Lexa. She wasn’t sure about this guy, yet. He seemed rather cold and reserved compared to Anya’s bubbly personality. She hoped he’d open up more as the night progressed.

               

                Lexa showed them to their room and left them to their own devices to unpack and settle in while she made her way to the kitchen to help Clarke with dinner. “So, what do you think?” Clarke asked as the brunette came up beside her and helped her start chopping vegetables for the salad. Lexa twisted her lips in thought for a moment and shrugged a shoulder, “not sure yet,” she sliced through the onions Clarke handed her effortlessly. “I guess we’ll just have to get to know him,” she added as she scraped the pile of onions she’s created into the bowl. Clarke nodded, glancing up at Lexa. She knew from experience that the brunette was very protective in nature and didn’t trust easily, she was curious as to what opinions she would form of the new man in Anya’s life.

 

                Raven arrived a short while later and announced that she was famished. Clarke was finishing up with dinner with the help of Lexa, Anya and Roan still hadn’t made an appearance on the bottom floor yet and Clarke had made a comment about them christening their room, which made Lexa groan in distaste before offering a warning that Anya was very loud and had no shame. She’d heard her friend in the throes of passion many a times throughout their years of friendship.

                Raven made quick work of settling her belongings in the bedroom she got to herself. Lexa texted Anya from the kitchen, not daring to go anywhere near the room in case Clarke’s suspicions were correct. Anya texted back saying they’d be down shortly and Raven got to work opening the wine bottle while Lexa and Clarke set the table.

 

                “Hey Raven!” Anya greeted cheerily as she entered the kitchen and went to give the dark-haired woman a hug. Lexa snuck a glance at Anya and saw the disheveled hair, she looked over and met Clarke’s eyes, sharing a knowing look with the blonde. “Should’ve brought ear plugs,” Clarke joked under her breath, leaning closer so only Lexa would hear. The brunette chuckled, “you have _no_ idea.”

                Anya completed the formalities, introducing Raven to Roan. The two sized each other up momentarily before Raven asked suddenly, “don’t you have a 2014 Kawasaki that just got some work done?” Roan’s eyes widened in recognition and for the first time since arriving he broke out into a smile, “I _knew_ you looked familiar! Yeah, you’re the one that took care of her, aren’t you?” Raven nodded enthusiastically, “sure did. She’s a beaut’, I really wanted to take her for a spin but figured whoever owned it would have my head.”

                The other three women in the room all exchanged confused glances at the pairs sudden rapport.  “Hey babe is she talking about another girl or your bike?” Anya joked. Roan chuckled, “she’s talking about my baby,” he said affectionately, giving a wink to Raven. “And hey – you did a fantastic job on her, whenever we get back to Arkadia I’ll let you give her a go as thanks.” Raven’s jaw slackened for a moment, her dark eyes bulging, “are you freaking kidding me? I would _love_ to.”

                “Guess you have competition,” Clarke teased, nudging Anya’s arm. Lexa couldn’t tell if she was referring to Raven or the bike, but she laughed all the same. Seeing the way Roan opened up and interacted with Raven put her at ease, he might not be such a bad guy after all. “I’m going to grab the beers I brought out of the trunk,” Roan said, eyeballing the wine Raven was pouring. Anya laughed, “no wine for you?” the man shook his head, “I’m outnumbered 4 to 1 by women. The least I can do is drink beer to keep my masculinity intact.”

                The four women laughed at this and Anya accepted a glass of wine from Raven before clinking it against the one Clarke was already  holding, “cheers to that.” Raven handed Lexa a glass of wine then gave Roan a side glance, “how much beer did you bring? Because I’d prefer that over wine any day.” Roan laughed against and dug in his pocket for keys, “more than enough. Help me bring it in?

                When the two left the room Anya glanced at Clarke nervously, “should I be worried about how well they’re getting along?” Clarke shook her head, “nah, Raven definitely isn’t looking to move in on your man. I think she just really appreciates having someone that can speak her language, none of us know what the hell she’s talking about when she starts talking mechanics.”

                Lexa smiled at Clarke gratefully, knowing that what she’d just said put Anya at ease. Anya could be jealous and a little possessive, she didn’t want her friend to feel threatened by Raven or have any issues between the two women. “So, what do you think?” Anya asked, turning to Lexa. The brunette nodded thoughtfully, “you know at first I couldn’t get a read on him, but as soon as his personality came out I was surprised. He’s way better than your others so far.”

                Anya playfully swatted at Lexa’s shoulder for her friend’s honesty, but couldn’t hold back a grin. Lexa’s approval meant a lot to her. Lexa laughed and took a sip of her wine before adding, “I still reserve full judgment until the end of this weekend.”

                The cabin door swung open, filling the hallway with Roan and Raven’s voices. “Let’s get this party started!” Raven cried, walking in holding a 24 pack of craft beer over her head. Roan followed behind her holding a pack just as large. “Oh boy,” Clarke chuckled, “I’m gonna need more wine to keep pace with these two.”

….

               

                The night wore on, the last hours of the year ticking by with the group of them drinking and talking about anything and everything. Raven and Roan discussed bikes and customization while Anya told Clarke stories of Lexa when she’d first joined the company. Clarke loved hearing stories of Lexa starting out, fresh out of college and ready to conquer the world. Anya told a story of how Lexa had almost gotten fired for arguing with the head of the company she was working for over semantics she didn’t agree with. Lexa had stood up in the middle of the meeting, palm slamming down on the long table demanding he revise his plans and listen to her proposal. He’d been pushing it aside, not giving her any credit because of how young she was, and not realizing that was Lexa had drafted up was more efficient and it saved the company thousands of dollars.  Anya recalled everyone’s jaws dropping open at the meeting and the director absolutely seething. But Lexa had stood her ground, made her argument, and one by one everyone in the meeting room had listened to her and given their respect to the fact that she was actually right and had come up with a better way.

                “I thought he was going to have an aneurism!” Anya cried, laughing at the memory. Lexa was shaking her head, rolling her eyes at the tale. It was only slightly embellished by Anya, but the truth was she had overstepped her place during that meeting but the result gained her the respect of several board members and eventually the director – once he’d forgiven her for embarrassing him in front of his own company.

                “I can’t believe you didn’t get fired!” Clarke exclaimed, staring at Lexa with wide-eyes. The image of Lexa up on stage with the Mayor crossed her mind and she remembered how good the other woman looked in her business dress. Powerful, authoritative, regal. She smiled, looking at the woman that was sitting across from her in an arm chair, long legs tucked beneath her body, lazily holding a glass of wine as she leaned against the arm rest. Clarke imagined this was a side of Lexa not many people saw – this laid back relaxed version of the woman powerhouse she’d become.

                Lexa non-chalantly shrugged a shoulder and sipped at her wine, “he would have been stupid to fire me. I was right.” Anya shook her head incredulously, “I can’t imagine how you were growing up if you’re this stubborn now.” Lexa smirked, “I was a pain the ass.”

 

                “Hey, we’ve got half an hour left of this year!” Raven shouted suddenly, interrupting the conversation. Everyone glanced down at their phones and watches, confirming her time. “Champagne?” Anya asked, standing up from her spot on the couch. “Let’s do it!” Roan agreed, jumping up.

                The two of them returned a few minutes later, Roan with a handful of champagne flutes and Anya with a bottle of bubbly in each hand.

                “Let’s wait ‘til the New Year to pop them,” Raven suggested, also getting to her feet.

Everyone agreed and they lined the flutes up on a side table and set the bottles down, setting everything up. “So, what are everyone’s goals or resolutions for the new year?” Anya asked, leaning into Roan’s solid body. The man slipped an arm around her and rested his chin on the top of her head.

The group was quiet for a moment, everyone contemplating their lives in the coming year.

“I want to go sky diving,” Raven spoke first. “So… your goal is possible death?” Anya joked, making everyone laugh. Raven chuckled, “No! I just want to really live next year. I want to take chances, do things that scare me. My goal is to actually _live_ next year.”

Everyone nodded thoughtfully on her elaboration – they could all agree that it was a good resolution, minus the sky diving part.

“I like that,” Clarke said suddenly, looking over at Lexa for a moment before looking away again. “You can’t steal mine!” Raven protested. “Well I won’t go skydiving so your goal is safe! But my resolution is to not let my fears stop me from taking chances and to let myself be happy.”

Green eyes met blue and held each other’s gaze for several moments. Lexa felt her heart skip a few beats in her chest, wondering if by the way Clarke was looking at her that she might be part of Clarke’s resolutions.

“I resolve to actually take the trip to Paris I’ve been wanting to do since I was in college,” Anya said, nudging Roan’s ribs. The man chuckled, taking the hint. “I want to finish customizing my bike this year,” he said after a moment. Raven looked at him hopefully and Roan nodded “I’m gonna need your help on it,” Raven fist pumped the air excitedly. This was going to be a great New Years. “Yeah, that’s if you don’t die sky diving first,” Clarke joked.

Everyone turned to Lexa, realizing she hadn’t given her resolution yet. The brunette glanced at Clarke, feeling the woman’s eyes on her. “My goal is to have the school finished by the end of next year,” she said after a moment, using the second thing that came to mind. The first involved Clarke but was not group appropriate to share.

Roan checked his watch and announced it was 2 minutes until the New Year. Everyone grabbed their flutes and clustered around Anya, who was opening a bottle of champagne. Clarke grabbed the other bottle and they counted down the New Years together. Champagne was poured **5….** Glasses were raised **4…..** Everyone looked around the group, smiling and laughing **3.....** glass clinked together repeatedly, cheering everyone **2….** Anya stood up on her tip toes for a kiss **1** ….. blue eyes met green…

 **“Happy New Years!”** Everyone chorused before bringing their drinks to their mouths and drinking back the bubbling liquid as the New Year hit them. Anya finished her drink the slung her arms around Roan’s neck, kissing him excitedly. Lexa and Clarke met each other’s gazes, desire burning in both their eyes. But they couldn’t act on it – no matter how much they wanted to. Raven picked up the bottle with champagne still in it and started refilling glasses, breaking the thick air of desire between the two women. Their New Year’s Resolutions would have to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are going to love the next chapter I upload.   
> Hope you liked this one! Stay tuned, and let me know if there's anything you'd like to see in the story!


	15. The breakthrough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke get the cabin to themselves when the rest of the group get stuck at the ski lodge during a snow storm. What will they do with their alone time?
> 
> Find out...
> 
> NSFW. You've been warned.

                Everyone stayed up until the early hours of New Year’s day, polishing off 4 bottles of Champagne, one of Roan’s 24 packs, and 3 bottles of wine. At one point Clarke peered outside to find it had started snowing amidst all the drinking and laughing. Everyone piled around the window, peering out into the darkness to find there was another solid layer of snow on the ground and it was still coming down in a swirl of flurries. Clarke drunkenly insisted she had to make a snow angel and clumsily threw on all of her layers before stumbling out into the night and collapsing on the snow. Lexa, of course, followed the blonde outside and watched as she thrashed her arms and legs in the snow.

                “You’re going to get frost bite,” the brunette laughed, watching Clarke laying in the snow without a care in the world. She could see Clarke’s hot breaths puffing in the air in front of her, the snow and moonlight reflected off each other making the everything around them clearly visible despite the night. “It’ll be worth it! Come lay here with me!” Clarke called, patting the snow beside her body. Lexa chuckled, “I’ll ruin your snow angel.”

                “That’s okay, it probably looks like shit anyway.” Clarke didn’t care.

                Lexa laughed again and slowly lowered herself on the ground beside the blonde, wincing as the snow touched the back of her neck. She felt the cold seep through her sweater, spreading rapidly down her back. She pushed the discomfort out of her mind and looked up into the sky, stars were clearly visible despite the brightness of the moon and Lexa found herself lost in them. There were no views like this from the city. After a moment, the brunette turned her head to the side, looking over at Clarke. She was surprised to find the blonde was already looking at her, their eyes met and they shared a smile. “Are you drunk?” the blonde asked, repeating the question she’d asked the first night they’d found themselves outside alone before they kissed. The repetitiveness wasn’t lost on Lexa, but this time she actually was drunk. _Very_ drunk. The brunette nodded, unable to hold back a laugh. She felt the alcohol buzzing through her veins, making her thoughts foggy. “Me too,” Clarke said, sharing in the laugh.

                Lexa couldn’t help but stare at her face, pale against the snow. She could see hints of red coloring Clarke’s cheeks and nose, probably due to the frigid temperatures. Soft puffs of air hung in front of Clarke’s lips with every exhale, her blue eyes bright and shining as they stared back at Lexa. Clarke was thinking about their first kiss, the way Lexa’s lips felt against hers. The way it felt to be pressed against her body, the warmth that rushed through her with every touch. She knew she was looking at Lexa through the fog of intoxication, but she’d never seen the brunette look so beautiful. Long dark hair fanned out around her face, a stark contrast against the white snow. Her tanned skin and green eyes were emphasized by the makeup Lexa wore. Her lipstick had rubbed off through the night but her lips were still full and tinted from the cold. Clarke wanted to reach over and trail her fingers down Lexa’s impossibly perfect cheekbone then down her jawline. Her face was carved from perfection.

                The blonde wasn’t sure how long passed as she admired Lexa’s face, paying attention to the soft curve of her lips as they parted with every exhale. She could get lost in the green eyes in front of her, they never looked away. Lexa was looking back at her, taking in every feature, eyes dilated and lingering on her lips without shame. They both wanted this but Clarke was too damn scared. She didn’t even know why she was scared, why was she still denying herself this when Lexa obviously cared for her? She remembered her resolution, given just hours before. It was the new year. It was time to stop being scared, stop holding herself back in fear of getting hurt. Lexa wouldn’t hurt her. If anything, Lexa was the reason she _wasn’t_ hurting anymore…

                Lexa could see thoughts swirling behind the blue eyes in front of her. She wished she could get inside the pretty little head that belonged to the woman she laid beside and see what it was that Clarke was thinking about.

                “You guys are freaking crazy!” she heard Raven yell from the doorway. They both looked up to the cabin door and saw Raven poking her head out and laughing. “Join us!” Clarke called. The dark-haired woman shook her head vehemently, “hell no. I was just coming out here to say we’re all going to bed. I have to be up in 5 hours to hit the slopes, Roan and Anya are coming with tomorrow.” Lexa sighed, slowly pushing herself up on to her elbows. “Anya’s going snowboarding?” she asked incredulously. Raven laughed, “I doubt it. I think she just wants to do the ski lift with Roan, but he definitely wants to snowboard.”

                The women slowly helped each other up, brushing snow off their clothing before trudging back towards the cabin. “You guys wanna come tomorrow?” Raven asked, holding open the door so they could come inside. Lexa shot a glance at Clarke to see if she wanted to, the blonde made a face “not if you guys are getting up in 5 hours. I don’t snowboard anyway, I’d be happier here in front of the fireplace honestly,” she looked over at Lexa, “feel free to go with them, though!” The brunette shook her head, “no, I’ll stay with you. I brought a book and some movies so we’ll be entertained.”

                They all re-grouped in the living room for a minute, bidding each other good night despite the fact is was 3am. After clearing up their glasses and bottles and dumping them in the kitchen to be dealt with when everyone woke back up the groups disbursed to their respective rooms for bed. The moment Lexa’s head hit the pillow she felt the dark blanket of sleep start to wash over her. She felt the bed sink for a moment as Clarke climbed into bed. “Happy New Year,” she mumbled sleepily as the blonde got herself comfortable. Clarke laughed softly at how tired Lexa sounded, “Happy New year,” she said softly, a smile in her voice. Within minutes they were both asleep.

 

…

 

                Neither of them set an alarm and by the time Lexa woke up sun was shining through the curtains brightly. She groaned, feeling her head throbbing slightly from the amount of alcohol she’d consumed the night prior. She rolled over and grabbed her phone, peering at the time. It was almost 11am. She turned back over and smiled, seeing Clarke still sleeping soundly on her side of the bed. Silently the brunette slipped out from beneath the covers and bit back a hiss as her bare feet hit the freezing wooden floor. She tiptoed across the room and slipped on some socks and a long sweater before silently slipping from the room to let Clarke continue to sleep.

                Lexa moved slowly through the cabin, still rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She set to work making a pot of coffee and downing some pain killer for her headache before she opened the fridge to pull out ingredients for breakfast. When she closed the fridge, she spotted a note that had been stuck to it from Anya. They’d all gone to the ski resort and would be back for dinner. Lexa smiled at the thought of it just being her and Clarke at the cabin for the day.

 

                Clarke woke up to the smell of bacon wafting through the door. She rolled over and saw Lexa’s side of the bed was empty. With a yawn, she pushed herself out of bed and stumbled her way to the bathroom to wash her face before making her way downstairs to where she heard noise in the kitchen. She walked in to find Lexa standing over the stove, spatula in hand as she flipped a pancake, her other hand occupied with a mug of coffee. She felt warmth spread through her body at the sight. “Good morning,” she said happily, announcing her presence. Lexa looked over her shoulder to see the blonde and smiled, “good morning bed head,” she joked. Clarke’s blonde hair was a mess, sticking up in strange places. Lexa couldn’t help but chuckle as Clarke’s full body came into view. She was wearing an oversized sweatshirt, pajama shorts, and the fuzzy socks Lexa had gifted her for Christmas. “Coffee?” Clarke asked, eyeing Lexa’s mug. The brunette used the spatula to motion to the coffee pot, “there’s plenty. Ibuprofen is on the counter.”

                Clarke groaned in appreciation and grabbed the coffee pot from the burner once she’d grabbed a mug from the cupboard. “Did you sleep well?” Lexa asked, flipping another pancake. Clarke hummed in response, her mouth already filled with coffee. “Yeah, like a rock. What about you?” she asked once she’d swallowed the burning liquid. “Same. Anya left a note, they’re already gone, she said they’d be back around dinner,” again, Lexa used the spatula as a pointing device and directed Clarke’s attention to the note on the fridge. The blonde squinted, reading the note from across the room. “Cool. Well, I don’t have any plans honestly. I don’t want you to be bored, so feel free to go out and do whatever.”

                “I’m perfectly happy just curling up under a blanket and doing nothing all day. My body is protesting the amount of champagne I had last night,” Lexa replied.

                That earned a laugh from Clarke, “ugh, same. I don’t know how they’re all functioning right now. I can’t imagine doing anything that required effort this early.”

                “Clarke, it’s eleven,” Lexa laughed.

                The blonde looked up at the clock on the wall with wide eyes, “damn. I didn’t even realize it!”

                The brunette chuckled before reaching for two plates in the cupboard, “are you ready to eat?”

 

….

                After breakfast Clarke peered outside to discover the snow had never stopped coming down. There were several feet of snow on the ground and more to come. Lexa checked her phone and found that there were winter weather warnings in effect and everyone was being advised to stay inside and off the roads. “Good thing we didn’t have any plans,” Clarke joked, coming away from the window. Lexa’s brow furrowed as she looked at the weather radar, “I wonder what out snow board extraordinaire’s are going to do. I don’t think they’re going to be able to get back to the cabin if it keeps snowing like this.”

                Clarke gnawed on her lower lip, “shit, you’re right. I don’t have signal up here, I can’t even call Raven.” The brunette made her way to the window to see the conditions for herself. “Well I don’t think any of them are dumb enough to try and make it back here in weather like this. If it keeps up they might have to sleep at the ski lodge.” Clarke nodded, “not a bad idea. I’d still feel better if we could get ahold of them, though.”

                Lexa flipped through the applications on her phone until she got to her email, “we still have internet. I’ll send Anya an email, if she’s at the lodge she should get it.” Clarke brightened at Lexa’s idea, “good thinking. Let me know if she answers. I’m going to go take a shower.”

                By the time the blonde was done with her shower, Anya had already sent back a length email with pictures. “They’d were advised of the warnings and the lodge offered to let them stay the night for a discounted rate and promised the roads would be plowed by tomorrow,” Lexa read the email to Clarke while she brushed through her tangled hair. “Oh, she also sent this picture of Raven, check it out,” Lexa turned the phone so Clarke could look at it and the blonde laughed. Raven was twice her normal size, bundled up in a snow suit, helmet, reflective glasses, and gloves – holding a board by her side and holding a thumbs up. “Guess they were able to get some fun in before the weather gets too bad,” Clarke commented with a smile.

                “So, guess it’s just us for tonight,” Lexa said suddenly, looking over at the blonde. Clarke gave her a sly smile, remembering her thoughts from the night before. They were completely alone for the night. “Guess so,” Clarke replied, setting her brush down on the counter and straightening up. “So – what do you want to do?”

 

…

 

                The women lounged around the rest of the day, watching movies, drinking hot chocolate, reading books, and talking. It was a comfortable evening, but neither of them had made a move aside from leaning against each other on the couch. Clarke cooked dinner while Lexa continued to read, then the two of them split a bottle of wine while they ate – wondering how the rest of their group was holding up. The weather had worsened and the internet went out –  the wind howled outside, shaking the windows occasionally. It wasn’t quite a blizzard but it was certainly a snow storm.

                After the dishes had been done and the wine had been finished they stayed up awhile longer, Clarke telling stories of her father and the cabin, Lexa listening intently and smiling as she watched the blue eyes become distant in memory. She loved this pensive side of Clarke. When the fire had gone out and the two realized they’d run out of wood and there was no way they were going out to get anymore Clarke said she was going to go to bed. Despite the fact that there were two other empty rooms now, Lexa followed Clarke, saying she was tired as well. The blonde didn’t complain and they wordlessly got ready for bed.

                Clarke was kicking herself for the lost opportunity, she’d had all day with Lexa but she couldn’t bring herself to make a move. She’d seen Lexa sneaking glances at her, but the brunette had remained respectful and never tried to do anything. Clarke knew it was on her. _She_ had to be the one to initiate it, and god she wanted to, but she didn’t know how.

…

                They laid there in the dark, Lexa staring up at the ceiling, watching shadows dance across it from the slivers of light breaking through the curtains. She listened to the sound of Clarke’s breathing, wondering if the blonde was asleep yet. Though her body was tired, her mind was wide awake and she couldn’t stop thinking of Clarke and the fact that the cabin was empty aside from them. She wanted to take advantage of their solitude but aside from a few moments they’d shared, Clarke hadn’t given any indication she wanted anything more.

Lexa was at a crossroads. Should she take control, like she normally did, and make a move? Or should she continue waiting on Clarke to do something? The chances of them having time alone like this again were slim.

 “Lexa…”

The brunette held her breath, knowing for certain now that Clarke was awake. It was almost as if the other woman could hear her thoughts.

“Are you still awake?” the blonde whispered softly, her back still to Lexa.

“Yeah…” Lexa whispered back, turning her head to face in Clarke’s direction. She saw the outline of the other woman as she shifted positions, turning to face her. Neither of them said anything for a minute as they gazed at each other in the shadows. Their soft breaths in sync as their minds raced over the same subject.

It was Clarke who finally broke the silence, thankful for the darkness that kept the emotions on her face hidden. It did not, however, keep the emotion from her voice.

“Do you… like me?” she cringed at how juvenile it sounded and held her breath.

Lexa’s heart skipped a beat. This was it. There was no hiding from this.

“Yes.” Was her soft and vulnerable reply. Lexa heard Clarke’s shaky breath escape her lips and waited.

“Do you… want this?” Clarke didn’t specify what ‘this’ was, and Lexa didn’t have to ask. It was them. It was taking the next step. It was being honest and confessing their feelings. Clarke was asking a thousand questions with just 4 words. Lexa wanted to lean in and kiss her, to flick on the lights and shake the blonde, telling her she’s been wanting ‘this’ for what felt like forever. Instead, she deflected the question, feeling too vulnerable and unsure.

“…do you?” Lexa whispered, her voice wavering. She felt her body tremble, instantly fearing the rejection that was sure to come. Clarke couldn’t want this, couldn’t want her. The silence felt like it lasted an eternity, despite the fact it only went on for a moment.

“Yes.”

It was crazy how much power just one word had. It was a confirmation, declaration, and permission all in one, and it reverberated through Lexa’s entire being, sending her heart straight to her throat. _Yes_. Clarke wanted this. Clarke wanted _her_.

Words could not convey what Lexa felt, so she didn’t attempt to use them. She rolled onto her side and closed the distance between them, placing her hand gently on the side of Clarke’s face. She leaned in, her lips hovering over Clarke’s, feeling the hot breath from Clarke’s exhale against her skin. She waited a moment for the rejection, for Clarke to pull away or to stop her. When none came, Lexa pressed her lips against Clarke’s tenderly, melting into the other woman’s being. Clarke slid her left arm around Lexa’s body, pulling her closer before her hand slid up to tangle in brown waves. They worshipped each other between breaths, their kiss gaining desperation as they struggled to say all the words they hadn’t had the courage to. Every press of their lips told a tale of longing and want.

Lexa deepened the kiss, taking Clarke’s full bottom lip between her own and sucking softly. Her tongue grazed across it, enticing a shudder from Clarke’s body. Lexa’s hand slid to the back of Clarke’s head, holding it softly as her tongue gently dancing across Clarke’s lips. Clarke moaned softly into the kiss and heat exploded through Lexa’s body, radiating through her with a fierceness. God, she wanted Clarke. But despite wanting nothing more than to take the blonde then and there, she forced herself to pull away, pressing her forehead against Clarke’s as she panted softly for air.

Clarke squeezed her eyes shut, despite the fact that it was dark. She felt Lexa’s soft exhales on her skin as they both fought to catch their breaths. Her heart was racing, her body aching for Lexa’s touch. But Clarke was terrified of doing something wrong, this was uncharted territory. How would she please Lexa? What was she supposed to do? She’d drunkenly kissed women before, but never anything more. Clarke realized that through her own shitty relationships, she didn’t know the first thing about being pleased, letting alone pleasing another woman. Finn had certainly lacked in that department.

“I want you,” Clarke whispered, her voice giving away her terror as it trembled with every word. Lexa pressed a soft kiss to her lips and pulled away again, “you have me.” Clarke shivered at the words but shook her head, “I mean…I _want_ you,” she tried to emphasize the want, not knowing how else to say it.

The innuendo behind the word clicked with Lexa and she could have sworn fireworks went off in her brain. From the tremor in Clarke’s voice, Lexa could tell the other woman was nervous, scared even. Lexa had been with enough women to realize when someone was inexperienced, and she didn’t want to treat this like any fling or one night stand. She wanted to take it slow, to let Clarke enjoy every moment of being with a woman.

Lexa lifted her upper half off of the bed momentarily, pulling her t-shirt off in one swift motion and discarding it beside the bed. She settled back into the bed and found Clarke’s hand, slowly leading it to the curve of her waist so the blonde could feel she was completely bare. Lexa knew that if she was the first to expose herself and be vulnerable, that it would be easier for Clarke to follow suit. Clarke sighed in appreciation, her hand sliding up Lexa’s waist slowly before slipping to her front to trail up her toned abdomen. Her hand slowed as it reached Lexa’s breasts, unsure if she should continue. Lexa’s steady hands found hers again and guided it up, placing it over her right breast and squeezing her hand around Clarke’s.

Clarke groaned softly in appreciation, relishing in the feel of Lexa’s skin. The brunette pressed soft kisses to the side of Clarke’s face as her hand nudged Clarke’s, encouraging her to explore. “Touch me,” Lexa whispered. With the permission granted, Clarke dared to be courageous. She propped herself up on one elbow and used her free hand to slowly slide over every curve of Lexa’s upper half. The feel of her abs as Clarke pressed her hand flat against them, trailing down lower. She reached the waistband of Lexa’s shorts and the brunette wordlessly tugged them, and her underwear, down before wriggling out of them. Clarke trembled, knowing Lexa was completely naked in front of her, though she could not see her. She slowly continued her journey down, deliberately branching off and sliding her hand down the front of Lexa’s right thigh, rather than continuing her course straight down the middle. She slid down, then slipped it around the back, slowly bringing It up to the curve of her ass. Clarke felt like she could explore Lexa forever, the soft skin burning and trembling beneath her fingertips. She wanted to commit every curve and ripple of skin to her memory.

After a moment, Clarke’s hand slid back up, tangling in Lexa’s hair as she went in for a kiss. The brunette returned the kiss with matching passion, slipping a hand under Clarke’s shirt and letting it rest on her waist, relishing in the feel of her soft skin. She wouldn’t pressure Clarke or expect anything from the blonde. The animalistic part of her brain that wanted nothing more than to devour every inch of her had been switched off and pushed away. Lexa wanted to do this right.

After a moment Clarke pulled away then slowly peeled off her shirt with trembling hands. She felt silly, being so self-conscious. It was dark, after all. But after the way Lexa had exposed herself to Clarke, and the way Clarke had slid her hands across her dark silhouette, Clarke realized that she hadn’t needed light to see Lexa’s body. She had felt it.  She slowly slid out of her shorts and pushed them to the end of the bed with her feet then turned her body back towards Lexa and shivered in anticipation.

“Are you sure?” Lexa asked softly, sensing the nerves radiating off of the blonde.

“I want to…I’ve just never…” Clarke trailed off, biting her lip.

“Been with a woman?” Lexa finished for her calmly.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Clarke admit, her cheeks heating in a fierce blush that she was thankful the darkness concealed. Lexa chuckled softly, pressing her lips to Clarke’s forehead. “Then let me take care of you,” she whispered in a husky voice that made Clarke shudder. “What about you?” Clarke choked out, feeling her body begin to ache, calling out for Lexa’s hands to be on her. Lexa kissed her firmly, taking her breath away and swallowing her protests. “Don’t worry about me,” Lexa whispered before she swiftly pushed Clarke onto her back and climbed onto her body, straddling her.

Clarke’s hands instinctively went up to settle on Lexa’s hips as the brunette leaned forward, beginning her long awaited exploration of Clarke’s chest. Her hot lips trailed kisses from the blonde’s pulse point, down her neck, over her collar bones, then finally to her chest. Her lips captured an erect nipple and Lexa flicked her tongue over it as one of her hands went to the other breast to cup it firmly. The mixture between Lexa’s warm mouth and the chilled air every time she pulled her lips away had Clarke trembling and arching up into every kiss and touch. Clarke’s hands slowly roamed what parts of Lexa’s body they could reach, sliding up her back or down the front of her thighs. She was desperate for more, wanting to feel Lexa everywhere.

When Clarke’s hungry arches turned to writhing Lexa effectively repositioned herself so that a thigh slipped between Clarke’s legs. The blonde hadn’t realized what she was doing until she felt the sudden pressure of Lexa’s thigh against her center. Unable to stop herself, Clarke let out a low moan, grabbing at Lexa’s body and pulling her closer. She needed the pressure. She needed friction.

Lexa’s lips curved into a smile at the delightful sound of Clarke moaning and the feel of the blonde’s arousal coating her thigh. She kissed back up Clarke’s chest and continued up to her ear, kissing the ridge of it softly. Clarke shuddered, bucking her hips up slightly. At the movement, she felt currents of pleasure through her body, realizing that with every thrust she connected with Lexa’s thigh and received relief for the pressure building up inside. Clarke whimpered as she began to shamelessly grind herself up into Lexa’s thigh, desperate for the feel of Lexa’s skin. She heard a low chuckle muddled into her neck as Lexa sucked at the tender skin.

Knowing Clarke needing more, Lexa lifted slightly and slid a hand between their bodies. She trailed it down slowly, relishing in the smoothness of Clarke’s skin as she neared her wet center. A soft gasp echoed in Lexa’s ear and she paused for a moment, “is this okay?” she whispered, wanting to make sure she wasn’t pushing Clarke too far. “Keep going,” Clarke whispered, her voice thick with desire.

Having all the permission she needed Lexa resumed her journey down and slowly slipped her hand between Clarke’s thighs. She felt a shudder go through the body beneath her as she coated her fingers in Clarke’s juices. “You’re so wet,” Lexa purred as she used two fingers to lightly circle Clarke’s swollen clit. The blonde moaned softly, unable to stop the movement of her hips as they circled to feel more of Lexa’s touch. The brunette leaned forward, capturing Clarke’s mouth with her own as she rubbed Clarke rhythmically. Moans escaped from the blonde and Lexa swallowed them, kissing her harder as she felt Clarke’s body respond to her touches. When the nerves left her mind, allowing her to open her legs further, Lexa took advantage of the granted access. Her fingers dipped down and two of them pressed at Clarke’s entrance. When there was no objection, Lexa slowly slipped her fingers into Clarke’s heat, eliciting another soft gasp. Lexa remained motionless inside Clarke, giving the blonde a moment to adjust to the intrusion. When Clarke bucked her hips, signaling for Lexa to continue, the brunette positioned herself so the angle wouldn’t kill her forearm and then set to work.

Her expert fingers made quick work of Clarke, sliding in an out of her at a steady pace, her palm occasionally coming down to give friction to her throbbing clit. Clarke was senseless with the pleasure, gripping at the sheets beneath her body as she moved her hips to meet Lexa’s movements. The sounds of her wetness and Lexa’s heavy panting drove Clarke wild and it didn’t take long for an indescribable feeling of pleasure to build. She moaned without abandon, gasping Lexa’s name every time the other woman palmed her clit or stroked her walls. She was incoherent, barely able to gasp out for Lexa to continue and beg for the brunette to go faster. How Lexa’s arm didn’t fall off, Clarke didn’t know, but Lexa kept pace with Clarke’s demands, pumping her fingers in and out of Clarke at a merciless pace.

With every buck of Clarke’s hips, her body came into contact with Lexa’s dripping center, which was hovering just over Clarke’s thigh. Lexa groaned, feeling herself dripping with arousal at the feeling of Clarke tightening around her fingers, but she knew if she lowered herself there’d be no turning back. She was too wound up and she wanted to focus on Clarke’s pleasure.

“Lexa…” Clarke choked out as the other woman’s palm came back down on her clit, “I’m so close.”

Lexa bit back a whimper at the words. She leaned in, kissing Clarke’s jawline, “come for me, Clarke,” she purred, purposefully quickening her pace. At those words Clarke felt her entire body stiffen, arching up in pleasure as something inside of her snapped. “Fuck, I’m gonna-“ Clarke’s words got caught in her throat as waves of pleasure crashed over her. Her first moan never escaped as she inhaled sharply and threw her head back in a silent moan. As the first wave crashed down Clarke found her voice, crying out Lexa’s name and a series of expletives as Lexa’s fingers worked their magic. As quickly as it had come, Clarke’s body went limp, collapsing back into the bed and releasing Lexa’s fingers from the clenching of her walls. Clarke panted heavily, pressing the backs of one of her hands to her forehead and wiping off the thin coating of perspiration that had gathered. Lexa’s fingers slowed to a stop then gently pulled out of Clarke.

The brunette wished desperately she could have seen Clarke’s face as she came but was on cloud nine nonetheless as she rolled off Clarke and collapsed beside her, stretching out her arm muscles which were protesting from the abuse. Clarke reached out, finding Lexa’s body in the dark, then pulled her close and pressed a fevered kiss to her lips. “That was…. Incredible,” Clarke breathed, not having the proper words to describe the pleasure she’d just experienced. She had never orgasmed like that before. Lexa chuckled appreciatively, “and that was just one hand,” she joked. Clarke laughed breathlessly and kissed Lexa again, “you have a very talented hand.”

After another kiss, Clarke slid her hand down Lexa’s body, dipping it between the brunette’s legs. Lexa gasped in surprise then quickly gave way to a moan as she felt Clarke’s fingers brush her clit. She was still turned on. “You’re still so wet,” Clarke marveled as her fingers slid through the juices, she seemed surprised Lexa was so aroused, after all, Clarke hadn’t even touched her. Lexa shuddered, pressing into Clarke’s touch with a soft moan. She was on the edge, it wouldn’t take much for her to climax.

Clarke swallowed hard, realizing Lexa was still soaking wet and turned on. She didn’t want to leave her unsatisfied, but Clarke didn’t know what she was doing. “I don’t know how to do this,” she confessed, sliding her fingers back through Lexa’s wetness. The brunette groaned again, “you’re already doing it, Clarke,” she encouraged. “I want to make you feel good,” Clarke protested, as if her motions were having no effect on Lexa. “You are. Just touch me, Clarke,” Lexa urged, feeling the pleasure begin to mount. Clarke obeyed, rubbing Lexa with uncertainty. She didn’t know how she could even begin to pleasure the other woman the way she had just been pleasured.

“Show me,” Clarke whispered. Lexa felt a gush of wetness at the words that were so innocent but so sexy at the same time. Lexa reached down and covered Clarke’s hand with her own, guiding it to the rhythm that would get her off. This was by far one of the most intimately arousing things Lexa had ever done with someone, and she knew she wouldn’t last long. “Slip inside me,” Lexa choked out, her breathing erratic as Clarke caught on to the rhythm quickly. The blonde obliged, two long fingers sliding inside Lexa effortlessly. Lexa moaned softly, moving her hips into Clarke’s movements. “Just like that,” she encouraged when Clarke began to slide her fingers in and out, still pressing her palm to Lexa’s clit.

Clarke focused on her movements, reveling in the feel of Lexa coming undone at her touch. She felt her walls begin to pulsate, her moans grew louder, her breathing quicker. “Fuck, right there, Clarke,” Lexa hissed, the ‘k’ in Clarke’s name rolling off her tongue in a way that made Clarke shiver. Lexa was close, Clarke could feel it in the way she moved, in the way her body changed. She quickened her movements, hitting the same spots that had previously made Lexa moan. Within moments Lexa was crying out, shuddering against her as her orgasm took over. Lexa clung to Clarke, moaning her praises as she came into Clarke’s hand not once – but twice. When Lexa’s body jolted from her touch, Clarke realized how sensitive she must be and slowly withdrew her hand.                

“Jesus, Clarke,” Lexa panted, her body shuddering from her orgasms. Clarke leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Lexa’s lips. The brunette kissed her back sweetly before pulling away and draping an arm over Clarke’s body, pulling her close. “I thought you didn’t know how to do this,” Lexa teased. Clarke blushed in the darkness and inched closer to Lexa’s body. “I don’t. But you’re a good teacher.”

“You’re a quick learner,” Lexa kissed Clarke’s jawline lightly before slowly trailing kisses down to her neck. Clarke hummed in appreciation, lifting her chin to grant Lexa better access. “I’ve been wanting to do that forever,” Clarke admitted shyly.

“What stopped you?” Lexa inquired between soft kisses.

She heard a shuddery exhale of breath as her tongue grazed Clarke’s warm skin, “scared, I guess. I didn’t want to mess things up. I wasn’t sure if you wanted it. Then I kept telling myself I wasn’t ready.”

Lexa’s fingertips trailed up and down Clarke’s spine, sending shivers through her body. “I do want it. I want _you_ … I just want you to be sure.” Lexa’s voice was gentle, and it settled the pounding of Clarke’s heart. The blonde slid a hand around Lexa’s body, pulling her close, “I am sure.”

“Are you tired?” Lexa inquired, her lips hovering above a collar bone. She felt Clarke shake her head no and smiled, “good,” her lips pressed to Clarke’s skin. “Why?” Clarke asked in a breathy voice.

“Because we have lost time to make up for,” Lexa said in a sultry voice before pushing Clarke onto her back once more. The blonde gasped, but didn’t protest as Lexa’s body only half covered hers. “Tell me if you want me to stop,” Lexa said, giving her an out. Clarke nodded into the darkness and shuddered, feeling Lexa hovering over her body.

“I don’t want you to stop.”

Lips grazed the valley of skin between Clarke’s breasts, trailing hot open-mouthed kisses down her chest and to her stomach. When Lexa continued kissing lower instead of coming back up Clarke realized what was happening. She trembled, hands searching for something to hold on to. She gripped the sheets beneath her as Lexa’s lips pressed to her hip bones. The kisses stopped for a moment as she felt Lexa adjust, positioning herself between Clarke’s legs.

A warm hand pressed at her left leg, urging it open. Slowly, Clarke obliged, spreading her legs for Lexa. The brunette kissed the inside of her thighs gently, sending another shudder through Clarke’s body. “You still okay?” Lexa inquired, a hand reaching up and finding one of Clarke’s. “Mmmhmmm,” Clarke hummed shakily. She didn’t trust herself to speak.

She felt Lexa’s hot breath over her center and squeezed her eyes shut. Pleasure shot through her body, causing her to inhale sharply as she felt Lexa’s tongue slowly slide from her slit up to the bundle of nerves. Clarke’s fingers intertwined with Lexa’s, gripping the other woman’s hand tightly as her tongue began to swirl around Clarke.

“Fuck,” Clarke hissed, her back arching up off the bed slightly. She heard Lexa hum and the sound sent vibrations through Clarke, causing more pleasure. Lexa obviously knew what she was doing and Clarke felt herself coming undone at the seams under the ministrations of Lexa’s tongue. It circled and lapped at her, then Lexa’s warm lips circled her clit and sucked at it softly. Clarke couldn’t bite back the repetitive moans escaping her mouth, each other getting slightly louder and higher in pitch. Lexa had released her hand to hold on to her thighs, anchoring them into place to counter the bucking of her hips that she had no control over. Desperate to hold something, Clarke’s hand made its way to Lexa’s head, tangling in her waves. Lexa moaned again at the slight tugging of her hair and Clarke cried out, her clit still surrounded by Lexa’s lips.

Lexa pulled away slowly, giving herself a moment to catch her breath. She pressed hot kisses to the inside of Clarke’s thighs which left the blonde a whimpering mess. “You taste amazing,” Lexa purred before diving back in to Clarke’s wetness. This time her tongue entered Clarke and the blonde gasped before letting Lexa’s name tumble from her lips like a prayer. Her choked words only fueled Lexa’s movements, tongue sliding in and out rapidly before coming up to circle Clarke’s swollen clit. The combination of movements sent Clarke into overdrive, hips thrashing and hand pressing Lexa’s head into her center shamelessly. She was on the brink of a precipice she’d never been on before and she was certain this orgasm would be the death of her. The pleasure was so intense yet she wanted more.

“ _Lexa,”_ Clarke panted, arching up off the bed again. Lexa’s tongue entered her again.

“ _Fuck, Lexa! Right there…”_ Somehow Lexa’s tongue curled inside of her, sliding against her inner walls. One of Lexa’s hands circled underneath her thighs and came over the top of it, lazily resting on her hipbones. Clarke cried out Lexa’s name again and the brunette’s thumb found her clit, rubbing slow circles over it in contrast to the merciless pace of her tongue. Clarke couldn’t take it anymore.

Her body tensed, back arched and mouth open in a silent moan as she felt a gush of wetness between her legs. Lexa anchored her lower half to the bed, not allowing her to escape as her tongue came out to lap at her folds. Clarke was shuddering, bolts of pleasure shooting through her body. Just as she was coming down from her first orgasm Lexa turned her attention to Clarke’s hyper-sensitive clit. Her light, barely-there movements had Clarke twitching, the blonde barely able to tolerate the touch but unable to ask Lexa to stop because it felt too damn good. After a moment, the sensitivity lessened and Lexa sucked at it again, tongue flicking over the bud. Clarke cursed, jutting her hips up and down as Lexa’s movements held her on the brink of pleasure again. Lexa brought two fingers up, slipping her long digits into Clarke without resistance. The moment Clarke felt Lexa inside of her, she came again. Her walls constricted and throbbed, holding Lexa’s fingers hostage as Clarke threw her head back in a long moan, her body shuddering from the exertion. The brunette slowed her moments before bringing them to a stop completely and pulling her fingers slowly out of Clarke. She sucked them clean one by one before crawling back up the bed to lay beside Clarke.

She could hear the heavy panting as the blonde struggled to catch her breath. Clarke’s head was swimming, she’d never felt pleasure remotely close to what she’d just felt. She’d never orgasmed more than once in a night, let alone more than once in a row. She felt worn out yet endorphins coursed through her veins making her feel weightless. Clarke felt Lexa lay on the pillow beside her and rolled onto her side to be closer to the woman. She felt an arm wrap around her body and a blanket was pulled up over her shoulder. “Are you okay?” Lexa asked softly, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as Clarke snuggled into her. Clarke nodded, unable to keep her eyes open as a heavy blanket of exhaustion engulfed her. Lexa heard the blonde mumble something unintelligible and smiled. Clearly Clarke was the type to fall asleep after sex. Lexa held the woman close, pressing another kiss to her damp hair, “good night, Clarke,” she whispered. Clarke murmured something in reply before falling asleep with Lexa’s arms around her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couldn't wait to post this chapter- so here's another update! 
> 
> Fucking finally! right guys? Let me know what you think about the chapter. Let me know if there's anything you want to see, smut and story line related. I'll be happy to incorporate both into the story.


	16. The morning after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when Clarke and Lexa wake up naked the morning after? 
> 
>  
> 
> Shorter chapter, it has been a hectic week for me and I haven't had time to write, but I wanted to update with what I have so far. That being said please let me know what you think and please leave some suggestions. I have some major story lines that I am working towards but I need ideas for what to happen along the way. So tell me what you want to see more of? Fluff? Smut? A specific event? More of a certain character? Let me know! This is YOUR story!

 

                Clarke awoke in the early hours of the morning, dim gray light peeked through the slits in the curtains, casting light into the room. She blinked a few times, taking inventory of her position. She was half on her side, her head against Lexa’s chest, one of her arms draped over the other woman’s bare stomach, palm flat against her relaxed abs. Lexa felt weight around her body and knew one of Lexa’s arms were around her. Images and feelings from the night before filled Clarke’s mind and she felt a rush of warmth through her body, knowing that it wasn’t a dream. Clarke slowly pulled away from Lexa, careful not to disturb the sleeping woman but needing to straighten her body out before the ache in her neck worsened. She pulled her pillow closer and laid on it, gazing at the sleeping woman beside her.

                Not long ago Lexa had just been another person. A stranger in the park that had stopped to see if she was okay. Clarke couldn’t hold back her smile at how far they’d come in such a short time. She’d never felt anything like this for someone. This closeness. This admiration. Lexa was strong and intimidating and not someone Clarke could have ever imagined herself falling for. Yet for every fiercely independent and stubborn bone in Lexa’s body, there was a softer, more compassionate and protective one that was reserved for the few people she let through her walls. Clarke’s eyes trailed over Lexa’s exposed skin, up to her peaceful face as the brunette let out soft shallow breaths. She resisted the urge to trail her fingers along Lexa’s jawline, not wanting to wake the other woman up. She was still in disbelief of the things Lexa had made her feel the night before. How could someone like Lexa feel anything for someone like Clarke? They were so different in so many ways. Lexa was a leader, she was outspoken, fearless, at times cold. Clarke was protective of her friends but rarely stood up for herself, she was emotional, sometimes scatterbrained. She was a mess. Yet Lexa felt something for her.

                Lexa began to stir, rolling onto her side to face Clarke, searching for her warmth. The blonde smiled, gently sliding her fingertips over Lexa’s arms, goosebumps raising in their wake. Though her eyes were still closed Lexa hummed in contentment, a small smile on her lips. Clarke felt her heart fluttering at the sight. “Good morning,” she said in a hushed voice, eyes still taking in the beautiful sight in front of her. Lexa moved her body in closer until it found Clarke’s once more. She pressed into the other woman’s warmth and relished in the feel of Clarke’s soft touches on her arm. Lexa kept her eyes closed, not wanting to break the moment. They would eventually have to talk and figure out where to go from there, whether they wanted their friends to know, whether it was a onetime thing. Lexa didn’t want to have those conversations, she didn’t want to go back to reality where actions had consequences. She wanted to remain in this blissful moment with Clarke, lying naked in bed together after a night of mind blowing sex and feeling nothing but peace.

                Knowing Lexa was no longer asleep, Clarke’s fingertips made their way to her cheek, stroking it softly before tracing her jawline in envy. Lexa’s face was perfection. Lexa inhaled deeply, a smile dancing on her lips again. “Are you ever going to open your eyes?” Clarke asked playfully. Lexa smiled wider, but stubbornly kept them closed. “If I do – if this moment going to be over?” She kept her voice light, but Clarke knew her question was serious. She had been wondering the same thing as Lexa slept. Clarke’s thumb gently traced Lexa’s bottom lip, “not if you don’t want it to,” she whispered. Lexa kissed Clarke’s thumb lightly before slowly opening her eyes. She felt her breath catch in her chest and wished that one day she could wake up to this sight every morning.

                The light was coming in behind Clarke’s head, casting a halo around her messy blonde waves. Her blue eyes were staring at her intently, filled with an expression Lexa couldn’t quite put a finger on because no one had ever looked at her that way. It felt like a mixture of adoration and happiness and it sent warmth through her. Clarke’s blonde hair fell over her shoulder, barely covering her naked chest which was exposed over the edge of the blanket. She looked perfect. “I don’t want it to,” she confessed. Clarke smiled, “then it doesn’t have to be. We should probably talk about it though…”

                Lexa’s brow furrowed, “can we talk about something else?” she asked quietly. She wasn’t ready for that conversation. Not yet. Clarke quirked a brow and gave a sly smile, “we don’t have to talk at all.”

                The brunette caught the invitation in Clarke’s voice and couldn’t help but grin, She propped herself up on an elbow and leaned over Clarke, pressing her lips to the other woman’s in a hungry kiss. Clarke responded with matched passion, reaching up and sliding a hand up Lexa’s exposed back. Lexa shifted her weight, covering Clarke’s body with her own. She hummed into the kiss as their bodies settled together, naked chests pressing together, legs intertwining. It felt right.

                Clarke’s hands came up to tangle in Lexa’s wild mane as their kiss deepened, Lexa nipped at the blonde’s lower lip then gently sucked at it, eliciting a moan from the other woman. Clarke could already feel the desire burning within her, despite still being worn out from the nights activities, she couldn’t help but want Lexa. Her hands slid up and down the toned body, worshipping the soft skin beneath her fingertips. Lexa’s lips left hers and traveled down to her neck, kissing her pulse point softly before scattering kisses along her jaw. Clarke hummed happily, letting her head fall back and her eyes close as she enjoyed the feeling of Lexa’s soft kisses.

                Lexa lips trailed back up to capture Clarke’s and she could feel the blonde smile into the kiss. She pulled away after a moment, wanting to see the smile for herself. Her heart tightened as she took in the sight of Clarke below her, blonde hair splayed out, eyes gazing up at her beneath lowered lashes while a soft smile played on her lips. “What?” Clarke asked, tilting her head as Lexa pulled away to look at her. Lexa’s lips twitched into a small smile, “you’re beautiful,” she said softly before lowering her lips back to Clarke’s.

                Clarke felt her chest exploding with emotion at Lexa’s simple words. It wasn’t the first time she’d been called beautiful, but it was the first time she’d actually felt like those words were truth. How could she not when Lexa’s green eyes worshipped her every time they gazed at her. It hadn’t been a compliment, it had been a matter-of-fact truth. Clarke kissed Lexa back with renewed fervor and the brunette moaned into the kiss, sensing the change in Clarke’s actions. Lexa slipped a thigh between Clarke’s legs and positioned herself so she straddled one of Clarke’s. The blonde moaned back at the feeling of Lexa’s new position and immediately pressed up into her body.

                They moved in time against each other, hands grabbing and squeezing at each other, pulling one another closer. Their kisses were heated, their breathing heavy. Clarke was the first reach climax, rubbing up into Lexa’s thigh desperately as pleasure spread through her body like an electric current. It started from her core and stretched out to the tips of her fingers and toes, causing them to curl. In the midst of Clarke’s soft moans a loud noise sounded from downstairs. They heard the sound of voices and realized their friends had returned. Clarke blue eyes widened desperately, she had been so close but she was rapidly losing the feeling of pleasure thanks to the interruption. Seeing this, Lexa took matters into her own hands – literally. She reached between their bodies, slipping two fingers into Clarke quickly and beginning to thrust in and out of her. Clarke cried out from the sensation and Lexa hurriedly pressed their lips together, swallowing Clarke’s cry. The blonde shuddered, her walls throbbing around Lexa’s feelings as she rapidly approached climax again. “Shhh,” Lexa whispered between kisses, trying to keep the blonde quiet so the others didn’t come upstairs to investigate the noises. Clarke pressed her lips together and bucked into Lexa’s hand, whimpering softly.

Lexa curled her fingers inside Clarke, hitting the spot she’d discovered last night that sent Clarke over the edge. The blonde arched up, reaching to her side and pulling a pillow over her face to muffle the moans she couldn’t hold back. Lexa chuckled softly and kept her pace for a moment before slowly bringing the blonde down from her orgasm. When she withdrew her fingers she felt Clarke’s body sink back into the bed and go limp. Clarke tossed the pillow aside, panting heavily, and gave Lexa an incredulous look. “Jesus Lexa,” she laughed. The brunette raised her eyebrows, “you were closer than I was, one of us deserved an orgasm before they interrupted us completely.”

                Clarke couldn’t fight her smile and lifted off the bed to press her lips to Lexa’s. “How thoughtful of you. I am the worst at being quiet, though. Should’ve gotten yourself off instead.” Lexa kissed her back and slowly rolled off of Clarke, “mmm, I like getting you off more.”

                “We should shower and get dressed before they wonder what’s up.” Clarke said with a sigh, sitting up in the bed. Lexa nodded slowly, feeling her heart sink. Blue eyes met green and Clarke reached out to touch Lexa’s cheek, “hey… this doesn’t have to end when we go back home,” she said softly. Lexa turned her face to kiss Clarke’s palm lightly, “okay.” She knew it was more complicated than that, but for now knowing that Clarke wanted whatever “this” was to continue was good enough for her. “Okay,” Clarke echoed, giving her one last smile before crawling out of bed and pulling on some clothes so she could make her way to the bathroom down the hall.

 

 

…

 

                Everyone ate breakfast together, Raven telling her tale of the slopes between mouthfuls of food, making everyone laugh as she described how she’d taken a massive fall and gotten buried in a giant snowdrift. Anya was raving about how nice the lodge was and how their room had a hot tub and everything was decorated with twinkling lights. Clarke and Lexa listened to their tales intently, though every so often would sneak glances at each other and try their best not to smile. Clarke wondered how long they’d be able to keep it a secret – their friends already knew they were attracted to each other. It was only a matter of time before they put it together.

                After the dishes had been cleared everyone began packing up their stuff, sad that it was the end of their mini-vacation. Raven was the first ready and hugged everyone goodbye before leaving the cabin, wanting to get back to Arkadia as soon as possible for some New Year’s car show she’d heard about. Anya and Roan stayed to help clean everything up and ensure nothing was left behind. “Thank you so much for letting us come,” Anya said to Clarke as she hugged the other woman tightly, “I had such an amazing time.” Clarke pulled back and smiled, “of course! I’m glad you guys were able to come.” Roan shook Clarke’s hand, a half smile on his face, “it was good meeting you blondie.” Lexa couldn’t help but chuckle at the nickname, which made Clarke smile, “yeah, you too, big guy. Also don’t be surprised if Raven starts texting you about cars and your bike. She can be a little obsessive when she meets someone with the same interests.” Roan smirked, “we exchanged numbers at the lodge. She’s gonna help me work on my bike some more,”

                Anya went in to hug Lexa, her ear pausing by Lexa’s ear, “I want _all_ the details,” she whispered mischievously before pulling away. Lexa narrowed her eyes, not sure if Anya knew something had happened or was just hoping something had and was saying that to get Lexa to talk. Anya gave her a wink before turning to hug Clarke goodbye then taking Roan by the hand and walking out with him. Lexa’s eyes were still narrowed when they left, wondering what might have tipped Anya off.

                “What’s up?” Clarke asked, noticing the look on Lexa’s face.

                The brunette turned to the blonde and replaced her slight frown with a smile, “nothing, just something Anya said when she hugged me.” Clarke’s eyebrow lifted, “do you think she knows?” the blonde inquired, trying to get a read on Lexa’s thoughts. “Not sure. But I think she probably suspects something happened.”

                Clarke took a step towards Lexa, realizing they were alone again. “Is that bad?” she asked softly. Lexa noticed her closeness and bridged the gap between them, sliding her arms around Clarke’s waist and pulling her closer, “no. She’s just too nosey for her own good.” Clarke lifted slightly, kissing Lexa cautiously, unsure if it was too soon to be making those kinds of moves. Lexa had no objection, tightening her hold on Clarke as she returned the kiss happily. It felt natural to have the blonde in her arms, kissing her sweetly. Much like their friendship, everything about being with Clarke came easy. Lexa knew if she didn’t watch herself she would fall too far too fast for Clarke, but part of her didn’t want to stop herself. She was tired of her walls that kept her safe, tired of fighting her attraction. Lexa always kept everyone at an arm’s length, but Clarke was different, and the realization that she would be okay with letting Clarke in scared Lexa. She was vulnerable and Clarke had all the power in the world to break her heart.

                Snapping out of her racing thoughts, Lexa slowly pulled away from the kiss. Not wanting to be distracted with her insecurities. Clarke had wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck loosely during the kiss and they slowly released, blue eyes worried as they searched Lexa face. Clarke could tell something was on her mind. “Lexa?” she questioned.

                Lexa pulled out her composed mask, wiping the emotion from her face and giving Clarke a convincing smile. She wasn’t going to let her anxiety and fears ruin the moment with the blonde. “I’m okay. We just need to figure some stuff out,” she replied. Clarke nodded and leaned a cheek against Lexa shoulder, not wanting to pull completely away just yet. It felt good to be close to someone again, she wasn’t ready to lose that feeling. Lexa seemed to share the sentiment and kept her arms around Clarke, absentmindedly sliding a hand up and down the length of Clarke’s back. The motion was soothing and Clarke inhaled Lexa’s scent deeply, letting her eyes close for a second. “I wish we didn’t have to go,” she confessed. Lexa hummed thoughtfully, leaning her cheek against Clarke’s head, “me neither. Everything is perfect here.”

                They stood like that for another minute, relishing the feel of being in each other’s arms. “We should probably go,” Lexa said at last. She knew the longer they stayed the harder it would be to get back to reality. Clarke nodded and sighed softly, pressing a light kiss to Lexa’s jawline before pulling away and busying herself grabbing bags to take out to the car.

 

                They didn’t speak for the beginning of the drive, each other them working on gathering their thoughts and determining how they felt about the situation. After a while Clarke was the first to break the silence, though she didn’t look at Lexa when she spoke. “What do you want?” her voice was soft. Lexa pressed her lips together, keeping her eyes trained on the windshield as she drove. What _did_ she want? She wasn’t even sure. She wanted Clarke, but was she ready for a relationship? Lexa didn’t do relationships, she didn’t know how to anymore. She wanted to be close to Clarke, to kiss her and hold her, she wanted to claim Clarke’s body as hers, spending night after night worshipping it. But was she ready to label anything? Was she ready to go public? “I don’t know…” Lexa replied at last, knowing that wasn’t much of a response. “Do you want to be with me?” Clarke asked. Lexa nodded slowly, stealing a glance from the corner of her eye. Clarke still wasn’t looking at her, but she could see the furrowed brow of worry on her perfect face. Clarke was afraid of her rejection.

                “More than anything,” Lexa admit, freeing a hand from the wheel and squeezing Clarke’s leg with it. She wanted to reassure the blonde this wasn’t just a fling for her. “I just don’t know how to be with someone anymore, honestly. I don’t want to hurt you – Clarke.” The blonde covered Lexa’s hands with one of her own, thumb stroking the back of it lightly. “Why do you think you would hurt me?”

                “Because I’m not good at relationships, Clarke. I have a hard time opening up. I’m not good when it comes to talking about feelings. I use work as an escape so I don’t have to deal with them. I just… I don’t want you to think I’m someone that I’m not. I don’t want to pretend that I’m this perfect woman that’s just going to sweep you off your feet and never hurt you,” the words tumbled from Lexa’s mouth, confessing her fears. Clarke kept the soft stroking of her thumb steady, turning to look at Lexa. She wanted to joke that it didn’t seem like Lexa was struggling with talking about her feelings just then, but she knew it wasn’t the appropriate time for it.

                “Lexa – I’ve got my issues, too. I don’t know why you’d even want to be with me, honestly. I feel like I’m damaged goods, yet somehow with you right now, I feel whole. I feel like you can see passed that…” Clarke let out a shuddery breath before continuing, “I know you’ve got your walls. I know you keep a lot in, there’s so much you don’t say and you try not to let people in. You push everyone away… and that’s okay, Lexa. You have your reasons. “

                The brunette struggled to keep her eyes on the road, swallowing hard. “Not everyone... Clarke,” she whispered. “Not you.” She felt the anxiety in her chest slowly begin to deflate as Clarke intertwined their fingers. Clarke saw her for who she was, not for who she pretended to be for the world. Normally that would scare the hell out of Lexa – and it wasn’t that she wasn’t scared, because she was. But she felt safe, with Clarke. The other woman wasn’t expecting anything from her.

                “We can just take things slow,” Clarke suggested softly, keeping her hold on Lexa’s hand. The brunette nodded slowly, though she didn’t know if it was possible to slow things down with Clarke. They hadn’t even been friends for 6 months and they were already at this point. What was slow for her?

“Okay,” Lexa said simply, not wanting to discuss the subject any further. They didn’t need to figure out the rest of their lives during that car ride. For the moment, Lexa was content with the feeling of her hand in Clarke’s and the knowledge that they had both finally come clean about their feelings. Everything else was just logistics, and Lexa was perfectly fine not dealing with those for the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave comments/feedback/suggestions so I don't get writers block and hit a wall.


	17. The visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A visitor from Lexa's past shows up at the door, which leaves Clarke with a lot of questions and a lot of worry for Lexa.  
> Lexa talks more about her past, letting Clarke in little by little. 
> 
> Let me know what you think! I had some requests for fluff, so thought this would be a good chapter development with the requested fluff. (Don't worry, there will be more smut coming). Let me know what else you guys would like to see in this story!

A few weeks had passed since the cabin and they’d made the decision to take things slow and figure out their feelings, and had so far managed to keep the events of their night alone at the cabin to themselves. Anya had bombarded Lexa with question, and Lexa had dodged them effectively, though she knew her friend had her suspicions, Lexa had been convincing enough that majorly significant had happened and Anya eventually dropped the interrogations. They’d continued to see each other the same amount as always and while with their friends they kept physical contact to a minimum to not raise anymore suspicion. The time they spent alone was another story and had ended up in steamy results several times. With each time, Clarke gained more and more confidence, though for the most part Lexa took control and initiated all the moves.

                There had been one occasion where Clarke had met Lexa outside her Polis’s building, coffee cup in hand. They’d agreed to go out to lunch whenever Lexa had finished her meeting and Clarke had surprised her, arriving to pick her up. The moment Lexa climbed in her car she’d snuck a quick kiss from the blonde before urging her to drive away, not liking to mix business with pleasure.

Early on a Friday evening Clarke found herself curled up on Lexa’s couch, leaning against the arm of it comfortably as she scrolled through her phone. “What else do you want on it?” she asked, turning her head slightly over her shoulder so Lexa could hear her from where she was in the kitchen. “Every kind of cheese they have,” the brunette called back before she began to shake the concoction of a mixed drink she was making. Clarke laughed and obeyed the request, adding multiple toppings of cheese on the pizza she was ordering for them before she set her phone down, “done!” she announced. She peeked over the back of the couch, trying to catch a glimpse of Lexa. She never grew tired of seeing the brunette in her relaxed state. Dark joggers on and a skin-tight tank top hugged Lexa’s toned body, her hair cascading loosely over her shoulders. She always looked beautiful, but Clarke particularly liked this side of the woman – the one she knew not many were privileged to see. “Thanks. These will be done in a minute,” Lexa replied, pouring the drink through a strainer into two separate glasses.

A brief knock on the door had both women looking up in confusion, “there’s no way that’s the pizza already,” Clarke commented, though she got up from the couch and went over to the door to answer it, knowing Lexa had her hands full. She opened the door and paused for a moment, staring at the woman who stood across from her in confusion. A dark-skinned woman several inches shorter and at least 15 years older stood before her, a hard expression on her face. “Who are you?” the woman asked, her voice a mixture of curiosity and annoyance. “Uhh…Lex?” Clarke called, stepping back from the doorway. She wasn’t sure if this was a friend or someone at the wrong apartment.

Lexa came around the corner quickly, drying her hand on her joggers. She froze when she saw the guest in her doorway, “Indra?” she asked, her eyes wide. The pair stared at each other for a moment before Lexa closed the distance between them, holding her arm out. They grasped each other’s forearms and Indra gave her a nod, “Heda.” A smile filled Lexa’s features as she used her grip on the woman’s arm to pull her in for a brief hug, “it’s good to see you. What brings you here?” she asked. Indra’s body stiffened at the contact, clearly not a fan of physical affection, however she didn’t pull away.

"She does," Indra replied when they finally pulled apart, shooting a look at Clarke who was standing to the side of the door. Lexa's brows burrowed in confused, "come inside," she said seriously, stepping to the right so Indra could enter. Lexa shut the door behind her and glanced over at Clarke, who was looking back and forth between the two women, distress on her face.

  
    "Clarke, this is Indra. She was my care taker when I lived with my Uncle Titus," Lexa motioned to the darker woman, introducing the two, "Indra, this is my friend Clarke." 

  
    Indra stared at the blonde, her face emotionless. _That must be where Lexa gets it from_ Clarke thought to herself. She stretched out a hand, trying to be polite. Indra didn't even try to keep the disdain off her face as she quickly took Clarke's hand then dropped it as if it had pained her to extend the greeting. 

  
    "What's going on?" Lexa asked, her voice growing wary. She hadn't seen Indra in years, she knew the fact the woman was paying an announced visit meant something was wrong. Indra turned her attention to the brunette, pretending Clarke was no longer in their presence. "It seems you've forgotten your Uncle's teachings, Heda." Clarke's brows furrowed, hearing the name again but not understanding why Indra kept calling her that.

  
    "What's that supposed to mean," Lexa snapped, quickly losing her patience. Indra shot a pointed look at Clarke before regarding the brunette again. "Your Uncle got word of your closeness with her and sent me to see where your mind is at. He fears you've lost sight of his teachings." 

  
    Clarke crossed her arms over her chest, trying to comprehend the conversation that was going on in front of her. It was clearly about her but she had no idea why, or what teachings the dark-skinned woman was referring to. Clarke felt frustrated due to how lost she was, and also felt a twinge of worry, seeing the distressed look that filled Lexa's perfect features. 

  
    "Is he having me watched or something?" Lexa cried, looking at Indra incredulously. She could feel the anger start to rise within her and she knew it would only serve as more ammo for Indra to take back to her Uncle. She thought moving to Arkadia had solved this problem, but apparently it had not. Indra rolled her eyes, treating Lexa as if she were a child. "He is not having you watched, don't be ridiculous. But someone saw the two of you outside of Polis and it got back to your Uncle." 

  
    Clarke's face paled a little, knowing exactly which occasion Indra was referring to. She felt panic fill her stomach, wondering if she had gotten Lexa in trouble, though she didn't understand why it would even be an issue. Lexa was a grown woman. 

  
    Lexa's voice was near a growl when she spoke again, startling Clarke from her inner panic. "Tell Uncle Titus I am free to make my own decisions, I do not need him checking in on me." Indra's arms slid over her chest, her chin tilted upwards to stare back into Lexa's green eyes. "Heda this is not like you. You've always been focused and dedicated to your Uncle's teachings, do not let this girl lead you astray. Make your decisions with your head and not your heart." 

  
    Green eyes flashed in anger. " ** _Get. Out_** ," Lexa hissed. 

  
    Clarke's eyes shifted to the door, not sure if the command applied to her as well. Indra remained steadfast, unflinching under Lexa's rage, "Heda, please-" she tried. 

  
    Somehow Lexa managed to stand even taller, her stature commanding respect as she looked down at Indra. Her face screamed don't fuck with me. Clarke had never seen her look so angry but in that moment the blonde could almost envision the woman dressed for battle with war paint commanding an army. She was terrifying. 

  
    "Leave us," was all Lexa said, her voice low as she flipped one hand in the air, stopping Indra mid-sentence. The dark-skinned woman glanced at Lexa's hand, then back to her eyes. After a moment, she bowed her head in resignation and turned towards the door, "your Uncle will not be pleased," was all she said before she let herself out of the apartment.   
  
    The air hung heavy in the apartment as Lexa stared at the closed door, Clarke didn't realize she was holding her breath until her chest began to burn. She was scared to move, unsure if Lexa's anger may transfer over to her. "Lexa...?" she asked, her voice small. 

  
    Anger roared in Lexa's veins, her mind racing with thoughts of her Uncle and what had just occurred with Indra. Hearing her name snapped her back to reality and she looked over, suddenly realizing Clarke was still standing there. Her anger evaporated into thin air, visibly leaving her body as her shoulders slumped. Her expression softened as she took a step towards Clarke, reaching a hand out for her, suddenly all she wanted to do was pull her close.

  
    "I am so sorry you had to see that," she said earnestly.

  
    Clarke took her outstretched hand and allowed herself to be pulled into Lexa's arms. She wasn't sure if the hug was for her comfort or Lexa's but she didn't object either way. She pressed her forehead to the other woman's shoulder and inhaled deeply. "What was that all about?" she asked, her voice muffled into the warm shoulder she leaned on. Lexa sighed softly, closing her eyes and allowing Clarke's nearness to calm her. "It's a long story," she said, her voice sounding wary and exhausted. 

  
    A knock made them jump apart, Lexa turned her head back to the door with wide eyes. Clarke could see the anger building in them again and put a hand on her shoulder, "it's probably just the pizza," she said softly. Lexa relaxed again and nodded, realizing how on edge she was. Clarke squeezed her arm gently before answering the door to handle the order. When the delivery man had left, she set the pizza box on the counter and turned back to Lexa, who still hadn't moved.  
  
"Please talk to me?" She pleaded, studying Lexa's features worriedly. The brunette sighed and nodded, wandering over to the couch and dropping down on it with a soft thud. Clarke quickly pulled two plates from the cupboards and piled them with slices of pizza before grabbing the drinks Lexa had been Making off the counter and walking over to the couch to join her friend.

 

  Lexa accepted the plate and class with a small smile of thanks before quickly throwing back the drink in one go. Clarke quirked a brow and took a small sip of hers. Lexa needed the liquid courage, it seemed. After taking a bite of pizza, the brunette settled back against the couch and sighed.

 

"After my parents died, I went to live with my Uncle Titus, who lived alone and was always working. He'd hired Indra to be a nanny more or less, she'd worked with him for years and was one of his closest confidants, so when she said she wanted to retire from the company he'd asked her to essentially become my caretaker. So she moved in, and the times my Uncle wasn't home....which was most of the time, Indra would take care of me." 

 

Clarke listened intently, holding in her questions until Lexa got through her story. She feared if she interrupted the brunette would clam up and stop talking.

 

"Anyway, my Uncle never married and never had the desire to. He feels very strongly that you can either be successful, powerful, and strong or you can be in love and have a family. But you cannot have both. From the moment I went to live with him, he drilled into me to push away my emotions, to not be weak, to focus on work and being respected. And I followed it for a long time, I was still young when I chose to follow my heart instead and it ended badly, which my Uncle smugly pointed out was because I had not listened to him. I took the job with Polis and moved here to get away from his control..." Lexa looked down at her drink and made a face, realizing it was empty. Clarke wordlessly offered hers to the other woman, which was still over half full. Lexa accepted it and drank it down quickly.

 

When the brunette didn't speak for a while Clarke assumed it was safe to talk. "What do you think about his teachings now?" She asked quietly, feeling uneasy. Lexa shrugged and let out a dry laugh, "he taught me love is weakness," she looked at Clarke seriously, her green eyes capturing the blue ones in front of her. Clarke felt like she was falling into them. "...But I don't feel weak, when I'm with you," she whispered. 

 

Clarke felt her breath catch, Lexa's words echoing in her head. She hadn't said those three words, though her response implied it. Did she love Clarke? The blonde gnawed at her bottom lip, reached out to take one of Lexa's hands which were fisted in her lap. Lexa let her hold one, lowering her glance to their conjoined hands softly. "You're not weak, Lexa," Clarke affirmed. "But... Didn't you live with him after your parents had died?" Her voice was hesitant, unsure if she should bring it up. Lexa nodded, her face remaining emotionless. "You were just a kid! Why would he tell you to push away your emotions? I mean...you were grieving, Lexa!" Clarke hadn't realized she had raised her voice slightly, feeling passionate about the subject. She could imagine being told to not feel sad after her father died. She wouldn't have been able to just pretend it never happened.

 

Lexa looked up at her with a pained expression, "I never really grieved them, honestly... I don't even remember them dying." 

 

Clarke felt her heart sink at Lexa's admission. It pained her, seeing the hurt on Lexa's face and thinking about what it must have been like for Lexa as a child. She was certain her Uncle had done some damage on the woman, forcing her to forget about her parent’s death. The trauma of it was somewhere buried deep within Lexa, tucked away to never be felt again. 

 

"I don't even remember...." Lexa said again, her green eyes filling with tears as she stared off into space. It seemed to hit her suddenly that there was a giant gap in her memory that contained the moment her life turned upside down. She remembered her parents, and then she remembered living with Titus, being scolded for feeling sad or mentioning her parents. Lexa wracked her brain, trying to recall the moment of their death, or whom had told her. She didn't know.

 

Lexa didn't realize the panic that had awoken within her as she frantically tried to remember. Her breaths came quick, her skin felt clammy and two sizes too small. She wanted to crawl out of it. Clarke watched as Lexa's expression changed from pained to panicked, her normally tan complexion paling as her breathing quickened. "Lexa! Hey, Lexa, breathe." Clarke gripped both of Lexa's hands, trying to catch her attention. She knew the woman was on the verge of a panic attack without even knowing it. Lexa's eyes snapped back to the present and she stared at Clarke with wide eyes, not knowing why her chest felt so tight but wanting the feeling to go away. She felt Clarke's steady grip on her hands, heard her voice in the distance coaching her to breathe and focus on her.

 

Lexa tried to focus in on the blue eyes before her, so fully of worry. She swallowed hard, trying to mirror Clarke's breathing. Her mind was racing, everything seemed foggy but she wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or not. "That's it, just breathe," Clarke encouraged, her thumbs gently stroking the back of Lexa's hands. The brunette responded slowly, her breathing beginning to even out, the distant look in her eyes slowly fading. When Clarke was sure her breathing was under control she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Lexa tightly. The brunette buried her face in Clarke's neck, gripping her desperately as she found comfort in the warmth of Clarke's embrace.

 

The blonde smoothed down Lexa's hair gently, holding her close. She desperately wished she could take away her pain and fill the hole that was in Lexa's chest. She'd never seen Lexa so broken and vulnerable, this was the first time the woman had really opened up and given Clarke a glimpse into her past. Clarke realized how broken Lexa must be inside, but was awed by how well she hid it. She never let anything slip beyond her put together exterior. She was always the picture of strength and success, invoking awe from those around her. But here, in Clarke's arms, she was beginning to come undone. 

Lexa squeezed her eyes shut, forcing herself to calm. She fought the tears that clung to her lashes, refusing to cry. As much as she wanted to distance herself from her Uncle's teachings, they were engrained in her. She fought against her weakness and tears, pushed down her vulnerability. As safe as Clarke's arms were, her exposure was terrifying. She couldn't break because she wasn't entirely sure she could put herself back together. Clarke felt the tension return to Lexa's body and loosened her grip slightly, giving the brunette the freedom to pull away, which she took.

Lexa sat back and let out a shuddery breath. Suddenly she felt exhausted. Clarke gazed at her worriedly, but didn't want to press the other woman. She knew Lexa had opened up to her, she didn't want to push her too far. Lexa opened her mouth to speak then closed it slowly, not knowing what to say.

"I'm here, okay?" Clarke said softly. Lexa met her eyes and nodded, "I know," her voice wavered slightly. "You don't have to tell me anymore," Clarke continued "but if you want you, I'll listen." Lexa nodded again, her eyes full of defeat, "thank you."

 

Lexa slowly forced herself to rise off the couch, taking the empty glasses to the kitchen as an excuse to get a moment to breathe. She knew Clarke was worried, and she didn't want her to be. She was also terrified that Clarke saw how messed up she was inside and that that would scare the blonde away, or worse, cause Clarke to pity Lexa. That was the last thing she wanted. 

 

Clarke remained on the couch, giving Lexa her space. She was worried, but she knew she had to tread lightly with Lexa. While she wanted nothing more than to hold her close and offer some sort of comfort, she knew the brunette well enough to know that wasn't the kind of comfort she would accept right now. 

 

Lexa returned to the living room and busied herself lighting candles around the room, finding solace in their flickering. Clarke watched her absentmindedly. "Hey Lex?" She asked softly. The brunette turned slightly but didn't meet her eyes, "this is all happening because of me, isn’t it?"

 

This made Lexa meet her eyes. The brunette's face fell and she returned to the couch, sitting beside Clarke. "Clarke, No. This is happening because my Uncle thinks he can still dictate how I live my life. Please don't feel like this is your fault." The blonde didn't seem convinced, but nodded anyway, not wanting to cause Lexa anymore distress. "It's my choice, Clarke, not his," Lexa let out a soft breath then put a hand gently on the side of Clarke's face, "and I choose you."

 

Clarke felt her heart fill at Lexa's words and couldn't resist the urge to lean forward and press a gentle kiss to Lexa's lips. The other woman melted against her lips, returning the kiss softly. It was short and sweet, but was enough to settle the worry in both their chests for the time being. Clarke brought Lexa back to the present and kept her grounded there, the kiss reminded her she had something good and pure in her life. 

 

"What did I do to deserve you in my life?" Clarke mused softly, not really expecting a reply. Lexa laughed softly and shook her head, "I wonder the same thing about you, Clarke." They shared a small smile, the air no longer as heavy between them. "One last question..." Clarke began which a chuckle. Lexa raised an eyebrow in response. "Why did Indra keep calling you Heda"

 

Lexa laughed in surprise at the question, "she's always called me that. In her native language, it's a term of respect." Clarke nodded, not feeling any less confused, but knowing that was the only explanation she would get. 

 

They sat in silence for a moment, Lexa looking around the room at her candles as Clarke looked at Lexa. “Are you going to be okay?” she asked, breaking the silence. Lexa glanced over at her and shrugged a shoulder, “I _am_ okay.” It was a default answer – it wasn’t that she wanted to lie to Clarke or shut her out, she just automatically did. She’d felt too vulnerable tonight, she needed to save some semblance of strength. Clarke gave her a look that said she clearly didn’t believe those words, but nodded all the same. “Do you want me to stay tonight?” she asked after a moment. She didn’t particularly want to leave the other woman, but she would respect whatever it was that Lexa needed.

 

She thought for a moment, her head and heart at war. Lexa wanted Clarke to stay, she wanted to lay in bed with the blonde and pretend tonight hadn’t happened. But her head won the battle and Lexa knew she needed to think over the night’s events and sort out her mixed emotions. “I think I need some time alone,” Lexa answered softly, peering up at Clarke in hopes that she would understand. Clarke gave her a small smile and leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to her lips before getting up. “Of course. Text me if you need anything.”

 

…

 

Lexa laid awake for hours, watching the time slowly tick by as her mind refused to quiet. It hadn’t been too late when Clarke had left her apartment and after a long hot shower she’d climbed into bed, knowing she just needed time to think. She pondered what her Uncle would do and whether or not she should text him, she thought back to her parents and when they were still alive, she thought about Indra’s visit – but most of all, Lexa thought about Clarke. She thought about those blue eyes full of worry, or the way Clarke had brought her out of her panic and into safe arms. Or how Clarke had respected her request to be alone, even though Lexa now regretted that request. She knew if the blonde was beside her, her mind would settle down.

She rolled over, turning on the backlight of her phone and reading the time. It was _2:08am_. Lexa groaned softly, pressing her face back into the pillow. She felt like she’d never sleep, yet she was physically and emotionally exhausted. Her thoughts returned back to Clarke and she grabbed her phone again, fingers hovering over the messaging icon. It was so late, or rather early, she was sure Clarke would probably be asleep by then. Lexa argued with herself internally, letting the screen go dark before turning it back on several times. The last thing she wanted to do was make Clarke get out of bed and drive across town at 2 in the morning to come comfort her, though Lexa knew if she texted Clarke would do it in a heartbeat.

After arguing with the voice in her head for a few more moments Lexa tossed the covers back and got out of bed before she could change her mind. If she wanted Clarke, she would go to Clarke. A part of her felt weak for seeking out comfort, but the other part ignored the feeling. She was trying her best not escape from the teachings that had been instilled in her that kept her from relying on someone else. Clarke was safe. Clarke was understanding. Clarke was everything Lexa needed.

 

 

Clarke stirred from her restless sleep, staring up at the ceiling and holding her breath. She’d been certain that she’d heard a knock on the door but she knew it was an ungodly hour so she hesitated. When the soft knock came again Clarke pulled herself out of bed and pulled on a pair of pajama pants that she had discarded beside the bed. She rarely slept fully dressed. The blonde padded her way down the hall and to the door silently, she closed one eye and pressed her open one to the peep-hole then immediately pulled back and opened the door.

Lexa stood before her in the same joggers she’d been wearing earlier and a zip up hoodie. She looked exhausted. “Is everything okay?” Clarke asked, worry taking precedence over her confusion. Lexa looked at her sheepishly, “I just….I couldn’t sleep and I-“ the realization that Lexa had shown up at her door at 2am because she needed her dawned on Clarke and she hurriedly reached for the brunette’s hand, pulling her inside the apartment and cutting off her sentence. She didn’t have to explain. “I’m glad you came over,” Clarke said with a comforting smile. She led Lexa through the dark apartment, their hands still linked together. One they were in the bedroom Clarke turned on the bedside lamp and stripped back down to her boy shorts before pulling back the covers. Lexa did her best not to stare at the perfect ass in front of her and instead busied herself unzipping her hoodie and taking off her shoes. She stripped down to her pajamas then walked around the bed to join Clarke.

She laid down slowly, turning to face the blonde as she settled under the blankets. Blue eyes were already on her, searching her worriedly. Lexa offered a half smile, trying to convince Clarke she was okay. The truth was, she wasn’t so sure if she was okay. “Come here,’ Clarke said softly, extending an arm and motioning for Lexa to get closer. The brunette let out a shuddery breath before slowly inching closer to the woman. Clarke’s arm slipped behind her shoulders and pulled her even closer. Lexa curled her body into Clarke’s and laid her head against the blonde’s chest, relishing in the warmth radiating off of her. Clarke’s arm wrapped around her securely and she turned her head slightly, pressing a gentle kiss to Lexa’s temple before using her free hand to turn off the light.

 

“Thank you,” Lexa whispered softly, laying a hand flat against Clarke’s stomach and tracing small patterns against the thin fabric of her shirt. Clarke hummed softly, the sound filling Lexa’s ears and making her eyes drift closed slowly, “nothing to thank me for,” she replied honestly. The blonde felt Lexa’s body slowly relax against her and she reached up to intertwine her fingers with Lexa’s, which were resting on her stomach. Lexa squeezed them lightly and Clarke ran her fingers through Lexa’s chestnut waves, “get some sleep, Lex,” she whispered softly. Lexa nodded and moved impossibly closer into her, “good night,” she mumbled sleepily, already feeling soothed enough from the blonde’s motions to begin to drift off.

“Goodnight,” Clarke whispered back before she let her eyes drift shut. She couldn’t help but smile at the fact that Lexa had driven across town at 2am to sleep beside her. Maybe her walls were coming down after all.


	18. The Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa makes a decision about her feelings. NSFW. 
> 
> Somewhat short chapter - however I have 2 more already written! Expect the next chapter to jump a few months in the future to continue with the story line. Please let me know what you guys think! I'll post the next chapter after I finish tweaking it.
> 
> Get ready guys. It's about to get intense.

Small beams of sunlight filled the room when Lexa slowly came-to from her dreamless sleep. She opened her eyes slowly but her vision was obscured by masses of blonde hair. It took several moments for the events from the night before to return to Lexa, but when she awoke completely to find herself still in Clarke’s arms she couldn’t help but smile. She inhaled the blonde’s sweet scent deeply and nestled closer, not wanting to leave the embrace yet. Clarke was still sleeping peacefully, soft even breaths filled Lexa’s ears and she let her eyes drift closed again, enjoying the moment.

Another 10 minutes passed before Clarke began to stir in her sleep and she grumbled softly, still not conscious. Lexa chuckled at the noise, which woke Clarke up completely. Blue eyes opened to find green eyes gazing up at her intently. Clarke smiled at the sight and tightened her arm, which had remained around Lexa’s body for the duration of the night. “Good morning,” Clarke said in a sleepy voice. Lexa returned the smile, her heart filling with emotion. She suddenly felt like she might burst with how full her chest was. She propped up on her shoulder and leaned her head forward, pressing a slow sweet kiss to Clarke’s lips. The blonde hummed into the kiss happily, allowing her eyes to close again and she felt Lexa’s smooth lips move over hers. The brunette pulled away when they were both in need of air and after panting quietly she smiled, “good morning.”

“How are you feeling?” Clarke asked lightly, hand coming up to brush Lexa’s cheek with her fingertips. Lexa gave her a genuine smile and turned her head slightly, kissing them. “Better,” she admit. The blonde nodded, “good.” Lexa dropped back down onto her shoulder, resuming her place on Clarke’s chest as she sighed softly, “thank you for yesterday.” Clarke’s fingers slowly trailed through Lexa’s waves, gently untangling knots and smoothing it down. “I already told you there’s nothing to thank me for, Lexa,” she said earnestly. She didn’t feel like she’d done anything worthy of thanks. All she’d been able to do was hold the woman. She couldn’t undo the past or make yesterday’s events disappear. Lexa tilted her head up slightly to meet blue eyes, “no, really,” her voice was soft but serious, “it means a lot. I trust you, Clarke. I want to tell you more about my past, I know you’re probably curious. I just…need a little time.”

Clarke gazed down at her in adoration, seeing the vulnerability in those green eyes. Clarke nodded in understanding, “you don’t have to tell me anything until you’re ready, Lexa. Just don’t shut me out.” Lexa nodded back and pressed a light kiss to Clarke’s collar bone, “okay,” she agreed. She would try her best.

 

….

 

When Lexa returned home that day she’d made the decision to no longer keep Clarke a secret. The blonde had seen more sides of Lexa than most people, she’d seen her angry, vulnerable, happy, and sad. Blue eyes had witnessed Lexa coming undone in the throes of passion and in remembering bits of her past. Clarke hadn’t run away or judged Lexa, she’d been safe and understanding, showing the brunette it was okay to be vulnerable and that she wasn’t alone. Lexa knew Clarke was under her skin, and somehow the blonde was re-wiring everything Lexa had turned herself into. She was breaking down her walls and Lexa had only two choices: Run away or let her in completely. She couldn’t hold her at an arms-length anymore or pretend that she wasn’t falling head over heels for the woman. She was okay with the world knowing, no matter what her Uncle thought.

 

That afternoon Lexa met Anya for coffee, knowing her friend would be furious if she was the last to know. The moment Lexa told Anya how she felt the older woman threw both hands in the air in celebration, “about damn time, Lex!” she cried. Lexa rolled her eyes and sat back in her chair, giving the woman a moment to settle. “So, are you guys officially together?” Anya asked after she’d finished her celebration. Lexa shook her head, “that’s what I need your help with.” The older woman raised a perfectly arched eyebrow, “you know I can’t ask her for you, right?” her tone was teasing, but Lexa rolled her eyes all the time. “I’m not that big of a chicken, Anya. I just don’t want to fuck it up, okay? She’s… special.”

Anya grinned devilishly, rubbing her hands together, “never thought I’d see the day someone made an honest woman out of you.” Lexa rolled her eyes, again.

“Don’t make me regret telling you,” the brunette warned.

Anya mocked being offended but sighed in resignation, “okay, okay. So what are you thinking? Are you going to be all old school and ask her to be your girlfriend?” The face Lexa made at that made Anya laugh, “well you have to ask her to be something!”

“It sounds so childish to ask her if she’ll be my girlfriend,” Lexa complained, absentmindedly stirring her coffee.

“Well it’s a little soon to ask her to marry you,” Anya deadpanned.

Lexa nearly choked, looking up at her with wide eyes, “yeah, a little fast, Ahn” she replied, suddenly feeling nervous. Could she see herself marrying Clarke? Wasn’t that the point of a relationship? Lexa’s hands felt sweaty against the warm mug and she pulled them away quickly, it was definitely way too soon to think about anything like that. Yet a little voice in the back of her mind whispered _yes_. She could see herself with Clarke.

“Why don’t you just tell her how you feel then? Don’t ask her to be anything. Just tell her what’s on your mind and how you feel about her. Let her know you want to be with her. Let her decide what she wants to be,” Anya suggested thoughtfully, her eyes studying Lexa. She’d never seen her friend so hung up on a girl.

Lexa pursed her lips in thought before nodding, “not a terrible idea.”

Anya winked at her with a mischievous smile, “you can thank me after the wedding.”

 

…

                Lexa had her arm linked through Clarke’s as they walked down the snow-covered streets of downtown. They’d just finished with dinner – Lexa had asked Clarke out on a date. The only sound between the two was the soft crunch of snow beneath their boots as they strolled towards the city center. It was still lit from the holidays and soft sparkling lights were wound around posts and strung between trees.

                When they reached the center Lexa dropped down on one of the benches and Clarke joined her, instantly moving closer until their bodies touched. She leaned her head against Lexa’s shoulder, glancing around at the lights. “You’re being quieter than usual tonight,” Clarke mused softly. “A lot on my mind,” Lexa replied quietly. The truth was she’d been trying to find the right moment all night to talk to Clarke. That was the whole point of the date – yet every time she’d gone to bring it up something had stopped her. She was scared of the vulnerability.

                “Wanna talk about it?” Clarke asked, pulling away slightly so she could look at Lexa. Green eyes met blue and Lexa gave her a small smile. Now was as good a time as any. “Yeah, I do,” she replied, surprising the blonde. Clarke turned, positioning herself so she was facing Lexa completely. Lexa had her full attention. Laughing nervously, Lexa twisted her hands in her lap, trying to find the right words. “what’s on your mind, Lex?” Clarke urged, finding the sudden disposition of the brunette a little worrying.

                Lexa took a deep breath, mentally scolding herself for being such a baby. She looked up and met Clarke’s eyes, feeling less nervous when she looked into their familiar depths. “I really like you, Clarke,” she began, her voice barely above a whisper, “and that terrifies me, to be honest. I’m not used to letting someone get this close to me. I’m not used to having someone that _wants_ to know me the way you do…” Lexa reached forward, taking Clarke’s hands into hers. She could see the confusion in her blue eyes, knowing Clarke wasn’t sure where this line of conversation was going yet. Lexa glanced down at their conjoined hands with a small smile before continuing, “but I don’t want to run from it anymore. I don’t want to push you away because it scares me, I don’t want to pretend that we’re just friends because I’m scared of commitment or what anyone else might say…”

                Clarke’s eyes were searching Lexa’s green ones desperately, she could feel her heart pounding in her chest at Lexa’s words. “So what do you want?” Clarke whispered after letting out a shaky breath. Suddenly her mouth felt impossibly dry.  Lexa met her eyes, her green ones shining, “I want to be with you, Clarke. “

                Clarke couldn’t contain the rush of emotion she felt at Lexa’s softly spoke words. They echoed in her ears as her eyes filled with tears and she leaned in, pressing her lips to Lexa’s to convey all the words she didn’t know how to say. Lexa’s gasp of surprised was swallowed by the kiss and she quickly responded to the movement, her hands coming up to cup either side of Clarke’s face as she tilted her head slightly. Clarke kissed her hungrily, wanting Lexa to know exactly how she felt. There weren’t enough words to do her emotions justice. When they broke apart, panting for air, Lexa’s eyes searched Clarke. “I want to be with you, too,” Clarke whispered between soft gasps for air. Lexa leaned forward again, claiming Clarke’s lips with her own. Suddenly she wanted nothing more than to be ripping clothes off the other woman and claiming her body. The way Clarke was kissing her hinted that the blonde felt the same way and when they broke apart again for air Clarke whispered, “take me home.”

 

                The car ride was the most painful one Lexa had ever experienced. She tried to focus on getting back to her apartment alive but the task was challenging with Clarke leaned over the center console, pressing hot kisses to Lexa’s neck, her hands roaming the brunette’s body. Lexa was breathing heavily, struggling to keep her eyes on the road as every kiss sent another wave of desire coursing through her body.

                They were a mess of hands and kisses in the elevator, only stopping one they’d reached Lexa’s floor. She scrambled for her keys, barely managing to get the door open before Clarke was on her again. She used her foot to close the door as Clarke made quick work of the large buttons on her coat. She dropped it to the floor and unzipped Clarke’s jacket, shoving it off her shoulders as her lips pressed frantic kisses along her jawline. “Bed,” Clarke choked out, slipping out of her shoes before pushing Lexa backwards towards the hallway.

                They stumbled their way through the hall, discarding clothing as they went. By the time the back of Lexa’s legs hit the bed, Clarke was in nothing but her bra and Lexa was stepping out of her underwear. Lexa crawled up the bed, Clarke in pursuit, the blonde leaned over Lexa and flicked on the lamp that was on the night table. “I want to see you,” she said, her voice husky and laced with desire. Lexa gazed up as the soft light of the bulb cast a glow over Clarke. She couldn’t keep her jaw from dropping slightly as the blonde unhooked her own bra then slowly pulled it away, exposing her perfect breasts. Clarke gazed down at Lexa, blue eyes hungry, before slowly lowering her body to press against the woman beneath her and taking her bottom lip between her teeth. She nipped lightly before sucking at Lexa’s lip, the brunette whimpered beneath her. She’d never seen Clarke take control like this and it was hands down the sexiest sight Lexa had ever witnessed.

                Her hands reached up, sliding along Clarke’s soft skin, reaching down to squeeze her ass before sliding back up and tangling in her blonde waves. “Fuck, Clarke,” Lexa hissed as the blonde slid a hand between their bodies, fingers tweaking one of Lexa’s already perked nipples. Lexa lifted her hips up, trying to make contact with something. There was an ache between her thighs that had been growing stronger by the moment since they’d left downtown. She was desperate to feel Clarke’s touch.

                Clarke felt the movement and pulled away for moment, readjusting her position so she was sitting at an angle to Lexa’s body. She lowered herself back down and a low guttural moan escaped Lexa’s lips as she felt Clarke’s wet center connect with hers. Clarke shut her eyes for a moment, gasping from the contact. She’d never felt something so good.

                Their eyes met in the dim glow of the lamp and Lexa felt desire pool in her body, Clarke leaned forward, claiming Lexa’s lips with her own, then began to slowly rock her hips against Lexa. It didn’t take long for the slow calculated rhythm to become frenzied and desperate as they quickly reached the brink of their orgasms. Lexa gripped at Clarke’s ass, desperately pulling her in closer as Clarke grinded her body down, their bodies gliding over one another from the wetness.

                “God you feel so good,” Clarke choked out, tangling her hands in Lexa’s mane as she pulled the woman up for a bruising kiss. Lexa moaned into her mouth, bucking her hips up harder. “I’m so close,” Lexa gasped when Clarke pulled away for air. The blonde moaned in response, speeding up the pace. Their bodies moved together frantically, grinding into one another until they were covered in a thin glisten of perspiration. Clarke was the first to come, throwing her head back, mouth open in silent ecstasy as she shuddered against Lexa’s body. The brunette was close behind her, watching in awe as Clarke orgasmed before her own came crashing over her, sending her senses into overdrive as she clung to Clarke’s body.

                Soft moans filled the air between them as Clarke rocked her hips slowly, enjoying the sensitivity that sent shock waves through her body. Lexa’s eyes were closed, her chest rising and falling rapidly as she came down from her high. Clarke gazed down at her with hooded eyes, admiring the sight. She pressed into Lexa’s body for a moment, surprising a moan from the woman beneath her. Clarke smiled before slowly untangling their limbs and collapsing on the bed beside Lexa.

                “Holy shit,” Clarke panted, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand. Lexa cracked open an eye, still reeling. “That was fucking incredible, Clarke.”

                With a groan, Lexa mustered all her energy to roll to her side, sliding an arm over Clarke’s body and pulling her close. She kissed the blonde gently before pressing her forehead to the other woman’s and inhaling her deeply. They smelled like sex and whatever perfume Clarke was wearing and Lexa thought it was the most arousing smell ever.

                Clarke closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of Lexa’s soft breaths against her skin. She didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing. Words didn’t matter anymore, all that mattered was that she was there in Lexa’s arms and they’d just shared a mind-blowing orgasm. They laid like that for several minutes, catching their breath and waiting for their hearts to stop pounding from the exertion. Lexa was the one to pull away first, just enough so that they could look into each-other’s eyes. “So does this mean we’re together?” Clarke asked with a soft laugh as she studied Lexa’s relaxed face. Full lips curved into a smile and Lexa tightened her hold on the other woman, “I’d like it to.”

                Clarke couldn’t help but press a sweet kiss to Lexa’s smile before pulling away and nodding, “then it’s settled. You’re mine.”


	19. The phone call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa works late, Anya makes a disturbing discovery, and Clarke gets a phone call that sends her rushing to the hospital.
> 
> Quick warning for this chapter - it has some sensitive subjects that may be triggers. There's violence, suggestions of sexual assault, and trauma. So read at your own will.
> 
> Also disclaimer: Obviously I'm not a doctor, so if this stuff is not medically accurate, forgive me. Please let me know what you think of this chapter! Almost finished with the next one but I'd really like some feedback to see what you guys are thinking of the story and if there's anything in particular you'd like to see or feel I've missed.

**2 Months Later**

Clarke sat at her dining room table, staring at the candles flickering on the centerpiece as she sipped at her glass of wine. She glanced at her phone for the thousandth time - still nothing. Lexa was supposed to come over after work for dinner and Clarke had wanted to surprise her. She'd cooked Lexa's favorite pasta, bought a bottle of wine, lit candles. She'd even dressed up even though they were staying in to eat. Lexa had to work late and had sent a text around 4:30pm saying she would be there at 7pm latest. The clock read _8:47_. She was trying to push away the hurt that had been steadily festering in her, she was sure Lexa had been caught up doing something and lost track of time, and she wouldn't just stand her up. Plus, it wasn't like Lexa knew Clarke had a surprise waiting for her, so Clarke couldn't be mad about the surprise that was now going to waste. But she still couldn't help but feel annoyed her girlfriend hadn't called or texted. Or at least given her s _omething_. 

They’d been officially dating for two months, and everything had been going perfectly. They hadn’t fought – what was there to even fight about? All their friends were happy for them. Lexa’s Uncle had been radio silent with his opinions. Everything was going so well. They traded off nights at each other’s apartments, spent time together with their friends. The only thing Clarke hadn’t been able to convince Lexa to do was go on a triple date with Octavia, Lincoln, Roan, and Anya – but she was pretty sure that had more to do with Lexa not wanting to leave Raven out than it did being embarrassed about the triple date. But as Clarke sat there alone she couldn’t help but wrack her brain wondering if she’d done something wrong, maybe she’d said something that upset Lexa? Maybe something had happened and Lexa was finally shutting her out? Maybe Lexa had come to her senses and realized she could do a hundred times better than Clarke?

 With a sigh, she began eating her dinner which had been sitting in front of her for the past hour. It was just her and her thoughts for the night, she figured. Clarke didn't bother heating it back up. She continued staring across the table at the empty place setting as she ate her pasta. Her phone rang suddenly next to her, causing her to jump. She glanced at it and saw a picture of Lexa on the screen. Clarke bit her lip, unsure if she should let on how hurt she was on the phone. 

  
    "Hello?" she answered finally.

 But it wasn't Lexa's voice on the other end. It took Clarke a moment to register who the panicked voice belonged to, "Anya? What happened?" Her hurt dissipated instantly and was replaced by worry. She hadn't caught anything Anya had just said, but the other woman sounded panicked. The fact that she was calling from Lexa's phone couldn't be a good sign. 

  
    Anya repeated herself and Clarke dropped the fork she'd been holding in her free hand.

  
    "I'm on my way."

  
  
**_3 hours earlier_**  


 

Lexa finished up the last of her paperwork and filed it away, she was so ready to leave the office and see Clarke. It had been a ridiculously long day and all she wanted to do is curl up on the couch with the blonde and not think about work for another minute. Lexa peeked her head into the conjoined office to see Anya frantically typing away at her keyboard, "I'm heading out," she said with a smile. Anya barely glanced up, "have fun, kid" she joked. Lexa rolled her eyes, "how long are you staying tonight?" Anya hadn't come in quite as early as her after having a late night with Roan, but she had just as much work to do. Anya stopped typing and sat back in her chair with a groan, "probably another couple of hours. I have so much shit to do." Lexa shook her head and chuckled, "well, have fun. I'll lock up on my way out."

 The brunette quickly made her way through the bottom floor of the building to the attached parking garage, she needed to run home and change before heading to Clarke's, but she wanted to let the blonde know she was on her way. She dug through her purse, trying to find her phone as she quickened her pace through the dimly lit garage.

  
    "About time." She heard a voice behind her and she froze. It sounded vaguely familiar. Lexa spun around to see the source. It was one thing to be on edge walking through a parking garage alone in the evening, it was another to walk through it and realize you were in fact - not alone. 

  
    Finn stood before her, arms crossed over his chest and an annoyed look on his face. Lexa straightened her posture, hand still in her purse. She searched around subtly, trying to find the pocket knife she had stashed in there. "What do you want?" Lexa demanded, immediately picking up a defensive tone. He obviously wasn't there for a friendly chat or he wouldn't have been waiting for her in the parking garage. 

  
    "I want Clarke," he replied simply. Lexa raised an eyebrow. Finn took a step towards her and she fought the urge to take a step back. She wouldn't let him intimidate her. She was fairly certain she could take him, if she absolutely had to. "But I see you've claimed her as yours and probably helped convince her to take the restraining order out on me that I was served last month." 

  
    Lexa narrowed her eyes, scanning his body language for a sign of threat. Clarke hadn’t mentioned anything about actually taking out the restraining order since the only time Lexa had suggested it. "Wonder why she'd need something like that," the brunette spat, motioning around them to indicate their current situation. "I would never hurt Clarke!" Finn snapped. "But you, you're another story." Finn took another step forward. "Are you threatening me?" Lexa growled, hand closing around the knife in her purse. Finn let out a humorless laugh and pushed back at the cuffs of his jacket, "I'm doing more than that. I'm teaching you," Finn stopped his motions, eyes flicking behind Lexa for a moment before returning to her face, "I'm teaching you to not mess with what's mine."

  
    Lexa dropped her purse, pulling the knife out and flicking it open immediately. Before she could do anything with it she felt someone grab her from behind, a steel grip on her wrist forced her to drop the knife as she struggled against whomever had her from behind. The smell of cheap aftershave filled her nostrils and she knew Finn had brought company. Finn laughed, closing the distance between them slowly as his eyes flashed. Lexa fought the urge to scream as she focused on twisting in the grip of whomever had her. She was definitely outmatched. She brought a food up then smashed it back down with purpose, kicking the shin of the man behind her. He cried out in surprise but didn't loosen his hold, instead Lexa felt a sharp pain in her lower back and knew his knee had made contact with it. "Stupid bitch!" he snarled. 

  
    Finn was now directly in front of her, a taunting smile on his lips as he kicked the knife that was laying by his feet to the side. "Bet you didn't expect me to bring a friend," he laughed. Lexa felt anger rise up within her and smashed her head backwards with as much force as she could, she heard the crunch of the man's nose breaking and felt the warmth of blood on the back of her neck. He immediately released her, reaching up to grab his nose to stem the bleeding. Without missing a beat Lexa started running, not bothering to go for her purse or knife. She wanted as much distance between her and them as possible. "You idiot!" she heard Finn yell before the sound of footfalls behind her told her he was in pursuit. Her heart was hammering, blood and adrenaline pumping through her veins as she made for the exit that led to the street and hoped there were people around.

  
    Finn made a grab for her, fingers catching the edge of her jacket and pulling her back with force. Lexa desperately tried to struggle out of it but the amount the motion had slowed her gave Finn enough time to catch up. He shoved her to the ground and Lexa felt the cold cement connect with her body in several places. Finn's friend caught up and the moment he was near enough he kicked his foot out, connecting with Lexa's ribcage, "that's for my nose!" he spat. Lexa attempted to scramble to her feet but the impact of his foot kicking her again brought her back down. "Hold her down," Finn snapped, crouching down in front of her. Lexa kicked out with her leg but he easily smacked it away from his face. His friend struggled with her, trying to get a hold of both her arms. Lexa fought back, scratching and punching in an attempt to keep herself free. A sharp pain to the ribs again left her winded and momentarily frozen in pain and the man was able to subdue her hands. Lexa growled, struggling against his grip frantically. Finn dropped down on top of her, essentially straddling her, which left her incapable to using her legs as weapons. He reached forward and ripped at her blouse, buttons popped off and clattered to the ground. Lexa pulled away from his touch but there was nowhere to go. Frustrated tears burned at her eyes as she tried and failed to fight them. 

  
            "Maybe next time you shouldn't mess with what isn't yours," Finn snarled before shifting his weight so he could pull at her dress pants. Lexa's eyes widened, realizing what he was attempting to do. She fought with renewed determination and let out a scream, hoping someone would hear it. "Shut her up!" Finn snapped. A hand covered her mouth and she opened it wider, biting down on the flesh until she tasted blood. With her hand suddenly free, she launched herself forward, punching Finn square in the nose. A crunch told her his nose had broken as well. Finn's hand closed around her throat, cutting off oxygen as she clawed at his face. "Let's just fucking go before someone comes!" the man said, panic in his voice. "I'm not done with her!" Finn argued, tightening his hold around Lexa's neck. She turned her attention to clawing at his hand, desperate to get a breath of air. 

  
    "Well _be_ done with her, I am not getting caught for this bitch!" 

  
    Finn loosened his hold slightly and Lexa gasped for air. His face contorted in anger as he glared down at her, "don't you fucking forget this," he spat before his hand tightened and she slammed her head down against the concrete with force. 

  
    Blackness took over Lexa's vision as she lost consciousness. 

  
...

  
    Searing pain filled every nerve ending in Lexa's body as her eyes slowly fluttered open. Everything was hazy, dots filled her vision and something was still around her neck. She immediately reached up, attempting to claw it off. "Ma'am, you need to leave that on!" She heard a woman scold, her voice stern. Lexa struggled to comprehend what was happening. Her gaze shifted and Anya's blurred face filled her vision, "I'm right here Lexa, we're on the way to the hospital," her voice was tight and scared, her eyes red from crying. Lexa tried to understand what was happening. Darkness started to fill her vision again as she fought to stay conscious, "Clarke," she managed to choke out. Where was Clarke? Anya nodded, "I'll call her," she promised before Lexa lost consciousness again  
  
...  
  


 Clarke rushed down the hallway of the hospital, seeing Anya at the other end of it. The older woman met her halfway and Clarke threw her arms around her. "Is she okay?!" Clarke cried, hugging Anya tight. The woman pulled away after a moment and shook her head, swiping at fresh tears, "I don't know. They have her in an induced coma to combat the swelling from the head trauma, they're not sure if there's any brain injury yet. She's really banged up, Clarke." 

  
    The blonde felt her heart in her throat, everything crumbling apart around her. "What happened?" she asked, wrapping her arms around herself. Anya shook her head again, "I don't know. She left the office close to 6 and said she was going to your place. I was the only other person there and I had to work late, I left around 8 and I found her in the parking garage. There was blood everywhere, her purse was halfway across the garage, her sh-" Anya trailed off at the horrified expression on Clarke's face and pulled the blonde into a tight hug. "Her what?" Clarke choked out, trying to keep herself together. Anya hesitated, unsure if she should tell Clarke or if Lexa would want her to know. "Anya, her what?" Clarke said again, pulling away to look at the older woman. Anya looked like she was about to cry again. "Her shirt was ripped open, Clarke. I think... I don't know. I don't know if they did anything. It looks like she put up a hell of a fight, they were saying most of the blood on her wasn't hers." 

  
    Clarke couldn't hold back the tears as she felt her heart sink. She didn't want to think about someone hurting Lexa, let alone touching her. She felt like she was going to be sick. "Can I see her?" she choked out.   
  
...  
  
               Clarke stayed with Lexa through the night, unwilling to leave her side despite the doctor's protesting. After going back and forth they finally agreed to let Clarke stay with her and brought her an extra blanket, though they made it clear they typically did not make these kinds of exceptions. The only reason they had agreed to it was the fact Lexa had no immediate next-of-kin and her Uncle had been unreachable all night. It was close to 2 in the morning by the time Anya had finally left and the noise of the hospital slowly began to die down. Clarke was curled up in an uncomfortable chair beside Lexa's hospital bed and she had both her hands on one of Lexa's, holding it tightly. She watched as the other woman slept, eyes trained on the soft rise and fall of Lexa's chest. Clarke felt an ache in her chest as she took in Lexa's injuries for the hundredth time that night. Her neck was dark purple and severely bruised, her face had scrapes on it and was partially obscured by a bandage that was wrapped around Lexa's head due to the gash she had in the back of it. She had a broken rib and multiple cracked ones, her hands were scraped up and bruised as well. Clarke couldn't imagine how much pain the other woman had been in, or how scared she had been. She also couldn't imagine who would hurt Lexa like this. The doctors had said it was a violent attack, anger driven. The fact that it had happened after work in the parking garage made it seem like a planned attack. Perhaps the only good news they had been able to share was that there were no signs of rape. 

  
    Lexa had been in and out of consciousness for the first hour she was at the hospital before they'd decided to induce the coma. The doctors had assured Clarke they would bring her out of it in the morning if everything went well, there were no signs of brain injury so all that was left was for Lexa to rest and heal. When the lure of sleep became too strong to resist any longer, Clarke laid her head on the edge of the bed and let her eyes close slowly, focusing on the steady sound of machines beeping that assured her Lexa's heart was still beating normally.   


Anya returned in the morning, looking like she hadn't gotten much sleep. Clarke was already awake, watching as nurses examined the back of Lexa's head and changed the bandage on it. "Thanks," Clarke mumbled softly, accepting a coffee that Anya was offering. The woman nodded in response and sat next to Clarke, "what's the word?" she asked. 

  
    The nurse gently laid Lexa's head back against the pillow then turned to address both women, "we were able to get ahold of her Uncle this morning, he's on a business trip and won't be able to return right away. He's given the authorization to let us speak with you both regarding her condition," she said, sounding almost robotic. Anya nodded, waving a hand in dismissal, she didn't care much for Titus. "What about Lexa?" 

  
    "As soon as the Doctor comes in we plan on bringing her out of the induced coma state. It's too soon to say much, it'd be all speculation. This is all going to depend on her," the nurse motioned to Lexa before offering a small smile, "she seems like a fighter, though."

  
    "She is," both Anya and Clarke responded in unison.   


The Doctor came in shortly after and requested they both leave the room while he evaluated her charts and examined her. When a nurse told them they could go back in the Doctor was on his way out. "How is she?" Clarke asked, trying to catch him. The man paused and glanced down at his clipboard before looking back up, "better than expected. She should wake up fairly soon, we'll be able to tell how well she's doing once she's awake and evaluate whether or not there were any injuries we may have missed. The nurse will explain more in depth, I’ve gotta take this," he motioned to the pager that was going off on his side before quickly rushing down the hall. 

  
    When they re-entered the room the nurse gave a long, rehearsed warning of the possibility of memory loss, slurred speech, extreme confusion, and lack of recognition. She warned them to be prepared for any possibility and to be as positive as possible. When Clarke and Anya verbalized their understanding, she checked Lexa's stats then left the room.

 They wordlessly settled on either side of her, each of them holding one of Lexa's hands, waiting for any sign that indicated she was waking up. Clarke was the first to feel her fingers begin to twitch and she felt as if a weight had lifted from her shoulders. Somewhere in the back of her mind she was scared Lexa would never wake up. "Lexa?" Anya asked softly, seeing if speaking to her would yield any results. The brunette began to stir and the two women shot each other hopeful looks.   


  
            Excruciatingly bright light filled Lexa's vision as she struggled to get the world back into focus. There was a dull throbbing at the back of her head, a sharp pain in her side, and swallowing hurt. She sluggishly took inventory of her injuries as her brain started to clear. Lexa blinked several more times, the light no longer as bright as her eyes adjusted to the room around her. Clarke was the first face to come into focus and Lexa felt a rush of relief wash over her at the sight. Her beautiful face was etched with worry and fear, eyes red from sleep exhaustion and crying. It hurt Lexa to see her so distressed.   
   

 "Lexa?" Clarke tried. Lexa blinked again, this time fully conscious. She managed to lift the edge of her mouth in a small smile, "hey," she whispered, her voice hoarse. She winced - it hurt to talk. Relief flooded Clarke's features, "hey," she whispered back, trying to keep her voice from shaking. Lexa slowly turned her head, seeing movement out of the corner of her eyes. Anya was sitting to her right, her expression matching Clarke's. "You look rough," Lexa joked, trying to coax a smile out of the woman. Anya laughed in relief, "you should see yourself." 

  
    "I'm going to let the nurses know she woke up," Anya said softly, glancing over at Clarke. The blonde nodded gratefully before turning back to Lexa. "How do you feel?" she asked softly, fingers slowly stroking the back of Lexa's hand. "Like crap," the brunette said honestly. "What happened?" Clarke asked, keeping her voice gentle. Lexa tried to think, but everything was too foggy. She shook her head, frustrated, "I don't know. I remember I was going to go to your apartment...and I remember getting in the elevator to leave. That's it..."

  
    Clarke nodded, "it'll come back," she said encouragingly. 

 

 Anya returned with two nurses at her feet and they shooed Clarke out of the way so they could check on Lexa. They shined lights in her eyes, asked her a series of questions, and had her rate the pain she felt. After administering another dose of morphine they scurried away again and left the three women alone. Lexa felt overwhelmed with exhaustion and trying to remember what had happened. It was driving her crazy that she was in the hospital with numerous injuries, yet she had no recollection of what had happened.

When her eyes began to drift closed Anya leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek, promising she'd be back later than night to check on her. Lexa mumbled incoherently as the darkness took her in again.  
  
...  
  
                Clarke made a quick trip home to shower and change before returning to the hospital. She was relieved to find Lexa hasn’t woken so she returned to her seat beside the woman, watching as she slept. Her mind felt numb to the events of the past 24 hours. She was relieved that Lexa was going to be okay, it could have been so much worse, but there were still so many unanswered questions as to what had happened. Who had attacked her? Why? 

  
    The nurses had said to try not to ask Lexa too many questions about what she didn't remember, but to answer the questions she asked with the little knowledge they had in hopes it would stir up some memories of the events. Clarke was dreading the moment that Lexa asked what had happened to her and almost wished the memories would stay hidden forever. She wasn't sure that remembering something so awful was a good thing.

  
    It was almost another hour before Lexa woke and Clarke had dozed off while she waited. Lexa glanced around the room before her gaze rested on Clarke, her neck turned at an uncomfortable angle as she slept curled up in the chair. Lexa smiled at the sight, feeling relieved to see the blonde again. Not wanting to wake her, Lexa glanced down at her body, trying to see what the damage was. She could feel a bandage around her head and something compressed around her ribs. Glancing at her hands she noticed several cuts and scrapes, though most of them looked defensive. Lexa struggled to recall the events again, but nothing came to her. 

  
    A nurse came in and noticed Clarke sleeping so she quietly moved around as she brought in a tray of food for Lexa. The brunette made a face, realizing all of it was in some sort of mushy or liquid state. "Your throat is pretty damaged, this stuff will go down easier," the nurse explained, noticing the expression. Lexa sighed and nodded, not having much of a choice. "How do you feel?" the nurse asked, moving to stand beside Lexa so she could examine her quickly. Lexa shrugged a shoulder then winced at the pain the movement caused, "I've been better." 

  
    The nurse chuckled, "I'm sure you have." 

  
    "What's the damage?" Lexa asked after a moment, realizing no one had really talked to her about her injuries. The nurse pulled her chart off of the small clip it was hanging on and listed off the injuries. Lexa winced, no wonder she was in so much pain. "Any memories returning to you?" the nurse asked cautiously. Lexa shook her head with a sigh, "no. Everything is still foggy." 

  
    "That's pretty normal. If they're coming back you'll probably start remembering within a day or two." 

  
    Lexa peered up at her, "if?" she questioned. 

  
    "Head trauma is a tricky thing. Sometimes memories come back, sometimes they don't. More often than not they'll return slowly. I've seen patients regain memories from years ago that they'd surpressed." The nurse kept her voice quiet, trying not to disturb Clarke, but the blonde was already stirring. 

  
    When Lexa didn't reply, the nurse assumed she had no further questions and left the room. Lexa sighed in frustration and turned her head to the side so she could watch Clarke. The blonde woke with a start and groaned as she straightened her neck out, the position she'd fallen asleep in had not been kind to her. Clarke's eyes wandered over to Lexa and she was surprised to see green eyes gazing back at her. "Hey, you're awake!" Clarke smiled, reaching forward to grab Lexa's hand. The brunette smiled back, "and so are you," she joked. Clarke blushed, "you should have woken me." 

  
    "No, it's okay. I'm sure you need the sleep. I haven't been up long, the nurse came in with some food and I asked her some questions," Lexa jutted her chin in the direction of the food tray at her bedside. Clarke looked over at it and made a face, seeing the contents. "What kind of questions?" Clarke asked curiously as she slowly stood up to retrieve the tray from the other side of the bed. 

  
    "Asking about my injuries, mostly. I don't remember what happened and it's driving me crazy. But from the looks of my hands, it looks defensive. I just... I don't know why I can't remember if someone attacked me..." Lexa trailed off, noticing the expression on Clarke's face. "Did they tell you anything else? How they found me? Who was the one that found me, anyway?" 

  
    Clarke brought the tray back around and set it on the edge of the bed before she set to work opening the container of Jell-O. "Anya did. She said she found you around 8 when she was leaving..." Clarke glanced up, trying to gauge Lexa's mindset to see if she should say more. When Lexa nodded she continued, "She said your purse was at one end of the parking garage, you were at the other. You were unconscious, there was a lot of blood - a lot of it not yours..." Clarke trailed off again, not wanting to mention the fact that Lexa's shirt had been ripped open. Lexa's brows furrowed, trying to remember. Nothing came back to her. "That's the extent of the information we have. Anya took care of calling the police, they'll probably be here later today to get a statement from you. They showed up last night but you were still unconscious." 

  
    Lexa nodded slowly, trying to process the information Clarke was giving her. "You should eat some," Clarke said softly, bringing Lexa's attention back to the present. The brunette sighed and reached up to take a spoon from Clarke. The movement sent a sharp pain through her side and she winced, dropping her arm back down, "fuck," she hissed under her breath. She had half a mind to deny the food, not wanting to feel helpless and let Clarke feed her like a child, but her stomach was growling. "It's okay," Clarke said softly, knowing that it must be killing Lexa to be so dependent on her. Lexa looked defeated as she begrudgingly allowed Clarke to help her eat. She was not looking forward to this recovery process.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading and please drop a comment with feedback, suggestions, etc!


	20. The Recovery Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa is released from the hospital and the recovery process begins. 
> 
> PLEASE see the Notes at the beginning of the chapter for a quick message regarding the storyline and responding to some of the comments/messages I have gotten. I hope it clears things up a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So first off, I appreciate everyone's feedback - you guys are great! I wanted to post this somewhat shorter chapter, mostly to just make a quick response to some of the comments and messages I've been getting. Obviously the last chapter was pretty heavy, and I've had a lot of comments on it saying it was too much and you guys saying you wanted Commander Lexa to take care of Finn and make him pay. So I just want to address this quick - 
> 
> 1\. Remember this is an AU, and while the Lexa in this story is technically Commander Lexa, they are not going to be the exact same. This is in a modern setting, and while the Lexa in this story is strong and guarded and shares a lot of similarities with the show's character, she is NOT the commander of the Grounders and it isn't practical for her to just go out and kill Finn. She's also not super-human, and while she can defend herself, it wouldn't have been realistic for her to have just been able to overpower Finn and another guy. 
> 
> 2\. Yes, the chapter was pretty rough, Lexa did get attacked. However keep in mind, Finn massacred an entire village, women, children, etc - and in his mind he was doing it for Clarke. So it isn't a crazy leap to think he'd be violent against someone he perceived as a threat. Obviously he isn't a stable or rational person. Because this is set to a modern world, I wasn't going to have him go murder a bunch of people because of his jealousy, so a more realistic event would be him lashing out against Lexa. 
> 
> 3\. I promise this is a means to an end. It will go with the story line, Lexa is going to survive, and it wasn't just a senseless attak for the sake of throwing in some crazy stuff in the story. It has its purpose which you guys will see in time! So just bare with me and enjoy the cute fluff that results from Lexa having to depend on Clarke a little more. 
> 
> Alright that's it! Hope you enjoy the chapter and hope that makes the previous chapter seem a little less harsh. You guys are awesome for reading and it makes my day getting all of your comments seeing that you guys are really into this. Let me know if there's anything specific you'd like to see and I'll do my best to make it happen!

    The day passed quickly and Lexa had insisted Clarke go to work, not wanting the blonde to take time off on her account. Clarke had argued but finally agreed to go back since Lexa was still in the hospital. The police had come and taken statements but Lexa didn't have much information to offer. They'd taken samples from the blood found at the scene but hadn't come up with any hits in their database, and none of the security cameras in the parking garage had been able to capture anything due their lenses being spray painted black. The police shared the same sentiments the hospital had suggested, saying the attack was obviously planned. The only break they'd have was if Lexa regained her memory from the attack.

  
            Clarke made a quick stop home after work to shower and change before returning to the hospital to be with Lexa. The moment she walked into the hospital room she’d stopped in her tracks, seeing an unfamiliar face at her bedside. One look at Lexa's distressed face sent Clarke into worried over-protective mode. She walked the rest of the way into the room and cleared her throat, announcing her presence. The man sitting at the edge of her bed turned around sharply and stared at Clarke, his face devoid of any sort of emotion. "Hey Clarke," Lexa greeted, offering a small smile. Clarke looked at her questioningly, "hey," she greeted back.

  
    "Clarke, this is my Uncle Titus. Uncle, this is Clarke," Lexa introduced, looking between the two warily. Clarke turned back towards the bald man who had stood from his seat at the edge of the bed. "Hello," Clarke greeted coolly. From the little Lexa had said about him, Clarke had already passed judgment, instantly not liking him. From the look on his face, he'd passed the same judgment on Clarke. "So you're the one that's been clouding Lexa's decisions." It wasn't a question, nor a greeting. Just a flat statement with a hint of disdain in his voice. Clarke crossed her arms over her chest defensively, "you mean the one that's been trying to get to know her and make her happy? Yes. That's me." 

  
    Lexa couldn't hide a smile from the sarcastic sass Clarke replied with. She could almost see the offense in her Uncle's eyes. He scoffed and turned to Lexa, face showing his disapproval. "You forget all my teachings, Lexa," he chastised. Lexa lifted her chin in defiance and narrowed her eyes, it was the only response she had available while bed ridden, but the look on her face was enough to convey the message she felt. "I do no such thing, Uncle. Clarke makes me happy, that's what matter to me." 

  
    The man shook his head, clearly displeased, "well I have arranged for Indra to come down and take care of you since I am assuming you will be unable to work for some time." 

Lexa visibly paled as she struggled to maintain her defiant composure, "that's not necessary, Uncle."  
 

 "It is necessary, I've already spoken with the Doctors. You will need someone to look after you when you are released," he replied flatly. Clarke couldn't stand to see the look on Lexa's face or the thought of her being subject to more of Indra's chastising's. "She already has someone," Clarke cut in, coming up to stand beside Lexa's bed. Titus snapped his attention to the blonde with a glare, "this does not concern you."

Clarke matched his glare, "I could say the same thing to you. Lexa already has someone to take care of her, there's no need for you to arrange anything." 

  
 Titus glanced at Lexa, who was staring up at Clarke with a grateful expression. "Is this true?" he demanded. Lexa nodded and Clarke spoke again, "I'll be staying with her until she is recovered." Titus shook his head, shooting a dirty look at Clarke before turning his full attention on Lexa. "You disappoint me, Lexa. Your emotions are no longer hidden, your judgment is clouded. I beg of you to remember what I've taught you."

  
Lexa pointedly looked away from his gaze, clearly having enough, "leave us," she said flatly. With a last huff he turned on his heel and left the room without another word. 

  
"Thank you," Lexa said after a moment, letting her head fall back against the pillow and closing her eyes for a moment. Her headache had returned. Clarke sat beside her, reaching up to brush the hair from her face, "he's an asshole," she said simply. Lexa smiled and leaned into her touch, sighing in appreciation. Clarke inched slightly closer and began running her fingers through Lexa's hair gently, realizing the brunette was enjoying it. "Yes, he is. I don't think he was expecting you to stand up to him," she sighed softly and turned her head, giving Clarke better access. "I'll hire someone to stay with me though, so don't worry Clarke. I appreciate you saying that so he would leave the issue alone, though."

  
    Clarke paused her movements which made Lexa open her eyes, "don't be ridiculous, Lex. I'm going to take care of you."

  
    Lexa frowned, "I can't ask you to do that, Clarke. You have work, I'm going to need someone throughout the day. It's not your job to care for me."

  
    Clarke rolled her eyes at the stubbornness, "you aren't asking me, I'm telling you. I've already taken the days off work," when Lexa met her eyes, brows furrowed in frustration, Clarke smiled, "and it is my job to take care of you, Lex. You're mine now, remember?" she leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Lexa's forehead, which destroyed all will the brunette had to argue. "Okay," she resigned, sighing softly. Clarke smiled and resumed her motions with Lexa's hair, "get some rest," she whispered.

 

…

 

            The next afternoon, Lexa was released from the hospital with strict orders to stay off her feet as much as possible and not do any heavy lifting. The ride home had been painful for both Lexa and Clarke – every bump and turn sent sharp pains through Lexa’s body, her ribs protesting the movement vehemently. Every sharp intake of breath and hiss of pain made Clarke want to stop the car, hating the fact that Lexa was in so much agony.

            By the time they’d made it into Lexa’s apartment, the brunette was visibly paler and exhausted. Clarke quickly helped her into bed before running to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water so she could take some painkillers and get some sleep. When she returned to the bedroom she found Lexa half awake, palms pressed to her temples trying to ward of the throbbing inside her head. Lexa lifted a hand off her head slightly as the blonde made her way to the bedside and gave her a grateful look before accepting the pills and bottle of water. Clarke knew it was painful just taking a drink, but Lexa insisted on doing the motions herself, trying to keep the pain from her face.

            “Can I get you anything else?” Clarke asked softly, trying not to contribute to Lexa’s apparent headache. Lexa squeezed her eyes shut, feeling nauseous from the pain. “Stay with me?” she requested in a small strained voice. If Clarke’s heart hadn’t already broken from the pain Lexa was in – it surely broke them. She slowly crawled onto the bed, careful not to cause too much movement and disturb Lexa, “of course,” she whispered, moving until she was beside the other woman.

            Lexa felt helpless, which frustrated her. She hated relying on someone else, even if that someone was Clarke. Though at the same time, she was glad that it was, because Clarke knew not to hover or try to do too much for her. Clarke understood this was difficult for Lexa and tried not to make a big deal out of caring for her. But Lexa would rather be self-sufficient and not have to depend on someone help with every task. The pain dulled slightly from the medication but never disappeared, which just exhausted Lexa even more because she was constantly trying to keep it from her face. She didn’t want to make Clarke worry more.

            Lexa didn’t realize the frustrated tears welling in her eyes until Clarke’s fingertips traced her cheek lightly, “Lex? What are you thinking?” she asked softly, concern filling her voice. Lexa was too tired to keep her stoic mask on any longer, everything fucking hurt.

            When Lexa didn’t respond Clarke gently pulled the other woman into her lap, trying to keep the movements as minimal as possible. Lexa turned her head, burying her face in Clarke’s lap and letting out a shuddery breath. She was grateful Clarke didn’t press her with more questions and instead pulled the blankets up around her and began to lightly run her fingers through Lexa’s hair, having realized at the hospital how much it soothed her. Silent hot tears slowly escaped Lexa’s lashes but she was too tired to really cry in earnest. She could feel the pain medication beginning to fog her thoughts, pulling her under their spell. Clarke did her best to soothe the other woman as she gently massaged her scalp, she knew Lexa was exhausted and in pain and wished desperately she could bare the weight of it all for Lexa. She deserved better.

            When the brunette’s breathing evened out Clarke slowly grabbed the extra pillow and put it behind her head, not finding leaning against the headboard to be very comfortable. She adjusted her position slightly before reaching over and flicking off the lamp, she didn’t dare disturb Lexa so she could lay down properly. Clarke let out a soft sigh, closing her eyes as she tried to get as comfortable as possible. It had been a long couple of days and she was grateful for the chance to relax and catch up on some sleep while Lexa was safe in her arms. 

…

 

            Lexa awoke with a dull throbbing in her head and slowly managed to push herself up to a sitting position. She looked up to find Clarke leaned back in an uncomfortable angle, asleep against the headboard. She instantly felt guilty that the blonde had fallen asleep like that, but couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming emotion in her chest that Clarke had willingly stayed like that. She gazed at the sleeping woman, feeling nothing but adoration.

            Trying not to disturb her, Lexa slowly inched off the bed, biting down on her lip to keep from making any noise. The painkillers had worn off while she slept and she felt the agony of her broken rib. Stubborn, and wanting to be able to care for herself, Lexa moved inch by inch until she managed to grasp the bottle of Vicodin on the bedside table. Once she’d taken her dosage she forced herself to swallow the pain and get to her feet, desperately needing to pee. There was no way she was waking Clarke up to help her. She could just suck it up.

            Lexa clumsily made her way to the bathroom, holding onto the wall for support as she reached her destination. Once she’d finished using the bathroom she slowly straightened to look at herself in the mirror. She looked like shit, her face still boasting multiple scratches and her neck an awful shade of green and yellow. She pressed her fingers cautiously to her throat, trying to remember who had grabbed her. There was still a giant gap in her memories and she scowled in frustration. After several attempts, she pulled her t-shirt up to her chest, revealing black and purple bruising over her ribs. Lexa winced from both the sight and the pain. Having her shirt already half up she decided to pull it up the rest of the way and discard it. She was in dire need of a shower and the painkillers had her feeling confident.

            The brunette slowly pushed at the waist band of her joggers before they fell down her hips and she was able to step out of them. Determined to do this on her own, Lexa stepped over to the tub and leaned forward to turn the water on. She’d underestimated how low the knobs were and the moment her body folded over a sharp pain rocked her. Lexa’s knee smashed into the tub, a loud “fuck!” escaping her mouth as she gripped the edge of it to keep from losing her balance completely. She struggled to stay upright, the pain causing her to see stars.

 

            Clarke awoke with a start at the sound of Lexa’s yell and she quickly realized the brunette was no longer asleep on her lap. She scrambled out of bed, knowing Lexa was probably doing something stupid. Clarke went for the bathroom door handle but it was locked, so she knocked at the door, “are you okay?” she asked. She heard Lexa groan from the other side of the door and knew it was probably in response to the fact that she’d been busted, rather than her actual pain. “Clarke, I’m _fine_ ,” Lexa replied, trying to keep the frustration out of her voice. Clarke hadn’t done anything to deserve it. “Then let me in,” was the calm response on the other end of the door. Lexa cursed under her breath, feeling victimized by her own body. She couldn’t even take a damn shower without it giving out on her.

            Lexa slowly made her way to the door and opened it a crack, still dressed in nothing but her sports bra and underwear. Clarke was standing there, eyebrows raised, waiting for an explanation. Part of Lexa wanted to close the door again and the other part made her want to laugh at the fact Clarke was clearly not surprised by her actions.

            With a sigh, Lexa opened it the rest of the way, “I wanted to shower,” she whined. Clarke chuckled and stepped in, “okay, then let’s shower.” Lexa eyed her warily, “Clarke…”

            The blonde turned and smiled, her face daring Lexa to argue with her, “it’s that or sponge baths from the nurses at the hospital. I frankly thought my boobs were way nicer than hers…”

            This response evoked a smile from Lexa and the brunette felt her annoyance slip away. Had Clarke come in there scolding her for trying to shower on her own, she would have been frustrated and angry – but the blonde knew her well enough to approach it from a different angle. “I don’t know… I haven’t seen them in a few days, I might have forgotten,” Lexa joked. She knew that the shower wasn’t going to go in _that_ direction, Clarke was way too worried about her injuries to allow that to happen, but she appreciated the joking.

            With a smile, Clarke swiftly pulled her shirt over her head and dropped it to the ground before turning towards the shower to get the water running. Lexa stared at her ass appreciatively while she bent over, knowing it was going to be far too long until she’d be able to do anything with Clarke sexually. The blonde heard Lexa’s appreciative sigh as she bent over and couldn’t hold back a chuckle. Once the water was turned on and warming to a reasonable temperature, Clarke returned to where Lexa was standing and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “Come on babe, shower with me,” she whispered enticingly, wiggling her eyebrows when she pulled away. Lexa laughed then winced from pain, but even the sharp knife in her side couldn’t wipe the smile from her face.

            “You’re pretty great, you know that?” Lexa stated softly, reaching around to unhook Clarke’s bra. The blonde hummed thoughtfully, “I was thinking the same thing about you,” she replied. It felt good to be playful with Lexa, the last thing Clarke wanted to do was treat her like she was a fragile and damaged object. Lexa was in pain and needed someone there for her, but she didn’t need a babysitter. She knew the brunette was more than capable of caring for herself, she just also knew healing would be a lot faster if there was someone to make sure she didn’t strain her body too much. It was a fine balance that Clarke was quickly getting the hang of. She understood Lexa’s frustration, but also understood the medical needs of her current physical state.

            Lexa stared at Clarke’s bare chest appreciatively, trying not to drool. Once she’d had her moment, Clarke helped her out of the rest of her clothes and into the shower. The hot water felt amazing against Lexa’s skin, washing off the smell of the hospital and the residue of dried blood that was still in her hair. She closed her eyes, letting the stream of hot water rush down her face and hair. She felt Clarke come up behind her and gently wrap her arms around Lexa’s body from behind. Lexa leaned back into her hold, enjoying the feel of her chest pressed into Lexa’s back. Clarke hummed softly, pressing a soft kiss to Lexa’s cheek as they stood there for a moment. It was easy to forget anything had even happened, just standing in the shower with Clarke, eyes closed and bodies pressed together.  It was a normal that Lexa didn’t realize she needed to feel until it happened. She leaned her head back, resting it on Clarke’s shoulder and sighed softly. She couldn’t quite explain the feeling that settled in her chest, but the only thought in her mind was that standing there in Clarke’s arms felt like home.

            Neither of them said anything as Clarke reached for the loofa and coated it in body wash. She washed the front of Lexa’s body delicately, not wanting to apply too much pressure to anywhere that was sore. Lexa inhaled deeply, feeling the tension in her body slowly slip away from the intimate motions of the other woman. She was surprised to find how much she enjoyed letting Clarke clean her when there wasn’t an ounce of sexual intent behind the motions. It occurred to Lexa, not for the first time, how different things were with Clarke. How comfortable she was with the blonde, and how well the other woman knew her.

            Suddenly Lexa could place the emotion that had been hovering in her chest. It was both terrifying and exhilarating when she realized what it was. But it was far too soon, and Lexa tried to push it down before it messed with her head. They had only been together for a couple of months, Lexa couldn’t say it yet. She couldn’t possibly be feeling it yet.

            But a little voice remained adamant at the back of her mind, no matter how hard she tried to silence it. _You love her,_ it said.


	21. The dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3 days after Lexa comes home from the hospital. A nightmare brings back some memories, Clarke and Lexa fight, some NSFW stuff at the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to say a quick thank you to all of the comments on last chapter and everyone that asked for this next one and left positive feedback. Your comments definitely inspired me to keep writing and get this story moving. I hope you guys like this chapter, please let me know what you think!

**_3 Days Later_ **

 

            It had only taken 3 days of being confined at home to drive Lexa absolutely stir-crazy. The second day she spent in and out of consciousness, the pain-killers she took knocked her on her ass almost immediately and she was able to sleep for hours at a time. Anya had come over for dinner and had kept her entertained while Clarke ran out to take care of things in her apartment and bring some extra clothes over.

            By day 3 Lexa’s mood swings were at an all-time high. She was frustrated with her lack of memories, tired of being cooped up in her apartment, tired of the incessant pain in her side, and tired of being tired. To Clarke’s credit, she handled Lexa’s mood swings like a champ, she tried not to hover and for the most part let Lexa direct how the day would go – which had been easy when she was sleeping for most of it. Clarke knew she was getting restless, the doctors had suggested at least a week with minimum strain and movement and if the pain had lessened by then she would be cleared to go back to work as long as she refrained from heavy lifting, strenuous exercise, and sports. But keeping Lexa from losing her mind for an entire week was proving to be a difficult task. By mid after-noon Clarke had suggested they go out for a walk, knowing the exercise would be beneficial and a light walk wouldn’t be too much strain on Lexa’s healing rib.

            When they got back to the apartment Clarke wordlessly handed Lexa the bottle of painkillers, the expression on her face daring Lexa to refuse them. The brunette sighed and accepted them without complaint, her rib had begun to bother her during the walk and she knew that Clarke could tell. Once she’d taken them, Clarke slipped her arms around her and pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek, which was still cold from the temperature outside, “just give your body a little time, Lex. It went through hell.” She sighed, leaning her forehead against Clarke’s and letting her eyes close, “I know. I just hate not being able to do things,” she admitted. Clarke tightened her grip slightly, “you can still do things,” she held out her sentence, inviting Lexa to question it. “Like what?” the brunette asked warily. “Liiiiiiike watch a movie with your girlfriend?” Clarke countered, her voice playful and light, hoping to keep Lexa’s spirits high. Lexa shook her head, but smiled nonetheless. “I suppose I could probably do that.”

 

It hadn’t taken long for Lexa’s painkillers to knock her out, leaving Clarke alone to watch the movie. She’d turned it off shortly after the brunette had fallen asleep and retrieved her sketchpad from the bedroom. She’d been wanting to draw Lexa for a while, but now was the perfect time with the brunette woman sleeping constantly while she recovered from her broken rib.

Clarke leaned back against the chaise, tongue between her lips as she shaded in an area of Lexa’s hair. Her eyes flicked up from the paper she was drawing on, to the couch where Lexa was sleeping soundly. Blue eyes returned to the paper, fixing a line that hadn’t gone exactly where she’d wanted it to. Clarke focused in on the paper, losing track of time as the series of lines and purposeful smudges turned into something that resembled Lexa sleeping. The sight of movement beyond the paper brought Clarke’s attention back to the couch, where Lexa was turning her head, a distressed look on her face. Clarke paused – pencil in midair, trying to determine whether or not Lexa was awake. The brunette mumbled something incoherently, her body twitching. _Still asleep_ , Clarke thought to herself before focusing back on her sketch. She heard the restlessness of Lexa’s body, twisting on the couch, the sound of her breathing growing heavier. Clarke looked up again from her paper, wondering whether or not she should wake the woman.

Before she could make decision, Lexa’s eyes shot open and her body bolted straight up into a sitting position, a loud gasp escaping her mouth. Clarke instantly dropped the sketchpad to the chair and was by Lexa’s side within a second. Lexa’s hand was on her chest, her breathing labored and irregular as she looked around the room with scared eyes. “Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Clarke said softly, placing a hand on Lexa’s leg cautiously. She wasn’t sure if Lexa was entirely awake yet. “You’re okay,” she said again when Lexa’s wide green eyes turned to hers. The brunette lowered her head, burying her head in her hands for a moment as she struggled to catch her breath. “What were you dreaming about?” Clarke asked, her voice bridled with concern.

Lexa’s heart was hammering in her chest, her hands felt clammy against her forehead so she pulled away, rocking unconsciously as she tried to decipher what was reality and what was her dream. She heard Clarke’s soft voice in the distance but it sounded like it was a million miles away. Her dream replayed vividly in her mind and she suddenly knew that it wasn’t a dream, she was remembering. Everything was coming back to her in flashes of memory. _Digging in her purse. Someone grabbing her from behind. Finn’s face with his malicious smile in front of her. Running away. Being kicked to the ground. Her shirt being ripped open. Finn’s hateful features just inches from her face._ Lexa felt bile rise in her throat and swallowed hard. It was too much. Her ribs were screaming from her sudden movement as she awoke and the world was spinning around her. She barely registered the sound of Clarke calling her name as darkness threatened to swallow her vision again.

“Lexa, look at me,” Clarke said purposefully, squeezing Lexa’s leg lightly. Green eyes finally found their way to blue as Lexa struggled to make sense of everything. “Lex? Hey, stay with me. I’m right here,” Clarke said, her voice soothing as hands went up to grip either side of Lexa’s shoulders. Lexa’s eyes focused, taking in Clarke’s concerned face. “What did you dream? What’s going on?” Clarke asked again. Lexa searched her memory and found all the events from the night she was attacked. She’d remembered everything. “It was Finn,” Lexa choked out, burying her face in her hands quickly. Clarke stared at her, “what was Finn?” she asked, confused as to what was happening. Had she dreamt of Finn?

After a few moments, Lexa looked up from her hands, her face etched in despair. “Clarke, I remember. It came back. Everything came back.” She knew she wasn’t making any sense but her mind was racing. Suddenly she was concerned for Clarke. Would Finn come after her? Would she blame herself that Lexa had gotten hurt? Who did he have with him?

“Are you saying Finn attacked you?” Clarke asked, panic rising in her voice. Lexa met her blue eyes which were glistening with unshed tears, “do you still have the number of the detective?” she asked, her voice sounding hollow. Clarke looked at her blankly, “Lexa answer me. Did Finn do this?!”

The brunette gnawed at her lip, suddenly wishing she hadn’t said his name yet. She knew Clarke was going to panic, and rightfully so. But she didn’t want the blonde to do anything stupid. She wanted to talk to the detective assigned to her case immediately, give him all the information she remembered. She wanted to make sure that Finn would never get near her again, but more than anything, she wanted to make sure Finn would never get near Clarke again. He was dangerous and violent.

“Yes,” Lexa finally whispered, her voice barely above a whisper.

Clarke recoiled as if Lexa had screamed at her, a hand coming up to cover her mouth. The tears that had been burning at her lashes finally fell as she rocked back, staring at Lexa in horror. She took in Lexa’s healing bruises and felt a wave of nausea roll over her. Her ex had attacked Lexa., knocked her unconscious, and put her in the hospital. Clarke’s mind was screaming for her to react, to comfort Lexa, to find Finn and kill him herself, or to call the police. She felt a cold numbness wash over her as she stared at Lexa’s green eyes in the dim light. They looked so haunted. “Lexa… I’m…” she was what? Sorry? What could she even say?

Lexa shook her head, “Clarke, don’t even say it. He did this _not_ you,” her voice was hollow, her mind already processing the trauma and instantly trying to compartmentalize it like she had done her whole life. She refused to feel victimized or afraid. The only thing she could focus on was doing what she could to lock him up. Clarke nodded numbly, trying to force her shock away. “Do you still have the number?” Lexa asked again. Clarke nodded slowly, “yeah. It’s in my purse. I’ll go get it.”

 

…

 

An hour later found Lexa sitting on the couch while two detectives sat across from her, one of them scribbling away furiously on a small notepad, the other continuing to ask questions. It had taken a lot of pleading for Lexa to convince Clarke to go to the grocery store to pick up a few things they really didn’t need so that Lexa could do this on her own. She knew every bone in Clarke’s body was arguing for her to stay, but her she respected Lexa enough to give her the space she needed to give the report to the detectives. The last thing Lexa wanted was for Clarke to sit there and hear every detail of how her ex-boyfriend had attacked her.

Lexa felt as if she was on auto-pilot, her emotions completely separated from her body as she recounted the night to the detectives. She couldn’t remember what Finn’s friend had looked like, just that he was around 4 inches taller than she was and would surely have a broken nose. The detectives asked Lexa a string of questions, had she ever spoken to Finn? Had he ever been violent before? Did she know what motive he would have for attacking her? Would anyone else have motive that could have been his accomplice? Lexa answered everything to the best of her knowledge and once they had exhausted all possible questions, sad they would be in touch to get a statement from Clarke about the restraining order and the history of her relationship with Finn.

The brunette saw the two men out then slowly walked over to the counter before leaning against it. She knew Clarke was probably back by then and was just sitting in her car, waiting to see the unmarked vehicle pull away. Sure enough a few minutes later the blonde let herself in, a bag of groceries dangling from one arm. She looked around before going to Lexa, setting the back on the counter slowly. “How did it go?” she asked cautiously. She was trying not to be hurt that Lexa had asked her to leave, she knew it was more likely because Lexa was trying to protect her from the details than it was because she wasn’t trusted. But it hurt nonetheless that she wasn’t there. Lexa shrugged a shoulder and sighed, “I told them what I remembered and the took down all the information. They said they’ll be in touch to get a statement from you, they’re going to work with what they have so far.”

Clarke stared at Lexa for a long moment, her blue eyes searching Lexa’s face for any sign of emotion. The green eyes were devoid of anything. No pain, no relief, no sadness. “Okay,” Clarke said slowly, seeing if she’d get any more of a reaction from Lexa. The brunette remained composed, “okay,” she echoed. When neither of them said anything for a moment, Clarke felt her frustration rise. “How are you so calm about this?” she cried, turning her body to face Lexa directly. The brunette looked up in surprise at her tone, she clearly hadn’t been expecting the sudden outburst.

“What would you rather me be, Clarke?” she asked, her tone getting defensive. When Clarke didn’t answer, Lexa stood taller, taking her weight off the counter. “Would you rather I be crying? Or afraid? Or just completely fucked up because of what happened?” Clarke flinched, Lexa’s words sounding harsh to her ears. “No…” Clarke’s voice was trembling. She’d heard Lexa angry, heard the venom that could drip from her voice, but it had never been directed at _her_ before. “Then _what_ Clarke? What do you want from me?” Lexa’s voice was teetering on being raised, the power behind it making the words a lot more intimidating than the volume they were being spoken at.

Clarke wanted to backpedal and take back what she knew was turning into an argument, but her pride wouldn’t let her. Not yet. “I want you to stop pushing everything away. Stop acting like you don’t have feelings or like nothing ever gets to you, Lexa! I know you must have been scared. I know you must have been pissed. You must have felt something!” The look on Lexa’s face kept Clarke from continuing, she could see the frustration on it, the hint of anger in her green eyes as they pierced through her soul. “I have to think with my head and not my heart, Clarke. I will not let someone like him make me weak. Is that what you want? For me to be weak?” Lexa’s voice was suddenly dangerously low as she eyed Clarke warily. She felt her defensive walls being thrown up, hating the vulnerable state she’d been in with Clarke. She didn’t want the blonde to see her as weak, and it hurt that Clarke thought she was fragile enough to be broken by something like this. It was almost as if Clarke was waiting for Lexa to fall apart because of the attack, as if remembering it would break her. Lexa regained her memories and all she wanted was justice.

“I want you to stop pretending like you don’t care…” Clarke whispered finally, her blue eyes looking wounded and defeated. Lexa’s eyes flicked up to the ceiling for a moment as she took a breath, trying to reign her anger in. She could hear the hurt in Clarke’s voice and she instantly regretted the argument. “I _do_ care,” her features had softened when she looked back to Clarke’s face, “I just don’t care about him. I want him to pay for what he did. But I won’t give him the satisfaction of hurting more than my body.”

Clarke didn’t say anything and they stared at each other for an uncomfortably long time, neither of them knowing where to go from there. They were both tired, stressed out, and on edge – and they’d both let that get the best of them. Lexa was the first to look away, not knowing what to do. “I’m going to go lay down,” she said after a moment, feeling a wave of exhaustion roll over her. When Clarke didn’t react, she sighed softly and walked passed her, being extra careful to ensure they didn’t touch as she walked by.

 

The moment Clarke heard the bedroom door close she crumbled to the floor, leaning her back against the base of the counter and burying her head in her lap. She felt hot tears press at her eyes, not knowing how to fix the situation she’d just placed them in. She should never have challenged Lexa to feel something that she didn’t’ want to. She knew Lexa didn’t handle things the same way she did and she should have never expected her to. The logical side of Clarke knew she should apologize for pushing Lexa and being selfish, the emotional side was too hurt from being on the receiving end of Lexa’s commanding voice to let herself apologize first. They’d hurt each other.

 

Lexa slowly changed into her pajamas then crawled into bed, hoping she’d instantly fall asleep the moment her head hit the pillow. However, once she’d gotten herself comfortable she stared into the darkness and realized that wasn’t going to happen. As tired as she was, a gnawing feeling of guilt and frustration kept her awake. It didn’t feel right to go to sleep without Clarke, and it didn’t feel right to go to sleep the way they had left things. Clarke’s wounded voice echoed in her ears and Lexa couldn’t shake the pit in her stomach that had settled there. She knew she’d snapped and gotten defensive, she knew Clarke wasn’t trying to insinuate she was weak, and that the blonde only had the best of intentions and was worried about her. Lexa mentally scolded herself of not having had a better grip on her emotions. She was terrible at this kind of thing. She knew she should apologize, but her pride kept her immobile in bed, not wanting to admit she may have been wrong.

 

Clarke had finally gotten a grip of herself and forced her body off the floor and to the hallway bathroom so that she could shower. She’d never fought with Lexa before and didn’t know how to feel. She wasn’t about to leave since Lexa still needed someone there with her in case anything happened, but she also wasn’t about to go crawl into bed with the woman either. She had pride. Clarke allowed herself to stand under the scalding water for longer than normal, willing it to wash away the day’s events.

When Clarke finally got out of the shower she pulled on the clothes she’d been wearing earlier, thankful that they were comfortable. Her pajamas were in the bedroom with Lexa and she didn’t want to go in there. The blonde towel dried her hair and brushed her teeth before quietly making her way back to the living room. She glanced back down the hallway at the bedroom door, which was still closed, and sighed. After flicking off all the lights, Clarke found her way to the couch and curled up on it. Once alone in the darkness, Clarke let her tears fall again, unable to stop them or slow their falling. She hated feeling this way, hating feeling like she’d done something wrong, and hating going to sleep this way. But she didn’t know what choice she had, she didn’t want to push Lexa further by trying to talk more, and she didn’t want to be selfish and go to Lexa for comfort when it was her own fault they weren’t talking.

 

Lexa heard the distant squeak of the shower water being shut off and rolled over onto her back so the pillow wouldn’t interfere with her hearing. She was half expecting to hear the sound of footsteps down the hall and the soft creak of the door signaling that Clarke was coming to bed. But neither of those came. Lexa stared up at the black ceiling, straining to hear any noise, but it had all disappeared back to the front be banishinof the apartment. Suddenly Lexa realized Clarke wouldn’t be coming to bed, that most likely she’d banished herself to the couch, if not left completely. The pit in her stomach grew and she forced herself up into a sitting position, placing her head in her hands to gather herself. It was on her, _she_ had snapped, _she_ had made Clarke feel like she didn’t care, so _she_ had to be the one to fix it. For the first time in her life Lexa decided to swallow away her pride and go to Clarke. She cared more about the blonde than she did her own emotions. Lexa just hoped she could fix it.

The brunette slowly slipped out of her bedroom, giving her eyes a moment to adjust to the darkened hallway. She crept down it slowly, surprised to see no lights on in the living room. Was Clarke even still there? She flicked on the hallway light so that it illuminated part of the living room then walked in. Sure enough, Clarke was still there, curled up on the couch, her face pressed into one of the throw pillows. Lexa felt her heart ache as she walked around to the front of the couch and very slowly got down to her knees, ignoring the protesting of her rib.

“Clarke?” she asked softly, unsure if the blonde was still awake.

She heard the soft sniffle that signaled she was. Lexa placed a hand on Clarke’s shoulder gently and bit her lip, feeling the body beneath it tense from her touch before relaxing slightly. Clarke shifted beneath her touch before slowly pushing herself up into a sitting position, swiping at the tears that had dried on her cheeks. She stared down at her lap, unable to even look at Lexa. When the blonde didn’t say anything, Lexa let her hand drop down to Clarke’s lap, grabbing one of the hands that was laying on it.

Lexa took a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly, her voice full of sincerity and remorse.

Clarke looked up suddenly, not having expected the apology from the brunette. Especially not first. Her eyes met Lexa’s and she saw the pain in them, the regret, and the apology. Lexa’s emotions were bared for her to see, etched in her frown and the furrowing of her eyebrows. She could see on her face that the brunette didn’t like their predicament any more than she did. Clarke felt the tension in her snap, her pride and hurt deflating like a balloon as she leaned forward and threw her arms around Lexa’s neck, burying her face against warm skin. “I’m so sorry I upset you,” she choked out, tears coming back. Relief flooded her when she felt arms gently encircle her and pull her down on the ground so she could be level with Lexa. Clarke curled up against Lexa’s body, arms around her neck tightly. “No Clarke, you didn’t do anything wrong. I should have never snapped at you like that, you’ve done nothing but care for me, you didn’t deserve that,” Lexa’s voice shook as she got out her apology, she hated that Clarke was blaming herself and that she was so upset. Lexa had done this to her.

She smoothed down the damp blonde hair, trying to soothe the soft cries being muffled into her shoulder. “Please forgive me, Clarke?” she whispered shakily. She felt arms tighten around her neck, “of course,” came the muffled reply. Lexa sighed in relief and pressed a kiss to the top of Clarke’s head, “are we okay?” she asked softly when the cries began to die down. Clarke pulled away slightly, meeting Lexa’s worried green eyes with her puffy red ones. “Are we?” Clarke echoed, not wanting to answer for both of them. One of Lexa’s hands found Clarke’s cheek, cupping it gently while she used a thumb to wipe away the remainder of her tears, her eyes were searching Clarke’s face for the answer. The movement was so gentle Clarke almost found herself crying again. It was in moments like these that she remembered no one else saw this side of Lexa, and that Lexa was not an emotionless robot. She felt, she hurt, she loved – she just hid it well.

“I’m okay if you are, Clarke,” Lexa said earnestly. The blonde nodded slowly and pressed her cheek into Lexa’s cool hand, closing her eyes and taking a moment to enjoy the touch. Lexa’s thumb stroked her cheek gently, studying the blonde in the dim light. Her heart still ached that she’d made Clarke cry, but she was relieved they had sorted everything. Again, Lexa felt that feeling settle in chest as she gazed at Clarke. It was overwhelming how much she felt for the woman in front of her, how much she’d changed because of her. Lexa used her hand to gently tilt Clarke’s face up and leaned forward, pressing a light kiss to her lips. Clarke shivered slightly at the kiss and responded to it, melting against Lexa’s hold.

The feeling of Clarke’s lips parting against her own lit a fire inside Lexa and she deepened the kiss, desperate to have more of her. Lexa’s tongue traced Clarke’s lower lip before she sucked at it gently, Clarke moaned into the kiss, hand sliding up to tangle in brown waves. They lost themselves in the kiss, pouring all of their apologies and emotions into it, assuring the other than they were okay, that they were loved, that they were still wanted.

When Lexa’s hands slipped beneath Clarke’s shirt, desperate to feel her soft skin, the blonde snapped back to reality. “Lex,” she panted, pulling away softly. “We can’t yet, you’re still recovering,” the last thing she wanted to do was stop. It had been far too long since they’d touched each other like that. She craved Lexa, she craved the intimacy and the exhilarating feeling of being with the brunette. But she didn’t want to hurt Lexa or interfere with her recovery

“I don’t care,” Lexa protested, going in for another kiss. She _needed_ Clarke. She didn’t give a damn about recovery right now. Clarke tried to pull away again, “I care,” she countered, though her voice had no conviction. She wanted Lexa just as badly as Lexa wanted her and the responsible voice in her head was quickly being silenced by the lustful one. “I want you, Clarke,” Lexa whispered, her voice dripping with desire and sultriness. Clarke moaned as she felt Lexa’s lips at her neck, they were clouding her thoughts, making it impossible to resist her.

Lexa’s hands skimmed up Clarke’s waist, sending shudders through the blonde’s body at the touch. “Lexa,” Clarke warned, though her resolve was nearly non-existent. Lexa’s hands froze for a moment and her lips went to Clarke’s ear, “I promise I wont even move my body. My ribs will be fine,” she purred. She could hear Clarke panting heavily. “How…” Clarke’s voice came out strangled, she could barely focus on anything but the soft heat of Lexa’s breath at her ear, “how are you going to manage that?” she choked out.

She could almost hear the smirk in Lexa’s voice, “because you’re going to sit on my face,” she whispered seductively.

“Fuck,” was the only word Clarke managed to get out as she felt a rush of wetness.  

 


	22. Admissions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picking up where the last chapter let off - beginning is definitely NSFW. Clarke and Lexa admit some things to each other. Lexa gets another surprise visit that leaves her with several questions. 
> 
> Please see notes!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is kind of a longer chapter and it's all over the place. Some of you were asking for it to pick up where the last one let off, so here you guys go! Hope you enjoyed it. Then I added the fluff, because it was about time, right?

 

They were a tangle of limbs and discarded clothing as they made their way to Lexa’s bedroom. A broken rib put no hinder on Lexa’s sexual prowess and she somehow eased backwards onto the bed, pulling Clarke over her in a fluid motion. Clarke had _never_ done anything like this, not even with Finn, but she was far too desperate for some sort of release to worry about nerves or being self-conscious. She leaned forward, gripping the headboard as Lexa’s grip on her hips anchored her down.

            Lexa held on to Clarke, positioning her comfortably before she lifted her head and lapped at the already wet folds. The low, guttural moan that echoed from above sent a rush of excitement through every fiber in Lexa’s body, urging her to continue. Her tongue slid up and down several times, tasting Clarke’s arousal and getting her worked up before she began her oral assault. A slew of expletives mixed with cries of Lexa’s name were all that could escape Clarke coherently as the blonde unabashedly ground down on Lexa’s tongue. She was seeing stars in the edges of her vision, the pleasure was intense and electrifying and she wanted more of it. She felt Lexa’s grip tighten on her, steadying the rocking of her hips into a rhythm that complimented the pace of her tongue. Clarke thought she might explode, unable to do anything but hold on for dear life as Lexa’s tongue thrusted into her before lapping up its rewards.

            “Jesus, _fuck_ , Lex!” Clarke cried as Lexa’s lips encircled her swollen clit, sucking at it hungrily before flicking at it with her tongue. Lexa moaned in reply, sending vibrations directly into Clarke. The blonde whimpered, her body shuddering from the motions. They’d had sex numerous times since the cabin, but through all of their escapades it had never felt this primal. Maybe it was the pent-up emotions from the fight, maybe it was the lack of release since Lexa getting injured – whatever it was, it was finding an outlet there and then. Lexa’s tongue worked at Clarke as if she was starving, her fingers digging into flesh, pulling more and more of Clarke into her mouth. Clarke’s body nearly convulsed from the waves of pleasure consuming her, she felt herself reaching the brink and she knew that Lexa was already aware. Her moans grew higher in pitch, breathier, more desperate. Her thrusts were erratic, hungry for more as she tried to warn Lexa of her impending orgasm. How she wasn’t suffocating was beyond Clarke’s knowledge, but she was too close to care.

            Lexa’s fingers entered the mix, two of them sliding up into Clarke while she devoted the full attention of her mouth to Clarke’s swollen bundle of nerves. That was all it took to have Clarke’s head thrown back, eyes squeezed shut as a choked moan escaped her. Lexa worked her down from her orgasm, fingers slowly sliding in and out as her tongue circled Clarke’s clit lightly. The aftershocks had the blonde’s body in spasms, jerking from the intense pleasure every time Lexa’s tongue got too close. After a few more moments Clarke came back to reality, barely able to dismount Lexa’s face before she collapsed on the bed beside her girlfriend.

            Clarke was panting heavily as she rolled over to see Lexa’s face. Hungry green eyes were staring back at her, a rather triumphant smile on her lips. Clarke saw the glisten of her juices around Lexa’s mouth in the dim light and leaned forward, covering it with a hungry kiss before sucking her lips clean. Lexa groaned, feeling another rush of wetness between her thighs at the act. “Holy shit,” Clarke managed to get out when they pulled away for air. Lexa gave her the smallest of smirks for a moment, knowing she’d left Clarke nearly senseless after that orgasm, then she reached for Clarke’s hand that was resting on the pillow between them and led it between her legs. She _needed_ Clarke.

            The blonde moaned softly at the wetness she found between the folds, taking the hint. “Your turn,” she purred before slipping her middle finger inside. Lexa’s eyes closed, her head falling back against the pillow, “fuck, I’ve missed you,” she whispered under her breath. Clarke smiled, leaning forward to press hot kisses to Lexa’s exposed neck as she added a second finger, she knew she was nowhere near as talented as Lexa with her mouth, so she settled for fingering as she kissed and nipped her way across Lexa’s flushed skin.

            It didn’t take long for Lexa’s walls to begin tightening around Clarke’s thrusting fingers, her body shuddering as she fought the urge to arch up off the bed. In the back of her mind she knew her ribs would not thank her for the movements once the endorphins had dissipated. Clarke’s lips left hot, open mouthed kisses across Lexa’s neck, sucking at her pulse point, trailing up to her ear. The sound of Clarke’s soft panting was amplified and it was driving Lexa wild, her fingers gripped at the sheets beneath her, unable to do anything but focus on the sensations coursing through her body. Clarke brought her palm down, giving Lexa friction against her clit as she curled her fingers inward, stroking the spot she knew would get Lexa off. “ _Clarke_ ,” Lexa gasped before letting out a long moan, the blonde responded with another thrust of her fingers, her hot breath at Lexa’s ear, “Lexa,” she replied in a breathy voice. Lexa’s hips jerked slightly, feeling the coil in her body that had been so tightly wound since getting injured begin to come undone. She was so close. “Don’t stop,” Lexa groaned, lifting her hips again to feel Clarke’s palm against her. Clarke’s lips were at her jaw, scattering soft kisses along it that were such a contrast to the rough pumping of her fingers.

            “I won’t,” Clarke promised, words muffled against skin as she added a third finger. Lexa cried out, head rolling back against the pillow as she felt herself tighten around Clarke’s fingers. Lexa moaned Clarke’s name repeatedly, saying it like a prayer in cadence with the rhythmic entering and exiting of Clarke’s fingers. And then she was coming, her orgasm seizing her body and sending her mind to another dimension. Lexa’s moans caught in her throat, mouth open in silent ecstasy as Clarke slowed her movements, trying to draw out the orgasm as much as possible. When Lexa was reduced to whimpers and gasps, Clarke gently withdrew her fingers and sucked them clean.

            Lexa’s head rolled to the side, looking at Clarke through heavy lidded eyes as she struggled to catch her breath, “feel better?” Clarke asked with a mischievous smile. Lexa rolled her eyes but smiled back. “told you I wouldn’t even move.” They shared an amused smile before Clarke’s face grew serious, flicking to the bruises on Lexa’s side, “I’m okay,” then brunette assured her, catching her gaze. Clarke nodded slowly, lowering her head on the pillow so she could study Lexa. Her tanned skin was flushed and glistening slightly, her brown hair a mess as it splayed out on the pillow behind her. She was so beautiful.

            “What’re you looking at?” Lexa asked softly. She knew Clarke was obviously looking at her, but she didn’t know why those blue eyes were fixed on her so intently. What was it about her that Clarke was staring at? The blonde gave her a small smile, “you,” she said simply. When Lexa raised an eyebrow, indicating she had figured as much, Clarke laughed softly and elaborated, “I’m looking at…” she paused, searching for the right words, “the way your chest slowly rises and falls when you try to catch your breath, and the way your skin flushes when we’ve just had sex, and how your eyes somehow look more green when we’re laying here like this and you’re staring back at me…” Clarke trailed off, seeing Lexa’s face soften. “I’m looking at _you_ , Lexa. The real you that I feel like only I get to see.”

            Lexa felt her heart implode in her chest, a rush of emotions threatening to take over her body. No one had ever said something like that to her. She saw the honesty in Clarke’s blue eyes, the adoration behind them as she looked at Lexa and saw… Lexa. “That’s because you’re the only one that gets to see it,” Lexa whispered, her voice unsteady. Clarke propped herself up on an elbow, gazing down at Lexa with loving eyes. The light shining behind her gave her blonde hair a halo effect, her pale skin was glowing. Lexa took in her beauty, the way her hair was cascading over her shoulder, resting over her exposed breasts. Something in Clarke’s eyes was different, the way she was staring at Lexa. It sent a shiver through her body that had nothing to do with the temperature.

            Clarke chewed at her bottom lip for a moment, knowing what she wanted to say. She was afraid it was too soon, but suddenly that didn’t matter. She felt it every day, and now, especially, seeing Lexa vulnerable in front of her. Clarke just knew.

            “Lexa…” her voice was barely above a whisper, thick with emotion as her blue eyes studied every inch of Lexa’s face. The brunette looked up at Clarke, trying to read her expression. “I love you,” Clarke said finally. Before Lexa had a chance to respond, Clarke’s lips were on hers, pressing against her in the softest of kisses. The kiss seemed to pour all of Clarke’s feelings into her, both soft and sure at the same time as Clarke’s free hand rested against her cheek.

            They pulled away after a moment, Lexa’s green eyes wide, her mouth parted slightly, at a loss for words. Her heart was screaming that she loved Clarke, to say the words back, to say how she felt, but her mind was telling her to be cautious, to not just repeat the words because they’d been said to her. When Lexa didn’t speak for a moment, Clarke gave her a knowing smile. Somehow the blonde wasn’t upset that the words hadn’t been said back to her. She’d said them because she felt them, not because she’d been expecting a response. Not for the first time, Lexa realized that Clarke expected nothing from her. Clarke was with her, hell – Clarke _loved_ her, for her. For who she was. Not for what she said or did.

            “You don’t have to say anything, it’s okay,” Clarke said gently, seeing the slight look of worry on Lexa’s face. She could read the woman like a book, “I just wanted you to know that. I’m not expecting you to say it back, I just had to say it to you.”

            Lexa gave her a grateful smile, the panic at her lack of response fading away, “you’re perfect,” she said simply, before pulling Clarke down against her. The blonde lowered her body slowly, nestling into Lexa before resting her head against the other woman’s chest. She reached down for the blankets, pulling them up over both of their bodies before laying one of her hands flat against Lexa’s abdomen. She trailed patterns into the skin lightly with her fingertips, enjoying the feel of Lexa’s arm around her. She felt safe there, laying against the woman she loved. Suddenly nothing else mattered – not Finn, not her family, not work. Nothing mattered besides that moment.

            Lexa’s fingers worked through Clarke’s hair, running through it gently as she inhaled the other woman’s scent. They were quiet for a while, content with just being in each other’s arms. Clarke’s admission of love was echoing in Lexa’s head, the way her blue eyes had shined as she said the words, the way she’d kissed Lexa after, the way she hadn’t wanted Lexa to respond until she was ready. Lexa had no idea how she’d found someone so perfect and understanding. Clarke knew her limits, knew her fears, and her walls. The fact that Clarke had been vulnerable with her and said the words, even knowing Lexa might not say them back, made Lexa love her all the more. So why was she so afraid to tell the blonde?

            They laid like that until Lexa felt the tracing on her stomach stop and the soft breaths from Clarke even out. She knew the blonde was drifting to sleep against her. Lexa gazed down, seeing nothing but a pile of blonde hair against her chest. Suddenly, Lexa wasn’t afraid anymore. She was certain how she felt, she had been for a while. A lot had happened in the past 24 hours – she’d remembered her attack, she’d talked to the police, she’d fought with Clarke, she’d swallowed her pride and apologized, they’d had amazing sex, and Clarke had said she loved Lexa. All of it had something to do with Clarke – and Lexa realized the blonde had made her stronger. She’d been there when Lexa remembered, she’d been the reason Lexa had apologized – choosing Clarke over her pride. Clarke was everything. She deserved to know.

            “Clarke…” Lexa whispered softly, unsure if she’d get a reply. She heard a soft hum in response, indicating that Clarke was half asleep. “Clarke,” Lexa said again, her voice gentle but more sure this time. Clarke stirred against her, tilting her head up so she could gaze up at Lexa with sleepy eyes. When her blue eyes met Lexa’s the brunette smile softly, reaching down to brush the stray bangs that had fallen, away from Clarke’s face. “I love you, too,” she said, her voice soft and steady.

            The sleep disappeared from Clarke’s eyes at the words, she lifted her head off Lexa’s chest, looking at the other woman in a mixture of happiness and wariness. She didn’t want Lexa to say it, just because she had. One look into Lexa’s green eyes told her that was not the case. Lexa was staring at her like she hung the stars and moon. “Say it again…” Clarke whispered shakily, wanting to hear it again to be sure.

            “I love you,” Lexa repeated, “I have for a while,” she added softly.

            Clarke moved up Lexa’s body, placing a hand on Lexa’s cheek as she kissed her hard. The force behind the kiss surprised Lexa for a moment but she quickly responded, bringing both her hands up to Clarke’s face. The blonde pulled away after a moment, blue eyes glistening with happy tears. “Fuck, I really love you,” she half laughed half cried, feeling tension she didn’t know she had inside of her slip away. Lexa smiled in amusement at her choice of words, pulling her face back in for another kiss. She felt a tear fall onto her fingers, escaping from Clarke’s lowered lashes. Lexa brushed it away gently, not faltering in the kiss. When they finally pulled away again Clarke let out a watery laugh, swiping at her tears quickly. Lexa watched her, a gentle smile on her lips. “Should I be worried that you’re crying?” she asked after a moment. Clarke shook her head and smiled, “no. I’m just…” she sighed, looking at Lexa, “I’m really happy.”

            Lexa returned the smile, “I am, too.”

           

…

            “No fucking way,” Octavia cried, her face lighting up in genuine happiness for her friend. She had stopped by to drop off some lunch for Clarke and Lexa, figuring they could use the company, however when she arrived Lexa was sound asleep in the bedroom and Clarke had pulled her into the kitchen to share the news. “Way,” Clarke responded matter-of-factly, unable to keep the smile from her face. “And she said it back?” Octavia asked again, incredulously. She’d known Lexa for almost as long as Clarke, and while they obviously weren’t as close, it didn’t take long to figure out Lexa wasn’t the emotional type. Octavia was in no way surprised Clarke already knew she loved the woman, but she was surprised that the feelings were reciprocated so quickly. Clarke nodded, warmth spreading through her for the hundredth time as she thought about Lexa saying the words.

            “I’m really happy for you, Clarke,” Octavia said genuinely. She’d only communicated through text the past few days, offering her moral support for Clarke after Lexa’s attack. She was happy to finally be face to face with her friend and see that she was happy. “Thanks, O,” Clarke said with a happy sigh, leaning her elbows on the counter. “How are you and Lincoln doing?” she inquired, rummaging through the take-out bag Octavia had brought, she’d been considering making lunch when her friend had called and asked what sounded good.

            “Really good, Clarke. I can’t even describe it – I just get this feeling whenever I’m with him,” Octavia got a far-off look in her eyes, thinking about the man. “Like what?” Clarke urged. Octavia shrugged a shoulder, “it just feels right, you know? Like, he’s the one. I could really see myself with him.” Clarke looked at her friend in surprise, it was no secret that Octavia was a bit of a hopeless romantic, but she also was a notorious heart breaker. She never settled and she grew bored quickly – she’d never been in the same relationship for longer than a few months and she’d never talked seriously about anyone she was with in terms of them being someone she could settle down with.

            “Do you think he feels the same way?” Clarke asked, her mind drifting to Lexa. Octavia smiled and took a drink from the coffee she’d brought with her, “I hope so. He tells me he loves me and I really believe it with him. I think we have a really good thing going.” They shared a smile, honestly happy for each other’s relationships. Before they could say anything else a half-asleep Lexa shuffled into the room. She looked at Octavia in surprise, her tired face quickly being replaced by her usual Lexa-mask. “Oh hey, Octavia,” she greeted with a small smile. Clarke held up the take-out bag, “O brought us lunch,” she said, explaining why the other woman was in Lexa’s apartment. Lexa’s smile got a little wider, “I’m starving,” she said appreciatively, coming over to the counter to accept the food. Octavia smiled at her warmly, “how are you feeling?”

            Lexa leaned into the counter and shrugged non-chalantly, “not as bad as I was a few days ago.” Clarke shifted slightly so their arms were touching on the counter, wanting to feel Lexa’s contact. Octavia noticed the movement and smiled, “I’m sure you’ll be back to your normal self in no time.”

            Octavia stayed for a while longer before saying she had to go and meet Lincoln. Once she left, Clarke turned to Lexa, snaking her arms around the woman’s body and pressing a kiss to her forehead. Lexa hummed softly at the motion, leaning into Clarke’s hold. “Did you sleep okay?” Clarke asked, skimming her hands up and down Lexa’s back. The brunette nodded, “I did. I’m sleeping too much, I hate it.” Clarke smiled thoughtfully, “it’s good for you right now.” Before Lexa could open her mouth to argue a knock sounded at the door.

            “Maybe O forgot something?” Clarke questioned out loud, breaking apart from Lexa and going to the door. She opened it, expecting to see her friend standing there. It wasn’t Octavia.

            “Titus.” Clarke said flatly, her smile disappearing as she took in the sight of Lexa’s uncle standing before her. At the sound of the name Lexa quickly went to the door, coming up beside Clarke.

            “I came to see how you were doing,” he blatantly ignored Clarke, looking straight to his niece. Lexa sighed softly and motioned for him to come in. He entered, shooting a long hard look in Clarke’s direction before stepping passed her. “I’m doing fine, Uncle,” Lexa replied curtly. “I received a call from the detective’s regarding your attack, it seems you have remembered what happened and didn’t think to let me know,” Titus had an accusatory tone that sent Clarke’s defenses up. She stepped closer to Lexa, ready to defend her. Lexa stepped away subtly, wanting to fight her own battles. “I figured you must be busy with work, Uncle. I relayed the information I remembered to the detectives and the case is in their hands now.”

            Titus crossed his arms over his chest, eyes narrowing, “you know I have connections. If you had kept me informed they could’ve been used to your advantage.”

            “I prefer not to use your methods. I am confident Arkadia police can handle this,” Lexa’s voice was flat, clearly already tired of her Uncle’s visit.

            Titus shot a side glance to Clarke before focusing back on Lexa, “and who was it that attacked you?” he asked.

            The question made Lexa uneasy, she didn’t want to respond but she had a feeling her Uncle knew more than he was letting on, “I suspect you already know that information,” she responded. Titus scowled, “I do. I was just seeing if you would come forth with it. Do I need to say how this proves my point?” he sounded as if he was chastising a young girl, not a twenty-five-year-old business woman that worked for a multimillion dollar corporation. Lexa’s chin jutted out, meeting his gaze defiantly, “and which point is that?”

            “That this girl has made you weak. No doubt it is because of her this foolish boy attacked you. I’m sure it is because of her you have not kept up with your training so you are unable to defend yourself. Your guard was down, you let him get the best of you and land you in the hospital,” every word let out a little more anger as Titus stared at Lexa condescendingly. Her green eyes flashed with the look of anger Clarke came to associate with Lexa being implicated as weak. If anything got under the other woman’s skin – it was that. “So, you’re trying to blame all of this on Clarke?” Lexa spat, stepping forward threateningly. Titus held his ground, staring her dead in the eye.

            “No, Lexa. I expect her to be foolish. I expect more from you, this is _your_ fault.”

            Clarke couldn’t remain quiet anymore, stepping forward to get his attention, “you’re really going to come in here and blame your niece for being attacked by two men and not being able to defend herself? Lexa put up a hell of a fight, but even you could have been blindsided by them!” her voice was shaking, she was so angry. How dare he come to Lexa’s home and make her feel anything less than perfect.

            Titus glared at Clarke, “this doesn’t concern you,” he hissed. “Yes, it does,” Clarke snapped back. “I don’t know in what world it’s okay for you to come here and blame Lexa for something terrible that happened to her. She’s your fucking family, for god sake. Yet all you do is treat her like she’s nothing, like you’re always so disappointed in her. She is amazing, and that is no thanks to you, Titus.”

            Lexa’s hand went to Clarke’s arm, trying to calm the other woman, though she couldn’t deny that Clarke’s words had made her heart swell with gratitude. “It is entirely thanks to me,” Titus countered, “that girl would be broken if I hadn’t made her strong after her parent’s death. She would be nothing if I hadn’t raised her and taught her everything she knows.”

            The hand on Clarke’s arm dropped away, Lexa felt like she’d just been punched – a feeling she was quite familiar with. Titus never spoke of her parent’s death, he had spent the entire time she lived with him trying to get her to forget it and push it away. Clarke felt the air around Lexa change and she knew Titus had crossed a line. The blonde stepped between them, her face warning him that he’d gone too far. “That’s a lie,” Clarke snapped, “Lexa isn’t strong because of you. She’s strong in spite of you.” Titus looked over Clarke’s shoulder, shaking his head at Lexa. “You need to leave,” Clarke said when he didn’t respond. Titus laughed softly, though his laugh was devoid of any sort of humor, “you talk a big game for a girl who barely has her own life together,” Clarke recoiled from the insult slightly and Titus continued, knowing he’d hit a sore spot, “I know exactly who you are, Clarke Griffin. I know about your mother, I know about your father’s death, I know what school you went to, I know where you work. Don’t think that I did not make it my business to know exactly who it is that my niece is foolishly letting close to her.”

            Clarke was at a loss for words, the menacing look on Titus’s face made her stomach drop. “I have my eye on you, Clarke Griffin. Next time you decide to interfere with my family affairs, I will make it a point to meddle in yours,” and with that Titus saw himself out, not uttering another word to Clarke or Lexa before his departure. Clarke went to the door and pressed it shut, locking the deadbolt with shaking hands before turning back to Lexa.

            Lexa’s hands were in her hair, pressed to the sides of her head as she fought to keep her cool. Her mind was going a thousand different directions. She felt a horrible sinking feeling in her stomach, her parents fresh in her mind. He’d mentioned their death a handful of times in Lexa’s life – usually when he scolded her for being weak when she was a child. She’d never been able to understand how Titus had been so cold to the event, it was his brother than had died – after all.

            Clarke closed the distance between them, putting her hands on either side of Lexa’s waist, “hey, are you okay?” she asked, seeing the troubled look on her face. Lexa dropped her hands to her side and shook her head, refusing to meet Clarke’s eyes. “Talk to me,” Clarke said softly, her hold on Lexa getting tighter. The brunette let out a shuddery breath, trying to sort out her whirlwind of emotions. She forced away the hurt and pushed her parents from her mind, focusing on the anger she felt with her uncle for getting involved in Clarke’s personal business. “Clarke, I am so sorry for what he said to you. He has no right to dig into your personal life like that,” Lexa apologized, finally bringing her eyes up to meet the worried blue ones that were studying her. Clarke shook her head, “I don’t care about that, Lex. He can meddle all he wants, it isn’t going to change my life. I care about _you_ and how he treats you. Every time I’ve seen him with you he does nothing but put you down and insult you… I hate that.”

            Lexa swallowed back the lump in her throat, wishing she’d never gotten out of bed. “I’m used to that, Clarke,” she said in a tired voice. It was true – she had grown so accustomed to the condescending ways of her Uncle she barely noticed it anymore. He’d never been sentimental with her, never acted like he was her family. When she was younger she’d looked up to him, she was vulnerable and hurt and she wanted to be just like Titus – unphased by the death of his brother, strong and successful, even wise at times. Lexa wanted to be just like him – until she realized that being like him meant not caring, shutting out the world, and never letting someone close enough to hurt you. That was a lonely life to live, and Lexa realized that was not truly living, it was simply surviving.

            “You shouldn’t be used to that,” Clarke sighed, reaching up with one hand to stroke Lexa’s cheek. It hurt her to see Lexa treated that way, to think that she had spent her teenage years endlessly being treated like that after losing her parents. Lexa leaned into Clarke’s touch gratefully, “I just don’t know what he wants from me anymore,” she admitted after a moment, letting some of her emotions surface.

            “What do you mean?” Clarke’s thumb caressed the side of Lexa’s face softly.

            “When I was younger I knew what he wanted from me. He wanted me to be strong and work for a good company, he wanted me to go to school and not be distracted by friends and relationships and parties. He wanted me to forget about my parents and my life with them – I understood all of that. I knew what it was he expected of me…” Lexa trailed off, pulling away from Clarke’s touch as she felt herself getting frustrated, “but now? He knows I don’t want that life anymore, I’ve chosen my path, I’ve created my life. I don’t know why he keeps coming back, trying to control me!” Lexa was pacing now, suddenly able to formulate words to all of the frustration inside of her. Clarke watched with furrowed brows, letting her get everything of her chest. “I just don’t understand, Clarke. I don’t get it. It’s like he wants me to always be that little girl that lost everything and had no other choice but to listen to him. He isn’t proud of me, he doesn’t support me. But he still cares so much that I disappoint him. _Why_?”

            Clarke didn’t know what to say, she’d grown up with the disappointment of her mother, she was familiar with the feeling of the path she chose being the wrong one in her mother’s eyes, but she’d always had her father’s support and love. “I don’t know Lex,” Clarke chewed on her lip, watching Lexa pace the room, she felt helpless to the situation. “I feel like I’m missing something, Clarke. My Uncle doesn’t care above anything that isn’t work or his own elite status. So why does he care so much that I’m not like him?” Lexa paused, turning to face her girlfriend. Clarke shrugged a shoulder, not sure what answers she could offer, “you’re still family, Lexa. Maybe that’s why?” Lexa shook her head, not accepting that, “his own brother died and it didn’t even phase him. He never spoke about missing my dad, hell, he never even spoke about my dad! I know they weren’t close, but still, if he cared about family he would have cared about that. This is something else. He’s too invested in me and the choices I make.”

            With a gentle smile Clarke stepped forward, going to Lexa and wrapping her arms around the woman. She could tell Lexa was frustrated and getting worked up, maybe she was right and there was more to Titus than he let on, but whatever it was, it wasn’t going to get resolved with her pacing the living room. Lexa felt the tension in her body dissipate as Clarke wrapped her in a hug, it was hard to be anything but content in the other woman’s arms. With a resigned sigh, Lexa rested her chin on Clarke’s shoulder, “I’m sorry, I’ll figure this out,” she said finally. Clarke kissed the side of her cheek lightly before pulling away, “don’t be sorry. Maybe you’re right, maybe there’s more to it that he isn’t telling you. I think if you really want to know, you should sit down and have a conversation with him, or maybe Indra?” Lexa’s brows furrowed at the suggestion and Clarke continued, “don’t let him come to you and attack you. Reach out to him, say you want to talk, ask the questions you want to ask. If he doesn’t answer them – then at least you tried.” Lexa hummed in thought, contemplating how that sit down would go. “You know… I don’t think I’ve ever really had a straight forward conversation with him,” she mused. “We didn’t exactly have a very openly communicative relationship.” Clarke offered an encouraging smile, “then maybe you should give him a few days and give it a try.”

            Lexa leaned forward and pressed a light kiss to Clarke’s soft lips, she wondered how often she’d ponder what she’d done to deserve someone like Clarke in her life, but for now she was grateful she had the blonde to give her life some sort of balance. “I’ll do that,” she promised once their lips had broken apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading. The story line is starting to pick up again, I have a few ideas but honestly the story is starting to take a life of its own and I'm thinking about changing my original plan. I would really love some feedback to what you guys think about the story line and whether or not you find it interesting? Would reading more about the conflict between Lexa/Titus interest you? Would you want to know what happened in Lexa's past, why Titus is the way he is, and why he is so controlling over Lexa? 
> 
> What else would you like to see in the story - more scenes with the friends? Or more Clexa moments? Feedback will definitely help keep this story going, I'd love to make it something you guys WANT to read.


	23. The conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa return back to work - Clarke gets a visit from a Detective and blows off some steam with Raven, Lexa and Anya have a chat. 
> 
> No Clexa moments in this chapter, just filling in some information so the next chapter will make sense!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your comments! I promise next chapter will have a lot more Clexa!

Miraculously, Lexa survived the week of house arrest – as she’d begun calling it. Clarke accompanied her to the hospital so she could get x-ray’s of her ribs and another scan done to ensure there were no new signs of trauma to her brain. Everything checked out and Lexa was given a refill of pain-killers and cleared to go back to work as long as she stayed away from contact-sports, high impact activities, and carrying heavy things. Clarke was relieved Lexa was okay, but she couldn’t deny the fact that she’d gotten used to staying at the other woman’s apartment and taking care of her. She didn’t want to return to work.

 

            Monday afternoon found Clarke sitting at her desk, clutching a coffee cup in one hand and a stack of papers in the other. She had a _lot_ of work to catch up on. Technically she was a substitute teacher at the school, but the regular art teacher for one of the grades was on extended maternity leave, so she’d picked up the class as her own for the school year. Her week off of work had ushered in another substitute teacher who did a less than stellar job in Clarke’s opinion. The blonde took a gulp of her coffee, wincing as it burned her tongue, then set the cup down so she could go over the assignments from the previous week. She already wanted to drown herself in a vat of paint.

            A knock sounded at the classroom door and Clarke distractedly called for the person on the other side of it to come in without looking up from her papers. The sound of a man clearing his throat made her look up – she’d been expecting a student. Clarke recognized the man from the hospital as one of the detectives on Lexa’s case and she immediately got to her feet, “detective. What can I do for you?” she stammered, reaching an arm across her desk to shake his hand. The man gave it a firm shake before pulling out a notepad from his back pocket, “do you have time for a few questions Miss Griffin? I won’t take up much of your time, but I was in the area and figured I’d stop by.” Clarke nodded and sat back down, motioning for him to pull up a chair.

            “Have you found him?” Clarke blurted out. The detective shook his head, flipping through the pages, “not yet. We were hoping you might be able to give us more information on him or where he might be,” he began. Clarke pursed her lips – they’d been broken up for a while, she wasn’t sure what information she could offer the man. “We checked his last known address but his landlord said he’d moved months ago, but he left no forwarding address. No one knows where he works anymore, he doesn’t seem to have many friends, and his parents claim they’ve been out of touch with him for a while,” he listed off the facts he knew, glancing up to read Clarke’s expression. Clarke nodded as she took in the information, “they’ve been estranged since I’ve known him,” she offered. The detective nodded, “and how long has that been?” he asked. Clarke chewed on her lips, doing the math, “nearly 5 years,” she responded. The detective scribbled the number down, “we have on record you took out an order of protection against him? Your statements for that said that he had a history of stalking you and you felt unsafe by him. Has he ever been violent in the past?”

            Clarke shifted uncomfortably in her seat, picking at the edge of a piece of paper on her desk. “Never physical. We dated on and off for a couple of years, my life was pretty messed up when we met, and he distracted me from it. When I started to get my shit together I realized he wasn’t good for me, he was always very obsessed with himself and the idea of us, but never really put us first, if that makes sense?” Clarke was rambling. She hated talking about Finn, everything about their relationship left a bitter taste in her mouth. She associated him with the messed-up person she was and her tumultuous years of college and moving away from home. “Can you elaborate a little more Miss Griffin?” the detective asked, watching her intently. Clarke nodded, “when I broke up with him he just couldn’t accept it. He told me I was crazy, that he was the best I was ever going to have. When I tried to get away from him he’d just show up outside my apartment, sometimes with flowers trying to win me back, sometimes screaming at me that I’d ruined his life. He was always unpredictable, I never knew if he was going to be sweet or be this crazy person that was always hiding underneath,” Clarke felt her hands grow clammy and she shoved them in her lap, trying to hide the shaking. “I changed my number so he started harassing my friends, trying to see where I was and what my new number was. Then I didn’t hear from him for months until he ran into me and Lexa downtown one night, he freaked out, I found out he was still in contact with my mother. He was pretty nasty with Lexa.”

            The detective had returned to scribbling down notes in his notepad, nodding along with Clarke’s words. “Yes, Miss Woods mentioned that encounter. She said that was the night she suggested you get an order of protection. That was, if I’m not mistaken, before the holidays? What took you so long to get one?” Clarke looked away and sighed, she had never mentioned the order of protection again, not even to Lexa. She didn’t want to bring Finn up – she’d thought she handled it. “He showed up again, Lexa doesn’t know. He followed me after work one day, it was one of his good days I guess. He had flowers, he was trying to apologize for upsetting me, insisting I gave him another chance. I turned him down, asked him to end contact with my mother and myself, said that I’d moved on. He looked pissed but he didn’t say anything after that. He just left. I got one, just in case, but I thought it was the end of it.”

            “Do you happen to have a phone number for him?” the detective asked. Clarke shook her head, “no, I’m sorry.” The man pressed his lips together, forming a tight line as he reviewed the information he’d collected during their conversation. “Is there anything else you can think of that might help? Any way you might be able to contact him? Or any reason you think he might try to contact you?” Clarke shook her head again, feeling powerless. “No. But if he does I’ll let you know immediately. I want him caught. I want him to pay for what he did to Lexa,” her voice was soft but determined. She didn’t want him to get away with this. The detective stood slowly and held out a hand, Clarke shook it quickly then pulled her hand back, tucking it under her arm, “the feeling is mutual. Give me a call if he tries to get ahold of you or if you think of anything else,” he offered a card with his number on it before exiting the classroom. Clarke’s head was spinning as she watched him go, she looked down at the card with his contact information before tucking it into her pocket. For the first time, she actually wished Finn would try to get in contact with her. She would love to turn him in.

 

            After work Clarke met Raven at a bar close to the mechanic shop she worked at, in desperate need of a drink. Lexa was still at work, drowning in paperwork and meetings from the sound of her texts. Clarke needed to let off some steam and talk to _someone_ about her meeting with the detective. When Clarke walked in she spotted Raven at the bar, two beer bottles in front of her. The place was pretty dead – but it was only 4pm so Clarke supposed they were ahead of the drinking curve. “Hey,” Clarke greeted, sliding into a stool beside her friend and grabbing one of the bottles. Raven tipped her bottle forward in greeting, “what’s up blondie? You look stressed.”

            Clarke couldn’t help but smile at her friend’s sass. With a sigh, Clarke filled her in on everything that had happened, sparing no detail. She could see the anger growing in Raven’s expression as she listened, and once she’d finished talking Raven slammed her bottle down on the bar with an angry huff, “I fucking hate him, you know? For all the shit he’s put you through, and now Lexa. I just wanna take his head and –“ Raven stopped when she saw the look Clarke was giving her, it was a mixture of amusement but also begging her not to finish that sentence. Raven sighed, “sorry, sorry. It just really pisses me off that he hasn’t been caught yet. I hate it when someone fucks with my friends.” Clarke gave her a tight smile and took a swig of her beer, “yeah, me too. The detectives have zilch. It’s not like the asshole had a lot of friends, so they have nowhere to look, no leads to go off of.” Raven chewed on the inside of her cheek, spinning her bottle over and over again on the bar top, needing to keep her hands busy. “He must have at least one friend though? I mean Lexa was attacked by two guys, right?” Raven asked. Clarke nodded slowly, not having really thought about that detail. “So who was the other dude? _Someone_ is in contact with Finn. I wanna know who,” Raven said. “You and me both,” Clarke sighed.

            “So how’s Lexa doing with all this?” Raven asked after a comfortable minute of silence, Clarke shrugged a shoulder, studying the label of her beer. “She’s Lexa. Nothing phases her. All she wants is to put him away, and honestly I think she wants that more to keep me safe than because of what he did to her.” Raven gave her a small smile, “she’s one tough chick. I’m glad someone is taking care of you, Griff.” Clarke smiled back, warmth spreading through her chest at the thought of Lexa, “yeah she is. Too tough sometimes, but I love her.”

            Raven’s eyes bulged, her mouth dropping open slightly, “did you just say the L word?” she asked incredulously, “and no I don’t mean the TV show that you obviously watched in college,” she tacked on. Clarke snorted at the last bit but nodded, she’d forgotten she had only told Octavia. “I did. I love her, Rae. She’s amazing,” Clarke said genuinely, unable to keep the little bit of awe from her voice whenever she thought about how amazing Lexa really was. Raven let out a low whistle and took a drink of her beer, her eyebrows raised high. “Damn, girl. Didn’t it take you like a year to say that shit to what’s his nuts?”

            Clarke rolled her eyes, “I don’t even think I really even loved him when I said it. I just got tired of not having a response when he said it to me,” she admitted. Raven snorted and nudged Clarke with her shoulder, “well shit, Clarke. I’m happy for you. Did Lexa say it back?” Clarke nodded in affirmation and Raven grinned, “I’m _really_ happy for you then. You deserve to be happy, blondie.”

 

…

 

            Lexa heard a knock at her office door and looked up just in time to see Anya walk in. “Hey killer,” the older woman greeted playfully before dropping down into the chair opposite of Lexa’s desk. The brunette sat back with an eyeroll at the nickname, “I’m _so_ glad I’m back at work so I can catch up with an entire weeks’ worth of shit. You could have brought this stuff to my apartment so I had something to work on!” Lexa was up to her eyeballs in work and her patience was at around 3%. Anya chuckled and reached forward, grabbing a folder off the desk and flipping through it, “I had my own shit I have to do. I did straighten out some confusion with building permits through while you were gone, so don’t say I’ve never done anything for you.” Lexa rolled her eyes, again, but smiled. She knew Anya had done some of her work while she’d been away, and Anya knew Lexa’s frustration wasn’t really directed at her.

            “So, how’s everything going?” Anya asked, her tone getting more serious as she dropped the folder down on her friend’s desk. “It’s going,” Lexa said with a shrug, “nothing is permanently damaged, that asshole is still on the loose, I think Titus is hiding something from me, and Clarke told me she loved me.”

            Anya stared at her for several seconds, trying to process the multiple bombs of information that had just been dropped in her lap so non-chalantly. “Woah woah woah, okay start over. Let’s start with Clarke,” Anya said, waving her hands around. “She said it? Like the whole thing?” she asked. Lexa nodded, a small smirk on her normally expressionless face. “That’s fucking great! Did you say it back or did you get all stand-offish and say something stupid like ‘thank you’?” Anya asked, knowing her friend and how she usually handled vulnerability. Lexa shot her a look, “thanks for the vote of confidence. I said it back.” Anya grinned, “well you have a reputation of turning the other way when something gets too close to being serious. I’m glad you’re sticking it out and actually telling her how you feel.” Lexa gave her a small smile in response, “okay so the rest of what you just said – what’s going on with your Uncle?”

            Lexa twirled her pen between her fingers, leaning back further in her chair, “I just feel like something is off,” she began. Anya knew Titus, they’d met several times and the older woman had never been a fan of him – not only for his complete lack of personality, but for the little she knew about Lexa’s time with him. “How so?” Anya asked, trying to get Lexa to elaborate. The brunette shrugged, knowing she wasn’t really making much sense, “I can just feel it. He’s been extra controlling lately, or at least trying to be. I think I’ve seen him more in the past few months than I have in two years! And he is not happy about Clarke being in my life. But it’s weird, because normally I just know he doesn’t approve of something but he still stays out of my life. Lately he is just showing up, and suddenly getting all concerned. It’s just…not like him.”

            Anya hummed in thought, not really knowing enough about the man to offer any helpful insight, “maybe he suddenly grew a heart and is trying to fix his relationship with you but doesn’t know how?” Lexa snorted at the thought, “I don’t think that’s it. He’s been so adamant trying to steer me back to the path he wanted me on ever since Clarke came in the picture. He hasn’t been this insistent since I first came to live with him.” Anya tapped her fingers against her leg, not really having a solution for her friend. “And speaking of that – you know I realized I don’t remember my parents dying?” Lexa said suddenly. Anya’s eyes snapped up to the other woman and she studied her hesitantly. Lexa never spoke about them, _ever_. Anya could count on two fingers the times Lexa had spoken about her parents – the first when she said they were dead, the second when they’d been at a bar and Lexa was incredibly drunk and mentioned something about a family vacation. This was uncharted territory in their friendship, and Anya didn’t know how to proceed. “Oh?” she asked. Lexa cocked her head in thought, not really sure why she was bringing it up. “Isn’t that weird to you? Why wouldn’t I remember that?” she was thinking out loud at this point, Anya and her were good friends – but that didn’t mean Anya knew a lot about her personal life or her past.

            “That is a little odd…” Anya agreed, treading carefully, “did Titus say something about it?” she was trying to figure out why Lexa was talking about it now. “I mean, nothing substantial, he said if he hadn’t made me strong I’d have completely fallen apart after they died. But I’ve just really been thinking about it lately and I feel like I really don’t know anything about them, I spent so many years actively _not_ thinking about them and their death, that I feel like I’ve forgotten it.” 

            Anya wasn’t sure how to respond to this- Lexa was never this open with her thoughts, especially anything concerning her past. The older women studied Lexa intently, trying to figure out this new change in her friend. “Have you asked him about them?” she asked after a moment. Lexa smiled briefly, “Clarke suggested the same thing… No, I haven’t. I guess I should.” Anya nodded, “wish I could help, Lex. But I think this is something you’ll have to resolve with your Uncle. No one else is going to have the answers you’re looking for besides him.”

 

            Lexa didn’t say anything for a moment, distracted by her thoughts. She felt like something had changed in her – she wanted to know more about her parents and what had happened, she was actively choosing to distance herself from her Uncle’s teachings and wishes, she was opening up more. She knew these changes in her had Clarke written all over them, and she found she didn’t mind. It was like she was discovering this whole side of herself that had been locked away.

            “Hey by the way have you spoken to Octavia lately?” Anya asked, breaking the silence. Lexa shook her head, frowning, “no? Should I have?” she asked. Anya chuckled, “so I take it you don’t know that Clarke’s birthday is next week?”

            Lexa’s face paled, “it’s what?!” she yelped. How did she not know this? She was officially the worst girlfriend ever. Anya chuckled, “probably something you should know in the future. You should probably find out her last name and favorite color, too,” the older woman joked. Lexa glared at her, “not even funny. I dropped the ball on this one. She never even mentioned it! I don’t know what to get her.” Anya waved a hand, dismissing Lexa’s growing panic, “that’s why I was asking if you’d talked to Octavia. She’s planning a party, get in touch with her and help her with it,” Lexa relaxed slightly, “you’re a life saver Anya,” she said with a dry laugh. Anya pushed herself up with a chuckle, “and don’t you forget it!” she chirped before giving Lexa a playful wink and sauntering out of the office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know what you think! Also let me know if there's anything you want to see happy at Clarke's birthday party.


	24. The Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa takes Clarke out for a birthday dinner, then to her surprise party afterwards. Clarke gets an unexpected phone call that leaves her in a difficult situation. Lexa is worried about Clarke and realizes how terrified she is of losing the other woman. 
> 
> Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter up, but to make up for the wait this chapter is extra long and filled with goodness.
> 
> Fluff, action, and smut. So the ending is NSFW.

            “Hey, babe, you ready?” Lexa asked, peeking her head around the corner of Clarke’s bedroom door. She caught a glimpse of the blonde’s reflection in the full-length mirror that was hanging on her open closet door. It was a delicious sight of round ass and black lace underwear as Clarke pulled another dress on. Lexa swallowed hard, trying to push away the dirty thoughts that jumped to her mind. Clarke was in her walk-in closet, struggling to decide what to wear. She’d changed twice already. It made Lexa laugh, because for all the blonde knew, they were just going out for a quiet dinner together to celebrate her birthday – when in reality all of their friends along with a few of Clarke’s co-workers were scrambling to get a bar ready for her surprise birthday party.

            “I don’t know which dress to wear,” Clarke whined from inside the closet, pushing hangers of clothing to the side. “You look amazing in anything,” Lexa said with a warm smile as she walked to the closet door and leaned into the doorframe. Clarke turned quickly, hearing the increased volume of Lexa’s voice that signaled she was entering the room. Lexa paused, letting her eyes slowly roam Clarke’s curves in her tight black dress, “what’s wrong with that one?” she asked. Clarke glanced down at it, a small pout on her lips, “nothing I guess. I just feel like you look incredible...” Lexa walked in, snaking her arms around the blonde’s waist and pulling her in for a long slow kiss to cut her off. “ _You_ look incredible,” she said softly when they broke apart for air. Clarke peered up at her with a sheepish smile, a blonde curl falling into her face, “so this is good?” she asked, feeling insecure. Lexa looked amazing, she was in a dark green dress that showed off her legs and toned back, with little slits at the sides that gave glimpses of her abs whenever she moved. The green complimented her dark complexion and brought out the color of her eyes and Clarke’s mouth went dry every time she stopped to appreciate how amazing her girlfriend looked.

            “More than good,” Lexa assured her, “though you could always go naked and I’d have no complaints,” she tacked on with a devilish smile. Clarke laughed and swatted her arm, pulling away from Lexa’s hold to grab a pair of heels. “I’m not done with you yet!” Lexa protested, grabbing her and pulling her close again. Clarke let out a squeal of surprise as she was pulled back but it was quickly silenced by another long kiss. Her hands roamed up the side of Lexa’s body, coming up to wrap around her neck as Clarke settled against the other woman and melted into the kiss.

            Lexa’s hands came up to either side of Clarke’s face, cupping it lightly as she deepened the kiss, her tongue grazing the blonde’s swollen bottom lip, Clarke moaned at the motion and Lexa pressed their bodies together harder before skimming her hands down Clarke’s body and stopping at her hips. They pulled apart briefly for air, their faces hovering close to one another, their foreheads pressed together. “I love you,” Lexa whispered softly, her dilated pupils resting on the flushed cheeks and swollen lips of Clarke’s beautiful face. Clarke smiled, her eyes still closed, and leaned forward to kiss Lexa again, “I love you, too,” she whispered back once she’d pulled away.

            They stood like that for a moment before Lexa finally pulled away completely, if they went any further she wasn’t sure she’d be able to stop herself from getting Clarke naked. “To be continued,” she promised with a wink as Clarke pouted. “We could always just stay here,” Clarke suggested, wiggling her eyebrows. Lexa laughed, “I already made reservations, there will be time for more celebrating after dinner,” she replied. Clarke let out a happy sigh before following her girlfriend back into the bedroom, “you didn’t have to do that,” she said softly, though she appreciated it. No one ever made a big deal about her birthday and she was okay with that. She would’ve been happy just staying home with Lexa, but the brunette had insisted they go out for a nice dinner. “I know. I wanted to,” Lexa answered with a smile before leaving the bedroom so Clarke could finish getting ready.

 

            Half an hour later found Lexa pulling up to the front of a restaurant Clarke had never been to. She got out and watched as her girlfriend handed her keys to the valet and came up to stand beside her, “so fancy,” Clarke joked as she slipped her arm into Lexa’s. Lexa chuckled and led the way to the door. They were greeted by a hostess and Lexa leaned in to give the name for the reservation. Clarke was distracted by the décor as they walked through the restaurant, she took in the art on the walls and the low hanging chandeliers that sparkled in the candlelight reflecting off tables. The restaurant was beautiful.

            “Here you go,” the hostess said, motioning to a table for two. Lexa smiled in thanks and pulled out a chair for Clarke, making her blush. She wasn’t used to being waited on like this. Clarke sat down cautiously and followed Lexa with her eyes as the other woman sat down across from her. “This place is beautiful,” Clarke said in disbelief, her eyes wandering again. Lexa smiled, “I’m glad you think so.” She watched as Clarke looked around in awe, the flickering candles between them casting a glow against her golden curls and pale skin. Lexa felt her heart swell, wondering how she got so lucky. Clarke looked stunning, and the childlike wonder on her face as she admired every inch of the restaurant made Lexa smile.

            “You _really_ didn’t have to do this, Lexa,” Clarke whispered when she finally brought her attention back to the table, meeting the green eyes that were staring intently at her. She knew this place must cost a fortune. Lexa gave her a soft smile, “you’re worth it,” she replied. She didn’t want Clarke to think about the cost of the restaurant, Lexa typically didn’t flaunt her money, but she was more than happy to treat Clarke to a special night out. She deserved it.

            Before Clarke could come up with a response a man walked up to their table, artfully holding a bottle of champagne in his hands, “I heard this is a celebration,” he said with a warm smile, tipping the bottle forward so Lexa could read the label. Lexa nodded in response at the silence question of whether or not they wanted any, “it is. It’s her birthday,” she replied, nodding towards Clarke. The man gracefully grabbed their champagne flutes and gilled them, a smile on his face as his eyes flicked from the pouring liquid to Clarke, “well happy birthday,” he said genuinely. Once their flutes had been placed back in front of them the man pulled out two small menus from the half apron tied around his front.

            The two women ordered their food after a few moments of discussion on the different dishes then turned back to each other when their waiter had left. Lexa lifted up her champagne flute, holding it up to Clarke. The blonde mirrored her motion, a small smile on her lips. “To you, Clarke,” Lexa said softly, the ‘K’ rolling off her tongue in a way that sent shivers through Clarke’s body. “25 years ago, the world was lucky to have you join it, and I’m grateful every day that the stars aligned just right so that you would be in mine. I hope you have the best birthday, and I hope I get to spend many more with you,” Lexa’s voice was soft and warm, filling Clarke’s ears and sending warmth through her body. She didn’t realize tears had filled her eyes until she felt one slip down her cheek. Lexa tipped her flute forward, clinking it against Clarke’s with a soft noise before bringing it to her dark lips for a sip. Clarke took a sip of her champagne before using the back of her free hand to swipe at her cheek, “this is already the best birthday,” she said honestly. She’d never felt so loved before, and she’d never seen this romantic side of Lexa before. It was a rare treat and she was loving every moment of it. The way Lexa looked at her across the table made Clarke feel like she hung the stars and moon, there was nothing but adoration and love in those green eyes.

 

…

 

            When their dinner was over Lexa slipped her arm back through Clarke’s as she led her out of the building. They walked arm in arm down the sidewalk towards Grounders, which was just down the street. Lexa had suggested they stop for a drink and Clarke had readily agreed, not wanting the night to be over yet. The champagne had left a warm buzz in her body and the thought of another drink sounded perfect. Lexa opened the door for Clarke, motioning for her to walk in.

            The moment Clarke stepped in to Grounders she was met with the sound of cheering and cries of “Happy Birthday!” Clarke blinked several times, registering the sight of all her friends standing there, balloons and streamers hanging from the ceiling. Clarke’s hand flew up to cover her mouth and she felt Lexa walk in behind her, putting a hand on her shoulder, “surprise!” she chuckled. Raven and Octavia rushed over, flinging their arms around Clarke in a messy hug of tangled limbs, “Happy Birthday!” they cried again before dragging her the rest of the way into the establishment.

            Clarke was still in shock that they’d put everything together for her and she couldn’t stop the happy tears as everyone came up to hug her and wish her happy birthday. Anya, Roan, and Lincoln were also present, along with a few of the other teachers from her school. “You guys are amazing,” Clarke marveled, letting out a watery laugh as her eyes came to rest on the cake that was placed on one of the tables. She turned around after a moment, searching for Lexa. The brunette was standing beside Anya with an accomplished looking smile. Clarke went up to her, shaking her head incredulously, “you knew about this?” she asked. Lexa grinned in confirmation and Clarke wrapped her arms around the other woman in a hug of thanks, “you are the best,” Clarke whispered in her ear before pulling away. She wanted to do more, but she knew Lexa would be uncomfortable with a larger display of affection in front of everyone.

            “Who wants some fucking cake?!” Raven cried, holding up a knife in one hand and a cake server in the other. “And shots!” Octavia added, holding up a bottle of tequila. “Oh my god!” Clarke laughed, amused by her friend’s antics. “Birthday shots!” Anya chimed in, encouraging the mischief. Clarke looked to Lexa, who was laughing. “Well… I guess you only turn 25 once – right?” Clarke joked. Lincoln took the bottle from Octavia’s hand and ran behind the bar, quickly grabbing handfuls of shot glasses.

            “Alright let’s do it!” Clarke said finally, eliciting cheers from her friends. Raven set to work cutting pieces of cake while Lincoln lined up shot glasses and poured tequila down the line of them, filling them up generously. “I’ve got the limes” Anya said, turning around to rummage through one of the bags on the table. They came prepared.

            Cake was passed out to everyone and shots were grabbed off the bar, “to Clarke!” Octavia cried, holding her shot glass up. Everyone clinked their glasses together, echoing the sentiment, before licking the salt off their hands and downing their shots in a quick drink. Clarke immediately felt the buzz of the alcohol spread through her and she looked to Lexa, who was standing beside her, a happy smile on her face. “Thank you,” she whispered. Lexa returned the smile, glad to see that Clarke was enjoying herself, “of course,” she whispered back. “Now have fun!” she tacked on, nudging Clarke to go socialize.

           

            The night progressed with more shots and party games, Clarke’s mouth hurt from laughing and smiling so much, but she couldn’t stop. She felt her heart nearly burst every time she caught sight of Lexa, her perfect smile on display with every laugh. She felt like the luckiest woman on the planet to have so many friends that loved her.

            It was close to midnight when Clarke checked her phone and saw multiple missed calls from an unknown number.  Slightly drunk from the amount of alcohol she’d had, she grabbed her phone and called back, her curiosity getting the better of her. The ringing stopped and someone picked up, answering the phone with her name, “Clarke?” The noise from inside the bar kept Clarke from being able to hear who was on the other end, “hello?” she asked, struggling to hear the voice.

            “Happy Birthday,” it said.

            “Who is this?” Clarke asked, trying to place the voice that sounded so far away with all the noise. “Clarke, where are you? Are you downtown?” the man asked. Clarke ducked out of the bar, trying to escape the loud music so she could hear better. “Yeah, who is this?” she replied, she thought it must be someone late to the party, though she wasn’t sure why they’d be calling her since she didn’t even know about it.

            “I want to see you,” they replied. Suddenly the voice registered in Clarke’s mind with the noise in the background no longer a factor. Clarke froze in place, eyes darting around in the dark night as her heart dropped.

            “Finn?” she asked cautiously.

            There was silence on the other end of the phone for a moment and she glanced at her screen, checking if he’d hung up. The call was still connected so she tried again, “Finn are you still there?” She heard a sigh on the other end of the phone, “yeah. Are you having a good birthday?” he asked nervously. Part of Clarke wanted to start screaming at him for what he’d done to Lexa, but her brain sluggishly hatched a plot despite the haze of alcohol. She wanted to keep him on the line, lure him out of wherever he’d disappeared to. If she could get him to come to her, he could get caught.

            “I am,” she replied hesitantly, “you said you wanted to see me?” she asked after there was no reply. “I want to. But it’s probably not a good idea,” he replied. Clarke chewed on her lip, “what if I want to see you?” she asked. The question hung between them for a moment, “who are you with right now?” he asked, sounding wary. Clarke glanced back at the bar behind her, “Raven and Octavia,” she answered quickly, it wasn’t a complete lie. “Can you get away?” he asked after a moment. 

 

            Lexa had been distracted talking to Anya and it wasn’t until the older woman excused herself to use the restroom that Lexa realized Clarke was no longer in the bar. She glanced around and noticed Clarke’s purse sill on the chair. When Anya returned, Lexa asked if she’d seen Clarke in the bathroom, “No? why?” Anya replied, grabbing her drink off the table. Lexa didn’t bother to answer, instead she beelined straight for the door. She knew Clarke liked to escape sometimes and get fresh air, especially if she’d been drinking, but Lexa didn’t like the thought of her being outside alone – not with Finn still on the loose.

            The moment Lexa stepped outside she spotted Clarke leaning against the building, her phone pressed to her ear. Lexa frowned, approaching her slowly. Clarke glanced up, seeing movement in the corner of her eye, when she saw Lexa she put a finger to her lips in a shushing signal. Lexa’s brows furrowed as she stepped up to Clarke, she mouthed ‘who is it?’ and motioned to the phone. The look on Clarke’s face made Lexa uneasy.

            “Why don’t you come meet me?” Clarke asked, speaking to whoever was on the other end of the phone. Lexa stared at Clarke in confusion. The blonde pulled the phone away from her face, covering the microphone with her hand, ‘Finn’ she mouthed back. Lexa’s green eyes widened and she felt a rush of anger consume her body. Anger that he was on the other end of the line. Anger that he was talking to Clarke on her birthday. Anger that Clarke was outside – alone- trying to meet with him. “What are you doing?!” Lexa hissed, crossing her arms over her chest. Clarke motioned for her to be quiet and managed to keep her voice even on the phone, “just text me when you get here… I’ll come out and see you,” she said convincingly. She waited a moment then lowered the phone from her ear, ending the call.

            She met Lexa’s bewildered look, her blue eyes wide, “Lexa, call the detective,” she said in a trembling voice. Her stomach was tied in knots.

            Lexa wanted to argue but the look on Clarke’s face made her bite back the words. She was clearly distressed.

 

…

 

            The phone call with the detective was brief, while Clarke was on the phone, Lexa filled Anya in on what was happening and the older woman took care of convincingly ending the party, telling everyone Clarke had drank too much and needed to go home. When Lexa returned to the bathroom, where Clarke had been on the phone, she found the blonde on the floor, back against the wall and head in her hands. Unable to crouch down because of her dress, Lexa lowered to her knees in front of the woman, “Clarke?” she said softly. Clarke looked up from her hands and met Lexa’s concerned eyes. She felt guilty, as if somehow it was her fault this was happening. She shouldn’t have called Finn back, she was ruining her surprise party. She’d seen the look of anger and hurt in Lexa’s eyes when she said she was on the phone with Finn.

            “I’m sorry,” Clarke whispered, lowering her eyes again. There was a dull ache in the back of her head from trying to fight the alcohol in her system. She felt sober thanks to the situation, but she knew there was a good amount of tequila in her bloodstream that would make her regret the shots she took later. Lexa frowned, placing a hand on each of Clarke’s shoulders, “for what?” she asked. Clarke shook her head, letting out a shuddery breath, “I know you’re mad… I didn’t know it was him. I didn’t recognize the number. But as soon as I realized it was him I knew I had to keep him on, I’m the best chance we have of catching him. I had to…” Clarke trailed off the moment Lexa’s arms wrapped around her and pulled her into a tight hug. “Clarke, no” Lexa said in a pained voice, “I’m not mad at you at all,” she assured the blonde. She was mad at Finn. She was mad at the situation. She was mad that Clarke had to deal with all of this – but she wasn’t mad at Clarke. When Clarke didn’t answer, Lexa tightened her hold, “I promise I’m not mad at you. I was just caught off guard and I’m worried. I don’t want you anywhere near him, and _I_ don’t want to be anywhere near him.”

            Clarke pulled back slightly to look up at Lexa, “I don’t want to see him, Lex. But if it means we can get him… I’ll do it. I just don’t want you to think it’s because I want to see him tonight.” Lexa placed a gentle hand on her cheek, “I don’t think that for a moment,” she assured Clarke. She could see the turmoil in those blue eyes, the war that was being waged inside Clarke’s mind. Lexa was impressed by Clarke’s idea to essentially lure Finn into a trap, she just didn’t like the fact that Clarke was the bait.

            “We’re going to get him,” Clarke said with conviction. Lexa nodded in agreement, her thumb stroking the side of Clarke’s cheek, “what did the detective say?”

            Clarke leaned into the touch for a moment, feeling relief from the light gesture. “They’re going to be in unmarked cars around the block and they’re just going to wait. He said to call him if he texts and says he is here, and the moment they see him they’ll arrest him. We just have to wait and see if he shows…”

            Lexa slowly got to her feet then held out a hand to help Clarke up. When they were both standing Lexa leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to the blonde’s forehead, “you’re incredible,” she said softly, “I’m sorry this is ruining your birthday.” Clarke chuckled softly, “nothing could have ruined my birthday, Lexa. It was perfect. But technically it’s passed midnight, so my birthday is over.”

            The sound of Clarke’s phone buzzing snapped them both out of the moment and Clarke looked down at it. It was Finn.

  * _I’m downtown. Where are you?_



Clarke glanced up and met Lexa’s worried eyes before typing out a message in response.

  * _Raven and O left… I’m waiting for you._



They stared at the phone, waiting with bated breath for a response.

  * _Meet me outside in 5._



“No!” Lexa said suddenly, shaking her head. “You can’t go out there, Clarke,” she felt panic rising in her chest at the thought of Clarke meeting him outside. It was one thing to lure him to a spot, it was another to meet him there. What if he hurt her? “Lexa, I’ll be okay,” Clarke said gently, though her eyes gave away the fear she felt inside. “You don’t know what he wants to do,” Lexa agued, shaking her head again. Clarke didn’t answer her, instead she dialed the detectives number to let him know Finn was on his way.

When Clarke told him, that Finn wanted her to meet him outside the detective sounded wary. He echoed Lexa’s concerns. Clarke insisted that it was the only way to make Finn feel like this wasn’t a setup and despite Lexa’s disapproving look, Clarke managed to convince the detective to give her a chance to go out and meet him before rushing in.

“I don’t like this,” Lexa said the second Clarke was off the phone. Clarke looked up at Lexa with an apologetic expression, “I know. But I don’t like him free.” Lexa gnawed on the inside of her mouth, trying to hold back the multitude of arguments she wanted to voice. She knew Clarke needed to do this, and she would do the same thing for Clarke. “If he tries anything…” Lexa trailed off when Clarke put a hand on her waist, “I’ll be fine Lex. There are half a dozen cops in the area, nothing is going to happen to me. Just wait for me in here.” Lexa signed in resignation and nodded, “ok,” she whispered. Clarke leaned forward and gave her a soft kiss before slipping out of the bathroom to grab her jacket. She wasn’t sure how long she’d be waiting outside.

 

….

 

Clarke stood outside of Grounders for a few minutes, looking around for any sight of Finn. The streets were relatively empty aside a few drunk people stumbling in and out of neighboring bars. She tried to pick out which parked cars held detectives but she couldn’t see anyone inside of them. With every moment that passed Clarke felt more and more discourage… what if he wasn’t going to show up? What if she’d gotten Lexa all worried for nothing? What if this didn’t work?

She felt the buzz of her phone in her pocket and pulled it out quickly. “Hello?” she answered, eyes darting around her surroundings. “Are you outside?” Finn asked from the other end of the call. Clarke swallowed hard, “yeah. I don’t see you?”

“Walk towards the park down the street,” he instructed. Clarke felt her stomach drop, she didn’t want to walk away from Grounders, and there was no way to refuse now without giving away that it was a set up. “The one off of Main St.?” Clarke asked lightly, slowly beginning to walk towards the intersection. “Yes,” Finn replied. “Okay, I’m coming,” she answered, forcing the nerves out of her voice. All she could hope was that the detectives would follow her.

She stayed on the line with him, heading towards the park at as brisk of a walk her heels would allow. “Where are you?” Clarke asked, glancing around in unease. “Just keep walking,” Finn instructed, ignoring the question. Clarke sighed and obeyed, the park in sight. There was no one sitting on the benches that she could see. “Are you at the park?” Clarke tried again, trying to get Finn to reveal himself. She didn’t want him to get away. Clarke broke off the main sidewalk and onto the paved path that led to the center of the park. She saw movement behind the fountain at the center of the park and felt her heart quicken. “Yes,” Finn replied finally before the line went dead. He stepped out from behind the fountain and Clarke fought the urge to turn and run the other way. She slowed her pace, approaching him cautiously. Her eyes immediately scanned his body for any sign of weapons in his hand or waist band. She felt paranoid.

“Hey birthday girl,” he said warmly, his familiar lazy smile brightening his expression. Clarke forced a smile, “hey,” she greeted. She could feel herself trembling beneath her jacket, and it had nothing to do with the cold. She was only a few feet away from him and she had no idea what to do. She hadn’t thought it out this far – what she’d do when she saw him. She’d figured the detective would step in by now and handle the situation. “I’m surprised you wanted to meet me…” Finn said quietly, glancing around them to see if they’d been followed. He was obviously wary of Clarke.

Clarke bit her lip, not knowing what to say. She couldn’t pretend everything was okay, she knew he’d see right through that act. Finn knew her well enough to know she must be pissed about Lexa. “How did you get my new number?” she asked without thinking. Finn stiffened and lowered his gaze, “your mom gave it to me a while ago…” he admitted. Clarke felt her annoyance flare but pushed it aside, “what made you finally call?” she asked. Finn took a step towards her, shoulders sagged low, “I wasn’t going to miss your birthday, Clarke… I know you probably hate me. But I miss you…”

Clarke grit her teeth, feeling her heartbeat in her throat. She felt nauseous being so close to him. She was scared out of her mind and she had no idea if anyone was going to save her from this. All she could do was keep him talking.

“I don’t hate you,” she lied, trying to sound convincing. Finn glanced up, trying to see if she was telling the truth. Clarke offered a fake smile, “I just don’t understand some of the decisions you’ve made.” Finn took another step towards her and she felt her palms start to sweat. “It wasn’t even my idea,” he said with an eyeroll. Clarke tilted her head, “what wasn’t?” Another step and Finn was directly in front of her. She could smell his cologne and it reminded her of their time together. She fought back the bile that threatened to rise in her throat. “Lexa,” he said flatly. Clarke felt her pulse hammering, “what do you mean?” she asked.

Finn glanced away before looking back at Clarke, “it wasn’t my idea. But I did it anyway. I got carried away…” he trailed off, leaning towards Clarke. “I just miss you so much,” he whispered, his arms wrapping around her. Clarke’s body stiffened, every muscle in her body tensing from the touch. She wanted to push him away. She felt dirty being so close to him after what he’d done to Lexa. She heard the soft inhale of Finn smelling her hair and shuddered, “I always loved that perfume,” he said appreciatively.

Clarke looked over his shoulder and noticed a man walking towards them, she wondered if Finn could feel her heart hammering in her chest. The man quickened his pace, he was just down the path, Clarke stared at him, trying to figure out if he was one of the detectives. When they made eye contact the man nodded slowly, making a gesture for her to continue whatever she was doing. Clarke felt a rush of relief, knowing she wasn’t alone. She let Finn hug her for a moment longer before pulling away, shooting a quick glance over his shoulder to see how far the man was.

“Whose idea was it?” Clarke whispered, trying to get whatever information she could from him. Finn shrugged a shoulder, “it doesn’t matter. It’s done now.” Clarke took a step back, wanting to put as much distance between them as she could. Finn noticed the movement and narrowed his eyes suspiciously, “I should get going,” he said flatly. Clarke froze, wondering how much longer she needed to stall. “Where are you gonna go?” she asked softly. Finn shook his head, “away. I just needed to see you before I left.” Clarke pulled her jacket tighter around her body as Finn took a step back.

“ **Hands up Finn Collins!”** the sound of the detective’s authoritative command made Clarke jump and she took several steps back as Finn spun around to meet the voice. The detective had a weapon raised, pointed directly at Finn as she slowly approached. Finn turned back around, looking at Clarke in disbelief, a betrayed expression etched on his face, “you called the cops?!”  he cried. Clarke continued backing away, her heart hammering. **“Get your hands up!** ” the man yelled, quickly closing the distance. Finn shook his head, eyes narrowed at Clarke as his hands slowly raised above his head, “I can’t believe you, Clarke!” he spat. The moment the detective lowered his weapon he grabbed Finn’s hands and forcefully pulled them behind his back. Clarke turned on her heel and went running blindly back towards Grounder’s.

She collided with Lexa on the sidewalk, who was already running towards the park. “Clarke! Are you okay?” Lexa asked in a panicked voice as her arms encircled the blonde and pulled her into a tight hug. Clarke buried her face in Lexa’s shoulder and gulped in air, clinging to the other woman as tightly as she could. “They got him,” she choked out, relief flooding her body. The adrenaline that had been rushing through her was replaced by the nerves that had been hiding under the surface. She was finally really feeling the fear. “Did he hurt you?” Lexa asked over her shoulder, unable to pull back to look at Clarke because of her hold. Clarke shook her head against the woman’s shoulder and tried to steady her breathing. It was over. She could relax now.

Lexa smoothed her hair down, tightening her hold slightly, “when the detective walked in and asked if I knew where you were going I got so scared,” Lexa admitted, her voice shaking. She’d never felt so terrified for the wellbeing of someone else before and it had rocked her to her core. She was terrified that something would happen to Clarke, that she would lose her. She was furious with herself for letting Clarke go and for not being there to protect her. “I’m sorry…I had to. He would’ve known…” Clarke was fighting back tears, hearing the pain in Lexa’s voice. The pain she had caused.

“I know, and you were so brave Clarke. You got him,” she whispered, pressing her lips to blonde hair. She could feel Clarke trembling in her arms, she could hear the emotion in her voice. Lexa took a deep breath, calming her racing heart as she fought to get her emotions under control. She reminded herself that Clarke was okay, that Finn was taken care of, that everything had worked out. She silenced the small voice in the back of her mind that pointed out how terrified she was of losing Clarke. How vulnerable this love had made her. It didn’t matter – all that mattered was Clarke was safe.

It took a few moments for them to finally break apart. Clarke looked up at Lexa’s worried eyes before pressing a soft kiss to her trembling lips, “I’m okay,” she assured the other woman. Lexa nodded, her arms still loosely holding on to Clarke. “Okay,” she whispered, searching her blue eyes to confirm the words. The sound of footsteps approaching made them pull apart completely. The lead detective on the case came up to them, holding a hand out to Clarke. She shook it hesitantly, “great job back there,” he complimented, nodding his head in the direction of the park. “We’re going to take him back to the station now and question him. Did he say anything to you?” he asked. Clarke nodded, leaning closer to Lexa, not wanting to be far from the other woman’s presence.

“He said it wasn’t his idea. That he got carried away. He didn’t say anything else or whose idea it was though…” Clarke said softly. The detective nodded and turned his attention to Lexa, “we’ll let you know whatever we find out. Sounds like an admission of guilt to me so we should have no problems putting him away.” Lexa nodded in reply, feeling relief course through her, “thank you Detective.” The man nodded to both of them, “we’ll be in touch. Good work tonight Miss Griffin, that was a pretty brave thing you did.”

When he walked away Clarke turned to Lexa, trying to read the other woman’s emotions. “Are you okay?” she asked softly. Lexa nodded and reached down, grabbing her hand, “yeah,” the brunette replied softly. She led Clarke back towards the restaurant they’d had dinner at what seemed like weeks ago, “Let’s go home.” 

They arrived at Lexa’s apartment, which was closer to downtown, and Clarke couldn’t help but smile at the fact that Lexa had called it ‘home’ for both of them. They didn’t speak as they entered her apartment and hung up their jackets, Lexa’s eyes looked faraway as she made her way to the bathroom to wash her face and remove her jewelry. Clarke decided not to press her, giving her space as she undressed in Lexa’s bedroom and pulled a long t-shirt from the dresser to wear to bed. She was consumed by too many emotions to be able to feel just one. Worry, relief, adrenaline, exhaustion, all of them danced in Clarke’s mind no matter how much she tried to push them aside. She flicked on the bedside lap and turned off the overhead light before grabbing Lexa’s brush off the vanity and attacking the tangles in her hair to give her something to focus on.

 

Lexa dried her face, removing the remnants of makeup that had made it through the night. She stared at her reflection in the mirror for a moment before letting out a whoosh of air from a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. She felt like her mind was a million miles away, she didn’t want to process the events of the night. She was certain Finn was going to hurt Clarke and the thought of anything happening to the blonde left a terrible ache in Lexa’s chest. She couldn’t imagine anything happening to Clarke, especially because of her. Clarke had done this to catch Finn – because he’d attacked _her_. Lexa shook her head, trying to clear the thoughts from it. _She’s okay, she’s here with you_ , Lexa reminded herself. She felt the unease in her chest settle at the thought of Clarke in her bed. She was safe. She was there with Lexa.

            Lexa pulled on shorts and a tank top before heading to her bedroom where she knew Clarke was. She walked in, seeing Clarke standing at her vanity mirror, brushing out her hair while wearing nothing but one of Lexa’s long t-shirts. Lexa felt her breath catch in her throat as she took in the sight. Suddenly she wanted nothing more than to feel Clarke, to be sure she was really there, that she was still hers.

            Their eyes met in the reflection of the mirror and Clarke stopped brushing her hair, slowly lowering the brush without breaking eye contract. The look on Lexa’s face stirred something deep within her. It was a look she hadn’t seen before and it was powerful. She couldn’t put a finger on the expression, but she felt it deep in her soul, the way Lexa was looking at her. Clarke spun around and they met each other half way, hands immediately going to each other’s bodies as their lips pressed together desperately. Lexa kissed Clarke as if it was their first and last kiss and Clarke returned it with equaled passion.

            Lexa backed the blonde into the bed, gently laying her back on it as she lowered her body of Clarke’s. Their lips never parted as they worked backwards up the bed towards the pillows. Lexa’s had grabbed the hem of the shirt Clarke was wearing and pushed it up until it was bunched around her waist while Clarke had reached down and pushed the shorts Lexa was wearing down her hips. The brunette wiggled out of the shorts, reaching down to discard them to the floor before she settled over Clarke’s body, pressing against it hungrily now that clothing wasn’t a factor on their lower halves.

            Clarke moaned, reaching down to slide her hands under Lexa’s tank top, desperate to feel skin. Her hands skimmed up Lexa’s back, feeling the muscles flex beneath her fingertips as Lexa broke away from her lips and down to her jawline. She tilted her head back, granting better access, as she pressed up into Lexa’s body. She felt Lexa press back and they began a steady rhythm of rocking their bodies together, thighs grazing over wet centers as their hips thrust up and back in an effort to get closer.

            Clarke tugged at Lexa’s tank top and the brunette quickly pulled it over her head and tossed it aside before returning the favor with Clarke’s t-shirt. The moment they were completely naked Lexa pressed back down, their breasts flush together, no space between their bodies as they scattered kisses along one another’s jaw and shoulder. This wasn’t about sex, this wasn’t about getting off. It was about their shared need to feel close to one another. To reassure themselves they were still together. That everything was okay.

            It was an intimacy neither of them had experienced before and they were a tangle of limbs and soft moans as every movement brought them closer and closer to release. Clarke’s left had tangled in brunette waves while her right hands reached down to grip Lexa’s ass, effectively pulling in tighter against Clarke’s body. Lexa’s hips rocked with purpose, one hand bracing herself against the bed, the other wedged between Clarke’s ass and the bed, pulling Clarke up into her desperately. Their bodies glided together, their wetness combining into a slick trail over each other’s thighs. Neither of them spoke – and neither of them had to. They could read each other like a book with every sharp intake of breath and every choked moan.

            Clarke was the first to reach the edge, she used her grip on Lexa’s hair to pull the brunette in for a searing kiss, Lexa moaned against her lips, feeling the erratic thrusting of Clarke’s body beneath her. A loud moan tore through her throat as she tumbled over the edge seconds after Clarke, she pressed her forehead into the blonde’s sweaty shoulder, mouth open in silent ecstasy as she managed a few more thrusts before they pressed together roughly and remained motionless for the remainder of their combined pleasure.

            Lexa collapsed against Clarke, her body shaking from the exertion. Clarke wrapped her arms around the brunette, holding her close as she panted for air. They were both sweating and trembling as they fought to catch their breaths. After several moments, Lexa half rolled off Clarke so most of her weight was on the bed, but her leg and arm were still draped over the other woman’s body. She gazed up at Clarke, an awestruck look in her eyes. Clarke smiled down at her, reaching up to tuck a strand of damp hair behind Lexa’s ear. “I love you,” Clarke whispered. Lexa dipped her head down, pressing a gentle kiss against Clarke’s chest before looking back up into her eyes, “I love _you_ ,” she whispered back. She felt raw and vulnerable and like she’d just bared her entire soul to Clarke in their throes of passion. _That_ was what making love was – Lexa understood now.  

            They gazed at each other for another few moments, taking in the soft glow of skin and flushed cheeks their actions had created. When Clarke’s eyes started to drift shut Lexa leaned over and turned off the lamp before pulling blankets up over their bodies and wrapping her arm around Clarke. She listened to the steady breathing of the woman she held against her, comforted by the sound. It didn’t take long for Lexa to fall asleep, a small smile on her lips as she was lulled by the sound of Clarke’s soft breaths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you think about this chapter!


	25. Making Amends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke gets a phone call from Marcus and finds herself trying to make amends with Abby. Lexa goes for moral support and is inspired to reach out to Titus. 
> 
> See notes please!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty heavy chapter, I hope you guys liked it. The next one will be posted within a day or two, it's already written, just needs some last tweaks to it. With that said, this story is coming to an end pretty soon. I have it tentatively set to end at 30 chapters to cover the rest of the events I have in mind. So now is your chance, if there's any specific smut or fluff you want to read - let me know now! I want everyone happy with this story and want to make the ending a good one. So where would you like to see Lexa and Clarke end up? What's end game for you guys? Leave a comment and let me know!

 

                Clarke awoke to sunlight streaming through the curtains that had been left half open the night before. She groaned softly and rolled onto her side, not ready to be awake yet. Her eyes opened to the sight of Lexa’s bare back in front of her, brown waves fanned out around the pillow Lexa was laying on. A small smile tugged at Clarke’s lips as she took in the sight, thoughts of the night before replaying in her mind. She felt warmth fill her body at the memories and reached forward, trailing her fingertips lightly down the tattoo that adorned Lexa’s spine. The brunette stirred slightly, the soft touch not enough to wake her. Clarke moved closer, trailing down as low as she could until the blankets blocked her path, then back up to the infinity symbol at the base of Lexa’s neck. Lexa mumbled softly, stirring again, and Clarke knew she was close to consciousness. She leaned forward and planted a kiss between Lexa’s shoulder blades before wrapping an arm around her and holding her from behind. “Mmmm, good morning,” Lexa’s mumbled with a sleepy smile, registering the movement as she woke up. Waking up in Clarke’s arms would always be cause for a good morning.

                Clarke pressed a kiss to Lexa’s shoulder and snuggled in closer, her body fitting perfectly against the other woman’s. “Good morning,” she whispered back, pressing her forehead to Lexa’s back and taking a deep breath of her. Lexa’s hand slid up, fingers intertwining with Clarke’s hand that was draped over her, and let out a sigh of contentment, “did you sleep okay?” she asked after a moment, letting her eyes drift back closed while she enjoyed the feeling of Clarke’s body pressed against her back. “Mmmhmmm,” Clarke hummed in reply, “you?” Lexa smiled, feeling the vibrations of Clarke’s hum in her shoulder, “I did.”

                After a moment, Lexa shifted her weight, rolling over carefully so she could face Clarke while not putting distance between them. She settled down on the pillow just an inch from Clarke’s face, blue eyes filling her vision as she moved their still conjoined hands to rest between their bodies. Lexa leaned in and their lips met in a soft kiss before pulling apart with matching smiles. “Any plans for today?” Clarke asked softly, her eyes trailing across Lexa’s face, taking in the soft curve of her lips and dark color of her eyes. Lexa shook her head, “no,” she replied with a smile, “I’m all yours.” Clarke smiled at the reply and shifted closer, “I like the sound of that.” Lexa chucked softly, her heart fluttering from Clarke’s smile. She felt like a teenager who was hopelessly in love.

                The sound of Clarke’s phone vibrating against the nightstand made both of them jump and Clarke groaned loudly at the interruption. She rolled over onto her back and reached for it. When she brought it up to her face to see who was calling she rolled her eyes, “seriously?” she asked before ignoring the call. “What was that?” Lexa asked, her brows raising in surprise to the blonde’s reaction. “Marcus,” Clarke replied, the name dripping with disdain as it left her mouth. “Your mom’s boyfriend?” Lexa asked. Clarke nodded and rolled back over to face Lexa, leaving the phone on the pillow behind her, “yeah. I don’t know why he’d be calling.”

                “Did your mom call you for your birthday yesterday?” Lexa asked curiously, reaching up to stroke the side of Clarke’s face gently. She wanted to erase the frown that had settled over her features. Clarke’s lips twisted, “no, actually…” she shrugged a shoulder, trying to push away the disappointment she felt. She hadn’t even realized her mother hadn’t called to be honest, but realizing it now stung a little. Her father would have certainly called. Lexa offered an apologetic smile, not knowing what to say in response. Clarke’s phone began vibrating again, another call coming in. “Maybe that’s her trying to say happy birthday?” Lexa said skeptically.  Clarke sighed, “she has her own phone, I don’t know why she’d be using his.” 

                Clarke made no movement to answer the phone and a few moments later it stopped vibrating. Lexa studied her face, trying to gauge what emotions she was feeling. Clarke mostly just looked annoyed. She opened her mouth to speak but the phone began vibrating again and Lexa nudged Clarke, “just answer it babe. He keeps calling back, maybe it’s important.”

“I don’t have anything to say to him,” Clarke sighed, though she knew Lexa was probably right. Marcus never called her and she didn’t think he would keep calling her until she answered unless it was something important – but she really didn’t want to speak with him. Lexa held her hand out, “let me answer then.” Clarke raised an eyebrow at the offer, “you sure?” Lexa nodded, “if it gets that phone to stop buzzing, yes.”

Clarke grabbed the phone and placed it in Lexa’s hand with an amused smile. “Hello, this is Clarke’s phone,” Lexa answered with a business-like tone that sounded like she could’ve been an answering machine. Clarke heard the sound of Marcus’s voice on the other end. “Is Clarke there?” he sounded confused by the strange voice on the line. “She’s busy right now, can I take a message for her?” Lexa replied, trying not to be distracted by the foot Clarke was teasingly running up and down her leg. There was silence on the other end of the phone for a moment before Marcus sighed, “I’m sure she doesn’t want to talk to me,” he sounded weary and exhausted, “but it’s about her mother.” Lexa glanced at Clarke, knowing she could hear what Marcus was saying because of how close they were laying to each other. ‘Do you want to talk to him?’ she mouthed. Clarke shook her head – determined not to talk to him. She had nothing to say to the man that helped destroy her parent’s marriage.

“Can I ask what this is about?” Lexa pressed, trying to get more information from the man. Marcus sighed again, sounding defeated, “look, her mother is in the hospital. She overdosed again yesterday. They were able to pump her stomach and stabilize her so I waited until today to call because I know it was Clarke’s birthday yesterday. I thought she might want to see her mother. Just let her know we’re at Memorial Hospital if she wants to visit.”

Lexa pressed her lips together, watching Clarke's face drain of color as she heard what Marcus was saying. “I’ll let her know, thank you,” Lexa said seriously, her voice dropping. “Thank you,” Marcus replied before disconnecting the call.

Lexa slowly lowered the phone from her ear, looking at Clarke expectantly. The blonde hadn’t said a word, her blue eyes were trained on the empty space between their bodies, breathing shallow. “What do you want to do, Clarke?” Lexa asked softly as she set the phone down behind her and wrapped her arm around Clarke’s body and pulled her close. Clarke swallowed hard, getting a grip on her emotions. She couldn’t say that she was surprised – it was only a matter of time until Abby did it again. Part of Clarke felt inconvenienced by the obligation she knew she had to go to the hospital, another part felt guilty for feeling that way. She fought the urge to cry and leaned into Lexa’s hold for a moment before pulling away and sitting up, “I guess I have to go,” she said sourly as she pulled her knees up to cover her bare chest. Lexa sat up beside her, a look of concern etched on her features, “I’ll go with you,” she said gently. Clarke glanced at her, “you don’t have to, Lex. You shouldn’t have to deal with my mom’s bullshit.”

                The brunette gnawed at her lower lip, unsure how she should proceed. She wanted to support Clarke but she wasn’t sure what kind of support Clarke needed. She wasn’t visibly upset or emotional, more than anything she looked tired of having to deal with this. She looked disappointed yet guilty. Lexa couldn’t imagine the war that was being waged inside her heart, Clarke cared more than anyone she knew, but Clarke and her mother had bad blood between them, and Lexa knew a lot of it had to do with Abby’s problems. “I’m going for you, Clarke, not for her,” Lexa said softly, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind Clarke’s ear as she studied her face. Clarke rested her cheek on her knees and looked over at Lexa warily. She wanted Lexa by her side, but she wasn’t sure she wanted Lexa to see the mess that was what was left of her family.

                Clarke took in the concern on Lexa’s features, the worry in her green eyes as they searched her face, then sighed in resignation, “okay,” she said in a small voice. Lexa rubbed her back gently and leaned forward, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, “get ready and I’ll make us some breakfast quick.”

 

…

 

                Lexa trailed behind Clarke as they made their way to the room number that the visitor’s desk had given them. The blonde was visibly tense, her body language screaming she’d rather be anywhere but there as they approached the room. She’d been uncharacteristically quiet on the drive to the hospital and Lexa had decided not to push her, letting her sort out her thoughts while music played in the background. When they arrived, Clarke paused outside of the room and knocked on the half-closed door before pushing it open and slipping around the privacy curtain. Lexa leaned against the hallway wall, deciding to stay outside to give Clarke a moment with her mother.

                The moment Clarke walked into the room Marcus got to his feet and walked over to her. She took in the sight of her mother asleep on the hospital bed, an IV in her arm and tubes in her nose. She wished that it was an unfamiliar sight, she knew it should cause her sadness or distress, but she’d seen this before and the knowledge that it was self-inflicted made it hard to feel anything but frustration and disappointment.

                “I’m glad you came,” Marcus said quietly, coming to a stop beside Clarke. She nodded slowly, eyes flicking between her sleeping mother and Marcus. To his credit, he looked just as fed up as Clarke felt. “Thanks for calling,” Clarke responded automatically. She wasn’t necessarily grateful for the call, but she was grateful he was there to take care of her mother so the responsibility didn’t fall on her. “How is she?” Clarke asked after a moment, eyes returning to the hospital bed. Marcus sighed, “just resting, now. I got her in time before any serious damage was done, but she needs help, Clarke. She can only tempt fate so many times…” he trailed off, shoulders slumping, “I don’t know what to do,” he admitted in defeat. Clarke looked over at him, taking notice of the wrinkles she didn’t remember and the increase of gray hairs. Marcus looked exhausted.

                “Why did she do it this time?” Clarke asked. Marcus shook his head, “why does she ever do it?” he countered. Clarke let out a dry chuckle, “good point. But really, what triggered it this time? Why yesterday?” she had a feeling it would somehow be tied to her birthday, making it her fault in Abby’s mind. Somehow it was always her fault. Marcus studied Clarke for a moment, seeing the knowing look in her eyes. “She was upset about how things are between the two of you. Wouldn’t stop talking about how you hated her… She said she was going up to bed to take a nap. I went up to check on her an hour later and found her.”

                Clarke swallowed hard, her stomach sinking at Marcus’s words. Knowing didn’t make it any easier to hear them said out loud. “It’s not your fault, Clarke,” Marcus said softly. Clarke looked up at him in surprise, it was the first time she’d ever heard him say something like that to her before. It sounded like the reassuring words her father might say. Clarke nodded slowly, “I know,” she whispered. And she did. She’d stopped believing everything was her fault the older she got – but it still hurt that her mother tried to make her shoulder the blame.

                “Has she been conscious at all?” Clarke asked after a moment. Marcus nodded, “in and out all day. She’s been sleeping awhile, I’m sure she’ll be up soon.” Clarke shrugged out of her jacket and draped it over one of the empty chairs beside the bed, “I’ll stay until she wakes up, you can take a break,” she said quietly. They stared at each other, sharing a look of understanding before Marcus grabbed his keys off the table, “okay. I’ll be back in a little bit.”

 

                Lexa’s head snapped up off the wall when Marcus walked out of the hospital room unaccompanied. He paused in front of her, offering a tight smile, “you can go in if you want, Clarke said she’s going to wait until Abby wakes up.” Lexa nodded and removed her weight from the wall, “okay thanks,” she replied. Marcus took a few steps as if he was leaving before stopping again and looking back at Lexa, “by the way…thank you,” he said quietly, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. Lexa quirked a brow, “for what?” she asked. Marcus nodded towards the hospital room, “taking care of her. She’s had a rough go of it. I can’t say I didn’t contribute to it, but I know Clarke’s had a tough life. I’m glad she has someone to lean on.” Lexa offered a small smile at his words, “she deserves the world,” she said in response before slipping into the room. For whatever his faults, Lexa found she had respect for the man.  

                She found Clarke sitting at the edge of a visitors chair at her mother’s bedside. Her hands were in her lap, shoulders hunched as she stared at the bed. “Hey,” Lexa said softly, coming up to stand beside the chair. She placed a hand on Clarke’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze, “hey,” Clarke whispered back, a hand coming up to rest over Lexa’s. “What can I do?” the brunette asked gently, not wanting to overstep her place. Clarke glanced up at her with a grateful smile, “just be here,” she replied, a slight tremble in her voice. Lexa pulled up another chair, positioning it beside Clarke’s before sitting in it and taking both of Clarke’s hands into hers wordlessly. Clarke let out a shuddery sigh at the comforting gesture and forced back the lump in her throat as Lexa’s thumb stroked the back of her hand lightly. Suddenly she was glad Lexa was there with her. She didn’t have to do this alone.

 

                ….

 

                It was another half an hour before Abby woke up and the two of them sat at her bed side silently the entire time. The moment her eyes opened and focused in on Clarke, Clarke shifted in her seat, clearing her throat softly. Lexa withdrew her hands, sitting back and giving her space. “Clarke,” Abby said with a tired smile, reaching a hand out for her daughter. Clarke hesitated for a moment before reaching forward and placing a hand in her mother’s. The physical contact seemed to break the steely exterior Clarke had been hiding behind and her eyes teared up as she held Abby’s hand. “Why…mom?” she whispered, her voice breaking. Abby turned her head to the side, her own eyes filling with guilty tears at the sight of her daughter. She turned back to face Clarke, “I’m sorry,” she whispered, her words thick with emotions as a tear slipped out.

                Clarke shook her head, “no you don’t get to say sorry again,” she choked out. She felt a tightness in her chest that made it hard to breathe. She just couldn’t understand why her mother was putting her through this again. Did she want to die that badly? Did she just not care? “why did you do it again?” she asked, trying to steady her voice without success. Abby stared at their conjoined hands for a moment and took in a deep breath, “I just… I miss you, Clarke. I miss how things were when you were my little girl.”

                Lexa trained her eyes to the floor, feeling like she was intruding on such a raw and emotional moment. She had a feeling neither of them even remembered she was in the room, but it was uncomfortable nonetheless. She felt her heart aching at the pain in Clarke’s voice and knew that when everything was said and done, this visit would leave Clarke hurting again. She couldn’t help but think about her own parents and what her relationship with them might be like if they were still alive. She’d never have the opportunity to find out.

                “Overdosing isn’t going to make everything go back to how it was,” Clarke said quietly, her voice sounding hollow. Abby shook her head, another tear escaping and sliding down the side of her face, “I know. But… you’re here. It’s the only time you’re here.” Clarke pulled her hand back the moment the words were out and Abby looked like she wished she could take them back. “Is that why you do it?!” Clarke cried, sitting back in her chair with an incredulous look. “Because I come to the hospital whenever you almost die?”

                Abby was shaking her head frantically, “I don’t mean it like that Clarke,” she argued- but her words lacked conviction. It was true. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew Clarke would be there, Clarke would always come if she was hurt or in the hospital. “Yes, you do,” Clarke snapped, pressing her palms to her temples. “God, mom! You don’t have to nearly kill yourself to see me,” her words were angry but her tone was full of defeat. She finally understood it. This was about the attention she got, this was about guilting Clarke into being there. It wasn’t about wanting to die.

                “Then what do I have to do?” Abby whispered dejectedly. Clarke looked back up at her, a hopeless expression on her face. She felt like she was stuck between a rock and a hard place – she didn’t want to be around her mother, but that only meant Abby would resort to these desperate measures to see her again. Clarke had to come up with an alternative, a way for them to form a healthy relationship again so the solution wouldn’t be meeting at a hospital bedside. She sucked in a deep breath, swallowing back the unfairness of it all. She had to be the bigger person and learn to forgive her mother. “You have to get better,” Clarke replied in a surprisingly gentle voice.

                Abby glanced up at her, wary of the kindness, “and then what? I _was_ better, Clarke… but _we_ weren’t.” Clarke felt frustration rise up in her and bit back the arguments she wanted to make, instead she forced a calmness into her voice and reached out for her mother’s hand again. “For real this time, mom. You have to go to rehab, you have to stop with the pills and the drinking. Show me you can get better,” she let out a shuddery breath, trying to forget the years of guilt and pain that had brought them to where they were now, “and then we can get better. We can start over.”

                Abby’s face filled with hope and she stared at her daughter, “promise?” she asked in a shaking voice. Clarke nodded slowly, blinding back tears as she gave her mother’s hand a soft squeeze, “I promise. I’ll visit, we’ll rebuild everything we’ve lost over the years… but you can’t keep doing this, mom.” Abby nodded, “okay,” she choked out. She looked like a broken child, laying there in her hospital bed. She knew she didn’t deserve her daughter’s forgiveness, yet there it was. The promise of a new slate if she got help. “Can you do it?” Clarke asked, a little bit of hope in her own voice. She’d spent so long hating her mother and being at odds with her – the thought of them having a real relationship was almost a relief. It wasn’t going to be easy, but it would feel so much better than all of this pain she had been carrying. Abby nodded again, “yes,” she said with quiet conviction, “I’ll be better,” she promised.

 

                Marcus walked back into the room and everyone’s eyes shifted to him. Lexa let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding, relieved someone else was in the room. The air was heavy and she felt like she’d just been on a rollercoaster of emotions as she watched Clarke make amends with her mother. She was proud of Clarke, but she was also worried. She heard the hope in Clarke’s voice, knew that Clarke was staking everything on Abby’s word to get better, she didn’t want to see Clarke let down. “Everything okay?” he asked nervously, taking in the exchange that was happening. Clarke slowly pulled her hands back to her lap, releasing Abby’s hand. “It will be,” she said softly, looking at her mother with a pointed look. Abby nodded, giving her a small smile, ‘I promise’ she mouthed to her daughter. Clarke gave her a small smile back, letting herself believe those words.

                With Marcus back in the room as distraction, Lexa slowly got to her feet and slipped out of the room, needing some fresh air. It was too heavy in there for her, too much emotion hung in the air. She walked down the hallway quickly and out the nearest door that led outside. The chilly air hit her like a slap in the face and she gulped in the cold air, filling her lungs with it to distract her from the hole she felt in her chest. She’d never know what it was like to make amends with a parent, because hers were gone. An apology wouldn’t bring them back. Lexa pushed away the feeling of envy within her, knowing she’d never be able to have what Clarke had. She took in a deep breath then let it out slowly, calming the racing of her heart.

                “Just breathe,” she whispered to herself out loud. _No wonder Titus doesn’t want to feel,_ Lexa thought with a wry smile as she managed to get her emotions under control. It was much easier to not feel. Lexa’s mind settled and she found herself thinking of her Uncle and their last meeting. She may not have her parent’s – but she did have Titus. That was a relationship she could make an attempt to salvage if she took a page out of Clarke’s book. With a sigh, Lexa dug in her pocket for her cellphone before she lost the nerve.

                 After a few moments of staring at an empty text message she forced her fingers to type out a message to her Uncle then pressed send. She hoped that he would be willing to meet with her again so they could have a conversation face to face. She had questions, but she always wanted to make an attempt to build a relationship with him, if it was something he was willing to do. He was the only family she had left.

                Once the message was sent Lexa made her way back into the hospital and ran into Clarke as she was leaving her mother’s room. “There you are!” she said in relief, seeing Lexa in the hall. “Just needed some air,” Lexa replied with a small smile. Clarke nodded in understanding turning towards the exit, “we can leave now.”

                They didn’t speak as they walked back out to Lexa’s car, arms linked together. Clarke paused a few steps away and turned to her girlfriend, “thank you for being here,” she said gratefully, looking up to meet her green eyes. Lexa’s arms slipped around Clarke and she pulled the blonde in for a hug, “I’ll always be here,” she said genuinely. Clarke leaned into the hold and sighed softly, feeling a sense of relief wash over her. She felt like she could breathe again – like things would actually be okay between her and her mother. It felt good.

                “Are you okay?” Lexa asked quietly once they pulled apart. Clarke shrugged a shoulder and gave her a small smile, “I am right now. I really hope she keeps her promise.” Lexa nodded in understanding, hoping the same thing for Clarke’s sake. She didn’t want Abby to disappoint her daughter again or ruin the chance they had at mending things. “I do too,” Lexa replied before hitting the unlock button on her key fob. “Let’s go home,” she added as the locks clicked. Clarke’s smile widened as she went to her door, feeling peace settle in her chest. _Home_.


	26. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke meet with the detective about the attack and end up with more questions than answers. Lexa meets with Titus in an attempt to mend their relationship and find out more about her past, but what she finds out brings her world crumbling down around her. All she has is Clarke. Will she let Clarke in? Or will she close herself off from her emotions?

_3 days later_

 

                Lexa walked into the meeting room at Ark PD’s main station downtown, Clarke trailing behind her slowly. The detectives had called them both regarding Lexa’s attack, saying that had more information. Despite Lexa’s protests, Clarke had insisted she accompany her girlfriend – partially for moral support and partially out of sheer curiosity as to what new information they had. When they were both seated the lead detective on the case sat down across from them, a manila folder in his hand.

                “First off I’d like to start with saying Mr. Collins has confessed to the attack and everything he said matches your story so we’re going ahead with the charges of aggravated assault.”

                Clarke let out a whoosh of air, her entire body deflating like a balloon as the words hung in the air. She felt relief wash over her that Finn had confessed and this ordeal didn’t have to drag on. She snuck a side glance at Lexa and tried to read the other woman, what she might be feeling or thinking, but Lexa was emotionally closed off to the world – her composed mask on as she sat stick-straight in her chair, hands carefully folded over each other on the table. She didn’t say anything for several moments, eyeing the folding the detective had placed on the table. “I’m glad to hear that,” she said after a moment, her words showing no hint of relief or emotion. “What about his accomplice?” she asked, looking up at the detective with serious eyes.

                He cleared his throat and tapped the folder with his index finger, “that’s why you’re here,” he slid the folder forward and Lexa took it carefully, flipping open the cover to reveal a sketch of a man paper clipped to the right. “Mr. Collins did not know the name of his accomplice, it seems he was actually approached by the man who had the intent to shake you up, so to speak. Mr. Collins admitted that he agreed because of your relationship with Miss Griffin and that the attack was not supposed to get as physical as it did, and he takes responsibility of that. He said the man knew your schedule well and the layout of the parking garage, as he was able to take care of all the cameras without issue.”

                Lexa’s face was blank as she stared down at the sketch, it was close enough she recognized the features from the night of her attack. “This is him,” she confirmed, eyes peering up at the detective across the table, “Finn didn’t get his name? He agrees to attack me with a complete stranger and never asks his fucking name?” Lexa voice was low and her tone even aside the hint of anger she let slip at her curse. She sucked in a deep breath and gathered herself, catching the slip in her voice. She felt Clarke’s hand go to her leg beneath the table and glanced over at the blonde, seeing the concern in her eyes. She pressed her lips together in a tight smile, trying to ease Clarke’s worry.

                “We have no way of knowing if he’s telling the truth about that to be honest,” the detective admitted, sitting back in his chair with a sigh before adding, “can you think of anyone that would want to hurt you Miss Woods? Any enemies? Anyone you’ve had a falling out with?” Lexa wracked her brain, trying to think of something, _anything_ , that might help. She didn’t have people she was close to aside Anya and Clarke, so there were no ‘falling outs’ to go off of. “I’m sure I have enemies,” she said dryly, “I work at Polis. When you get high enough it is usually at the expense of others.” Lexa’s tone wasn’t boastful or bragging, if anything it sounded resentful. The detective’s brow furrowed and he leaned forward, “go on?” Lexa shook her head, “I honestly can’t think of anyone specific, sir. But if I’ve pissed anyone off, it probably has to do with work.” He nodded slowly, pursing his lips in thought before reaching for the folder, “that’s an avenue we hadn’t considered. We’ll run a list of projects, previous employees, and anyone that applied for a job and didn’t get hired. We’ll see what comes up.”

                Lexa nodded and pushed her chair back, standing up in unison with the detective. Clarke looked between the two, realizing the conversation was over, then got to her feet as well. “Thank you for your time Miss Woods,” the detective said, holding out a hand. Lexa took his and gave it a firm shake before thanking him for his work.

               

                When they were both seated in Lexa’s car, Clarke turned to the brunette, eyes full of concern. “You’re being awfully quiet,” she commented, not wanting to come right out and be pushy about the subject, but trying to get Lexa to open up to her now that they were alone. Lexa started the car to get the heat going but sat back in the driver’s, hands in her lap. “What do you want me to say Clarke?” she asked with a sigh, forgetting that there was no longer a need for her emotional guards now that they were in the car. Clarke put a hand on her arm, “what do _you_ want to say?” she asked gently, not discouraged by the other woman’s reply. Lexa turned to face Clarke and let out a long exhale as her features softened. She reminded herself not to shut Clarke out.

                “I’m…” she paused, searching for the words she wanted to use. She hadn’t yet sorted how she felt about the new information, she’d just taken it in and offered what she could to the detective. She’d planned on processing it and figuring out how she felt later on when she was alone – but now she was on the spot and Clarke was asking her to confront her feelings then and there. Lexa swallowed hard, eyes lowering to the center console and away from Clarke’s blue orbs, “I’m scared,” she whispered finally.

                Clarke fought the urge to pull Lexa into her arms right then – she didn’t want to risk the chance of Lexa closing back up on her. She squeezed her hand gently on Lexa’s arm in silent support, “of what?” she pressed, keeping her voice light. Lexa took in a deep breath, trying to steady her racing heart as she thought about the situation, “that there’s someone still out there that wants to hurt me… That maybe will hurt you, because of me.” Clarke bit her lip, she hadn’t really considered that. Pushing her own thoughts aside, she rubbed a thumb gently back and forth over Lexa, staying silent so she could keep talking. Lexa peered up at Clarke and saw nothing but love in her expression, no judgment of her fear, so she kept going. “I’m scared that they’re not going to find him,” her voice was wavering slightly and she cleared her throat, “and I’m scared that I’ve become someone that people are so angry at that they want to hurt. I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to make enemies in the name of my career, I don’t want to succeed no matter the cost- if the cost could be this. That’s my Uncle’s way…not mine.”

                Lexa let out a loud whoosh of air – her feelings out in the open. She’d never admitted to being afraid of something before. Not out loud. She felt vulnerable, as if admitting to the fear made it more real. But it was real – and she was terrified of being like her Uncle, and she was terrified that the way she’d built her career had caused this, and that it could possibly hurt Clarke.

                Realizing Lexa was done talking, Clarke flipped up the center console and wrapped her arms around the brunette tightly. She felt Lexa’s arms slip around her and felt Lexa’s forehead press against the curve between her neck and shoulder. She didn’t say anything for a moment, hoping that her embrace would be enough to convey her appreciation for Lexa opening up. She didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, but she knew it was a huge step. Clarke pressed a gentle kiss to the side of Lexa’s head and ran a hand up and down her back softly, “you’re nothing like your Uncle, Lex,” she whispered. She felt Lexa nod against her shoulder so she continued, “they’re going to find him, and no one is going to hurt me.” They both knew those were promises Clarke couldn’t be sure were true, but it comforted both of them for her to say it. Lexa nodded again and pulled away slowly, looking up to meet Clarke’s eyes. “Thank you,” she said quietly – and Clarke knew those words were about more than just the words of comfort. Clarke nodded and gave her a small smile, “admitting to being afraid of something lets you face it head on,” she said with a soft squeeze of Lexa’s shoulder before she slid back into her own seat. Lexa looked at her doubtfully, “we’ll face it together,” Clarke said seriously. Lexa couldn’t help but smile at that, “okay,” she agreed, feeling a little sense of relief inside of her. She could face anything, as long as she had Clarke.

…

It was close to the end of the next day when a knock sounded on the office door before Lexa's secretary poked her head in, "Miss Woods, your Uncle is here," she trailed off, seeming a little unsure before adding "he says you are expecting him?" Lexa nodded and sat back in her chair, "I am," she confirmed, "send him in." Her secretary nodded and disappeared from view, a few moments later her door opened completely and she stepped aside, letting Titus into the office. A nod from Lexa told her secretary she could leave and shut the door on her way out.

 

"Uncle," Lexa said in greeting, pushing to her feet and closing the distance between them with an outstretched hand. They'd never made it a habit to hug each other, but some sort of a greeting seemed appropriate since Lexa was trying to be on good terms. Titus accepted the handshake before taking the seat in front of Lexa's desk. "I'm glad to see you back at work and recovered," he said- his voice almost sounding caring. Lexa gave a small smile as she returned to her seat, "It is good to be back."

 

They stared at one another for a moment before Titus broke the silence, "so what spurred this request to meet?" He asked, sounding rather curious. This was a first for both of them. Lexa sighed, lacing her fingers together and resting them over her abdomen lightly. "Honestly, I would just like to talk to you. Not about teachings, or choices, or expectations. I want to have a real conversation with you..." Lexa's eyes were trained on her Uncle, trying to read his composed expression. It remained impassive so she continued. "I want to talk about my parents."

 

The slight twinge beyond Titus's stoic disposition told Lexa to tread carefully. "What about them?" He asked very slowly. "I've been thinking a lot, lately. Of them, of my childhood. I realize I don't know very much about their death, I honestly don't even remember it. I feel like there are holes in my memory, things that don't make sense. We've grown apart, Uncle. And I can't help but to feel like it has to do with all of my uncertainties." The last part wasn't entirely true, Lexa knew it was because of her Uncle's ways they had grown apart, however she wanted to make the exchange of information appealing to him.  “I also hope that one day maybe we could have a relationship that does not revolve around your expectations of me. You’re all the family I have, Uncle. I don’t take that lightly,” she added after a moment, her mind drifting back to Clarke and her mother’s tumultuous relationship.

 

Titus let his shoulders drop and sat back in his chair, it was a gesture Lexa wasn't sure she'd ever seen from him. "I always knew one day you would have questions. I just wanted to protect you from the answers." Lexa tried to read the expression on his face, tried to make sense of the sadness behind his voice. She hadn't expected it to be so easy to get him to talk- though to be fair she had never really asked him directly. She'd always done what she was told or done the opposite and rebelled against him. They'd never had a civil discussion where they spoke openly with each other.

 

"What do I need protection from?" Lexa asked warily.

 

Titus leaned forward, looking her dead in the eye. "I will tell you, if you are sure you really want to know, Alexandra. But I warn you, the things I haven't told you have protected you from knowledge that would turn your life upside down. I did not want that for you."

 

His words were so serious, so cautionary, that for a moment Lexa truly wondered if she even wanted the truth, whatever it was. There was obviously much she didn't know. Lexa took in a shaky breath, "tell me," she said with resolve.

 

"I'm sure you are aware Gustus and I were never close," he began slowly, trying to choose his words carefully. "Years before she'd met him, your mother and I were together. We were in business school together, and we had a wild rollercoaster of a relationship. We were both offered internships after graduation and we went our separate ways. I'd truly cared for her, but we agreed we were much too young to settle down. We had the world at our feet, so to speak." Lexa's brows furrowed deep at this new information, but she kept her mouth shut, letting him continue. "Many years later, I met with your father for the holidays, we didn't speak often but our schedules aligned and your grandparents wanted their sons home for the holidays, so we made it work. I'll never forget walking into the house and seeing your mother at his side. They were newly together and already much more serious than we had ever been. I'd never mentioned my brother and he had never mentioned me. I'm sure you can deduce the shock she felt at realizing she was now dating her ex lover's brother," Titus made a face at the memory, obviously displeased by it. "She pretended it was the first time meeting me, I suppose to avoid any awkward explanations. I went along with it. Your father and I both ended up working for the same company around a year later, and we lived in the same city. We spent the holidays together again and that Christmas..." Titus trailed off, shifting uncomfortably. 

 

Lexa pressed her lips together, her stomach sinking. She had a feeling she wouldn't like where this was going, but she didn't stop him from continuing. "That Christmas, your mother and I got a little too intoxicated. We made some poor choices that had us reliving our college days. It sparked something within us, a rekindling of sorts. I was willing to throw it all away for her, leave my job, run away with her. I realized then that I was in love with her, and I had been all those years. She entertained the idea briefly, giving me hope… and then your father proposed the next day," Titus shifted again, looking passed Lexa and out the window with a faraway look in his eyes. He'd never recounted this tale to anyone, the only other person who knew some of the details was Indra. 

 

"She said yes, of course. So I left, I took a job offer elsewhere and I didn't think about her again. I never kept touch, never attended the wedding. I did my best to forget your mother and our moment of weakness. That is, until, she reached out to me 11 years ago. She wrote me a letter, her and your father were going through a rough patch. He'd always had his suspicions, but from what I deduce she confirmed them. She wrote to me, to let me know..."

 

Lexa's mouth felt impossibly dry, the uneasiness in her stomach had given away to nausea. "Let you know what..." Her voice was barely above a whisper, not truly wanting to know the answer. She could already feel the memories of her parents degrading, being tainted by truth she'd never known.

 

Titus stared at her for a long time, his hazel eyes searching her green ones. At last he let out a soft sigh before uttering the biggest secret of his life. "That I am your biological father, Lexa."

 

The office was spinning and being turned upside down, Lexa found it hard to breathe as her heartbeat roared in her ears. That couldn't be possible. It couldn't be true. 

 

Titus made no attempt to soften the truth, once he stated it. He did not try and comfort Lexa, or help her make sense of it. When Lexa did not respond, too much in shock to formulate words, Titus decided to continue. "She sent me a paternity test that I assume she had done to confirm her suspicions. She said that she planned to tell your father after the holidays, not wanting to ruin them for you. Your parents got into their accident a few days into the New Year, no drunk driving, no unsafe road conditions or other drivers were involved. The police say it appeared your father had lost control of the vehicle and they went off the road and into a tree..."

 

Lexa hadn't realized there were tears in her eyes, or that her hand had come up to cover her mouth, suppressing the sob that wanted to escape. She felt sick. His words stirred memories inside of her that had been pushed away for so long. She remembered her parents had been fighting nonstop, remembered celebrating New Year's, remembered being dropped off at a friend's house for a sleepover. That night the police had shown up at her friend’s house and taken her into the station, where she was told her parents had been in an accident. She remembered being inconsolable, being sent to the hospital to get sedated, and her Uncle coming to pick her up. 

 

"Lexa..." Titus looked concerned, leaning forward and watching the woman before him on the verge of falling apart. "Don't." She snapped, trying to force back her emotions. She would not fall apart in front of him. He'd spent years forcing the emotions from her, she asked for these answers, she could not fall apart now that she had them.

 

"I wanted to protect you from heartbreak. Both the heartbreak of what love can do to you, and the heartbreak of your parent's actions," Titus tried to explain, tried to offer some sort of reason behind everything he'd ever said or done. It all made sense now, to Lexa. 

 

"Please just don't," Lexa tried again, barely able to keep her voice from shaking. Titus looked pained, but nodded in agreement. He was not equipped to handle her emotions, so he was grateful she did not ask him to. He stood up cautiously, "is there anything else you want to know?" Lexa looked away, not able to bring herself to look at him. Her father. "Not right now," she whispered.

 

...

 

Lexa wasn't sure how she made it home, she was in shock and the world around her was a blur. Somehow, she'd made it back to her apartment on autopilot without a single tear escaping. She'd managed to slip out of the office with her emotionless mask and stand through an elevator ride with neighbors. Somehow the shaking of her body didn't keep her from unlocking her apartment and getting through the door. Lexa kept it together, barely registering her motions as she closed the door and hung up her coat. She had almost convinced herself that she would be okay, that she could process this and go on as normal. She just needed a moment to compartmentalize and regroup and she would be fine. There was no need to fall apart, there was nothing she could do about the past.

 

Lexa had **_almost_** convinced herself of this. That was until Clarke walked out from the hallway and stopped in her tracks, seeing the look on Lexa's face. Lexa had completely forgotten that Clarke would be at her apartment. 

 

"What happened?" Clarke whispered. She'd never seen Lexa look so haunted before. The brunette looked at Clarke, and the worry on her face broke the resolve Lexa had been clinging to. She felt herself come unhinged, a hand pressing into her chest in an attempt to stop the incomprehensible ache that had formed, a sound that had never escaped her throat before was released, a sob so heartbroken and strained it had her doubling over.

 

Clarke didn’t hesitate. She rushed to Lexa’s side, pulling the other woman into her arms tightly as she allowed Lexa to bring them down onto the ground. Lexa was sobbing inconsolably, her entire body shaking with each choked cry. Clarke felt her heart shattering in her chest, completely bewildered as to what had broken Lexa apart. "Shhh, I've got you," Clarke crooned, unconsciously rocking the woman as she held her. She felt Lexa's hands weakly clinging to the front of her shirt, her face buried in Clarke's shoulder as she cried. The world was crumbling around her, everything she knew had fallen apart. Everything she thought was true-wasn't.

 

Clarke didn't know how long they sat there, but she didn't care. She held on to Lexa as tightly as she could, her hand rubbing small circles into Lexa's back and she whispered soothingly. Lexa cried until she felt physically ill and she'd run out of tears. When her sobs had been reduced to hiccups and sniffs she felt Clarke attempt to pull away. Lexa tightened her grip on the other woman, burying her face more purposefully into her shoulder. She couldn't face Clarke, not when she'd just fallen apart like that.

 

"Lexa," Clarke said in the gentlest voice she could, "please look at me." Lexa shook her head, "I can't," she choked out. Clarke smoothed down her hair gently, "yes you can," she encouraged. Lexa sniffed softly, bringing her sleeve up to attempt to dry her face. She was a mess. 

 

When she managed to clean herself up she slowly pulled away from the safety of Clarke's shoulder. Clarke placed her fingers under Lexa's chin and tilted it up slowly, her blue eyes searching the tear stained face. "Talk to me," she pleaded. Clarke was terrified that Lexa would shut her out and bottle everything up, Clarke wouldn't be able to handle that, not after seeing Lexa fall apart. 

 

She had never seen Lexa look so vulnerable and broken, her eyes red and puffy and full of sadness. Lexa opened her mouth to try and speak but closed it again, she didn't even know where to start. "Can we go lay down?" She finally asked in a small voice. Clarke nodded and slowly got to her feet, helping Lexa up along with her. Clarke took the brunette's hand and wordlessly led her down the hall. Lexa stepped out of her shoes as Clarke climbed into the bed then paused at the edge of it, staring at the blonde. She took a deep breath, knowing she was passed the point of no return. She was going to let Clarke in, completely. She didn't think she could handle this alone. 

 

Clarke held her arms out for Lexa and the brunette slowly crawled onto the bed to join her. Lexa settled into her arms with a shuddery breath and laid against Clarke's chest, taking a moment to gather herself. Thankfully, Clarke didn't push her, letting Lexa sort her thoughts as she ran fingers through her brown waves.

 

"I met with my Un....With Titus," Lexa whispered softly. Clarke rubbed her back softly, "and what happened?" Lexa let her eyes close, focusing on the soft rise and fall of Clarke's chest as she inhaled. "He's... He's my biological father." 

 

Clarke's hand stilled, her eyes growing wide as she registered that bombshell. "How is that even possible?" She asked incredulously. Lexa swallowed hard before repeating the story her Uncle had told her, she felt numb as the words passed her lips, as if she was telling the story of someone else's life, not hers. It couldn't be her life. Clarke felt her own eyes well with tears, knowing how damaging an affair was. It had destroyed her own family. 

 

"Lexa...What can I do?" Clarke whispered, knowing that saying sorry would not stop the pain the other woman was feeling. Lexa's shoulders hunched up as she pressed closer to Clarke, "I don't know," she whispered miserably. Clarke held her close, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of her head, "no matter what, I'm right here, okay? You're not going through this alone." Lexa nodded, tangling her fingers in Clarke's shirt and holding on to it tightly, "okay," she replied in a small voice.

Clarke reached over and pulled the folded blanket at the edge of the bed up over their bodies, Lexa curled into Clarke, trying desperately to get closer to the other woman. Her mind raced, her stomach churned. She felt like a stranger in her own skin. Clarke remained silent for a while, softly stroking Lexa’s hair and listening to the ragged breathing coming from the woman laying against her. She felt helpless, what could she even say to Lexa? Words wouldn’t help her. The sound of a soft cry broke Clarke out of her thoughts and she felt Lexa’s shoulders begin to shake. Clarke felt her heart aching from the sound and she pulled Lexa tighter against her, as if her the tighter she held the brunette, the more she could protect her from the pain. “I’m right here,” Clarke whispered, holding her as close as she could without interfering with her ability to breathe. Lexa clung to Clarke and cried tears she’d kept in for eleven years, then cried more than she didn’t know she had. Clarke held her tightly, whispering soothing words as she rubbed Lexa’s back until the unsteady breathing and shaking shoulders had evened out and Lexa had cried herself into a dreamless sleep.

Clarke reached over and flipped off the lamp before pressing closer to Lexa and wrapping her arm around her once more. She didn’t know what time it was and she wasn’t tired, but it didn’t matter. There was no way she would let go of Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being so patient guys, hope you like this chapter! It's some pretty heavy stuff. But Lexa is finally letting Clarke in.  
> Only a few chapters left to tie everything together, thank you for all of your comments and suggestions! I will say one of the chapters will be pure smut, just as a reward to all you awesome followers. So if you have anything you want to see in that chapter - let me know!


	27. Coming to Terms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Titus's revelation to Lexa. How will she choose to handle the news? Will she shut Clarke out, or let her in once and for all and lean on her to get through this and figure out where to go from there? 
> 
> Mildly NSFW towards the end, little bit of fluff.

                Lexa’s eyes felt heavy and swollen when they finally opened again. She was lying on her side, curled into herself, still wearing clothes from the day before. She blinked several times, trying to shake off the disorientation from sleeping. When her eyes focused completely they saw Clarke lying on the pillow inches from her face, already awake and gazing at her with such a fierce look of love mixed with worry it made Lexa’s heart skip a beat. Then the events from the night before came crashing back into her memory and she felt the ache return in her chest. “Hey,” she whispered in a trembling voice, making eye contact with Clarke. The blonde’s feature’s softened and a hand came up to stroke her cheek gently, “hey,” Clarke whispered back. They stared at each other for a moment, Lexa wanted to crack a joke about waking up to Clarke staring at her, or make a comment about their abundance of clothing – but she felt too numb for any sort of humor. She felt destroyed.

                Clarke seemed to be able to read Lexa’s emotions as if she were a book, seeing the pain register on her face when she woke fully, seeing the exhaustion in her eyes as she fought an internal battle to keep it together. “Come here,” Clarke whispered, her voice full of emotion as she wrapped an arm around Lexa and pulled her close. Lexa buried her face against Clarke and took a deep breath, thankful she didn’t need to say anything for Clarke to know what she needed. Clarke held her for several minutes, wordlessly rubbing her back as Lexa worked up the courage to face the day. She would’ve been happy to lay like that forever but the sound of her phone blaring an alarm startled them both. Clarke made a face, reaching over to silence it. She gasped when she looked at the time, not realizing how long they had slept. She had to get ready for work.

                “I’ll call in sick,” Clarke said hurriedly, opening her contacts list to find the schools number. “No,” Lexa responded, putting her hand over Clarke’s phone to stop her, “you don’t need to.” Clarke gave her an incredulous look and Lexa stared back pleadingly, “I know you would stay for me, and I love you for that. But you can’t drop your life because I’m upset.” Clarke’s brows furrowed and she opened her mouth to protest but Lexa silenced her with a shake of the head, “please, Clarke. I’ll be okay. I need a little time alone…”

                Clarke wanted to argue, she wanted to insist she would never leave Lexa’s side – but Lexa knew that already. If Lexa needed time alone, Clarke would honor that. “Okay…” Clarke said, clearly not happy with the idea, “if you need anything I’ll come home.” Lexa nodded in agreement and leaned her head forward so their foreheads pressed together, “I’ll be okay,” she repeated, more for herself than for Clarke. The blonde tilted her head up and pressed a gentle kiss to Lexa’s forehead before pulling away, “I know you will.”

 

                Much to Clarke’s disliking she got ready for work and headed to the school for her class. Her stomach was tied in knots, worried about Lexa and feeling overwhelming anxiety that she wasn’t beside her. She couldn’t stop thinking about Lexa falling apart in her arms, she’d never witnessed anything like that. She was grateful Lexa had let her be there to comfort her, but Clarke didn’t know what to do. What came next? Stoic, emotionless, pragmatic Lexa had come unraveled and she wasn’t sure Lexa would be able to put herself back together to be the same person she was before. Clarke was scared for her, scared at how she would handle this.

 

                When Clarke left for work Lexa remained in bed, staring at the wall blankly while her thoughts jumbled together. She didn’t know how to feel, how was someone supposed to feel about this? About finding out the Uncle that had almost ruined her, was really her father and he did it because he thought he was protecting her? Or that her mother had kept this secret for her entire life? Or that her father could have had something to do with their deaths? Lexa felt overwhelmed with the processing of the information, so she decided not to. She forced herself out of bed, trying to distract herself with a hot shower. She refused to lay in bed all day in her misery and feel sorry for herself. This was her new reality, she needed to find a way to deal with it.

                The distraction worked for a while, she showered, made breakfast, cleaned, even did a light work out that didn’t stress her healing ribs. But as the hours ticked by Lexa was running out of things to do to distract her. She’d texted Anya saying she wouldn’t be at work but had dodged answering the questions her friends asked as to why. Clarke sent her periodic texts checking in on her and Lexa assured the blonde she was fine, even though she knew that was very quickly becoming a lie. As 2 o’clock rolled around Lexa was most certainly not fine. Her chest felt tight, the mere thought of her parents sent her into a mess of a tears and heartache. She felt as if for the first time she was really experiencing their death and the heavy burden of truth that came with it. Her mind refused to be distracted by mindless household tasks any longer, it demanded to be heard. But Lexa, stubborn as always, didn’t want to give in to it.

 

                The moment Clarke got off work she rushed straight back to Lexa’s apartment, not bothering to stop at hers for a change of clothes, even though she was wearing the last pair she’d left at Lexa’s. When she got back she knocked at the door softly, wondering if the other woman was awake – Lexa hadn’t responded to her text that she was on her way. Rustling on the other side of the door alerted Clarke to Lexa’s presence and moments later it opened. Clarke walked in, shutting it behind her and taking in Lexa’s appearance. “How are you feeling?” Clarke asked cautiously, eyeing the brunette as she returned to where she’d been sitting at her kitchen counter.

                Lexa shrugged wordlessly and picked up the glass she’d been babysitting for the past hour. Clarke walked towards the kitchen, taking notice of the glass with a frown. Amber liquid and ice cubes suggested it was something a little stronger than juice and she instantly felt worry course through her. She wasn’t a fan of alcohol mixing with emotions – especially if Lexa was using it to deal with them. It hit too close to home for Clarke’s liking. “What’s that?” she asked quietly, setting her purse on the counter and sliding into a stool beside Lexa. The brunette glanced up at her, eyes still red from the crying that had occurred on and off throughout the day. “Just a drink,” she replied before sipping on it and sighing softly. She noticed the reproachful expression on Clarke’s face and set the drink down, quickly realizing the conclusions she was jumping to. “Clarke, I’m not drunk,” she said hurriedly, thinking about how it must look to her girlfriend. Clarke eyed her with uncertainty, “it’s barely passed 3 Lex…” she said softly, not wanting to come off as judgmental but also not wanting to sound approving. Lexa swirled the ice around in her glass, “I know,” she said with a guilty frown, “I just got tired of cleaning the apartment and trying to distract myself. I just needed a break to sit and think without falling apart for the hundredth time.”

                Clarke’s features softened instantly and she put a hand on Lexa’s arm, “you could’ve called me, babe. I would’ve come home.” The brunette turned to meet her concerned blue eyes and Lexa sighed, “I know you would’ve. But I didn’t want you to. I didn’t want to need you so badly you had to leave work because I couldn’t keep myself together for a few hours.” Clarke ran a thumb absentmindedly across the exposed skin above Lexa’s wrist and gave her a meaningful look, “you just had your life turned upside down – it’s okay to need someone. Let me be that someone.”

                Lexa swallowed hard, glancing down at where Clarke’s fingers were against her skin before looking up to meet her eyes, she felt torn inside. She desperately wanted to retreat back behind her walls, push everyone out so she could put herself back together on her own and hide behind her mask – but she knew that would be the end of her relationship with Clarke. Somewhere deep inside her, something was stirring, something that made her _want_ to need Clarke. She couldn’t deny how safe she felt in the other woman’s arms, how comforted she felt knowing Clarke would drop everything just to be there for her. She had someone that loved her and supported her unconditionally, and despite her flaws and her struggles, Lexa was enough. Clarke didn’t expect her to be anything other than who she was. All Clarke wanted was for Lexa to let her in, share in her pain so she didn’t have to burden it alone.

                “You _are_ that someone,” Lexa whispered finally, blinking back the tears that threatened to fall. Clarke slid off the stool to stand in front of Lexa, body placed between her knees as she swiveled the stool so Lexa would face her directly. “Then don’t be ashamed to need me,” Clarke whispered back, reaching up to put a hand on Lexa’s cheek. The brunette exhaled shakily, leaning against Clarke’s palm as she shut her eyes. She felt a tear slip through her lashes and fought the urge to turn away. She wouldn’t hide from Clarke any longer.

                She heard the shuddery exhale that slipped from Clarke’s lips at the same time the tear slid down her cheek. The softest of touch had Clarke’s thumb wiping it away as she brought up her other hand to cup Lexa’s face. Clarke could almost hear the crumbling of Lexa’s walls as she trembled beneath her touch. It felt strangely intimate to brush away Lexa’s tears and watch as she succumbed to Clarke’s pleas to let her in. Though neither of them said anything, they just knew. They could both _feel_ it. Lexa wasn’t shutting her out anymore.

                Time stood still and so did their hearts as Clarke leaned forward, still holding Lexa’s face gently in her hands, and pressed her lips to the other woman’s in a gentle kiss. The kiss said everything that she couldn’t. It transmitted every feeling of love and need and adoration from Clarke’s lips to Lexa’s soul, and Lexa reciprocated, pressing back into Clarke kiss desperately. Her hands came up to tangle in blonde curls and pull Clarke in to deepen the kiss. They kissed each other hungrily, surfacing for air when their lungs burned then quickly returning to each other’s lips.

                Lexa’s legs wrapped around Clarke’s body, trapping the blonde against her as she poured everything she had into that kiss. For the first time that day her mind wasn’t plagued with sadness and pain, it was blissfully silent as she focused on nothing but the feeling of Clarke’s hands on her face and body pressed against her. The feeling of her warm lips parting, granting access to Lexa’s prodding tongue. Lexa felt whole.

                Clarke forced herself to pull away for a moment, panting heavily as she studied Lexa, everything was getting hot and heavy quick and she wanted to be sure Lexa was in the right mindset before she got too carried away with what she wanted to do with the brunette. “Don’t stop,” Lexa pleaded, her voice barely above a whisper as she looked up at Clarke. The sight took Clarke’s breath away, seeing the single tear that trailed down Lexa’s face as she gazed up at her with wide eyes, mouth parted slightly as she gasped for air, the light reflecting on her green eyes in a way that made them shine brighter. Clarke felt her heart swell from the vulnerability in those green eyes, the need in Lexa’s voice. Clarke brought their lips back together in a searing kiss, hands trailing down to unzip the hoodie Lexa was wearing, she shoved the clothing away from Lexa, exposing the tank top beneath. Clarke’s hands slid over her bare shoulders, relishing the feel of her skin as she nipped at Lexa’s bottom lip. Lexa’s hands slipped beneath her top, sliding up to rest on the bare skin of her lower back. Her fingertips sent jolts of excitement through Clarke’s body who immediately pulled Lexa’s tank top off before struggling with the buttons of her own shirt. The moment she got it off she tossed it to the floor and pressed closer to Lexa, sliding her hands beneath the woman who was still sitting down before lifting her up. It helped that Lexa’s legs were still wrapped around her body.

                Lexa’s arms retreated from their place on Clarke’s back and went to wrap around her neck, holding on tighter as the blonde carried her to the bedroom. They collapsed back on the bed in a heap and quickly shed the remainder of their clothing before Clarke crawled over Lexa’s body and covered it with her own. Lexa arched up into her touch, letting her eyes close as she felt Clarke’s skin make contact with all the right places.

                They moved slowly against each other, hands mapping out one another’s body as their tongues fought for dominance. Lexa felt a blissful sense of security under the weight of Clarke’s body, every touch, every gasp, sent her further and further into her spiral. She felt like a different person, making love to her girlfriend and letting herself be completely vulnerable. She didn’t hold back. She didn’t stop the occasional tear that slipped out as she threw her head back, Clarke’s fingers moving just right against her. She was the real Lexa, and Clarke knew it. She could feel the difference in the way she moved, see the difference in her expressions. Clarke realized then that Lexa had held herself back just a little bit with every time they’d been together. But this time was different and she was experiencing Lexa in all her vulnerability, beneath her rough exterior and cold disposition, she was still that young girl who had lost everything and was just looking for someone to love her and make her feel safe again. And Clarke would be that person if it was the only thing she did in her life.

                Lexa came in a series of choked moans and cries of Clarke’s name before she shuddered her release and collapsed against the bed gasping for air. Clarke slid half off her body, putting most of her weight on her elbow as she gazed down at Lexa with a loving smile. She brushed back the damp hair that stuck to Lexa’s face and leaned in, peppering soft kisses along the brunette’s jawline as she caught her breath. Lexa let out a sigh of contentment as she looked up at Clarke with a lazy smile. “You okay?” Clarke asked gently, trailing a fingertip up and down Lexa’s arm lightly, leaving goosebumps in its wake. Lexa lifted her head up, pressing her lips to Clarke’s in a soft kiss before dropping back down against the pillow, “I’m okay,” she assured the blonde.

                They shared a smile before Lexa pulled Clarke down against her, letting the blonde lay against her chest. “I know I have a lot to sort out and to come to terms with,” she began softly, her fingers running through Clarke’s hair absentmindedly, “but I have you. I know I can face anything if I have you, Clarke.”

                Clarke smiled against Lexa’s skin, turning her head to kiss it before she snuggled in closer, she felt her heart swell with happiness and relief that Lexa was choosing to face this with Clarke at her side instead of pushing her away. “You’ll always have me,” Clarke whispered, laying a hand flat against Lexa’s abdomen. She felt the muscles tense and twitch beneath her touch. “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” the brunette admitted quietly, realizing she no longer knew where she ended and Clarke began. They were so intertwined, they depended so much on each other, she knew she would never be able to get through this without Clarke.

                Clarke tilted her head up so she could see Lexa’s face, “you’re so strong, Lexa. You’d get through it. But you don’t have to do it alone anymore, not like you used to.” Lexa smiled down at her gratefully and nodded. “What do you think I should do about Titus?” she asked after a moment, wanting to hear Clarke’s opinion on the situation. Clarke sighed softly and rolled over onto her stomach, propping herself up on elbows so she could look at Lexa face to face without having to crane her neck. “Well… you originally met with him to try and fix things, right? Try and have some sort of relationship with him?” Clarke began, Lexa nodded so she continued, “I know these weren’t the answers you were hoping for… but do they change what you want with Titus? You could still have a relationship with him now that the truth is out.” Lexa pursed her lips in thought, carefully considering Clarke’s words. “Lex, I know it doesn’t make sense and everything is changing, but… you thought you lost both of your parents. You’ve spent your whole life practically thinking you don’t have parents,” Clarke paused, trying to find the right words to say. Lexa held her breath, green eyes studying her face intently, hanging on to every word. “You just found out that you still have a parent. You have your _father_. I know you’ve never thought of him that way and that it’s going to take time to figure each other out and get to know each other under the new idea of that label but…” Clarke trailed off, her throat tightening with emotion, “I’d give anything to have my dad back. If you can find it in your heart, Lex, I think you should give him a chance.”

                Lexa reached forward, stroking Clarke’s cheek gently, knowing how much the blonde missed her father. It would be selfish to have the opportunity to connect with Titus and try to have a relationship- and throw it away. If Clarke could look past the things her mother had done to try and rebuild their relationship, Lexa could look past what Titus had done. “Okay,” Lexa whispered softly, not needing time to think about what she should do. Clarke looked up at her in surprise, not expecting Lexa to be so open to the idea. The brunette offered a smile, “you’re right. I should at least try. I wanted to fix things before I found all of this out… the only thing that had changed for me now is that I’m trying to make amends with my biological father and not my Uncle.”

                She was surprised at how much sense that made to her as she said it – it felt right. Somehow saying these things out loud, hearing Clarke’s suggestion, feeling safe with Clarke, it made everything clearer. She could do this.

                Clarke’s smile was radiant and loving as she stretched forward for a kiss. Lexa met her halfway and sighed against her lips, feeling like a weight had been lifted off her chest now that she knew what she was going to do. When they pulled away Lexa held Clarke’s gaze in her own, green eyes meeting blue, “I don’t know why I ever thought loving you might make me weak,” she whispered softly as she stroked Clarke’s cheek with the back of her hand, “I’m stronger because of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think! Thanks for sticking to this story!


	28. A break in the case

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa gives Titus another chance. There's a break in the case of Lexa's attack and a new suspect is uncovered. Also some smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh it has been so long! I am so sorry guys about this huge wait, I totally ran out of ideas and motivation. But I am determined to finish off this story. Hopefully you all haven't forgotten it. 
> 
> First off, I apologize if there's any inconsistencies, the story isn't quite as fresh in my mind since it's been *cough* like 6 months. Sorry again. 
> 
> Secondly, please let me know what you think and please please please if there is ANYTHING you want to see happen in these last 2 chapters or any theories you might have, share them! It just might make it into the story.

                Lexa was pacing, her body language screamed tension and unease – which was a stark contrast to her emotionless face. Clarke watched her pace back and forth as she finished preparing the lunch she’d been working on. “Babe it’s going to be okay,” she said supportively as she walked over to her girlfriend, cutting off the path she’d walked over repeatedly. Lexa halted in front of Clarke, looking up in surprise at the sudden interruption to her thoughts. Clarke put a hand on either side of her arms and gave her an encouraging smile, “you’re thinking way too much.” Lexa sighed and ran a hand through her hair nervously, “I know, I just… I’m not used to this. I don’t like not knowing what to expect,” she managed to keep the tremble from her voice, but Clarke could see the apprehension in her green eyes.

                With some coaxing from Clarke, Lexa had called Titus and asked him to come over. Clarke had offered to go back to her apartment to give them time but Lexa had insisted she stay, so Clarke decided to make lunch for the three of them instead, hoping sitting down to a meal would help diffuse the tension she knew was inevitable. Titus would arrive at any minute and Lexa had spent the better part of half an hour pacing the living room.

                “I’ll be right here with you, Lex,” Clarke said softly, rubbing her hands up and down Lexa’s arms, “just be honest with him. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do, don’t say anything that doesn’t feel right.” Lexa nodded and took in a deep breath, “okay,” she responded. Three precise knocks sounded at the door and Lexa’s face snapped back to its expressionless mask again, Clarke was always surprised at how effectively Lexa could pull it out. “Hey,” Clarke said, squeezing her hands around Lexa to get her attention, Lexa’s eyes snapped from the door to her face, “don’t hide,” the blonde said gently. Lexa looked at her in confusion before realizing what she meant. Lexa nodded again and let her features soften before breaking away from Clarke’s hold and going to the door.

                Lexa took a deep breath before unlocking the deadbolt and opening the door to reveal Titus standing there, looking rather uncertain. “U-…Titus, come in,” Lexa stepped aside, her face flushing. She couldn’t call him Uncle any more now that she knew the truth, but she didn’t think she’d be able to call him Father, either. Titus nodded and stepped inside the apartment, eyes darting around quickly before resting on Clarke, who had returned to the kitchen. He looked at Lexa questioningly, “you have company,” he commented quietly. Lexa nodded, “yes, I asked Clarke to be here. She made lunch, I hope you’re hungry?” Titus glanced over at Clarke suspiciously before nodding, “lunch would be appreciated,” he said finally.

                Tension hung in the air as the three of them picked at their plates, no one wanted to be the first to speak. Clarke laughed internally at the notion that one of them would just open up and start talking, Lexa was the most closed off person she’d ever met – and she had learned it all from Titus. After allowing them a few more minutes she cleared her throat purposefully and glanced up at Lexa meaningfully. Green eyes met hers and a brief panic flashed over them before Lexa got her features under control and took a deep breath, setting her fork down.

                “I want things to be better… between us,” she started, looking up at Titus. The man set his fork down carefully and sat straighter in his chair, “go on,” he replied. Lexa swallowed, not having any sort of dialogue prepared for this situation. She was hoping he’d give her something to go off of. “What you told me changes things, but I hope that they can be a change for the better. I have room for you in my life, if you want it…”

                Clarke suppressed a smile, feeling overwhelming pride fill her chest as Lexa fought against everything she knew to be honest and open with the man who had stunted her emotions. Titus seemed at a loss for words, eyes studying Lexa’s demeanor and face suspiciously. “You have changed,” he commented quietly – not responding to the conversation. Lexa lifted her chin defiantly, “I have,” she countered. It wasn’t a question – it was a statement. She knew she was different. She was better, she was stronger, she was in love. She had Clarke, how could she not change?

                Titus turned his attention to Clarke, who had remained silent through the exchange. “I suppose this is your doing?” he asked. His tone wasn’t accusatory but Clarke couldn’t help but bristle slightly. “What do you think is my doing?” she asked slowly, not wanting to jump to conclusions. “This change in Alexandra. She is different. She has herself wide open exposing herself to the world and to pain. I did not raise her to be like this,” he kept his voice even and emotionless and Clarke had a hard time reading what he was implying behind his words. She didn’t know whether to get defensive or go along with it, so she decided to play the game. “I love Lexa, and she loves me. Love has a way of changing people,” Clarke replied, her eyes shifting to Lexa momentarily to gauge her reaction. The brunette was smiling gratefully so Clarke continued. “Lexa is no stranger to pain, and raising her to shut out her emotions only makes the inevitable pain she would experience in life – worse. Lexa has me, always. I will always be here to keep her strong and give her a voice of reason. The question is, will you? She’s offering a chance for you to be in her life, Titus. But it’s on her terms. So, can you accept Lexa as she is and learn to be in her life without trying to change her, or will you let your own beliefs get in the way of having a relationship with your daughter?”

                Silence hung heavy in the air between them as Titus and Clarke stared at each other. Clarke hadn’t left much room for him to dodge the question. He was on the spot, and she had phrased it in such a way that there were only two options. Either he accepts Lexa and is a father, or he ruins his chances because of his own selfishness. Titus hummed softly in thought as he looked from Clarke to Lexa. Clarke was sharp and clever, he could why Lexa was drawn to her. After a moment, he gave a short nod to Clarke before turning his attention on Lexa. “While I cannot say that I agree with your choice to go against everything I have taught you, I am pleased you have found happiness Alexandra. If you believe that your love for Clarke makes you strong instead of weak, then I hope that is the truth, and I would be honored if you gave me a place in your life in any capacity.”

                Lexa stared at Titus as if she were looking at a ghost. Never in her life did she expect words like that to come from his mouth. Almost… accepting? Almost … affectionate? She swallowed hard, trying not to let the feelings bubbling in her chest reach the surface. She was just getting comfortable with exposing vulnerability with Clarke but she did not think she could do it with Titus… at least not yet. She allowed him a small smile, though the shining of her eyes gave away more of her emotions. “Clarke does make me strong, Titus. In ways I never imagined,” she glanced over at Clarke, who was beaming at her across the table, then back at Titus, “you have a place in my life. You are my father, after all.”

 

…

               

The moment Lexa’s apartment door clicked shut behind Titus, Clarke came up behind the brunette and slipped her arms around Lexa’s slender waist. “I’m so proud of you,” she whispered into the long waves cascading over Lexa’s shoulder before planting a kiss to the side of her neck. Lexa leaned back into the hold, her hands coming up to rest over Clarke’s. “Thank you,” she breathed, feeling warmth spread through her. She wasn’t sure where to go from there with Titus, they had made their amends and she had assured him he had a place in her life as her father – but she did not know exactly what that meant. What was it like to have a father, as an adult? She wasn’t sure.

After allowing herself another moment of peace she turned her body so they were facing each other, the blonde’s arms still wrapped around her. “I love you,” Lexa whispered, her green eyes searching Clarke’s blue ones. Clarke pressed closer to her and leaned in, lips hovering in front of Lexa’s, “I love you,” she whispered back before closing the distance. Their lips moved together as Lexa guides Clarke backwards through the apartment. They stumbled their way into the bedroom, clothes being discarded as they went. By the time Clarke felt herself falling backwards onto the bed they were both naked and panting.

                Clarke stared up at Lexa, pupils dilated and breathing heavily as she took in the sight above her. It struck her again just how beautiful the other woman was. Her long hair forming a protective curtain from the outside world as Lexa hovered above Clarke, just barely letting her lower half rest over Clarke’s body. Lexa stared back at her, swollen lips parted slightly as she drank in Clarke’s exposed state. Her gaze was a mixture between love and lust as she positioned herself just right, sliding a thigh between Clarke’s parted legs. The blonde gasped and arched into the contact, her arms coming up to grip Lexa’s toned back. Lexa lowered her lips, pressing them to Clarke’s neck before traveling down across her chest. She deliberately kept the rest of her body still, forcing Clarke to rock up against her to find any sort of pressure. “Lexa,” Clarke gasped softly as the brunette’s warm mouth closed around a hardened nipple. Lexa responded with a flick of her tongue. Groaning, Clarke moved one of her hands from Lexa’s back to between her legs. Two could play this game. Lexa moaned in surprise as she felt Clarke’s fingers slip through her folds, gathering the arousal she found there before moving up to graze Lexa’s clit.

                Lexa pulled away from Clarke’s heaving chest and claimed Clarke’s lips with her own, moving her thigh against Clarke’s center in response. Now that Clarke had touched her she lost interest in teasing. She _needed_ Clarke. Needed to feel her come undone. Needed to feel her inside. Clarke moaned hungrily into the kiss, rocking up into Lexa’s thigh as she circled the other woman’s clit steadily. “Fuck,” Lexa gasped as she pulled away for air. Clarke responded by moving her hand lower and slipping two fingers inside. She felt Lexa’s walls flutter around her fingers, felt the gush of wetness at the intrusion. She looked up at Lexa’s face and saw her eyes closed, a look of bliss on her face as she moved against Clarke’s hand. “Lexa,” Clarke panted softly, moving her fingers in and out slowly. Green eyes opened slightly, looking at Clarke through a haze of pleasure. Clarke curled her fingers inside the other woman, feeling a rush of wetness between her own thighs as she watched Lexa’s face contort in ecstasy at the movement. She loved seeing what she did to the other woman.

                “I want to watch you,” Clarke whispered, moving her fingers at a quicker pace and bringing her palm down to graze Lexa’s clit. The brunette nearly whimpered at the words, the intensity of Clarke’s blue eyes bringing her closer and closer to the edge. Somehow, she forced her eyes to stay open and trained on Clarke, despite the overwhelming desire to throw her head back and close them. She rocked in time with Clarke’s movements, soft moans escaping with every thrust. Clarke held her gaze as she curled her finger again, knowing just the spot to hit inside Lexa. The reaction was instant, Lexa felt her muscles tighten, her walls clenching around Clarke’s fingers, her movements became erratic. “Don’t stop,” Lexa gasped, though she knew Clarke wouldn’t. The blonde kept her movements steady, watching hungrily as a deep flush spread across Lexa’s chest and cheeks, as her green eyes dilated and fought to stay open, as her mouth parted in a silent scream as her breath caught in her impossible tight chest. Two more strokes of Clarke’s fingers and Lexa was coming. She shuddered against Clarke’s body, unable to keep her eyes open any longer as she gasped out Clarke’s name repeatedly before going still.

                Clarke slowly pulled her fingers from Lexa’s dripping body before wrapping both arms around her and lifting her head up to press a kiss against her collarbone. Lexa’s eyes opened lazily and she smiled down at the blonde before collapsing completely against her. “Jesus, Clarke,” she panted, unable to stop the smile from spreading on her lips. Clarke let out a low chuckle, smoothing the damp hair away from Lexa’s face gently. “Where did that come from?” Lexa asked, arching an eyebrow as she peered up at her girlfriend. Usually she was the commanding one in bed. Clarke smiled and shrugged a shoulder innocently, “what can I say. Watching you is pretty damn hot.”

                Lexa laughed out loud at that and pressed a kiss to Clarke’s lips before slowly inching down her body. “Is that so?” she asked between kisses that traveled down Clarke’s chest and stomach. Clarke bit her lip, watching as Lexa journeyed lower. “Mmhmm,” she moaned softly. “Guess it’s my turn to watch you then?” Lexa purred before settling between Clarke’s legs.

 

….

 

                The sound of Lexa’s cell phone ringing in the kitchen broke through the comfortable silence that was hanging in the air. Clarke groaned, not wanting to move from lying against Lexa’s chest – a position they been in for close to an hour as they recovered from their multiple orgasms. Lexa rubbed Clarke’s arm with a chuckle, “I should get that,” she said apologetically. “Yeah probably,” Clarke responded, though she made no effort to get up. The phone stopped ringing for a moment and Clarke felt Lexa relax back into the bed beneath her. Before either of them could speak the ringing began again and Clarke lifted her head, looking up at Lexa curiously, “you actually probably should get that,” she commented, realizing if someone was calling twice it must be important. Lexa nodded and slipped out of bed, hurrying to the other room to catch it before it went to voicemail.

 

                Clarke strained to listen, wondering what could be so important. She heard Lexa answer in her business-voice followed by a long silence. “I’ll be right in,” she said solemnly. Clarke heard the change in her tone and was already scrambling off the bed when Lexa returned to the bedroom, still holding the phone in her hand. Clarke looked up from collecting her clothes off the floor and caught Lexa’s expression, “what happened babe?” she asked, pulling a shirt over her head before walking up to the brunette. Lexa stared at her blankly for a moment before shaking away the daze that had settled over her, “that was the detective on my case… They think they found him.”

                Clarke’s eyes widened and she put a hand on Lexa’s arm gently, “I’m going with you,” she said softly. Lexa nodded though didn’t move. She felt a wave of anxiety wash over her, what if they _had_ found him? Would she have to see him? Who was he? Who ordered him to attack her? But what if it was the wrong guy and whoever had attacked her was still out there somewhere?

                A dozen thoughts raced through Lexa’s mind, rendering her immobile. Clarke gently pulled the phone from her girlfriend’s hand and tossed it onto the bed before taking both of Lexa’s hands into her own and catching the other woman’s attention. “Lex, look at me.” Green eyes met hers, trying to suppress the fear that wanted to show through. Clarke squeezed Lexa’s hands, “it’ll be okay. I’m going to be right there with you the whole time,” she assured her, keeping her voice steady. Lexa nodded slowly, glancing down at their conjoined hands, “okay,” she replied, trying to match the steadiness in Clarke’s voice. “Okay,” she said again after a moment, nodding more to herself than to Clarke as she gathered up her emotions. She could do this. “You should probably get some clothes on though,” Clarke commented, doing a once over with her eyes at Lexa’s still nude frame.

 

…

 

                They walked into the police department silently and followed the officer at the front desk to the back into an interrogation room where the detective working Lexa’s case was already waiting. Clarke glanced over at Lexa nervously and was unsurprised to find the woman’s composed mask back on. She was always impressed at her ability to look composed despite what Clarke knew she must be feeling. “Thank you for coming so quickly,” the detective said as they both took their seats. Lexa folded her hands in her lap, “who is he?” she asked, not waiting for the detective to bring it up. The detective slid the manila folder that was positioned in front of him across the table and tapped the top of it twice, “see if any of this is familiar to you,” he replied.

                Lexa wasted no time flipping the folder open and turning it so it was right side up. She scanned through the pages, taking in photographs and documents with a furrowed brow. Clarke couldn’t see what any of it said so she watched Lexa expression instead, waiting to see if the other woman would give something away. After a few minutes her head snapped up sharply, staring at the detective with hard eyes. “You think there is a connection?” she asked, her voice a tone that matched her eyes. Clarke shifted uncomfortably, looking back and forth between the detective and Lexa. She wanted to know what was going on.

                The detective nodded curtly, “we’ve tracked bank activity, internet history, phone calls. There was increased activity immediately after Polis began work on that project, it lulled for some time then a small deposit was made 2 nights before your attack. The day of your attack a rather large deposit showed up in the account before it was withdrawn and closed.” Lexa closed the folder, smacking her hand flat on the cover it, the sound of the impact echoing in the small room. Her jaw was clenched tightly as she took in a deep breath, struggling to compose herself. “Have you apprehended him?” she asked. The detective shook his head, “we went to his apartment but it was cleared out, his phone has been disconnected. Our best bet is finding who ordered the attack, it’s a large corporation, we have to have someone specific to go after.”

                Lexa gnawed on her lip for a moment before nodding, “I’ll talk to some people, see what I can find.” The detective nodded and stood up abruptly, “we’ll do the same. Bring whatever you find to us and whatever you do… do not try to make contact Miss Woods. They’re dangerous, I don’t think I have to tell you that.” Lexa nodded again and shook the detectives hand before turning to leave the room and nearly running into Clarke. She had focused on the new information so much she had forgotten the blonde was beside her and hadn’t said a word during the entire conversation.

                Clarke was starting at her in bewilderment as she slowly rose from her chair. “I’ll explain,” Lexa promised softly as she reached out for Clarke’s hand. Clarke took it warily and allowed Lexa to lead her out of the interrogation room. “Lexa what the hell?” she asked the moment the door shut behind them. Lexa shook her head, “not here,” was all she said – shutting Clarke down as they made their way to the exit. Clarke’s mind was racing, trying to figure out what the hell had just happened. Lexa obviously knew something about whoever the detective’s suspected was after her. Clarke was missing a large piece of this story.

                The brunette remained silent as she got into her car and pulled on her seatbelt. She went to put it in reverse and Clarke’s hand stopped her, “woah. Hold on.” Lexa froze, looking over at Clarke with questioning eyes. “Are you seriously going to make me wait until we get home to tell me what sort of secret shit just happened? You went from being nervous about everything to suddenly being cold and calculating and incredibly pissed off. I know there’s something you’re not telling me about this, Lex.”

                Lexa shut her eyes for a moment and took in a deep breath, sinking back against the driver’s seat and letting her hand slid down to her lap. “Clarke,” she warned, her voice wary. She opened her eyes slowly and met the blue ones that were staring at her expectantly. “I don’t want to get you involved in this,” she said softly, her voice sounding pained. “I’m already involved, Lex!” Clarke cried out, throwing her hands up in frustration. She knew the look on Lexa’s face. She knew the other woman was closing up, trying to shut her out. Clarke refused to let it happen. “The more involved you get the more you’re painting a target on your back!” Lexa snapped back before immediately softening her tone, “I don’t want anything to happen to you,” she whispered. Clarke reached over for her hand and took it gently, “Lexa, my ex-boyfriend _attacked_ you. Someone helped him do it. I don’t think it was a coincidence that they chose Finn. I am already involved in this, isn’t it more dangerous to leave me in the dark about who we’re up against?”

                Lexa groaned, using her free hand to massage her temple momentarily as she thought. After a moment she sighed and nodded in resignation. Why did her girlfriend have to sound so logical? “Okay. You’re right,” she squeezed Clarke’s hand gently and met her blue eyes, “have you ever heard of IceNation?”


	29. Putting it Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa explains her ties to IceNation, Clarke and Lexa search for answers. Shorter chapter, but leading into more! I promise the next one will be up really soon. Let me know what you think.

“IceNation? No?” Clarke replied, wracking her brain to see if the name sounded familiar. Lexa nodded and put the car into gear, deciding she could explain as she drove. She needed to get to her office. “They were better known in the 80’s and 90’s, they’ve since drifted to more behind the scenes ventures so that’s probably why you don’t recognize the name. They have their hands in a lot of different business. Offshore oil, new technology developments, even loans to smaller countries. You name it, IceNation probably has some stake in it. My father…” Lexa trailed off, making a face as she realized it felt strange to call him that now. “He was still your dad, Lex,” Clarke offered in understanding. Lexa nodded and cleared her throat before continuing, “Right. My father worked for them for several years’ right after my parents got married. He did a lot of research for the company, dealt with a lot of investors as well. He worked his way pretty high up, I remember attending a few galas with him and my mom when I was younger. Those kinds of things leave an impression on an 11 year old,” Lexa smiled at the memory, her eyes taking in the road ahead of her, but her mind going back in time. “A year or so before they died, he left the company suddenly. I didn’t really understand much that was going on, I was pretty young. But I remember it being a big deal to my parents and there were constantly men in suits knocking at our door and having yelling matches in his office. We moved to get away from all of it and they got into their crash not long after… I didn’t think about the men in suits again until I was finishing my degree. I got approached by a few offering me a job, the offer seemed too good to be true but I was naïve and didn’t care, I wanted to make something of myself and get away from Titus. So, they brought me in to IceNation. They wanted me to continue my dad’s work, thinking I would have the ‘Woods charm’ and be able to pick up where he left off. I found out later that they had kept tabs on me throughout college, and had even approached Titus several times about trying to take me on as an intern out of high school. I only found this out after I’d tried to throw it in Titus’s face, letting him know I was leaving and he tried to convince me not to work for them. He never explained why, just that it wasn’t a good place for me to work and my dad had left for a reason.”

                Lexa paused her story as she pulled into her parking spot at Polis. She glanced around the parking garage nervously and then looked over at Clarke, who was listening intently, waiting for the part of the story that would connect to what was happening right now. “Let’s go up to my office and I’ll finish explaining,” Lexa said quietly, releasing her seatbelt and reaching for the door. Clarke nodded and followed suit.

                They didn’t say much as they rode the elevator up to Lexa’s office floor. The office was relatively quiet since it was nearing the end of the working day. Clarke didn’t ask why they’d gone to her office instead of apartment, knowing Lexa would explain to her soon enough. Once the office door was safely shut behind her Lexa continued on, pacing the length of the room, arms crossed over her chest. “I worked there for a little under a year and quickly realized why my dad had left. They do shady things at IceNation, Clarke. I’m talking under the table deals, black market trade, and cartel alliances. IceNation is dirty. Once I’d gotten a position high enough to learn this knowledge, I wanted out. But of course, at that point I was privy to too much information and they considered it dangerous that I’d leave with so much knowledge of the secrets. I don’t know what Titus did, but somehow, he convinced them to let me go, he never explained and I never asked. I’d met Anya soon after and picked up a job here at Polis.”

                Clarke let herself drop down onto one of the chairs in front of Lexa’s desk, watching as her girlfriend paced nervously. “Jesus Lex. Okay, so if you got out, what are you saying? That they’re coming after you now? Why after all this time?” Lexa nodded, pausing in the middle of the room to face Clarke. Her posture was tense but it didn’t come close to the look of anxiety on her face. “You know where I’m building the new school?” Clarke nodded in response and Lexa continued, “IceNation was looking at scooping up that property to expand one of their ventures, they wanted to take over that area so that their cartels could move in to the area and basically have an operating station disguised as something else. Polis got ahold of it from under their noses and I was involved in a lot of the meetings and fights for the property afterward. They did everything they could to try and fuck with the zoning laws, construction companies, anything to stall our progress. But the people working for IceNation didn’t know that I had previously worked for them and knew what they were up to. I was a pretty big part of Polis getting the rights to that property instead of IceNation. I didn’t think they had ever put two and two together since I never spoke with anyone that had known me from the days I worked there. But the guy that the detectives have as their prime suspect, I recognized him. He…” Lexa trailed off, dropping down into the chair across from Clarke and pressing her forehead to her hands. “He’s one of their expendables I guess you’d call it. Works for the corporation, has been around forever, isn’t afraid to break the rules. He’s terrified of getting caught but if the price tag is right he’ll rough someone up to get them to stay quiet or scare them off.”

                Clarke’s chest tightened with anxiety as she began to put the pieces of what Lexa was telling her together. “So, they hired someone to attack you because of the school?” she asked. Lexa met her gaze warily, “not because of the school but because of what I did to get the school. I think someone must have realized that I had a hand in blocking IceNation and figured they needed to silence me. But we’re still missing something… there’s two things that don’t make sense.” Lexa stared over Clarke’s shoulder for a moment, her eyes glossing over as she thought. Clarke leaned forward, grabbing one of Lexa’s hands with her own, needing some sort of contact with the other woman. “What?” she asked, her voice giving away her fear. Lexa furrowed her brows and looked back at Clarke, “why didn’t they let me know that it was connected. You know…send a message about it? And what does Finn have to do with this?”

                If the ground could drop away and swallow you whole, Clarke suspected it would feel similar to the sinking sensation she felt in her gut. Her breath caught as she searched the green eyes in front of her desperately. “Do the detectives know all of this?” she asked in a trembling voice. Lexa shrugged a shoulder, “they don’t know how far back my history with IceNation goes but they are well aware of how dangerous they are, and they’re the ones that uncovered the link between the projects. I need to speak with Titus, see if he has any information he can share. The detectives are searching for the other man that attacked me, but they’re right. They have to have a target to go after in IceNation. This is big Clarke, bigger than just me. It has to be handled carefully.”

                Clarke felt nauseous with the new information, and suddenly felt terrified that she might lose Lexa. Lexa read the expression on Clarke’s face and immediately gathered the blonde into her arms, “babe I’m here. I’m still here,” she assured the woman, who was already trembling in an effort to keep herself from falling apart. Now was not the time for that. Clarke clung to Lexa, burying her face in the dip of her shoulder as she inhaled deeply. “What do we do?” she asked in a muffled voice. Lexa smoothed a hand over Clarke’s blonde waves in an effort to comfort her, “we don’t attract attention to ourselves and we get all the information we can, give it to the detectives, and then go on a nice vacation somewhere far away until this shit is cleaned up. I don’t want you anywhere near this when it goes down Clarke.”

                The blonde pulled away slightly, still holding on to Lexa as she looked up to meet the worried green eyes. She could see that Lexa was afraid, but putting on a brave face for her sake. Clarke nodded slowly and Lexa leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. “You sure you don’t want to run for the hills? I wouldn’t blame you, you know. This is a lot. You didn’t sign up for this.” Her tone was light and almost joking, but Clarke knew she was being dead serious.

                Clarke was almost more shocked Lexa’s offer for her to turn and run than she was at the entire story, she pulled away completely and stared at Lexa for a moment, “Lexa I’m not going to just leave you.” The brunette gave her a tight smile, “I’m serious Clarke… This is a lot, and I don’t know how this will play out…” Clarke cut off her words in a searing kiss, taking Lexa’s face between her hands gently. When she pulled away she held the green eyes across from her with her own, “I’m not going _anywhere_ ,” she whispered fiercely, “I’m not leaving you. I’m not running away. And I signed up for whatever life throws at us, because I  _love_  you, Lexa.”

                The soft hitch of Lexa’s breath in her throat was the only sound before Clarke dove in for another kiss, pouring the devotion she felt into it. Lexa returned it, fingers tangling in Clarke’s waves and holding her close for as long as she could before they needed air. When they finally pulled apart, Lexa pulled Clarke in for another hug, holding her as close as possible as she slid a hand along her lower back. “We’ll get through this,” she whispered, more to herself than to Clarke. The blonde closed her eyes for a moment, savoring their moment of peace before everything turned on its head.

            They were interrupted by a soft knock at the door before it opened, Anya’s head peering into the room, “I thought I heard voices in-“ she trailed off, taking in the scene. “Is everything okay?” she asked, letting herself into the office and shutting the door behind her. She’d never seen Lexa look so troubled. Clarke reluctantly pulled away and straightened her shirt, glancing at Lexa before giving Anya a small smile of greeting. Lexa ran a hand through her hair and sighed, “no. Ahn, I’m going to need your help.” Anya nodded, eyes shifting between the two women in front of her, “okay. Tell me what I can do.”

            Lexa turned her attention to Clarke, kissing her temple gently, “I love you. I need to talk to Anya, and call Titus. Do you want me to get someone to take you home?” Clarke shook her head, meeting Lexa’s eyes with a determined face, “No. I need to talk to Finn. Maybe I can get more from him.”

 

…

 

                Clarke slid into the chair across from Finn and mentally steeled herself against anything he might say. She was there for Lexa. She was there to help get to the bottom of this. Finn looked up at her slowly, his face unreadable as she eyed his hands, which were handcuffed to a small metal loop on the table between them. “Why are you here, Clarke?” he asked finally, meeting her blue eyes with his own. “I need your help, Finn,” she said softly. The surprised look on his face told her she’d used the right tactic on him. “How so?” he asked. Clarke leaned forward despite the sick feeling in her stomach that screamed to get as far away from him as possible. “Because somehow, whatever you got yourself into, I got dragged into it too. Now you’ve put me in danger and unlike you, I don’t have steel bars to protect me.”

                Finn swallowed hard, “how are you in danger? Clarke… this wasn’t, this wasn’t about you. I was hurt, fuck, I AM hurt, you set me up and got me arrested. But I didn’t want to hurt you, just that self-righteous bitch that thinks she owns you.” Clarke fought hard against the angry words that rose up in her throat. She forced them back, knowing if she snapped to Lexa’s defense it would ruin the long game she was playing with him. “Well you hurt me in the process, Finn. Now I’m eyes deep in some shit that I don’t want to be a part of and I don’t even think you knew you were involved in. So help me. What can you give me that’ll help them catch whoever is after  _me_  now?” Clarke hoped her lie was convincing. She didn’t necessarily know if IceNation was after her, but she knew it would elicit a response from Finn. He would want to protect her. “What do you mean they’re after you?” he asked worriedly, leaning forward. “Clarke someone’s after you?” Clarke nodded, eyes darting around the room before meeting Finn’s again and dropping her voice lower. “Finn, you told me that it wasn’t even your idea. I believe you. I get that I hurt you and you were pissed off and you jumped at the chance to take it out on Lexa. But we’re together, and now whoever you helped, they’re going to come after me next unless we catch them.”

                Finn shook his hair away from his eyes, tossing himself back in his chair with a groan of frustration. “They promised they’d keep you out of it!” he cried, getting more distraught by the second. “Clarke, I swear I wouldn’t have done it if I thought you would get dragged into it. I was just pissed off because you chose her over me and I was letting off steam at a bar about it and these guys heard and approached me and it just went front there. It was just supposed to be roughing her up a bit, he was supposed to give her a message and that was it. But I lost it. I just kept thinking about how much I miss you and that it’s her fault I couldn’t see you… I just went overboard.”

                Clarke’s heart was hammering in her chest, not having expected the sudden outpouring of information from him. She went over what he’d just admitted, trying to figure out what was most important to ask about. “The guys at the bar, did they know Lexa?” she asked casually, trying not to let the desperation in her voice show through. Finn nodded, “Yeah, I was surprised, I mean I know she is some business hotshot but I didn’t figure she was a household name or anything. But they said their boss was pissed at her too and she needed to learn a lesson. They gave me a number to call if I wanted to help scare her and take out some aggression. He said he knew how to do it so we wouldn’t get caught so I agreed.” Clarke nodded, gnawing on her lip for a moment, “what was the message you were supposed to give to Lexa? He never gave it, right?”

                Finn stared at her with wild eyes, spreading his fingers in a helpless gesture since he was chained to the table, “I don’t really know. Something about leaving alone what isn’t hers. I thought it was perfect since she wasn’t leaving you alone. I swear I thought this wouldn’t involve you Clarke. I-“ The sound of the interrogation room door opening cut Finn off as two detectives walked in. “We’ll take it from here Miss Griffin,” the lead detective said sternly, motioning for her to leave. Clarke looked from the detectives to Finn and got up slowly. She wanted to protest that she wasn’t done talking to him, that she could get more out of him, but she knew it wouldn’t help if she did so in front of Finn so she left the room quietly.

                Once she was out in the hallway one of the officers that had been watching through the one-way mirror approached her. “Nice work,” he commented, nodding his head towards the room where Finn was now talking with the detectives. “He might be crazy but that boy is wild about you. You got that out of him in 5 minutes when our detectives couldn’t after 5 hours.”

                Clarke grimaced as she watched Finn through the window. He  _was_  crazy, but she almost felt guilty for using his affection for her against him. Clarke thought of Lexa and shook the guilt away, remembering what he’d done to her. After a pained smile at the officer, Clarke excused herself and pulled her phone out from her purse so she could call Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think guys??


	30. Sweet Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke escape from the chaos in Arkadia. Some morning fluff and smut ensues. Lexa has an important question for Clarke.

               

                Clarke woke to the smell of coffee filling the room and her eyes opened slowly, bright sunlight assaulting them. She blinked several times until she adjusted to the lighting, then smiled as she took in the sight of Lexa standing on the balcony, mug of coffee in hand, gazing out. Clarke wished she had a camera to capture the sight – Lexa’s body silhouetted through her thin slip, her long slender legs on display and brown waves cascading down her back. Clarke sat up slowly, rubbing the sleep from her eyes before slipping out of bed, pulling the sheet with her. She wrapped it around herself quickly as she joined Lexa on the balcony, humming softly as she leaned into the other woman. Lexa must have heard her stirring because Clarke’s sudden presence on the balcony didn’t seem to faze her. “Good morning,” she said softly, tilting her head back to rest it against Clarke’s. The blonde smiled and pressed a kiss to her bare skin, “morning,” she murmured softly as she let her chin rest on Lexa’s shoulder, bringing her arms forward to circle the other woman’s waist.

                They stayed silent for a moment, taking in the views. Lexa hadn’t been joking when she said they would go on vacation somewhere far away. The information Clarke had gotten from Finn was enough to give the detectives a trail to pick up. Anya had helped Lexa go through the project notes, extracting the names of everyone that had been in the meetings from IceNation. Once Lexa had filled Titus in, he used his connections to find a few names, still knowing people that worked for IceNation. Once they’d dropped all the information they could into law enforcements hands, Lexa had booked them tickets to Santorini and Clarke had told everyone she was going on a surprise vacation.

                They’d been there for a week and it had been pure bliss, she had almost forgotten that they were there to escape the craziness happening back in Arkadia. Titus and the detective had been keeping Lexa in the loop, letting her know what progress they’d made with IceNation and the case. Their second day on the island they had apprehended the other man that had attacked Lexa and he had given up several names in exchange for a plea deal. All they were waiting on was for IceNation to go down, which would be happening within days.

                “What do you want to do today?” Lexa mused, taking another sip of her coffee. Clarke hummed in thought, reaching up to take the mug from her, “drink some of this,” she replied with a laugh. Lexa chuckled and relinquished her grip on the mug, feeling warmth fill her at the domesticity of Clarke stealing her coffee. “I can pour you some if you’d like,” Lexa pointed out. Clarke took a long drink of the warm liquid before handing the mug back, “yours tastes better,” she replied with a playful smile. Lexa gave her a sidelong glance, turning her body slightly, “does it now?” she shot back, her voice dropping a few octaves. Clarke caught on to her suggestive tone and smirked before pressing a kiss to her neck and stepping back slightly. “From what I remember, it does,” she wiggled her eyebrows, surprising a laugh out of Lexa. The brunette turned to face her completely, taking a step towards Clarke to close the distance she’d created. “Maybe we should jog our memories,” Lexa suggested innocently. Clarke felt heat rushing through her body at the suggestion. She stood her ground in front of Lexa and slowly unsecured the sheet from around her body. It dropped to the floor slowly, leaving her completely exposed. “Maybe we should,” Clarke agreed, her voice barely above a whisper, her blue eyes inviting Lexa to take her.

            Lexa’s eyes traveled slowly up and down Clarke’s body before locking on her blue orbs. She pounced without warning, backing Clarke up until she fell backwards onto the bed, palming her chest hungrily as her lips claimed Clarke’s. They traveled up the bed until Clarke came to a rest against the pillows. She broke off their heated kiss and tugged at Lexa’s hips, trying to bring the other woman further up her body. Lexa looked at her questioningly for a moment, “let me taste you,” Clarke purred, her voice deep and full of lust. Lexa swallowed a moan, realizing what she was implying, then carefully climbed up the other woman’s body and positioned herself over Clarke’s mouth. She felt warm hands circle her thighs and gentle guide her down. Lexa swiftly pulled her slip over her head, giving Clarke a better view, then leaned forward to brace herself against the headboaxrd as Clarke’s lips grazed her inner thighs.

            “Clarke!” Lexa gasped, feeling her lips everywhere but where she needed them most. Clarke hummed innocently from where she was leaving marks on Lexa’s thighs, blue eyes opening and looking up at Lexa beneath long lashes. Lexa groaned at the sight, reaching a hand down to brush the hair back from Clarke’s face. She was already breathing heavily, already dripping in anticipation. She marveled at how thoroughly Clarke could wreck her without having even touched her yet. Their eyes met for a moment and Clarke could see the desperation in Lexa’s gaze, see the hunger and raw need. Clarke didn’t have the heart to withhold it from her. She dove in without warning, tightening her grip on Lexa’s thighs as her tongue traveled the length of the other woman’s opening, tasting her arousal. Lexa cried out in surprise, eyes squeezing shut as she reached back up to grip the headboard. Clarke made quick work of her tongue, flicking and circling at Lexa’s clit before moving lower and pushing it inside. Lexa’s body trembled, every fiber of her being buzzing with pleasure as she gently rocked herself against Clarke’s tongue. Soft gasps and moans tumbled from her mouth uncontrollably as Clarke’s lips closed around her clit, sucking lightly at it.

            Clarke’s name was on her lips like a prayer, begging for more, more, more. Clarke happily obliged, slowly moving her the fingers of one hand between Lexa’s thighs and slipping two inside as her tongue and lips worked over Lexa’s sensitive bud. It didn’t take long for that combination to have Lexa’s hips jerking uncontrollably, she choked out a warning to Clarke, giving her the chance to pull way, when the blonde didn’t Lexa felt her muscles tighten, clenching down around Clarke’s fingers as she rode out her orgasm. Her walls pulsated, abs contracting almost painfully as her entire body gave in to the waves of pleasure. With a shuddery moan Lexa collapsed forward, barely holding her body up against the headboard as Clarke scrambled out from under her.

            Once Lexa had slowly settled herself down onto the bed, Clarke leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to her lips, brushing damp hair away from her face. Lexa tasted herself on Clarke and pulled the blonde’s bottom lip into her mouth, sucking it lightly before releasing it with a soft pop. Clarke pressed her forehead against Lexa’s sweaty one and wrapped an arm around her lazily, “definitely tastes better,” Clarke whispered playfully. Lexa chuckled, pressing closer into Clarke’s body. “You’re something else,” she mused, though she couldn’t hide the happiness from her voice. She felt home, there in Clarke’s arms. She felt safe and loved. She couldn’t remember a time she’d felt this comfortable with someone, this alive and this happy. Clarke was becoming her everything – her _life_. She couldn’t deny that she had enjoyed waking up to Clarke every morning and not having to worry about going to work or leaving her side. She knew that logically they would return to Arkadia and things would go back to how they were… but she didn’t want them to.

            After a few minutes of silence as Lexa caught her breath, she pulled her face away slightly to meet Clarke’s eyes. “Clarke…” she began, her voice suddenly taking on a serious tone. Clarke caught the change in Lexa’s voice and propped herself up onto an elbow, giving Lexa her full attention. Lexa mirrored her movements and chewed at her lip slightly, her mind scrambling for the words. “Lex, what is it?” the blonde asked in a soft voice, trying to read her expression. Lexa could feel her heart hammering but shoved the feelings of anxiety down. “I wanted to thank you… for staying by me with all of this. I don’t know anyone that would have. Thank you for loving me and showing me that I could be strong with you, I can’t imagine my life without you in it now…” Clarke’s brows furrowed and she reached up to stroke Lexa’s cheek, “and you don’t have to, Lexa. I’m not going anywhere,” she promised. Lexa nodded and leaned into her touch for a moment, “Clarke when we go back… would you want to…” she trailed off, not having expected to get so nervous at the question, she’d been thinking about asking it for a while but now she couldn’t help herself. She had to take the chance and ask it. Lexa let out a shuddery breath, working up the courage to continue. “Would you want to move in with me?” she whispered, green eyes wide and vulnerable as she waited for a response.

            Clarke felt her heart skip as a smile broke out on her face, the way Lexa was struggling to get out what she’d wanted to say had made Clarke worried it wasn’t going to be good. But _this?_ “Yes,” Clarke replied instantly. Lexa’s wide eyes seemed surprised, “yes?” she echoed, needing confirmation. Clarke laughed, unable to hold in her excitement. “Yes! Yes of course Lexa,” she leaned in, pressing a sweet kiss to Lexa’s lips. She felt the brunette’s lips curve against hers, smiling in return. When they pulled away Lexa let out a sigh of relief and Clarke couldn’t help but to laugh again, a giddy feeling in her chest. “Did you really think I would say no?” she asked in surprise, realizing how relieved Lexa looked. The brunette blushed slightly and collapsed back against the pillows, “I… yeah, maybe? I didn’t know if maybe you’d think it was too soon?” she peered over at Clarke almost in embarrassment, clearly having made up that scenario in her mind. Clarke smiled lovingly as she lowered herself onto her side back down onto the pillows, her eyes took in the flush of Lexa’s tanned cheeks, the sudden brightness to her eyes. She reached out, trailing a finger along her full lips slowly, eyes following her finger as she drank in every inch of Lexa’s face. “I never want to be without you,” Clarke whispered softly, her eyes flicking up from Lexa’s lips to her eyes. Lexa pressed a kiss to Clarke’s finger before nestling closer, entwining their legs, “then you won’t” Lexa whispered back, her voice full of devotion. One look into her eyes and Clarke believed her. Clarke knew Lexa would never leave her, never betray her, never abandon her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanted to give you all an update, it's mostly fluff/smut. The story is coming to a close soon, just tying it all together.


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